Showing posts with label ego. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ego. Show all posts

Tuesday, 23 January 2018

#749 From Noisy Ego to Silent, Direct Experience via Mindfulness

     "But words get in the way" is one of the wisest phrases I've heard in a song. Though we habitually identify with word-based thinking or "self-talk", this constant monologue running in our heads is NOT an accurate reflection of who we are, AND only useful in certain restricted, specific situations. Fortunately, with the help of mindfulness practice, discursive thinking becomes very quiet, unobtrusive, background noise - allowing "unmediated," direct connection with life.

     Below is Steven Pashko's excellent paper: "Reality: The Origin of the Therapeutic Efficacy of Mindfulness-Based Everything" from LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/reality-origin-therapeutic-efficacy-mindfulness-based-pashko-ph-d-/


     “Living categorically” might well be one of the most pervasive and under diagnosed psychological disorders in existence. Like all psychoses, this disorder is assigned to those who have “lost contact with reality”. It’s when people mistake a category for something unique and then act as if their view is true. For example, the categorical term “orange” replaces the luscious, mouth-watering aspects of smelling a citrus scent, tasting a tangy sweetness, the puckering of one’s cheeks, etc. Loss of lived experience—missing out on the fullness of living—is the most common, tragic result. On an intermediate level of harm, a unique individual will get lumped into categories of gender, age, intelligence, wealth, etc. It prevents a balanced evaluation of his or her unique abilities, personality, skills, motivations, etc. At its harmful extreme, it may even produce Josef Stalin’s view of murder in which he stated, “The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic.”
     To understand the degree to which someone (not you, of course) might suffer from this delusion, please answer “True” or “False” to each of the following questions.
1.    Races of humans exist.
2.    The picture (to the right) is a pipe.
3.    The word “cup” defines a specific object.
4.    You can say what pain feels like.

