#750 Comfortable Numbness vs Authenticity

     "To break through our comfort, our ease, our behavioral patterns, our habits, the power of our environmental instructions that we all receive from childhood to the present. It takes something powerful to cut through that and get our attention. 
     I often think of Tolstoy's novella that was published in 1885, 'The Death of Ivan Ilyich.' Ivan Ilyich is a common name, sort of like John Johnson, and it's about a person who lived wholly according to the dictates of his time and place. He went to the right school, he espoused the right attitudes, he married the right person, he lived in the right neighborhood, he practiced the career ladder. Nothing ever interrupted the flow of his life as it was supposed to be, until one day he has a pain in his side. The pain doesn't go away, and it turns out to be a terminal illness. After going through the five stages that Kubler-Ross later identified in the 20th century of denial first, and then anger at the interruption, and then bargaining, and then despair, he reaches acceptance in the final hours of his life. After he passes away, everybody around him is indifferent because it was about John Johnson, not about me. 
     Of course, what Tolstoy was suggesting is, again, here's a person who got his appointment, and paradoxically, probably lived a more authentic life in those final days and hours than all the rest of those years put together. (see 'Post-Traumatic Growth' literature)
     So it is for all of us: there's so much of our life that's routinized, and patterned, and goal directed—again, often good goals. At the same time, the psyche has another point of view, and when it wishes to, it will break through. I think [the word] 'summons' is both reflecting the intensity of that encounter with one's own soul, and also that it brings with it an accountability. If you get a summons from a court or a lawyer, you have to pay attention, and if you don't pay attention, there are going to be consequences."

James Hollis: "A Summons to a Deeper Life." 65min interview (podcast) with Tami Simon.
https://www.soundstrue.com/store/weeklywisdom?page=single&category=IATE&episode=13007&utm_source=bronto&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=N180304-WW&utm_content=This+Week:+Featuring+James+Hollis,+Joanna+Macy,+and+Karen+Brody

awakeningartsacademy.com

#745 Key Principles & Aspects of MBSR

a     making the experience a challenge rather than a chore and thus turning the observing of one’s own life mindfully into an adventure in living rather than one more thing one ‘has’ to do for oneself to be healthy.

b     an emphasis on the importance of individual effort and motivation and regular disciplined practice of the meditation in its various forms, whether one ‘feels’ like practicing on a particular day or not.

c     the immediate lifestyle change that is required to undertake formal mindfulness practice, since it requires a significant time commitment (in our clinic 45 minutes a day, six days per week minimally).

d     the importance of making each moment count by consciously bringing it into awareness during practice, thus stepping out of clock time into the present moment.

e     an educational rather than a therapeutic orientation, which makes use of relatively large ‘classes’ of participants in a time-limited course structure to provide a community of learning and practice, and a ‘critical mass’ to help in cultivating ongoing motivation, support, and feelings of acceptance and belonging. The social factors of emotional support and caring and not feeling isolated or alone in one’s efforts to cope and adapt and grow are in all likelihood extremely important factors in healing as well as for providing an optimal learning environment for ongoing growth and development in addition to the factors of individual effort and initiative and coping / problem solving.

f     a medically heterogenous environment, in which people with a broad range of medical conditions participate in classes together without segregation by diagnosis or conditions and specialization of the intervention. This approach has the virtue of focusing on what people have in common rather than what is special about their particular disease (what is ‘right’ with them rather than what is ‘wrong’ with them), which is left to the attention of other dimensions of the health care team and to specialized support groups for specific classes of patients, where that is appropriate. It is in part from this orientation, which differs considerably from the traditional medical or psychiatric models, which orient interventions as specifically as possible to particular diagnostic categories, that the generic and universal qualities of mindfulness-based stress reduction stem. Of course, stress, pain, and illness are common experiences within the medical context, but beyond that, and even more fundamentally, the participants share being alive, having a body, breathing, thinking, feeling, perceiving, and incessant flow of mental states, including anxiety and worry, frustration, irritation and anger, depression, sorrow, helplessness, despair, joy and satisfaction, and the capacity to cultivate moment-to-moment awareness by directing attention in particular systematic ways. They also share, in our view, the capacity to access their own inner resources for learning, growing, and healing (as distinguished from curing) within this context of mindfulness practice.

       quoted from: Jon Kabat-Zinn. “Mindfulness Meditation. What Is It, What It Isn’t, and It’s Role in Health Care and Medicine.” in Ishii Y, Suzuki M, & Haruki Y eds. “Comparative and Psychological Study on Meditation.” Eburon, 1996. 

