#392 BOTH Anxious, Confused, Reactive - AND - Calm, Clear-minded, Wise

     We gradually let go of rigid black-or-white dualistic thinking as we become aware of infinite shades between extremes. As we broaden our intellectual & emotional horizons (gain psychological flexibility), we increasingly appreciate our own & others' weaknesses AND strengths.
     Seeing another's weakness opens our hearts to fellow human beings who, like all of us, are carrying heavy burdens.
     Seeing another's strength inspires us, knowing that we ourselves also have at least some of that very same capacity.

     Wisdom involves clearly seeing & compassionately accepting imperfection, while at the same time, resting in awareness & nurturing inherent wholeness. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/09/393-awareness-acceptance-dwelling-in.html

     "Therapeutic presence is the atmosphere for attending to the person's pain and vulnerability, while engaging their inner resiliency and wholeness."
       Palmer PJ, Zajonc A. The heart of higher education: A call to renewal. Transforming the academy through collegial conversation. Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, 2010.

  Muck AND Beauty

#365 Essential Basic Principles EXPERIENCED

     It's quiet remarkable how long and earnestly people (- I -) can practice mindfulness, before "really getting it" - directly experiencing, a fairly basic principle. It's obviously "basic" ONLY on a conceptual, NOT experiential level! To really KNOW something, we must learn it with our whole heart-mind-being.
       Speaking mindfully with someone - as a specific mindfulness practice - not worrying about the length of silent intervals between speech, one sees one's own compulsion to avoid "dead air" by filling it with words - anything but silence! Yet, describing only what one feels physically & emotionally, as it arises, gives one the opportunity to listen more deeply - and certainly listen longer - than one has ever done before.

     This (Insight Dialogue) practice is just one more way of seeing how we struggle mightily to escape our imperfection, trying to hide in distraction, idle chatter, concepts, theories, being right etc, etc, etc. But with a good practice partner, one gradually finds that it's OK to be human like everyone else. Perfection is a theory, while we're very real, and very imperfect, ... AND that too is OK. 

ki11ua   www.dpreview.com

#349 Equanimity in our Relationships is More Real

     Our relationships, with others, and even with ourselves, can be real roller coasters. I think it's simply accurate to say that, like most people, we are imperfect "works in progress," slowly becoming less foolish, and a bit wiser as the years roll on, and as we all accumulate impressive collections of errors.
     So when someone screws up badly, if we're really honest with ourselves, we can admit that either we've been there, or at the very least, could easily have done the same thing. Yet, out of fear, we tend to publicly denounce "bad guys," trying to convince ourselves "well I could never have done that!" Instantly we transform into "the church lady" & do our little "superior dance." Meanwhile the poor sucker who did just "do that" is wondering "What the hell happened? How could I possibly have gotten into this mess?"
     The more we realize the possibility of ourselves erring, the more skillfully we'll avoid doing so - and - the less harshly we'll judge those who do mess up. Most of us are neither demons nor fully enlightened beings, most of us are just getting by, carrying a heavy load. Let's give each other a break - we all need it.

     "Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity."           Pema Chodron

Murat Tosun   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/

#248 Process Transforms Doing into Being - It's the Singer, not the Song ...

     It's very interesting listening to someone giving their perspective of events in which you were both involved, particularly when they deliver it as an absolute statement of fact, instead of their unique impression. We tend to cling to certainty and tend to be averse to uncertainty & ambiguity. Yet nothing is solid & unchanging, not even our memories of the past - even that changes constantly.
     Perhaps fear of aging partially explains why people tend to be intolerant of ambiguity, and pretend to be certain about uncertain things. Ambiguity tolerance should, unless we fight it, arise naturally as we age. It takes a great deal of patience, tolerance & endurance to put up with life's litany of embarrassments. One has to learn to enjoy the process of working with imperfection, including one's own. Quickly & ethically obtaining a great result is a very unlikely prospect. Focusing on the process however is entirely different.
     People slowly, mindfully working on a meaningful product or service are themselves transformed by the process itself. We each individually reduce suffering and create joy by the actual quality we bring to life, moment-by-moment. WE INDIVIDUALLY provide what we all need. Nobody else can do it. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE. WE can and must rise to the occasion.

See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/12/everyones-doing-their-best-under.html