     Answer key: The more questions that are answered “True” the worse the affliction.
     For those who answered “True” to any of these questions, there is hope. The treatment is called mindfulness. At the beginning, you might not like it, believing it too difficult, too boring, or that it will make you stupid. But, it’s the tried and true cure for this affliction. The treatment regimen is simple. Mindfulness is just staying attentive to your direct experience, the seeing, smelling, tasting, etc. of what comes to you through your senses (sensory-perceptual experience) at all times. Alternatively, you can just stop entertaining any ruminative thoughts—those that reoccur time and again. Most allow it to keep going mistakenly believing it’s a helpful way to handle problems. Only after a bit of mindfulness practice do people see they were wrong.
     Mindfulness reintroduces us to immediate experience, which is nonconceptual—without concepts and thoughts. It’s how we know the world before we think about it. As for practicing mindfulness, most people initially hate the part about not entertaining any ruminative thought. However, repeating the same thought, causes anxiety, distracts from attentiveness, doesn’t add to your understanding, and likely blocks creative thoughts from breaking through into consciousness. Should a continuing business tax problem be solved using the same technique used last time? Might a fresh, creative approach be useful? Can you have a good, informative conversation with someone when your attention is diverted to the running commentary in your head?
     Mindfulness cures the psychosis of “living categorically” because, in Gunaratana’s view, “Words are devised by the symbolic levels of the mind, and they describe those realities with which symbolic thinking deals. Mindfulness is pre-symbolic. It is not shackled to symbols.” He goes on, “The fact that this process lies above and beyond words does not make it unreal—quite the reverse. Mindfulness is the reality that gives rise to words—the words that follow are simply pale shadows of reality.” (Gunaratana, B. (2002). Mindfulness in Plain English. p. 137.)
     The world in which we live first comes to us through our senses. We intelligently process this information, without needing to resort to thinking. We all process perceptual (experiential) information for most of what we do, like stopping our car at a light, pulling covers over ourselves when the sleeping gets too cold, deciding just where a picture looks best on the wall, and realizing an insight that pops fully formed into consciousness. Such information is not altered by transformation into concepts/ thoughts. It’s prior to thought—experiential, non-conceptual. This is the world of mindfulness that Gunaratana writes about.
     In contrast, when experience is transformed into concepts and those concepts are taken as truthful, chronically useful representations of reality, the psychosis of “living categorically” re-arises. In such a state, word categories, though they are transformations of directly informative experience, are mistakenly believed as true. Consider what’s truer. That spiders are harmful or deadly so one should be fearful of them all or that they are benign, 8-legged bugs that sometimes appear in the house. How have you stereotyped certain situations, like heights or flying, or foods? How have others stereotyped you? Don’t phobias arise when thoughts don’t match reality? Isn’t the same mechanism at play for many of the other anxieties, like flying and public speaking? How do thoughts relate to low self-esteem or the need to compensate by achieving wealth? Isn’t your identity more the felt experience that’s always been with you than your job or your race or your gender? Is creativity enhanced or impaired when the mind is clear of thought?
     To begin to reintroduce you to a more truthful reality, I’ll answer a question posed above. Let’s take the one about the cup. A cup is a category, not a specific object. This cup on my desk, for instance, is a specific entity within the general category of cups. It has a specific colorings, shapes, dimensions, etc. It’s not exactly like any other cup. No one can identify this unique cup through words, even by adding many descriptive modifiers. Further, like all specific things, it cannot be named. No one can say a word about the smell of coffee, the color blue or the feeling of painfulness to someone who never had the sense of smell, vision or pain. Forgetting or ignorance of this fact is likely the origin of the psychosis under discussion here.
     As for the questions above, the one about the pipe should have been easy to get correct since the painter, Magritte, wrote in French “This is not a pipe” below the picture. He reminds us that a picture of a pipe is not a pipe. It’s a representation or symbol of a pipe. Further, this picture does not represent the word “pipe” as it’s used in the sense of a category, either. The word, too, only represents a category of objects not a unique one. Any and every unique pipe, of course, cannot be verbally expressed.
     The question about race highlights the depth of the injuriousness of the diagnosis. Uniqueness and creativity become unappreciated and trivialized when the psychosis of “living categorically” becomes full blown. Boundaries to skin color and geographic origins of ethnicity really don’t exist. Those with this psychosis use the word “race” only to artificially categorize people who each are, in fact, completely unique—not a group.
     At their core, mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), and mindfulness-based everything (MBE) all treat this psychosis because they return us to reality. It’s the one untransformed into words. The one in which everything and everyone is rightly, and inexpressibly unique. How does MBE reduce stress? Mindfulness provides a re-introduction back to a more truthful reality. Stress and anxiety may be caused by the difference between the categories in which you see the world and how it really and uniquely exists. If so, the mental process of all cognitive psychological psychotherapies, which challenge one’s thoughts about the world, may basically work through a similar mechanism.
     Happiness, success, and creativity may all increase when one lives closer to the truth of what we experience directly. This way of living, in closer contact with reality, may be helpful for minimizing all of the numerous, harmful biases caused by the psychosis of living categorically. Wouldn’t it be nice to be rid of them?

     About Steven Pashko, Ph.D.
     Steven Pashko is a research clinician who studies treatment effectiveness and the value of health and healthcare. With a background in psychology (license), CNS pharmacology (doctorate), and meditation (completed more than 52 intensive, week-long retreats) he conducts research and speaks about well-being.
     Disclaimer: This article neither describes a formally recognized psychological diagnosis nor is it a substitute for a psychological diagnosis or treatment. If you are in need of either, please contact a local licensed psychologist.

     Buddhist perspectives: http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/11054/discursive-thinking


Wednesday, 7 December 2016

#731 What is there to hang onto?

     It's fascinating to think of a newborn baby having an oceanic relationship with the external world - no sense of separation.
     Gradually, she gains a sense of being a separate individual, though still very much identified with her caretakers. 
     Later she comes to identify with & tries hard to "fit in" with her peers. 
     As a young adult, she will differentiate somewhat from her cluster of friends. 
     But in all probability, she will remain more-or-less unconsciously identified with her tribe (sex/gender, religion, nationality, race, ethnicity, etc). She may even intentionally join some cult, which demands conformity to their group-think. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2016/11/memberships-benefits-and-drawbacks.html

     Very, very few of us evolve past tribal consciousness. This requires a surprising amount of courage, as well as patient, intentional, disciplined practice of letting go of absolutely everything we assume our "self" to be - that's letting go of a lot. But ...

          If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
          If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
          And if you let go completely, you will have complete peace.
               
