#676 Brokenness & Unconditional Love

     People seek help from psychotherapists when they feel broken and want to feel whole. 
     Ideally, psychotherapists themselves first undergo psychotherapy. Doing so, psychotherapists are better able to hold both their own brokenness and their own wholeness. Before we can accept others, we must learn self-acceptance.
     Psychotherapists ideally hold clients in "unconditional positive regard" and "meditative equipoise." These terms suggest great spaciousness, porousness, awareness, acceptance, unshakable love, understanding, peace, stillness, silence, wisdom. These therapists' qualities ideally remain stable, despite the variability & severity of problems and personalities of their clients.
     Obsessing about our needs, our brokenness, how we didn't receive unconditional love as children, is an endless wallowing in misery. It's also backwards. To heal, an inversion must occur.
     Unconditional love does appear to be the very core of human life. But our wholeness, authenticity, true happiness - all appear to be proportional to the degree to which we embody, we are the source of, unconditional love. Indeed, when a person feels utterly miserable, the best thing she can do for herself, is to help others in similar or worse situations.
     Traumas do hurt, traumas do crack our armor, and mercifully, the cracks do light our darkness. But our authenticity is in shining - being unconditional love.

Springtime at Luxembourg Gardens, Paris

#619 Wise, Effective Response to Stupidity, Chaos, Violence & Suffering

     “For me there was a pivotal moment after experiencing the war and massacre in Lebanon in 1982. This was a time when hope for humanity seemed almost extinguished. And in the middle of the bombed out ruins of a refugee camp, an old Palestinian man offered me coffee in the midst of the rubble. I saw in his being the indomitable nature of the human spirit shining through. I saw the light that shines in the darkness. I saw the part of us that can never be extinguished. I’ve encountered this light in kindred spirits, amplified in spiritual masters, and in the lives of those beloved beings who have been raped, abused and tortured and yet who choose to forgive and show us all the path to transformative healing.

     Whether you believe in God or not, I think it would be impossible to sustain your activism without making contact with that light. Einstein realized that we had to discover whether or not it is a hostile universe. The mystic earns the privilege of experiencing love at the core of the universe. It is my wish that every activist would come to experience this reality also.”                                                            James O’Dea

          OMTimes.com          December C 2014 edition 
          http://www.editions.omtimes.com/magazine/2014-12-C/index.html

Hemad Nazari, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#601 Individuation, Maturation towards Wholeness

     "Individuation can be seen as the positive consequence of individuality. Jung used the term individuation 'to denote a process of becoming a psychological "individual," that is, separate, indivisible unity or whole.' To individuate is to gradually actualize our innate capacity to live as a unique individual. It is the consequence of a process of awakening that releases our innate potential. As Jung put it, 'Individuation means becoming a single homogenous being, and, insofar as "individuality" embraces our innermost, last and incomparable uniqueness, it also implies becoming one's own self. We could therefore translate individuation as "coming to selfhood" or "self-actualization."'
     In the same way that Michelangelo is said to have revealed David from the base stone, so too we gradually release our capacity for self-realization and wholeness. What may sometimes become confused is the distinction between the emergence of ego-identity and the process of self-realization. As Jung stated, 'Again and again I note that the individuation process is confused with the coming of the ego into consciousness and that the ego is in consequence identified with the Self ***, which naturally produces a hopeless conceptual muddle. Individuation is then nothing but ego-centeredness and narcissism. But the Self comprises infinitely more than mere ego ...'
     As we individuate we grow to recognize our individual relationship to a universal wisdom that has a unique expression because of our particular personality. To individuate is to expand the boundaries of individual identity and personality to be rooted in our inner sense of totality. It is our growing sense of, in Jung's terms, the Self as the root of meaning and the archetype of wholeness within each of us. This expression of individuation enables us to have a quality of inner authority, integrity, and knowledge of what is true for ourselves. It enables us to open to our unique responsibility in the task of our life for the welfare and good of all.
     Where individuation and individuality differ is that individuality leads to separation and a sense of self-preoccupation that isolates us from others, while, as Jung asserts, 'Individuation does not shut one out from the world, but gathers the world to one's self.' Individuation is the discovery of our own personal quality of wholeness that is intimately connected to our experience of the whole. We stand upon a threshold where the individual meets the universal yet retains a unique sense of self. This inner sense of wholeness is then open to the interdependence of ourselves with all others. I am reminded of the metaphor of there being one light though the lamps are many."

