#731 What is there to hang onto?

     It's fascinating to think of a newborn baby having an oceanic relationship with the external world - no sense of separation.
     Gradually, she gains a sense of being a separate individual, though still very much identified with her caretakers. 
     Later she comes to identify with & tries hard to "fit in" with her peers. 
     As a young adult, she will differentiate somewhat from her cluster of friends. 
     But in all probability, she will remain more-or-less unconsciously identified with her tribe (sex/gender, religion, nationality, race, ethnicity, etc). She may even intentionally join some cult, which demands conformity to their group-think. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2016/11/memberships-benefits-and-drawbacks.html

     Very, very few of us evolve past tribal consciousness. This requires a surprising amount of courage, as well as patient, intentional, disciplined practice of letting go of absolutely everything we assume our "self" to be - that's letting go of a lot. But ...

          If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
          If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
          And if you let go completely, you will have complete peace.                 Ajahn Chah

     Lots more on the ego: http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=ego

#700 Koan, Open Question, Summary?

"There is only love.
All else, repeating stories exhausting themselves."

Rashani

rashani.com

#665 Negativity isn't Enough

     "... natural negativity bias ... is our hardwired tendency to notice and amplify threats. It explains why so many people tend to believe that human life is brutal and cold, despite all evidence to the contrary. Negativity bias is the essence of natural selection: people who run away from a man with a gun or avoid a car running a red light are more likely to pass on their genes to the next generation. And these harrowing moments are more likely to burn themselves into our neurons than the gentle ones, so that we can avoid similar threats in the future." Jeremy Adam Smith "You Can Count on Goodness" Shambhala Sun, May 2015

     So, many (most?) of us are "nattering nabobs of negativity". Like those who are drowning, we'll latch onto anything that floats by - strongly-held opinions, dogmas etc. Even something as dysfunctional as cynicism seems more secure than "not knowing". But the fact is that we don't know much, and right within this space of "liminality" is where learning, creativity and growth happen. While rigid adherence to a jaundiced philosophy of life, though common, is pathological. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=rigidity
     Instead of rigidly closing down in the face of uncertainty, we can thrive in our complex, ever-changing reality using a very different approach: bravery, curiosity, openness, resilience, perseverance and love. We can intentionally, progressively let go of fear-based rigidity, and learn to live vibrantly, embracing life as it is. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2015/04/heart-mind-porousness-meditation.html

Gretel

#659 Do We Have It All Backwards?

     We (particularly men) rigidly pretend that happiness, our very survival, is entirely under our control. How? By surrounding ourselves metaphorically with a perfect semi-permeable membrane that keeps bad stuff out & pulls good stuff in. Many of us are obsessive doormen. Such a simple boundary, between a separate 'self' and a foreign, hostile environment, may be OK for amoebas, but ... 

     As we mature, we gradually release this illusion of control. Increasingly we recognize how deep quality of life is found in embracing every aspect of life - "the full catastrophe" - with an open heart-mind. Mindfulness practice is about consciously, intentionally maturing, coming home to our full potential, right now.
     Rather than anxiously flipping back & forth between aversion & craving, we gradually stabilize awareness, acceptance, spaciousness, ease & love. 


     No Boundaries: http://www.johnlovas.com/2012/01/healing-growth.html
     Wise Aging: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=aging

lewynn   www.dpreview.com

#649 A Sudden Hunger, and then ...

     We often feel a tad over-extended; just outside our comfort zone; just short of coping - in a word, stressed. Nothing major needs to trigger this: our sleeve gets snagged, yanking us back when we're trying to "get ahead"; an inexplicable pain appears; even a brief period with nothing going on, so we're "bored". And sometimes it's not at all clear why we feel "off" or "out of sorts".
     Basically, when we sense that nothing's stoking our fire, we get scared! Will our fire go out? Yes, but please, not now! We start to see that our sense of self (ego) is like an idol that crumbles unless continuously propped-up with positive strokes. We foolishly depend on the solidity of this imaginary idol to feel relatively up, unafraid, oriented, peaceful.
     And how do we typically respond when the idol fails to be catered to by other people and circumstances? A visceral hunger arises - as if our energy were suddenly critically depleted. Annoyance / irritability / anger (born out of fear if we really look closely) may suddenly arise to energize us to bulldoze past life's speed bumps. Then we "get busy", with anything - any distraction will do - the most potent being addictions: junk food, caffeine, prescription meds, busy-work, smartphones, cigarettes, mindless fun, etc!