Ajahn Chah

     Lots more on the ego: http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=ego



Saturday, 8 August 2015

#711 Who Am I Really?

     “Today, we tend to live within an ethos of authenticity. We tend to believe that the ‘true self’ is whatever is most natural and untutored. That is, each of us has a certain sincere way of being in the world, and we should live our life being truthful to that authentic inner self, not succumbing to the pressures outside of ourself. To live artificially, with a gap between your inner nature and your outer conduct, is to be deceptive, cunning, and false.”
       David Brooks "The Road to Character." Random House, NY, 2015. 

     The refrain "I've got to be me", and Paul Anka's song (made famous by Frank Sinatra) "I did it my way" is very much like Brooks' statement above. The question arises: is our true nature simply equivalent to our egoic tendencies?

     A fascinating statement from a senior Zen teacher: 
          "You're perfect as you are.
           Try harder!"

Saturday, 20 June 2015

#697 Choosing to Nurture Wisdom over Ignorance

     At our deepest level, we all know to what degree we're being honestly authentic.
     From this depth of authenticity, we act with innate loving wisdom, increasing joy and decreasing suffering for all.
     Yet, fear and ignorance can lock us into our small selves, small cults, small dogmas, and other self-serving ideologies, leading to hate crimes against our fellow humans, other living creatures, and our environment. 
     So all of us carry both seeds of wisdom, as well as seeds of ignorance.  
     But what determines how we actually live our lives?

     An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
     The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
     The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

        http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html



     “... I have seen evil men become good and that’s the only miracle that interests me.”                                     Satprakashananda
       Dana Sawyer “Huston Smith: Wisdomkeeper. Living the World’s Religions. The Authorized Biography of a 21st Century Spiritual Giant.” Fons Vitae, Louisville, KY, 2014. 


Tuesday, 26 May 2015

#688 Loosening the Grip

     I suspect a lot of us are burdened by an impossible-to-achieve, idealized image of how we'd dearly love to be perceived. 
     It's very instructive & humbling becoming aware of the number & variety of maneuvers we execute to avoid consciously experiencing the painful gap between this ideal & reality. We pour so much of our energy into guarding & mending the hurt part of ourselves that never could, nor ever will be able to live up to others' expectations. No amount of work, dieting, fancy clothes, fancy trips, booze, drugs, plastic surgery, or any other compulsive activity or avoidance helps.

     Could it be that life is not, after all, about perfecting our appearance, possessions, intelligence, wealth, or fame? One of Adyashanti's guiding principles: "to progressively realize what is not absolutely True is of infinitely more value than speculating about what is."

     What if letting go of terrified, obsessive self-concern, is not only feasible, but in fact transforms each of us small, starving-for-love particles, into so much more than we can currently imagine?


Monet's Bedroom

Saturday, 14 March 2015

#649 A Sudden Hunger, and then ...

     We often feel a tad over-extended; just outside our comfort zone; just short of coping - in a word, stressed. Nothing major needs to trigger this: our sleeve gets snagged, yanking us back when we're trying to "get ahead"; an inexplicable pain appears; even a brief period with nothing going on, so we're "bored". And sometimes it's not at all clear why we feel "off" or "out of sorts".
     Basically, when we sense that nothing's stoking our fire, we get scared! Will our fire go out? Yes, but please, not now! We start to see that our sense of self (ego) is like an idol that crumbles unless continuously propped-up with positive strokes. We foolishly depend on the solidity of this imaginary idol to feel relatively up, unafraid, oriented, peaceful.
     And how do we typically respond when the idol fails to be catered to by other people and circumstances? A visceral hunger arises - as if our energy were suddenly critically depleted. Annoyance / irritability / anger (born out of fear if we really look closely) may suddenly arise to energize us to bulldoze past life's speed bumps. Then we "get busy", with anything - any distraction will do - the most potent being addictions: junk food, caffeine, prescription meds, busy-work, smartphones, cigarettes, mindless fun, etc!