Abbey Bookshop, Paris   https://abbeybookshop.wordpress.com/about/

 

#734 Mindfulness Components

     Using words to express the extremely complex, constantly evolving, direct experience of Mindfulness is not possible, yet has to be attempted (as an "operational definition"), when studying it scientifically.

     Below, a few scientific snapshots of Mindfulness from the paper by Anka A. Vujanovic et al. "Mindfulness in the Treatment of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Among Military Veterans." Professional Psychology: Research and Practice 2011; 42(1): 24-31. DOI: 10.1037/a0022272

Definition:
     Mindfulness is about bringing an attitude of curiosity and compassion to present experience.

What Is Mindfulness?
      Mindfulness is most commonly conceptualized as involving two key components: 

     (1) intentional regulation of attention to and awareness of the present moment, and 

     (2) nonjudgmental acceptance of the ongoing flow of sensations, thoughts, and/or emotional states. 

     Awareness is cultivated through intentional regulation of attention to present experience. While attending to the present, mindfulness also entails a stance of acceptance, or willingness to experience the array of one’s thoughts and emotions without judgment. Awareness of one’s present-centered experience might be considered a necessary first step toward nonjudgmental acceptance of that experience. 

#732 Stopping Practice: Stop, Tune In, Open, Proceed

     One of the simplest (MBSR) tools we offered people who wanted to live more mindfully was the word STOP itself. Practicing with STOP allows us to have a tiny little mini-retreat right here, right now. Many people use stopping practice to help reduce stress and tension. The relief of stress can be a wonderful side effect of learning to recognize our awakened nature. 
     For me, the power of stopping practice lies in its simplicity and adaptability to every situation. The first part of stopping practice is “S”: learning to actually stop. Whatever you are doing, thinking, or saying, alone or with others, you can always pause. You can stop for a moment, or for a longer period of time. 
     Stopping is powerful, especially if you are busy and hassled. You can practice pausing throughout the day, turning it into a new habit. Maybe you can set a bell to ring on your computer, or put a little sticker on your phone that says, “STOP!” If you’re with other people, you can say, “Can we just take a little pause before we continue?” Or, “I just need a moment.” 
     The next part, the “T,” stands for “take a breath,“ “take a moment,” or “tune in.” We breathe, pause, and remember we have a body, not just a busy mind. We directly and intimately encounter whatever is here, without judging it or needing it to be different.
     When the Buddha sat down and vowed to be still and quiet, his awakening revealed some universal truths to him. He realized that the main obstacle to seeing clearly is our wish for things to be different, our desire to fight reality. If things are good, we want the good times to go on forever. If things are bad, we want them to change into something good. When we stop and tune in, we can clearly recognize our longing for things to change or to stay the same. We realize that when we try to fight reality, we always lose.
     Once we have stopped and tuned in, we are ready for “O.” We can “open” to everything: first to our own sense perceptions, thoughts, and emotions, and then to the whole wide environment in which we find ourselves. This is the moment when we see the morning star, when we discover the iguana in the tree. In this opening, clarity arises in our thoughts as well. We may turn the “O” into “Oh! How wonderful!” Or, it can be “Oh! How awful!” The important part of opening is not whether we like or dislike what is happening, but that we are seeing what is happening clearly.
     Finally, there is “P.” After the opening, after the clarity and spaciousness of our widened view, we know what to do. We “proceed” if that’s what seems to be the wisest course. We take action. 
     Meditation practice is not only about sitting around and being quiet and still. It is about seeing clearly how to be effective participants in the world. Instead of adding to the suffering and pain we find everywhere, we can contribute to healing and reconciliation. Of course, because being a human being involves taking chances, when we make a decision to do or say something, we may discover that we are wrong. Our clarity and wisdom may be missing a few important pieces of information, and we may receive feedback directly or indirectly that we have made things worse. 
     At that point, we can start all over. The “P” could also stand for “pull over and park.” Maybe it’s time to turn off the computer, take a nap, have a snack, or call a dear friend. 
     Throughout the day, we can practice STOP in an endless cycle of pausing, acting, and learning. Even if we are at an actual silent retreat, the habit of stopping is still necessary, because the mind doesn’t come to a rest simply because the body does.

