#770 Relating to Pain Wisely

     Most of the time now, when I'm awake & lying on my back, there's an electric-current-like pulsating sharp pain in some part of my left leg, either locally eg in my upper thigh, or less often, radiating down along most of the leg as if into the bones of my feet. This is known as 'sciatica.' It's sharp, jabbing, varying in intensity, really 'grabs my attention.' While sciatica is dependent on the position of my lower back (vertebrae compressing the sensory nerve to my leg), adjusting my back's position itself causes pain in the lower back, & triggers sciatica as well. Sitting involves much less sciatic pain, and standing or walking are best, though hampered by a leg brace that's fixed straight & crutches.

     So what is my best option? How can I relate to pain wisely? First of all, after repeatedly changing the position of my lower back doesn't help or worsens the pain, at night I can simply be still, accept whatever pain there is, and after a while, I do fall asleep for a couple of hours. Then repeat until it's time to get up for the day. In the morning, I sit up and periodically stand up & walk about for a few minutes. Clearly, I do what is practical to directly eliminate or minimize the pain. This is simple self-care & self-compassion. After the 'doing' of simple practicalities, it's all about 'being' - authentically expressing who I am.

     This is where one's worldview & self-concept (often unexamined), play a powerful role. The subconscious has a powerful (mostly hidden) influence on one's life.
     If deep down, one believes that the universe is a meaningless machine, and we're but random slabs of meat, then it's natural to feel like a wounded animal, suffering alone for nothing.
     On the other hand, when we sense / remember that we're profoundly at home, unconditionally loved & intimately interconnected with everyone & everything, then adversities such as pain are small, temporary lessons helping us grow stronger & wiser.
     Mystics and others who've had profound direct experiences beyond this physical realm, suggest that the hardships we experience in this realm, are for the sole purpose of helping us evolve to higher levels of consciousness - ie are specifically tailored for our benefit. People who've had near death experiences (NDEs) repeatedly report that what might at the time feel like horrible events, are remembered as minor inconveniences compared to how much was learned & the ineffable benefits for ALL those involved. Three reports:
     “I’ve become more relaxed, there is very rarely anything that really makes me upset.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3Ow4sEW8D0
     “There’s just a sense that everyone’s going to be OK. Everything’s happening the way everything’s supposed to be happening. And we’re all taken care of, and that it’s all perfect the way that it’s happening.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTESmsletG4
      The purpose of life is to become a 'bigger container' so we're able to get closer & closer to the Light. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iNucPVPGw4

     Wisdom tells us that after doing everything that's reasonable to directly manage the pain, continuing to focus narrowly on the pain becomes the main cause of suffering. So instead, the wisest approach now is to whole-heartedly say 'yes,' accepting (rather than arguing with) present reality, and to welcome pain with genuine curiosity. Now we can hold the pain in 'spacious awareness.' This is like the sky fully accepting rain clouds, knowing that the sky is huge & timeless, and that rain clouds are small & transient.
     EVERYTHING CHANGES when we can clearly experience challenges NOT as deadly attacks, BUT as loving lessons to help us grow & evolve.
     This is also the secret to true happiness as we age, as we learn an impressive number & variety of challenging life lessons.

      “The easy path of aging is to become a thick-skinned, unbudging curmudgeon, a battle-axe. To grow soft and sweet is the harder way.” James Hillman

 

It’s better to feel pain,
than never feel at all.
The opposite of love’s
indifference.

So keep your head up

and love.

 
Lumineers

 

#759 Savoring Mindfully

     Positive psychology defines "savoring" as "the process of learning to focus attention on positive events to increase one's sensitivity to naturally rewarding experiences, such as enjoying a beautiful nature scene or experiencing a sense of connection with a loved one." Garland EL et al. "Mindfulness-Oriented Recovery Enhancement for Chronic Pain and Prescription Opioid Misuse: Results From an Early-Stage Randomized Controlled Trial." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2014; DOI: 10.1037/a0035798