     Since life does NOT revolve around me (or you), it's actually normal for our individual egos to get random shares of positive, neutral & negative strokes. Though it's not at all personal, we often react as if it were.
     So for practical purposes ie sanity & quality of life, we need to work on letting go of such self-centeredness. If life does not in fact revolve around me, then I should learn to fully accept that, and not take anything personally. Sometimes the sun shines, sometimes the weather's ugly, & sometimes the climate is bland. There's nothing whatsoever personal, when we're getting soaked by rain, beautifully suntanned, or fried by a lightning bolt! 
     A wise meditation teacher once advised: "Only have no preferences!" Of course we usually do have preferences, but what if we hold these very lightly, in a huge container, and seamlessly accept the fact that things mostly turn out differently than we'd like, or even expect! Can we simply be curious, rather than desperately hope that "luck" is "on our side"? Whether we're "lucky" OR "unlucky" this time, does it say anything at all about next time? So perhaps we're not "special" regardless?

     The journey from egocentricity toward allocentricity is the ancient, well-travelled hero's journey towards wisdom and mature happiness.



Thursday, 4 December 2014

#601 Individuation, Maturation towards Wholeness

     "Individuation can be seen as the positive consequence of individuality. Jung used the term individuation 'to denote a process of becoming a psychological "individual," that is, separate, indivisible unity or whole.' To individuate is to gradually actualize our innate capacity to live as a unique individual. It is the consequence of a process of awakening that releases our innate potential. As Jung put it, 'Individuation means becoming a single homogenous being, and, insofar as "individuality" embraces our innermost, last and incomparable uniqueness, it also implies becoming one's own self. We could therefore translate individuation as "coming to selfhood" or "self-actualization."'
     In the same way that Michelangelo is said to have revealed David from the base stone, so too we gradually release our capacity for self-realization and wholeness. What may sometimes become confused is the distinction between the emergence of ego-identity and the process of self-realization. As Jung stated, 'Again and again I note that the individuation process is confused with the coming of the ego into consciousness and that the ego is in consequence identified with the Self ***, which naturally produces a hopeless conceptual muddle. Individuation is then nothing but ego-centeredness and narcissism. But the Self comprises infinitely more than mere ego ...'
     As we individuate we grow to recognize our individual relationship to a universal wisdom that has a unique expression because of our particular personality. To individuate is to expand the boundaries of individual identity and personality to be rooted in our inner sense of totality. It is our growing sense of, in Jung's terms, the Self as the root of meaning and the archetype of wholeness within each of us. This expression of individuation enables us to have a quality of inner authority, integrity, and knowledge of what is true for ourselves. It enables us to open to our unique responsibility in the task of our life for the welfare and good of all.
     Where individuation and individuality differ is that individuality leads to separation and a sense of self-preoccupation that isolates us from others, while, as Jung asserts, 'Individuation does not shut one out from the world, but gathers the world to one's self.' Individuation is the discovery of our own personal quality of wholeness that is intimately connected to our experience of the whole. We stand upon a threshold where the individual meets the universal yet retains a unique sense of self. This inner sense of wholeness is then open to the interdependence of ourselves with all others. I am reminded of the metaphor of there being one light though the lamps are many."

     *** Self - "Jungian term referring to the archetype of wholeness and meaning - the center of an individual's totality.

       Preece R. "The Wisdom of Imperfection. The Challenge of Individuation in Buddhist Life." Snow Lion Publications, Ithaca NY, 2006.


Scurociaro   www.dpreview.com

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

#596 Identity & Self-transcendence

     In mindfulness (MBSR) workshops, we share the experiences we encounter during sitting meditation. Common themes include: struggles with "monkey mind", struggles with sleepiness, struggles with physical discomfort, struggles with restlessness, compulsive planning, obsessing about time-poverty, obsessing about being no good at meditation, etc.

     How do you feel after sharing your particular struggle with the group, and the facilitator suggests mindful ways of addressing your struggle?
     Does it feel like a personal attack? Are you angry? Do you feel "diminished"? If you do, what does it say about YOUR identity?

     Mindfulness training is fundamentally about letting go of limiting ideas about our assumed identity. Mindfulness is a journey of self-transcendence - never easy, but a huge leap if we're struggling with low self-esteem - and many of us are. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/11/painful-mistaken-identity.html
     For those who find mindfulness training traumatically challenging, Western psychotherapy can help create a healthier sense of self first. Perhaps then, mindfulness training can facilitate and gently expedite the normal healthy human evolutionary process of self-transcendence.