Melissa Myozen Blacker http://www.lionsroar.com/dharma-gates-are-everywhere-says-melissa-blacker/?utm_source=Lion%27s+Roar+Newsletter&utm_campaign=6a8c7ff133-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2016_12_14&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_1988ee44b2-6a8c7ff133-21110717&goal=0_1988ee44b2-6a8c7ff133-21110717&mc_cid=6a8c7ff133&mc_eid=9d27166e2a

Mr. Pickles & Jett practicing STOP

#729 Skillful Attitudes towards Meditation Practice

     “The right attitudes (towards Insight Meditation) practice are: 
• to be open, receptive, allowing, acknowledging; 
• being willing to fully experience the moment with patience, without expectations or demands; 
• being responsive, caring, interested. 

     These skillful attitudes towards practice are all the qualities of loving-kindness. Remind yourself to recognize the present moment with these attitudes of mind.”

       Steve Armstrong, Lesson 5 Practice, Introduction to the Manual of Insight - online course, Kamala Masters & Steve Armstrong, Sept 24 – Nov 12, 2016 http://learn.wisdompubs.org/academy/

#726 Your Mind Transforms When Practicing Meditation

     1. Each time you focus on or return to the anchor, you are building your concentration
     2. Each time you focus on the anchor, you detach from your thought stream. This is a practice of letting go in the moment, which translates to letting go in the rest of the world.
     3. Each time you notice that the mind is wandering, that is the moment of mindfulness — not a moment of failure.
     4. Each time you are kind to yourself when your mind wanders, instead of criticizing yourself, you are exercising and strengthening your self-compassion for challenging moments in the rest of your daily life.
     5. Each time you notice where the mind is wandering, that is an opportunity for insight into your mind’s habits and patterns — what we might call wisdom or self-understanding.

       Christopher Willard. "Growing Up Mindful: Essential Practices to Help Children, Teens, and Families Find Balance, Calm, and Resilience." Sounds True, 2016.

Apple blossoms, Wolfville, NS

#725 Observing & Accepting the Conditioned Mind-Body

     At university, while studying for exams, I sometimes felt an incredible urgency to rearrange the furniture in my residence room. Obviously it was an attempt to escape pre-exam anxiety. The urgency was proportional to my anxiety, so the more inappropriate the time reallocation, the more likely I was to carry out the furniture rearrangement!

     Our attempts to avoid truly meaningful priorities in life is mirrored by the degree of our distractedness during formal meditation practice. Can we notice this with equanimity? As we do become aware of this pattern, we're gaining insight into our conditioned mind-body doing it’s conditioned thing.
     Of course we still can train the our monkey mind to cause ourselves & others a LOT less suffering than it does now - to serve us instead of work against us:
http://jglovas.wix.com/awarenessnow#!Worthy-of-Our-Precious-Time-Energy/c17jj/57797ba20cf231c9c3fabfc4