     *** Self - "Jungian term referring to the archetype of wholeness and meaning - the center of an individual's totality.

       Preece R. "The Wisdom of Imperfection. The Challenge of Individuation in Buddhist Life." Snow Lion Publications, Ithaca NY, 2006.

Scurociaro   www.dpreview.com

#594 Invitation To Practice Mindfulness

     "We may long for wholeness, but the truth is that it is already here and already ours. The practice of mindfulness holds the possibility of not just a fleeting sense of contentment, but a true embracing of a deeper unity that envelops and permeates our lives. … you are invited to learn how to transform your relationship to the way you think, feel, love, work, and play – and thereby awaken to and embody more completely who you really are."

       Kabat-Zinn J. “Mindfulness for Beginners. Reclaiming the Present Moment – and Your Life.” Sounds True, Boulder, 2012.

 

Antonio Celso Lima Mollo, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#530 At Home or Traveling - How Do You Feel?

     We travel - looking for what?
     What does being at home feel like?
     Is home really just a place?
     Isn't home a state of being?

     When we have strong preferences - one way or another - we're far from home. Even when we're physically in our own house, unless we're at peace - with ourselves & our environment - we're not really at home.

Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia, May 4, 2014

#518 Meeting Fear Effectively

     "By inviting fear into the relaxed, openness of your heart, by reaching out to your fear when you feel calm and grounded, you can begin to develop a connection between these two areas in yourself. Later when you become afraid, a connection already will have been established to help you call upon your calm, grounded being. When you feel connected to your inner wholeness, you can offer that as an ally to the place in yourself that experiences the pain and helplessness of being afraid. Shunryu Suzuki said, 'The only way you can endure your pain is to let it be painful' and maybe the same is true of fear. The way to endure our fears is to just be with them. Being present without trying to change our experience is how to tame and transform our pain."
 
        Phelan JP. Practicing with Fear. Mindfulness - published online 06 September 2012.

wgjohnston   www.dpreview.com

#486 The Well-travelled Path

      We gravitate to the quick easy fix no matter how complex the problem. Gobbling down a chocolate bar when hungry, gives a sugar-high, quickly followed by a crash. And so it goes for all attempts to feel good fast - short-term gain, predictably followed by chronic, long-term pain. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=maze

     Mindfulness meditation practice, on the other hand, is a solid, intelligent, well-traveled path to profound wholeness, depth & meaning. It's a slow, lifetime journey of discovery & deepening, learning to embrace all of life. Practice often feels ordinary, yet brings occasional awe-inspiring highs, and carries us safely through occasional hard times. We discover & learn to trust an inner compass, guiding us through the full spectrum of human life. It's NOT a quick fix, NOR is "bliss" (though it sporadically happens), the goal. 

#437 Wholeness includes Everything

     "Wholeness is based on a balance & integration of opposites, not on getting rid of what we don't like. When we feel an inconsistency or conflict between inner experience and outer expression, between persona and shadow, fear and love, life and death, body and mind, or any other pairs of opposites, we experience pain and tension. According to the ancient Hindu scriptures, the Upanishads, wherever there is other there is fear, for fear is born of duality. We can be released from fear only when we recognize the unity of opposites and learn to balance the polarities of emotional experience in a context of healing awareness."

        Vaughn F. The Inward Arc. Healing in Psychotherapy and Spirituality. iUniverse.com Inc, Lincoln NE, 1995, 2000.