Sunday, 23 November 2014

#593 Naturally

     While stuck in the muck of the ego - the small, tight, scared, anxious, fearful, angry, sad, time-poor, jangled, self-talk-filled, tiresome, stressful, painful old nightmare - the idea of embodying qualities like clarity, peace, silence, timelessness, stillness, kindness, lightness and effortlessness, may sound like a frustratingly impossible list of "shoulds".
     But it's neither externally imposed, nor a far-off, hard-to-reach destination. It's right here, right now, always, effortlessly available, to all of us. Just remember the direct experience - how you feel while:
                    • hugging a beloved human or other living being; 
                    wordlessly awed in Nature;
                    selflessly bringing healing to another.

     This is the freely flowing process of NATURAL human life. Just keep remembering & come back to reality, gently, kindly, peacefully, seamlessly, with timeless patience, as soon as you feel the muck of the ego. THIS WAY of returning, IS having returned already.




Saturday, 15 November 2014

#589 Resting in Awareness

     When we decide to "just sit" in meditation, we can embody a quality of presence we already know from previous experiences. We can feel at ease, a peaceful clarity of mind, kindness with warmth radiating from our neck / chest area, inner silence, stillness, timelessness ... This is a state we can simply remember as having experienced - perhaps while being with a loved one - human or four-legged, while savoring a walk through nature, or some other activity that deeply engaged the totality of our being.
     Then, when the ego again becomes noisy with self-talk, we gently acknowledge the noise, allow it pass, and return to resting in awareness. This evolved quality of being is immediately available, instantly, effortlessly.


Placentia Bay, Newfoundland, 1974 by Sam Abell, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

Friday, 14 November 2014

#588 To Evolve OR Blame? - THAT is the Question!

     As we start to practice sitting meditation, all sorts of apparent impediments arise: mental, physical & emotional irritations that we blame on the practice, teacher, room, time of day, hunger, noise, weather, work, our own ineptitude ... We find all sorts of excuses for not being able to just sit still.
     Mindfulness practice is a structured process that can enable us, initially, to simply remain aware and accepting while sitting comfortably - how stress-free can we get! The more we train, the more able we are to rest in awareness during increasingly challenging "real-world" situations.
      Paradoxically, the more completely we let go of excessive self-concern ("noisy ego"), the greater our freedom and true happiness. Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" is a powerful study of this universal human process of transformation or evolution of consciousness / heart-mind, found outside of, as well as within, all wisdom traditions.

Winfield Parks, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

Thursday, 13 November 2014

#587 Consciousness - Right Here, Right Now

     Reality is essentially consciousness, and vice versa. Consciousness directly experiences reality, somewhat like a clear mirror reflects an image - exactly as it is, and of course, in real time. Obviously, this is immediately, effortlessly available to all human beings.

     But as soon as we start talking to ourselves about the experience, or about anything else, we immediately abandon reality, to maintain & stroke our pretend pet - the ego. Tragically, we spend most of our lives doing this, "lost in thought". We so fully inhabit this "ordinary mind" narrative, this cartoon life, that we mistakenly assume the "me", "myself" & "I" - the main character - to be our actual identity. We cling to and defend this "ego" as if our survival depended on it. Though an ego is only "virtual," we nevertheless treat it morbidly seriously - to our own & everyone else's detriment.
     Being mindlessly egocentric & tribal, is at the primitive pole of human evolution. Transcending the ego and being mindful, allocentric and ecocentric are at the evolving, civilized pole. The very basis of all wisdom traditions is about waking up from the nightmare of self-centeredness, and opening to the far vaster reality that is right here, right now.

      "consciousness is different (than the above 'ordinary mind'). It appears to have no form at all, because anything that would give it form must arise within the field of consciousness. Consciousness is simply the light by which the contours of mind and body are known. It is that which is aware of feelings such as joy, regret, amusement, and despair. It can seem to take their shape for a time, but it is possible to recognize that it never quite does. In fact, we can directly experience that consciousness is never improved or harmed by what it knows. Making this discovery, again and again, is the basis of spiritual life."                           Sam Harris. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014.

Dan Piraro   bizarro.com
 

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

#586 Who is Suffering when I Rest in Awareness?

      "... when I pay attention, it is impossible for me to feel like a self at all: The implied center of cognition and emotion simply falls away, and it is obvious that consciousness is never truly confined by what it knows. That which is aware of sadness is not sad. That which is aware of fear is not fearful. The moment I am lost in thought, however, I’m as confused as anyone else.