     This differs from how I use the term mindful savoring in teaching MBSR, the central focus of which is seeing the full scope of reality clearly, as it actually is. My use of this term overlaps with the definition of "connoisseur," and may best illustrated thus:
     A wine expert (sommelier) can "blind taste" a variety of wines and with great accuracy, provide details of the type(s) of wine, type of grapes, country of origin, perhaps even the specific vineyard and year of harvest, and how well this particular vintage/winery combination represents the region. With great enthusiasm, a wine connoisseur can provide considerably more details than this, and yet actually consume little if any wine (they usually spit it into a special container), and unless the wine is actually spoiled (eg "corked"), will not indicate whether or not s/he personally "likes" or "dislikes" it. 
     Mindful savoring is based, first & foremost on intimacy - a profound openness to & interest in, a kind of love if you will - an open mind & heart - toward all wines & wine-making in general. This is qualitatively different from rigid, reactive, black-&-white judgments / personal preferences ("I hate this" - or - "I crave this").
     The important mindful aspects of savoring: non-judgmental, open / transpersonal (vs narrow / personal) awareness & psychological flexibility (vs rigidity).

     Consider the effect on your quality of life were you to mindfully savor the innumerable people & phenomena you encountered - the richness of the infinite variety of experiences is unimaginable. 

     In contrast to mindful savoring, aren't we more prone to rigidly identify with our preferences? How unlikely are we to meet people / phenomena that we rate amazingly desirable ("must haves") or that we rate terribly undesirable ("must avoids") - very seldom, right? But don't the vast majority of people / phenomena fit in between - the vast numbers of "neutrals" we hardly notice or even try to avoid, having judged them "boring"? (Remember the "inn-crowd" in high school?)
     To the extent that we fail to mindfully savor, our life is dull & frustrating,filled with wanting, striving, waiting & disappointment.

     Psychological flexibility paves the way towards de-armoring, knowledge about & intimacy with ourself, others & life in general. Rigidity, the opposite of psychological flexibility, is an armored dead-end: https://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.com/2013/01/261-psychological-rigidity-i-will.html

    
     

#751 The Courage to Thrive

“... vulnerability is at the center of fear and shame, 
but it is also at the center of joy and gratitude and love and belonging.”     Brene Brown

 
"The secret of happiness is freedom.
And the secret of freedom is courage."    Thucydides


“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”    Anais Nin


“It takes courage to endure the sharp pains of self discovery, rather than 
choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”    Marianne Williamson


“To wake up to our lives and to develop and sustain mindful awareness requires great courage. Mindfulness is not for the faint-hearted, nor for those timid or afraid of bearing witness to the often overwhelming brilliance, intensity, and complexity of their lives and world. To care deeply enough about waking up to our lives that we apply ourselves diligently to cultivating mindfulness, is a great act of courage, curiosity, and commitment. Properly practiced the intention to sustain mindful attention is supported by the attitudes of curiosity, openness, acceptance, and loving discernment."    Joel Levey

#734 Mindfulness Components

     Using words to express the extremely complex, constantly evolving, direct experience of Mindfulness is not possible, yet has to be attempted (as an "operational definition"), when studying it scientifically.

     Below, a few scientific snapshots of Mindfulness from the paper by Anka A. Vujanovic et al. "Mindfulness in the Treatment of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Among Military Veterans." Professional Psychology: Research and Practice 2011; 42(1): 24-31. DOI: 10.1037/a0022272

Definition:
     Mindfulness is about bringing an attitude of curiosity and compassion to present experience.

What Is Mindfulness?
      Mindfulness is most commonly conceptualized as involving two key components: 

     (1) intentional regulation of attention to and awareness of the present moment, and 

     (2) nonjudgmental acceptance of the ongoing flow of sensations, thoughts, and/or emotional states. 

     Awareness is cultivated through intentional regulation of attention to present experience. While attending to the present, mindfulness also entails a stance of acceptance, or willingness to experience the array of one’s thoughts and emotions without judgment. Awareness of one’s present-centered experience might be considered a necessary first step toward nonjudgmental acceptance of that experience. 

#712 Curiosity, Questioning, Progressive Opening ...

     "The path opens up as soon as one's life is exposed as a question rather than a bundle of more or less interesting facts. This questioning is not intellectual curiosity. Zen speaks of it being asked through one's skin and bones."

       Stephen Batchelor. "Living with the Devil. A meditation on good and evil." Riverhead Books, NY, 2004.


