#759 Savoring Mindfully

     Positive psychology defines "savoring" as "the process of learning to focus attention on positive events to increase one's sensitivity to naturally rewarding experiences, such as enjoying a beautiful nature scene or experiencing a sense of connection with a loved one." Garland EL et al. "Mindfulness-Oriented Recovery Enhancement for Chronic Pain and Prescription Opioid Misuse: Results From an Early-Stage Randomized Controlled Trial." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2014; DOI: 10.1037/a0035798

     This differs from how I use the term mindful savoring in teaching MBSR, the central focus of which is seeing the full scope of reality clearly, as it actually is. My use of this term overlaps with the definition of "connoisseur," and may best illustrated thus:
     A wine expert (sommelier) can "blind taste" a variety of wines and with great accuracy, provide details of the type(s) of wine, type of grapes, country of origin, perhaps even the specific vineyard and year of harvest, and how well this particular vintage/winery combination represents the region. With great enthusiasm, a wine connoisseur can provide considerably more details than this, and yet actually consume little if any wine (they usually spit it into a special container), and unless the wine is actually spoiled (eg "corked"), will not indicate whether or not s/he personally "likes" or "dislikes" it. 
     Mindful savoring is based, first & foremost on intimacy - a profound openness to & interest in, a kind of love if you will - an open mind & heart - toward all wines & wine-making in general. This is qualitatively different from rigid, reactive, black-&-white judgments / personal preferences ("I hate this" - or - "I crave this").
     The important mindful aspects of savoring: non-judgmental, open / transpersonal (vs narrow / personal) awareness & psychological flexibility (vs rigidity).

     Consider the effect on your quality of life were you to mindfully savor the innumerable people & phenomena you encountered - the richness of the infinite variety of experiences is unimaginable. 

     In contrast to mindful savoring, aren't we more prone to rigidly identify with our preferences? How unlikely are we to meet people / phenomena that we rate amazingly desirable ("must haves") or that we rate terribly undesirable ("must avoids") - very seldom, right? But don't the vast majority of people / phenomena fit in between - the vast numbers of "neutrals" we hardly notice or even try to avoid, having judged them "boring"? (Remember the "inn-crowd" in high school?)
     To the extent that we fail to mindfully savor, our life is dull & frustrating,filled with wanting, striving, waiting & disappointment.

     Psychological flexibility paves the way towards de-armoring, knowledge about & intimacy with ourself, others & life in general. Rigidity, the opposite of psychological flexibility, is an armored dead-end: https://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.com/2013/01/261-psychological-rigidity-i-will.html

    
     

#685 Shipwrecks, Throughout Life

      An unpredictable number of complete collapses & rebuildings from scratch, of all that we understand to be true about the world & ourselves, are normal throughout life.
     How else could an innocent baby possibly come to know, accept & integrate the full range of her own, other humans' & Nature's ways & capacities?

     "For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like destruction."
       Cynthia Ocelli                www.wisdomatwork.com

          Shipwrecks: http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=shipwrecks
          and  http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=shipwrecks
          and  http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=shipwrecks

Public Gardens, Halifax, NS

#672 Black-Box Life

     For most people, life is a black-box: imagined to be solid, unchanging, indestructible, impenetrable, dark, not to be looked at closely. Never mind the wise counsel that "a life unexamined is not worth living." 
     Most of us do our utmost to keep feverishly busy, precisely so we won't have to ponder the two most meaningful questions: "Who am I?" and "What is this?" Avoidance, magical thinking, dogmatism and rigidity go hand-in-hand. A quick hard response to complex questions keeps things simple & controllable - but only in fairy tales.

     Sitting still, letting go of self-talk, opening oneself, remaining as open as one can, as long as one can, to actual reality - things as they are - is the opposite of a black-box life. It's a decision to step out of a dark, boxed-in prison, into the light and openness of real life. It's a bit scary at first, but prisoners can and do become acclimatized to, and come to enjoy freedom.

#671 What Feels Healthy?

     Fear shuts us down. It makes our heart-mind, our whole body feel tight, constricted, stiff, rigid, cold, shaky, lousy.

     What do we fear? We fear constant change, aging, sickness and death. We fear having little or no control over our lives, others' lives, our stuff, our world. We fear meaninglessness.
     Fear is feeling unloved. Above all else we want unconditional love.

     What if each of us is the SOURCE of unconditional love?

     How does it feel while we radiate unconditional kindness towards anyone, anything & any activity?
     How does the above compare with how we usually feel caught up in our cravings, aversions & self-absorbtion?
     Which of these clearly feels healthy?