     The whole of Advaita ("non-dualism" in general) reduces to a series of very simple and testable assertions: 
          • Consciousness is the prior condition of every experience;
          the self or ego is an illusory appearance within it;
          look closely for what you are calling ‘I,’ and the feeling of being a separate self will disappear;
          what remains, as a matter of experience, is a field of consciousness – free, undivided, and intrinsically uncontaminated by its ever-changing contents.”

       Sam Harris. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014.

     "Free Will"? - see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/07/373-how-free-is-our-free-will.html 


Austin Beahm, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

Friday, 7 November 2014

#583 Sticky Stories are Just Stories, NOT Who I Am

     Stories we continuously tell ourselves differ from what happened in our past, what's happening now, and what will happen. They're not true. The "story of my life" is a mental fabrication, like a recurrent nightmare, NOT a direct readout on reality.
     Direct perception IS a direct readout on reality. This can only happen when we're engaged in real time - perceiving reality, being real, AS actual life rapidly unfolds microsecond-by-microsecond. There's no self-talk, no "thinking about" when we're fully engaged with life.
     We have more in common with heroin junkies than we care to admit. Our "monkey mind" incessantly drops out of reality to spin a story, then, instead of "being real" we literally live in - are cognitively fused with - our story. For the vast majority of our life we live in the trance of our story. Were this story always, or even usually a "good trip", then escaping reality might be understandable, but our stories are usually depressing or riddled with anxiety!
     So why on earth hang onto a miserable story as if my life depended on it? Because we actually believe that my story IS me, who I am, my core identity as a person! No wonder we have self-esteem issues!
     A basic aim in psychotherapy is to effect cognitive defusion - help people let go of this common pathological identification with the nightmarish stories they trap themselves in AND get back to reality. There's a whole movement in psychology studying the problems caused by the "noisy ego", and benefits of the "hypo-egoic state", and ultimately, of transcending the ego.
     Downsizing the ego from its dictatorial stranglehold is an absolute necessity if one wishes to be truly happy in a wise, mature way. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=Wayment


savolio   www.dpreview.com

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

#581 Character is Built upon our Choices

     Which of these two paths leads to true, lasting peace, joy & happiness? We ALL, repeatedly face this CHOICE.

     Path One: Surrounding yourself by people who agree with your rationalizations for past mistakes & failures, who agree that it was completely other peoples' fault, who agree that you're a victim of ..., who agree that you should get back at them - "lawyer up" etc, and who agree that there's no use trying because the world's not fair.
     This is the common, relatively easy path of the masses. It props up the ego - solidifies your old "identity". It is for those who can't see beyond "ordinary unhappiness."

     Path Two: Listening to one or more trusted people who advise you to deeply examine your mistakes & failures, who advise you to honestly face your role in these, who advise you to make amends to the people who were likely hurt by your actions, and then vowing to lead a meaningful life that you yourself, your family, and even strangers can respect and trust.
     This is the uncommon path, requiring strength, bravery and persistence. It is chosen by those for whom "ordinary unhappiness" = "a life unexamined" = "a life wasted." Here one transcends the ego, opening to "deeper degrees of truth about yourself, others, and the nature of mind. More and more, you live in awareness." (Larry Rosenberg)

     At any time, we can choose to leave behind an unsatisfying way of life, and start living one that's increasingly meaningful and inspiring to ourselves, our family, our community.


Keith Willette, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

Sunday, 19 October 2014

#575 Struggle & Stress - vs - a Better Way of Being

     You might find it useful to question the very idea of struggling, striving etc to get somewhere / something, or become someone / something - as opposed to effortlessly shifting awareness towards who you actually are. We can only experience the latter - which we might call "discerning awareness" - in inner silence & inner stillness, via meditation, nature, mature love etc.
     As soon as we introduce words, concepts, images, we’re back into egocentric conflicts - “me against the world.” Our identity has nothing really to do with self-images or even ideals – those are mental concepts, dummed-down operationalizations that the mind can easily manage. Reality is well beyond the mind’s abilities, and thus the mind / ego doesn't wan’t to deal with it.
     What would happen if you changed nothing at all in your life EXCEPT stopped struggling? Example: If, immediately after you took a sharp knife away from your very young child, she yelled that you're the worst Mommy in the world, you would probably completely ignore the potential assault on your ego, and instead, seamlessly, would see how to turn this near disaster (cutting herself) into a teachable moment to nurture your child. THIS is being a hypoegoic verb appropriate to life. Was there struggle & suffering?
     We ALL have the capacity to behave THIS MINDFULLY in ALL situations, and thus CAN minimize / eliminate suffering for ourselves AND others. It is literally a matter of patient, intelligent practice.