     Since life does NOT revolve around me (or you), it's actually normal for our individual egos to get random shares of positive, neutral & negative strokes. Though it's not at all personal, we often react as if it were.
     So for practical purposes ie sanity & quality of life, we need to work on letting go of such self-centeredness. If life does not in fact revolve around me, then I should learn to fully accept that, and not take anything personally. Sometimes the sun shines, sometimes the weather's ugly, & sometimes the climate is bland. There's nothing whatsoever personal, when we're getting soaked by rain, beautifully suntanned, or fried by a lightning bolt! 
     A wise meditation teacher once advised: "Only have no preferences!" Of course we usually do have preferences, but what if we hold these very lightly, in a huge container, and seamlessly accept the fact that things mostly turn out differently than we'd like, or even expect! Can we simply be curious, rather than desperately hope that "luck" is "on our side"? Whether we're "lucky" OR "unlucky" this time, does it say anything at all about next time? So perhaps we're not "special" regardless?

     The journey from egocentricity toward allocentricity is the ancient, well-travelled hero's journey towards wisdom and mature happiness.

#647 Mindfulness

      "The most direct way to understand our life situation, who we are and how our mind and body operate, is to observe with a mind that simply notices all events equally. This attitude of non-judgmental, direct observation allows all events to occur in a natural way.
     By keeping the attention in the present moment, we can see more and more clearly the true characteristics of our mind and body process."                                                                     Jack Kornfield                         www.wisdomatwork.com

Bess

#642 Nurishing Social Microclimates - the Give & Take - and Tragic Missed Opportunities

     We are social beings, depending much more than we realize on society. We're completely connected in every way with everyone & everything. Thich Nhat Hanh calls this "interbeing". Another evocative term is "porousness". 
     The people with whom we choose to associate most closely form our social microclimate. The quality of the collective heart-mind or consciousness of this group has the greatest impact on our own heart-mind, consciousness, quality of life. Clearly, we must choose our friends & workmates carefully - our life depends on them.

     We've all seen decent people led astray by lousy friends. The most tragic examples are apparently decent but troubled, marginalized youth, only able to find "friendship" online - in some cult, among fundamentalist extremists, 'Columbiners' etc.
     Desperation, loneliness and impatience invariably result in terrible choices. If we don't take care of our troubled, marginalized children, brothers & sisters, sociopaths are eager to abuse them. We are our brothers' & sisters' keepers.
     We not only need for ourselves, but must also provide for others, a social microclimate that nurtures our innate human kindness, goodness and wisdom.

     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2015/02/adrift-in-oceans-of-choices.html
     and: http://www.theawl.com/2012/10/the-killer-crush-from-columbiners-to-beliebers

#592 MY Choice - moment by moment

     Is love flowing through? Is there clarity, peace, silence, timelessness, stillness, kindness, lightness? Is an effortless process at play?

     If not, how long do I allow estrangement from authenticity? My mind-body tells me, moment-by-moment, precisely what's happening - heaven or hell.

     Listen well. My quality of life is MY choice alone.

#579 Opening the Heart-Mind

     "When your children arrive, the best you can hope for is that they break open everything about you. Your mind floods with oxygen. Your heart becomes a room with wide-open windows."

       Amy Poehler "Yes Please." HarperCollins, 2014, excerpted in The Globe and Mail, Nov 1, 2014.

#515 Meditation Tips

     Resting in open awareness. Porous & equanimous to constantly arising energies - as these pass through awareness, like clouds floating by the clear blue sky.

    "When you sit,
     you leave the front door open,
     you leave the back door open,
     and you don't serve tea."                   Shunryu Suzuki 

      Zen talk by Koun Franz: "Beyond Words – December 19, 2013": http://zennovascotia.com/dharma-talks/

Andre Gallant   www.andregallant.com

#459 What If?

     “what if we acknowledged the wise place within each of us that can give us intelligent guidance? Then we could begin to look at our present life circumstances, whatever they may be, as the raw material of our learning. But in order to do this, we must stop regarding ourselves as victims of circumstances, and start to acknowledge that we are not here purely by accident. The master within is trying to help us wake up by confronting us with our current life situation, which contains all the lessons we need to learn in order to grow into more fully developed human beings.”

       Welwood J. ed. “Ordinary magic. Everyday life as spiritual path.” Shambhala, Boston, 1992. 

#321 Fear of: Change, Loss of Security, Loss of Community, Loss of Old Sense of Self ...