#670 We CAN Open Voluntarily, Intentionally

     but most of us need to undergo significant trauma before our minds and hearts will open, even for a short time. Hard nuts have to be cracked open.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

 "Anthem" Leonard Cohen                          

 

Monet's garden, Giverny

#665 Negativity isn't Enough

     "... natural negativity bias ... is our hardwired tendency to notice and amplify threats. It explains why so many people tend to believe that human life is brutal and cold, despite all evidence to the contrary. Negativity bias is the essence of natural selection: people who run away from a man with a gun or avoid a car running a red light are more likely to pass on their genes to the next generation. And these harrowing moments are more likely to burn themselves into our neurons than the gentle ones, so that we can avoid similar threats in the future." Jeremy Adam Smith "You Can Count on Goodness" Shambhala Sun, May 2015

     So, many (most?) of us are "nattering nabobs of negativity". Like those who are drowning, we'll latch onto anything that floats by - strongly-held opinions, dogmas etc. Even something as dysfunctional as cynicism seems more secure than "not knowing". But the fact is that we don't know much, and right within this space of "liminality" is where learning, creativity and growth happen. While rigid adherence to a jaundiced philosophy of life, though common, is pathological. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=rigidity
     Instead of rigidly closing down in the face of uncertainty, we can thrive in our complex, ever-changing reality using a very different approach: bravery, curiosity, openness, resilience, perseverance and love. We can intentionally, progressively let go of fear-based rigidity, and learn to live vibrantly, embracing life as it is. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2015/04/heart-mind-porousness-meditation.html

Gretel

#659 Do We Have It All Backwards?

     We (particularly men) rigidly pretend that happiness, our very survival, is entirely under our control. How? By surrounding ourselves metaphorically with a perfect semi-permeable membrane that keeps bad stuff out & pulls good stuff in. Many of us are obsessive doormen. Such a simple boundary, between a separate 'self' and a foreign, hostile environment, may be OK for amoebas, but ... 

     As we mature, we gradually release this illusion of control. Increasingly we recognize how deep quality of life is found in embracing every aspect of life - "the full catastrophe" - with an open heart-mind. Mindfulness practice is about consciously, intentionally maturing, coming home to our full potential, right now.
     Rather than anxiously flipping back & forth between aversion & craving, we gradually stabilize awareness, acceptance, spaciousness, ease & love. 


     No Boundaries: http://www.johnlovas.com/2012/01/healing-growth.html
     Wise Aging: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=aging

lewynn   www.dpreview.com

#645 Eyes, Mind, Heart - OPEN

               "The important thing,
               is not to stop questioning."                                 Einstein

     Our self-concept and worldview can too easily become small, rigid, fossilized. Yet there's so much to learn in this life. It's a terrible waste giving up on discovering 'who I am' and 'what's going on'. Curiosity, openness of mind and heart provide a vastly different life than shrinking into fear.

#629 Curiosity, Waking up

     "To consider that you might play a part in your own difficulties is like a loss of innocence.
     Loss of innocence comes with some advantages though, the main one being self-knowledge. If you no longer believe that the problem is entirely outside, you can be curious. If you are curious about your thoughts, then your thoughts become hypotheses, which you can test. You don't have to believe your thoughts or the conclusions and fears that go with them.
     This is thrilling but also deeply disturbing, because you thought you were your thoughts, and now you begin to suspect that you are not. In which case, who are you? Who is thinking? Being curious - about who you are and your part in your life - is a first step. But into what? Probably into a meditation practice."

       John Tarrant. "Hidden in Plain Sight. The truth is hidden in the last place we look - the moment that's happening to us right now. That's why we meditate." Shambhala Sun, March 2015