Mahone Bay, NS, Canada

#713 Acceptance of Circumstances - Outer & Inner

     “the painful aspects of life, the really hard times … That’s the stuff you work with. … It may seem like the outer circumstances are the problem, but the challenge is actually what they bring up in you – the inner experiences of anguish or sorrow or suffering that they provoke or trigger in you.
     I don’t feel self-loathing and those kinds of intense emotions anymore, but I sure remember what they feel like. I know that the single most important thing for people today is the extent to which they feel really bad about themselves. I have a passion for finding a way of talking about this that can help people make friends with themselves. That requires a deep acceptance of yourself and learning how to accept things inside you that are considered unacceptable.
     Usually we spend our whole lives trying to avoid feeling that ‘there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.’ The view I’m coming from is that we’re actually complete and whole, and there is nothing fundamentally wrong with us. In fact, we are fundamentally good, and we can connect with that goodness. We can move closer to accepting and honoring all parts of ourselves, while knowing that almost everybody shares those bad feelings about themselves. This is just what it’s like to be human.”                          Pema Chodron

        “Connect with the Best of Yourself – An Evening with Pema Chodron and k.d. lang.” Shambhala Sun, September 2015 

#704 Choppy Waves AND Profound Stillness Beneath

www.elephantjournal.com

#702 The Best Defense is ... What?

     The idea that the best defense is a strong offense might explain some peoples' apparent unprovoked aggressiveness. They seem to be yelling: "Don't mess with me, I'm bad!" Maybe fear cowers behind facades of aggressive posturing. And don't we all, to a lesser degree, at least think, and perhaps speak with some hostility?
     So why is there so much defensiveness? Would there be any if we had all received perfect unconditional love from day one? Perhaps behavior is conditioned by all - remembered & forgotten - past experiences. So maybe nothing is completely unprovoked - the present situation may just be stirring up an old wound.
     For me, the most impressive individual is authentic, open and decent. Such (rare) people have dropped their offensive-defensiveness ball & chain. They're able to simply connect directly - one human being to another. I suspect they began with self-observation & self-acceptance, which then spread to acceptance of others. Awareness & acceptance nurtures unconditional love, authenticity & peace.

#695 Accepting Ourselves, Accepting Others, and Then ...

     We keep trying so desperately to be accepted, valued and loved. We're acutely aware, at some level, of our many imperfections. And we fear our very survival hinges on eliminating, hiding, or overcompensating for our "defectiveness".
     After a while, we start realizing that nobody is perfect; and that unconditional love is painfully rare. Imperfection is tolerable, but life without unconditional love is brutal. What can we do about it? We know that we can't make others do anything. 
     But we can learn to accept ourselves as we are, then it's relatively easy to accept others as they are, and then, perhaps, we ourselves can become the source of unconditional love - the absolutely most precious, nurturing aspect of life. Perfection within imperfection?

     “When you came into this world, you cried and everyone else smiled. You should so live your life that when you leave, everyone else will cry, but you will be smiling.”                         Paramahansa Yogananda
        Dana Sawyer “Huston Smith: Wisdomkeeper. Living the World’s Religions. The Authorized Biography of a 21st Century Spiritual Giant.” Fons Vitae, Louisville, KY, 2014.

Public Gardens, Halifax, NS

#692 Mindfulness Training & Wisdom

     Participants in mindfulness training programs eg 8-week MBSR courses, often come to better manage their stresses, & thus improve the quality of their lives. However, these objectives ultimately require nothing less than the cultivation of wisdom - which mindfulness practices facilitate.

     "Although wisdom is a complex concept and difficult to define, historically it has been considered the pinnacle of human development.
     (Bergsma & Ardelt) define and operationalize wisdom as an integration of cognitive, reflective, and compassionate personality characteristics.