 

 Photograph by P. Michael Lovas

#700 Koan, Open Question, Summary?

"There is only love.
All else, repeating stories exhausting themselves."

Rashani

rashani.com

#645 Eyes, Mind, Heart - OPEN

               "The important thing,
               is not to stop questioning."                                 Einstein

     Our self-concept and worldview can too easily become small, rigid, fossilized. Yet there's so much to learn in this life. It's a terrible waste giving up on discovering 'who I am' and 'what's going on'. Curiosity, openness of mind and heart provide a vastly different life than shrinking into fear.

#629 Curiosity, Waking up

     "To consider that you might play a part in your own difficulties is like a loss of innocence.
     Loss of innocence comes with some advantages though, the main one being self-knowledge. If you no longer believe that the problem is entirely outside, you can be curious. If you are curious about your thoughts, then your thoughts become hypotheses, which you can test. You don't have to believe your thoughts or the conclusions and fears that go with them.
     This is thrilling but also deeply disturbing, because you thought you were your thoughts, and now you begin to suspect that you are not. In which case, who are you? Who is thinking? Being curious - about who you are and your part in your life - is a first step. But into what? Probably into a meditation practice."

       John Tarrant. "Hidden in Plain Sight. The truth is hidden in the last place we look - the moment that's happening to us right now. That's why we meditate." Shambhala Sun, March 2015

#564 Curious, Open - not Gullible

     Mindfulness is not about dogmas, nor any other form of rigidity.

     "... challenge all teachings ...
     There's a lot of baloney out there. Years ago, a wonderful Hindu teacher ... said, 'The longer the beard, the bigger the fake.' And he, himself, had a beard that almost touched the floor.'"
       Larry Rosenberg. Three Steps to Awakening. A Practice for Bringing Mindfulness to Life. Shambhala, Boston, 2013. 

     Mindfulness is about trying practices found to relieve suffering and bring about peace and joy, and seeing what effect these may have on your life.
     If these improve the quality of your life, do them more. If, after a reasonable trial period, they don't, make sure you're doing them properly. If you're still getting nowhere, try something else. You may (or may not) return to mindfulness practices at a later point in life.
     An excellent approach to statements that seem novel or difficult to understand, is to let them sit, in the back of your mind, as open questions. Their meanings may gradually unfold by themselves.
     Research shows that being open and curious (psychological flexibility) has many, profound benefits over it's alternative (rigidity). 

     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/01/18-normal-human-development.html

#562 Suffering or Wisdom? We Get to Choose?

     Early this week our 5-year old water heater stopped working. The plumber from the company that sold it to us decided that some parts needed to be replaced, did so, charged $300., and left, but no hot water. The next day, he returned, replaced another part, left, but no hot water. Later that day, he returned, checked his work, left, but still no hot water. The next day, while waiting for him to return, I noticed that I was developing a low-grade tension headache (rare for me). Even thought the repair guy seemed like a pleasant, decent fellow, I was obviously resenting the slowness & inefficiency with which this (very minor) inconvenience was being handled. Waiting for a repairman, and waiting for hot water, was not the way my week was supposed to be! The headache helped me remember meditation teacher John Tarrant's saying:
               "Suffering is the thought 'This isn't it.'
                Wisdom is the thought 'What is this?'"

     What happens in each moment has little if anything to do with what we want or need. Instead, it's the result of innumerable causes & conditions coming together at a unique crossroads in history. It is complex beyond imagination, and impossible to predict or control. Our individual input is usually an incredibly tiny contribution, so why do we fool (inflate?) ourselves thinking we can control anything (other than perhaps our own attitude)?
     When the universe fails to unfold according to our individual desire, we can (like I did) get angry. "This sucks, I don't want this, this is upsetting all my plans ..." Nevertheless, the universe continues to unfold without consulting me, nor as far as I know, any other of earth's ~9 billion human beings. Therefore, remembering to remain curious and open to whatever unfolds moment-to-moment, seems much wiser than being constantly mad.
     Wisdom is generally understood to involve a progressive shift from egocentricity (self concerns) towards allocentricity & ecocentricity (being concerned about others & the environment).
     Yesterday, the plumber returned and succeeded in fixing the heater.