October near Lewis Lake, Nova Scotia, Canada

Thursday, 27 February 2014

#500 Changes, Ambivalence & Progress

     Most of us start Mindfulness training with the (realistic) hope & expectation that we'll become better able to handle life's stresses. Clearly, we ourselves expect to change, becoming more resilient, thus being able to enjoy an improved quality of life.
     Though we're intent on changing ourselves - at the same time - we're deeply ambivalent. This ambivalence is perfectly natural & healthy. We tend to identify with a certain sense of self, self-concept or ego, which we (mistakenly) assume to be permanently fixed & stable. Change to one's self-image feels threatening, and may evoke fear & anxiety. Knowing this, and realizing that our self-concept is actually constantly evolving over time, and remembering that we are, through Mindfulness practice, intentionally promoting & guiding the natural evolution of our consciousness, we can become consciously aware of, & accept our natural ambivalence, and proceed gently, at our own healthy, physiologic pace.



Wednesday, 19 February 2014

#494 We Know We're Heading the Wrong Way When ...

     How many times have we been upset, and someone gives us what on one hand sounds like reasonable advice, yet it feels really irritating? How many times have we seen a little kid upset, and the parent tries to reason with the kid, which, instead of soothing, makes the kid hopping mad? We absolutely HATE it when the (blind) momentum of our emotions is not supported - when our ego is not stroked. Emotions are like grease fires, and reason is like water - the two don't mix well. One has to take responsibility for one's own grease fire. Getting mad at the person bringing the water is called externalizing. Getting mad just adds grease to the fire & adds to subsequent embarrassment.

     It's very useful & practical to remember that when we're upset, we tend to be unreasonable, and prone to do things we'll regret later. So if a friend's advice feels really irritating, it's probably GOOD, reasonable advice!
     If the advice sounds like music to your ears ie ego-boosting, your adviser is likely also emotionally-involved, & equally unreasonable! Hitler, Lenin, Bernie Madoff, and other such characters likely had all sorts of advisers - which ones did they listen to - those who upset them with reason OR who boosted their egos by telling them they're on the right track, go for it? "And how did that work for them"?

     Wise advice about "Coping with a Career Crisis" from Robert J. Sternberg PhD: http://chronicle.com/article/Coping-With-a-Career-Crisis/144191/

didge_mack   www.dpreview.com

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

#447 Shutting Down instead of Growing, Learning

     While it's relatively easy to think & talk about various physical or psychosocial capacities, embodying these is a qualitatively distinct matter - see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/445-barriers-limits-ceilings-friction.html
     It's both fascinating and sad to see someone shut down, while I'm talking to them about a level for which they're not ready. Their eyes suddenly loose sparkling aliveness - like blinds suddenly dropping to quickly cover the scene beyond their status quo. Retreat to safety is their sudden silent cry. Though they may continue to agree, it's a dull, lifeless agreement which means "no".
     Skillful teaching, mentoring, coaching, psychotherapy, etc involves helping people feel safe while experiencing liminality - their growing edge. This is exceedingly challenging, because people normally feel vulnerable, exposed, out of control here. The resultant fear often leads to simple avoidance - "shut down," but can even manifest as anger & aggression - see: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/02/control-and-liminality.html
     A good educator requires many of the same qualities & skills a good psychotherapist possesses. Students, especially today, have extremely fragile egos, which makes learning particularly traumatic for them and thus may well project this outwardly, misperceiving educators as adversaries.
      Students with the will & skills to succeed 
1) recognize their own boundaries, & do not mistake these for solid, permanent barriers; 
2) do not mistake educators, therapists etc as enemies, but recognize them as collaborators; 
3) confidently, persistently, keep opening up to more & more broadly encompassing knowledge.