     (They) define and operationalize wisdom as a three-dimensional personality characteristic: 
          • the cognitive dimension of wisdom refers to the desire to know the truth. This does not only imply a knowledge of facts but also a deep understanding of life, particularly with regard to intrapersonal and interpersonal matters, including knowledge and acceptance of the positive and negative aspects of human nature, of the inherent limits of knowledge, and of life’s unpredictability and uncertainties.
          • A deep and undistorted comprehension of reality can only be achieved by overcoming one’s subjectivity and projections through the practice of (self-)reflection. The reflective dimension of wisdom highlights this aspect and represents the ability and willingness to invest in self-examination, self-awareness and self-insight. It requires the perception of phenomena and events from different perspectives and the ability to ‘see through illusions’. ... ‘one must be able to first become aware of and then transcend one’s projections before one can develop both the empathic skills and the cognitive processes associated with wisdom’.
          • Reflectivity tends to reduce self-centeredness, which leads to a deeper understanding of one’s own and others’ motives and behavior, and is likely to result in greater sympathetic and compassionate love for others. All-encompassing sympathetic and compassionate love accompanied by a motivation to foster the well-being of all denotes the compassionate component of wisdom.

     ... this definition of wisdom does not imply that wise individuals will avoid or suppress negative emotions toward themselves or others if they arise. On the contrary, through self-awareness and self-examination (the reflective wisdom dimension) wise persons are able to acknowledge, regulate, and ultimately overcome their negative emotions and projections without adversely affecting their own lives and that of others. For example, the practice of mindfulness and mindfulness meditation appear to facilitate the acceptance and eventual transcendence of negative emotions and behavior."

       Ad Bergsma, Monika Ardelt. Self-Reported Wisdom and Happiness: An Empirical Investigation. J Happiness Stud (2012) 13:481–499. 
       DOI 10.1007/s10902-011-9275-5 

     See also "Two Paths to Wisdom": http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2015/02/638-two-paths-to-wisdom.html

#684 A Bird in the Hand Koan

     My daughter-in-law recounted a Tibetan teaching about having a wise relationship with transient moments of perceived happiness. 
     Consider a precious dove landing, briefly, on your open palm. And the moment the dove starts flying away ... can you truly love it, while letting it go?

     What if the dove's total freedom & happiness is not different than yours?

Agricola Street, Halifax, NS

#676 Brokenness & Unconditional Love

     People seek help from psychotherapists when they feel broken and want to feel whole. 
     Ideally, psychotherapists themselves first undergo psychotherapy. Doing so, psychotherapists are better able to hold both their own brokenness and their own wholeness. Before we can accept others, we must learn self-acceptance.
     Psychotherapists ideally hold clients in "unconditional positive regard" and "meditative equipoise." These terms suggest great spaciousness, porousness, awareness, acceptance, unshakable love, understanding, peace, stillness, silence, wisdom. These therapists' qualities ideally remain stable, despite the variability & severity of problems and personalities of their clients.
     Obsessing about our needs, our brokenness, how we didn't receive unconditional love as children, is an endless wallowing in misery. It's also backwards. To heal, an inversion must occur.
     Unconditional love does appear to be the very core of human life. But our wholeness, authenticity, true happiness - all appear to be proportional to the degree to which we embody, we are the source of, unconditional love. Indeed, when a person feels utterly miserable, the best thing she can do for herself, is to help others in similar or worse situations.
     Traumas do hurt, traumas do crack our armor, and mercifully, the cracks do light our darkness. But our authenticity is in shining - being unconditional love.

Springtime at Luxembourg Gardens, Paris

#675 Do What Works

     We tend to assume that we can control our world to keep us happy. So we attempt constant adjustments to the environment, others, ourselves, trying to seize & hang onto whatever feels good, and avoid all that feels bad or threatening. What gradually dawns on us is the fact that we're almost constantly uncomfortable, despite all our manoevres. 
     There are many dysfunctional responses to this steady state of unsatisfactoriness, all involve denial / avoidance / escapism: trance-like relentless pursuit of pleasure via materialism, hedonism, substance abuse, workaholism, & other simplistic belief (& non-belief) systems.

     An alternative is facing reality with as much clear awareness and acceptance as possible (both improve with practice). It's remarkably difficult to accept life's existential facts - that we cannot really control anything, especially things that truly matter: aging, sickness & death of those we love, including ourselves. No wonder we're so compulsive about distracting / deluding ourselves! But that too gets old. 
     Mindfulness practice is a gentle, natural, universal way of making friends with things as they are. Accepting reality with an open heart-mind is an amazing journey. As we progress along this path, life progressively changes for the better. "Better" is not what we expect or typically wish for, but it does become better and better. Keep practicing!

while he plays piano ... 37, rue de la bûcherie — 75005 Paris, France

#669 Who's Responsible If Not Me?