Justin Jung, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#504 Curiosity & Processing

     In Mindfulness training we're advised to be "curious" about phenomena that arise. Yet we're also advised to "let go of words" and "let go of stories"! So what does "curiosity" mean in this context?
     This is a very basic and practically important question. We're used to having an almost continuous verbal commentary - "self-talk" - running 24/7, including of course when we begin practicing meditation! Typically, while observing something, we describe it to ourselves using words. So can we observe without words? And if so, how?
     What happens spontaneously when we're alone in the house, and we hear a faint odd sound? We suddenly stop whatever we're doing, become completely still, perhaps even hold our breath, and listen intently. At these times, we're so attentive, that even self-talk seems to go silent. We see animals do what appears to be the same thing - an ancient instinctive behavior pattern for becoming deeply attentive.
     How can we intentionally ease into this silent, still space of receptive, open listening? Remembering the classic Zen instruction to listen with our eyes & look with our ears helps us transcend linear discursive thinking (relatively slow, crude & detached) - and associated self-talk (disruptive) - and helps open all our senses, as we become profoundly still & silent.
     Sound is physically sensed. Silence is potential sound. Musicians have high regard for the silent intervals between sounds. In Mindfulness, we learn to open up to & investigate BOTH sound & silence - therefore to be continuously aware. We're training to process experience (primarily) physically (eg sound & silence, feel of the breath, etc) rather than conceptually (eg words). CONTINUOUS PHYSICAL CONTACT with present-moment experience.
     Consider sitting in the middle of a large open pasture with the intention of noticing deer. We would, like our ancestors for countless generations before, sit very still, silent, for hours, with relaxed sustained stable awareness. We have the inherent capacity to do precisely this, without concern for time. Mindfulness training cultivates an innate natural capacity.

Heiko Meyer   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#485 Intentionally Opening Awareness

     Optimal functioning of a human, animal or plant requires that each cell of the multi-cellular organism have open lines of communication with all the billions of other cells of the body, and with the outside world. Awareness of inside and outside - absolutely basic & essential to health.
      Yet much of the time we're obsessing over someone or something that's bugging us (aversion), or something that we really really really want (craving). When thus preoccupied, we're ignoring virtually everything else inside & outside of us. This is SUBoptimal functioning and it makes us feel lousy (biofeedback to restore balance).
     When our bodies tell us that things are not right, we can open our senses up to become aware of all that's going on inside & outside of our skin boundary. Curious, relaxed, non-judgmental awareness is natural, healthy yet so underutilized. We can intentionally continuously increase this healthy, optimal state of awareness - it's called mindfulness practice.

Rudy Pohl   http://www.flickr.com/photos/rudypohl/sets/

#426 Zone of Learning - Between Can & Can't

     Agency is so important to us, as is the sense of making progress - we'll take anything but stagnation! And yet, unconsciously or consciously, we keep attempting to create a solid unchanging sense of self. Such a self-concept completely contradicts reality - which we experience as a constant flow of change.
     How often do we hear people - including ourselves - say, "Oh I can't do that - that's not me" or "I could never do that" or other ways of expressing a fixed, unchanging, unchangeable concept of a "self"? Of course when we hear someone else say it, it just sounds stupid. Except perhaps when it applies to ourself, we recognize the wisdom behind Henry Ford's famous statement: "Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right!"

     It's absolutely amazing how everything changes when, instead of desperately sticking to our rigid opinions, we choose to be curious, open-minded - psychologically flexible. We do need to remember that, strangely, it's easier to remain stuck in the certainty of something limiting, than to open ourselves up to the reality of constantly arising new possibilities! 
     We practice mindfulness because we know we CAN intentionally evolve our consciousness to more effectively meet life's many challenges.
      See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/09/181-healthy-maturation.html