     Fear is a very basic emotion; Love is its opposite. 
     Fear causes us to shrink away from reality as it is, to shrivel up, to become small, heavy, rigid, isolated, out of touch with reality. 
     Love allows us to expand and embrace reality as it is, to blossom, become light, porous, flexible, to engage the universe with an open mind-heart.
     If we allow ourselves to mature, or better yet, actively take steps to mature as conscious human beings, we will continuously experience changes in how we perceive our selves and our worldview. This is the normal process of healthy adult maturation. An intelligent adult should not expect to freeze their views on life's most meaningful questions. Life is complex and ever-changing - so are we.
     A loving, mature, intelligent community encourages growth and maturation among its members. This is the kind of community one requires if one is to become a fully functional, mature member of a civilized society.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/313-being-stressed-out-is-optional.html

Luis Marden - National Geographic

#236 Porous & Grounded vs Existential Crisis

     The quality of porousness seems at first blush to be radically different than being grounded. Porousness is about fully recognizing and accepting the aspect of life marked by constant change - how all phenomena arise, remain for a while, then abate. Phenomena constantly pass through our awareness, like a bird might fly in through an open window on one side of a house, and then fly right out an other open window on the other side of the house.
     Grounded refers to stability, like a house built of stone. Stability is achieved because and after we consciously accept and embrace the fact that everything and everyone - ourself, every person, animal & thing we love - is in flux, transient, only here for a moment in time. 
     One becomes increasingly porous AND grounded as one lets go of trying to hang on to anything, lets go of trying to push anything away. No longer chasing nor being chased, one learns to dwell peacefully in the present moment with an open heart. This all comes about through mindfulness training. Otherwise ...
 
     "An existential crisis may occur ... when (people) realize that their death may be imminent. ... the meaning of life itself is at stake. In dealing with an existential crisis, it is important to have the courage to confront the loss of meaning and security. Then, a new sense of meaning may emerge which is essentially a receptive experience of connectedness with an ego-transcending reality, such as mankind, nature, or God. This reduces existential fear and despair and leads to acceptance of 'life-as-it-is', including its finitude."
       Yang W et al. Existential crisis and the awareness of dying: the role of meaning and spirituality. Omega (Westport) 2010; 61(1): 53-69.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/432-i-try-and-i-try-but-i-cant-get-no.html
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=Lesser

"We are so lightly here" (Leonard Cohen)

#235 Discomfort - A Wonderful Opportunity !!!

     What happens when I'm trying to enjoy a book in my favorite coffee shop and the couple right beside me is having a continuous, moderately loud conversation? Well, I used to become irritated, judgmental, condescending, frustrated etc.

     “How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.”
                  Neils Bohr, physicist, Nobel laureate

     These days, I realize that their conversation (or any other behavior that doesn't cause suffering to them or others) is not my business. BUT, a big part of my practice is selecting the most appropriate attitude. Here, I can be porous, like a stone house without windows, doors, or roof. The sounds can pass through unobstructed, yet the stone walls remain solidly grounded, undisturbed.
     I've accepted the physical sensations of initial reflexive discomfort caused by my attitude (not their behavior). This in turn reminds me to select a more appropriate attitude - acceptance of the stimuli as impersonal sounds and an opportunity to practice mindfulness - to have curiosity about the situation. I then become more porously - physiologically - related to reality as it is. This is healthy. I'm at home, in my home, with others who are also at home - deep satisfaction. On leaving the coffee shop, there's NO hangover (no unpleasant residual effects), even though the couple's conversation persists. I'm learning to be at home in our world.
     Each one of us is a rock with rough edges, several carried in a monk's pocket, as he walks endlessly. At the end of his long journey, as we keep rubbing against each other, all of us become perfectly smooth - no more friction. This is the fruit of our practice.
     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/02/37-embracing-challenges.html

Trident Booksellers & Cafe, Halifax NS

#120 Openness (Quality 6)

     "Openness = Seeing things as if for the first time, creating possibility by paying attention to all feedback in the present moment."

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

     "Beginner's mind", "porousness" and "psychological flexibility" are other terms for openness. Mindfulness training involves gradually letting go of armor - physical, intellectual etc. This requires trust of course. And our bodies have memories too, so there's quite a lag period between when the mind and body are ready to let go of some old wound.

     "Carl Rogers defined fully functioning people as 'allowing awareness to flow freely in & through their experiences.'”
       Walsh R, Shapiro SL. The Meeting of Meditative Disciplines and Western Psychology - A Mutually Enriching Dialogue. American Psychologist 2006; 61(3): 227-39.

Jon Kabat-Zinn "The Healing Power of Mindfulness - Part 3" at Dartmouth College (27min)

#66 Openings

     “The more we open ourselves, the more our energy and effort in practice flow. We become a channel or conduit for energy. This energy is the power of expansion and opening, not an energy of struggle. It is a power of the heart. If we are willing to bring a wholehearted effort to every aspect of our practice, the very effort itself brings more energy as we touch this great capacity within us.”           J Goldstein & J Kornfield

      “I just went through a series of heart attacks, and the greatest gift that’s come out of that for me is a deeper appreciation of vulnerability, which is usually seen as weakness. But I’m experiencing it as a kind of porousness, of feeling less defended, less armored. If we can impart to younger people the gift of that vulnerability, it may help them to embrace aging.”                                       Frank Ostaseski

Photo: RuthC   www.dpreview.com