     It's fascinating to observe our fellow human beings. Even in situations where one would imagine that anyone would be completely happy and grateful, one sees a surprising proportion of people showing obvious signs of sadness, disappointment, and downright misery. Life just does not measure up to their hopes and expectations, no matter how fine it is. A sadly large proportion of us assume that there's a mechanical connection between our happiness and our idea of what a perfect world is. Of course this is completely off base.
     One's happiness is entirely dependent on one's ability to hold all of life in a loving embrace, regardless of what's going on. This is precisely the opposite of what most of us think. We are entirely responsible for our attitude, which has nothing whatsoever to do with what's happening on the outside or even inside of us. It's all about us not just having, but being unconditional love. And, "whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right."

#664 Awareness & Love

     "How few understand what love really is, and how it arises in the human heart. It is so frequently equated with good feelings toward others, with benevolence or nonviolence or service. But these things in themselves are not love.
     Love springs from awareness. It is only inasmuch as you see someone as he or she really is here and now, and not as they are in your memory or your desire or in your imagination or projection, that you can truly love them, otherwise it is not the person that you love but the idea that you have formed of this person, or this person as the object of your desire not as he or she is in themselves.
    The first act of love is to see this person or this object, this reality as it truly is. And this involves the enormous discipline of dropping your desires, your prejudices, your memories, your projections, your selective way of looking ...a discipline so great that most people would rather plunge headlong into good actions and service than submit to the burning fire of this asceticism.
     When you set out to serve someone whom you have not taken the trouble to see, are you meeting that person's need or your own?"                                                          Father Anthony de Mello

#659 Do We Have It All Backwards?

     We (particularly men) rigidly pretend that happiness, our very survival, is entirely under our control. How? By surrounding ourselves metaphorically with a perfect semi-permeable membrane that keeps bad stuff out & pulls good stuff in. Many of us are obsessive doormen. Such a simple boundary, between a separate 'self' and a foreign, hostile environment, may be OK for amoebas, but ... 

     As we mature, we gradually release this illusion of control. Increasingly we recognize how deep quality of life is found in embracing every aspect of life - "the full catastrophe" - with an open heart-mind. Mindfulness practice is about consciously, intentionally maturing, coming home to our full potential, right now.
     Rather than anxiously flipping back & forth between aversion & craving, we gradually stabilize awareness, acceptance, spaciousness, ease & love. 


     No Boundaries: http://www.johnlovas.com/2012/01/healing-growth.html
     Wise Aging: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=aging

lewynn   www.dpreview.com

#652 Life's Difficulties AS Initiation

     “Life will initiate you. It will, in all it’s ways. It will make you face praise & blame, gain & loss, pleasure & pain, and joy & sorrow - it’s what it’s woven of. But to take it as an initiation, means to not avert your gaze, to not close your heart to the sorrows of the world, but to say ‘Yes, this has been given to me, and I will take this – the war that’s been given, the death, the injustice that’s the measure I’ve been given – and make something that is beautiful, some understanding or dignity out it.'
     As the Sufis say ‘Overcome any bitterness because you are not up to the magnitude of the pain that was entrusted to you. Like the mother of the world who carries the pain or the sorrows of the world in her heart, you are each endowed with a certain measure of cosmic pain, you are called upon to meet it in compassion & joy, instead of self-pity.’ "

        Kornfield J. "Awakening is Real. A Guide to the Deeper Dimensions of the Inner Journey." Sounds True (audio) www.soundstrue.com

WisdomAtWork.com

#651 Generosity

     It takes an amazing degree of generosity to accept each and every thing that happens to us in our lifetime.
     And when we have indeed embraced all of it, with a clear, open, loving heart-mind, then we have indeed lived life well, and evolved fully ...