Fine young people behind Hope Blooms - see their inspiring story: http://hopeblooms.ca/

#393 Awareness, Acceptance & Dwelling in Two Apparently Distinct Realities

     As a natural consequence of ongoing mindfulness practice, we gradually become increasingly clearly aware of what's going on - both within and outside of ourselves. This is often described as "waking up" as if from a dream, or becoming conscious after being on "autopilot".
     Another natural consequence of our ongoing practice, we gradually stop believing the brain stem's judgment of all that we perceive as either "good" or "bad" (black-or-white thinking), and are thus more & more able to replace primitive egocentric (brain stem) reactivity with wiser allocentric perspective & behavior (prefrontal cortex).
     Interestingly and importantly, our brain stem remains in place & functional, so we remain aware of our own ongoing immediate egocentric judgments. However, meditation practice progressively rewires our brain, changing it structurally & functionally. So the brain stem's messages are perceived less & less as commands for immediate action, and are increasingly perceived as dubious options with a long track record of leading to suffering. And because of our direct experiential knowledge, we fully understand - and have compassion for - both ourselves & others when we more or less automatically obey brain stem reflexes.
     As our prefrontal cortex becomes increasingly dominant, we increasingly recognize not only our own, but other people's inherent clarity, wholeness & wisdom. We recognize & nurture this amazing natural human capacity in ourselves and others. This is the ultimate height & depth of human activity.

#392 BOTH Anxious, Confused, Reactive - AND - Calm, Clear-minded, Wise

     We gradually let go of rigid black-or-white dualistic thinking as we become aware of infinite shades between extremes. As we broaden our intellectual & emotional horizons (gain psychological flexibility), we increasingly appreciate our own & others' weaknesses AND strengths.
     Seeing another's weakness opens our hearts to fellow human beings who, like all of us, are carrying heavy burdens.
     Seeing another's strength inspires us, knowing that we ourselves also have at least some of that very same capacity.

     Wisdom involves clearly seeing & compassionately accepting imperfection, while at the same time, resting in awareness & nurturing inherent wholeness. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/09/393-awareness-acceptance-dwelling-in.html

     "Therapeutic presence is the atmosphere for attending to the person's pain and vulnerability, while engaging their inner resiliency and wholeness."
       Palmer PJ, Zajonc A. The heart of higher education: A call to renewal. Transforming the academy through collegial conversation. Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, 2010.

  Muck AND Beauty

#371 Life as Therapy & Therapist

     "Therapeutic alliance is the prototypical common factor shared by nearly all psychotherapies. It is currently understood as involving

          1) an agreement between therapist & patient on the goals of treatment, 

          2) the tasks needed to accomplish those goals, and 

          3) a sense of a personal bond between therapist & patient." 

       Schnur JB, Montgomery GH. A systematic review of therapeutic alliance, group cohesion, empathy, and goal consensus/collaboration in psychotherapeutic interventions in cancer: Uncommon factors? Clin Psychol Rev 2010; 30(2): 238-47. 

     Isn't each one of us learning to become whole, healed, mature, evolved, perhaps even wise? If so, we each need to develop a therapeutic alliance with our life in this world, to 

          1) come to an understanding about the meaning, goal or purpose of our life;
          2) form a reasonable plan to accomplish this; and finally
          3) learn to consciously, open-heartedly embrace the "full catastrophe" - all that life brings us.
 
     "Free Will"? - see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/07/373-how-free-is-our-free-will.html  

bijan64   www.dpreview.com

#74 Attitude

     “The attitude with which you undertake the practice of paying attention and being in the present is crucial. … if your energy and commitment to practice are low, it will be hard to develop calmness and relaxation with any consistency. … if you are trying to force yourself to feel relaxed and demand of yourself that ‘something happen,’ nothing will grow at all and you will quickly conclude that ‘meditation doesn’t work.’  
     To cultivate meditative awareness requires an entirely new way of looking at the process of learning. Since thinking that we know what we need and where we want to get are so ingrained in our minds, we can easily get caught up in trying to control things to make them turn out ‘our way,’ the way we want them to. But this attitude is antithetical to the work of awareness and healing. Awareness requires only that we pay attention and see things as they are. It doesn’t require that we change anything. And healing requires receptivity and acceptance, a turning to connectedness and wholeness. None of this can be forced, just as you cannot force yourself to go to sleep. You have to create the right conditions for falling asleep and then you have to let go. The same is true for relaxation. It cannot be achieved through force of will. That kind of effort will only produce tension and frustration.”

     Kabat-Zinn J. “Full catastrophe living. Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness”. Dell Publishing, NY, 1990.

Artist: Tom Forrestall   http://www.forrestallfineart.com/index.php