#421 Clarity is Surprisingly Fresh

     Sometimes we're swept up and carried away emotionally with the momentum of the moment. We may ascribe it to going with our feelings or with the flow, but in fact, we're just being impulsive, ignoring most of our other faculties or intelligences - often with negative results. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." It's a bit like getting a tattoo while drunk.
     On the other end of the spectrum, sometimes we get derailed by ignoring most of our other faculties or intelligences and instead of going with emotions, we rely entirely on linear thinking. We allow an insignificant detail, even a single word or phrase to completely turn us off an otherwise reasonable, convincing story or plan of action. All we can think of is how we find one particular detail completely unacceptable. One small item trips the fuse, and we can't go forward. This is an example of black-or-white thinking, being overly critical, using a legal-eagle approach out of context. Example: not being able to enjoy an otherwise wonderful symphony because we couldn't tolerate (our impression of) the first violinist's attitude.
     Mindfulness is somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. The equanimity that develops from mindfulness practice allows seeing external as well as internal events objectively, in perspective, in a balanced manner. Seeing things as if for the first time, with curiosity, with a "beginner's mind" are not slogans, nor even aspirations, but the natural results of mindfulness training. It's inevitable that we keep noticing & dropping distortions. It's inevitable that with practice, we perceive progressively more clearly. Our perceptions become more and more direct. Clarity is surprising and fine.

minzaw   www.dpreview.com

#374 Unbinding from "Our" Thoughts and Emotions

     Gradually, with ongoing mindfulness practice, we come to see clearly, directly experiencing, that like all other phenomena, thoughts & emotions arise, abide for a while, then cease. We become increasingly stabilized in observing the impermanent, evanescent nature of all phenomena, that are like birds that suddenly appear in the backyard, land, chirp a few times, then fly away. This includes "our" thoughts & emotions - just transient guests to observe in flight - not to be taken seriously, nor to identify with - these are not who or what we are - not 'I', 'me' or 'mine'.
     This gradual shift in perspective is tremendously freeing, a huge weight off our backs.

     "Can you imagine the possibility of having anxiety and not being anxious about it? Or having depression & not being depressed about it? In other words, can you imaging feeling discomfort without trying to get rid of it? The question is, how do we learn to live in this way? There is no easy answer, but the key is to learn how to welcome – with curiosity – whatever our life is in each moment.”            E. Bayda

Tyne   www.dpreview.com

#321 Fear of: Change, Loss of Security, Loss of Community, Loss of Old Sense of Self ...

     Fear is a very basic emotion; Love is its opposite. 
     Fear causes us to shrink away from reality as it is, to shrivel up, to become small, heavy, rigid, isolated, out of touch with reality. 
     Love allows us to expand and embrace reality as it is, to blossom, become light, porous, flexible, to engage the universe with an open mind-heart.
     If we allow ourselves to mature, or better yet, actively take steps to mature as conscious human beings, we will continuously experience changes in how we perceive our selves and our worldview. This is the normal process of healthy adult maturation. An intelligent adult should not expect to freeze their views on life's most meaningful questions. Life is complex and ever-changing - so are we.
     A loving, mature, intelligent community encourages growth and maturation among its members. This is the kind of community one requires if one is to become a fully functional, mature member of a civilized society.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/313-being-stressed-out-is-optional.html

Luis Marden - National Geographic

#280 Koans to Guide Formal & Informal Mindfulness Practice

     While taking a walk during lunch break today, I noticed the familiar habit of switching back and forth from appreciating the freedom and refreshing simplicity of walking for its own sake, and my awareness repeatedly drifting off into planning and other stories. Life reflects formal mindfulness practice, & of course, vice versa.
     Whether formally practicing mindfulness (sitting meditation), out walking, or doing anything else, it's helpful to pose a koan or question to ourselves:
          • what if this were the first time I was experiencing this activity (sitting, yoga, tai chi, walking) ... 
          • what if this were the last time I ever experienced this activity ... 
          • what if this activity were to last forever 
          • in each case, what is the optimal attitude, posture, muscle tone - STATE of BEING?
     These provocative questions are meant to be held lightly yet savored in awareness long-term, and experienced physically (instead of quickly 'answered' intellectually), and these work on many levels: 
          • help us switch into beginner's mind - to observe things we've seen before with fresh eyes, without presumptions, in greater detail, much like a curious scientist;
          • allow us to drop the tendency to take unpredictables for granted: living a very long life, or being able to repeat this exact same activity whenever we want;
          • allow our compulsive, anxious striving for distraction / entertainment to settle, much like mud in a glass jar of water gradually settles to the bottom, leaving only clear water on top.
     Try these - see how they effect your practice, formal & informal.

Nova Scotia grapes - 2012 vintage