#627 Foolish Behaviour & Identity

     Some of our behaviors obviously run contrary to our own long-term interests. And yet we cling tightly to our self-sabotaging behaviour patterns!
     How many times have you heard someone point out another's repeated self-defeating behaviour, only to be answered immediately with a defensive angry outburst: "but that's who I am!!"
     Most of us identify with our behaviour patterns, including those that are seriously damaging. Why? Because the pattern of our self-talk, thoughts, & behaviour is perhaps the most stable of all phenomena. Everything changes, but we can pretty well fossilize a rigid personality for life - at a huge cost to our quality of life. So we pretend that our own foolish behaviour patterns are "solid & reliable" in an otherwise mysterious, constantly shifting, evolving universe.
     We can do much better than that. We can constantly monitor our own self-talk, thoughts, speech & behaviour to see if these are appropriate & beneficial to the present moment and for our own & others' long-term happiness. If not, we can accept it, let it go, and choose to think, speak or act more wisely.
               If it's not helpful, do less of it;
               If it's helpful, do more of it.
     This is mindful practice and it's result: psychological flexibility. Psychological flexibility permits steady gradual evolution in consciousness, and thus wiser thoughts, speech & behaviour. 
     One's identity is neither solid, nor unchanging - it can & should evolve, throughout life, and not be held down in dysfunction. Advice during meditation about letting go of words and images, and remaining appropriate to the task in front of us, applies equally to "self-image". Many wise people have advised that we forget "the self" and concentrate on being kind. Of course this does not endorse self-neglect or self-abuse. However, being overly concerned about the 'self' guarantees suffering, while helping others consistently brings happiness & joy.

Halifax colors

#578 Civilized Behavior?

     It's quite amazing how differently some people describe themselves from how they actually behave - fail to "walk the talk." And they may actually believe at least some of what they're saying.
     High, rigidly-held, often loudly-professed moral & other standards, are difficult to live up to. So we may try, but keep falling short, and can't tolerate the disconnect. Therefore, we suppress the disconnect, to ourselves & others, any way we can. 
     The greater the disconnect, the less self-respect we have. Others see our hypocrisy far more clearly than we allow ourselves to see it. Hypocrites don't fit in civilized society. Whether living in a small tribe or in today's global village, one's reputation as a dependable, beneficial part of the community is everything. Living a divided life is miserable on all levels. The fact is, we can't ever truly get away with anything!
     Rigidity & perfectionism are serious psychological handicaps. Lying is a rampant social disease.

     Mindfulness training is about learning to see things - including ourselves - clearly, with kind acceptance, no matter what we see. In this wise way, we can let go of all dysfunctional coping strategies, and start living a congruent, undivided life. This is civilized.

#564 Curious, Open - not Gullible

     Mindfulness is not about dogmas, nor any other form of rigidity.

     "... challenge all teachings ...
     There's a lot of baloney out there. Years ago, a wonderful Hindu teacher ... said, 'The longer the beard, the bigger the fake.' And he, himself, had a beard that almost touched the floor.'"
       Larry Rosenberg. Three Steps to Awakening. A Practice for Bringing Mindfulness to Life. Shambhala, Boston, 2013. 

     Mindfulness is about trying practices found to relieve suffering and bring about peace and joy, and seeing what effect these may have on your life.
     If these improve the quality of your life, do them more. If, after a reasonable trial period, they don't, make sure you're doing them properly. If you're still getting nowhere, try something else. You may (or may not) return to mindfulness practices at a later point in life.
     An excellent approach to statements that seem novel or difficult to understand, is to let them sit, in the back of your mind, as open questions. Their meanings may gradually unfold by themselves.
     Research shows that being open and curious (psychological flexibility) has many, profound benefits over it's alternative (rigidity). 

     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/01/18-normal-human-development.html

#512 Complex Reality & Simplistic Certainty

     When we observe highly energized people "on a mission", they're absolutely certain that what they're about to do, or are doing, is 100% right, must be done, and immediately. Even infamous people, who create tremendous suffering, can remain steadfastly certain that what they did was right & reasonable. See: Burton RA. “On being certain. Believing you are right even when you’re not.” St. Martin’s Griffin, NY, 2008.
     Rigid, black-or-white, dichotomous thinking like this is characteristic of teens, people under great stress, or adults whose psychosocial development has arrested. It's very attractive (yet deluded) to be certain about things in a very complex, constantly changing world, filled with ambiguity. This is what attracts people to dictators, hellfire & brimstone religious groups, cults, gangs etc. The overriding fear of complexity will keep many such folks staunchly ignoring mounting evidence that their dogmas are irrational.
     After sufficient life experience, most of us prefer to employ freedom of choice based on mature judgment. Constantly gathering up-to-date information about what's most appropriate in the present moment is just sensible, iterative learning. We need to be aware, flexible, & humble enough to keep learning from, adapting to, & growing with, reality.

tr4driver   www.dpreview.com

#456 Awakening to Things as They Are

     We progressively awaken to the moment-to-moment reactions we have to life by noticing how each reaction is preceded by a felt physical sensation. Two amazingly frequent sensations:
     1) closing off, tightening / hardening of the body - particularly the heart-mind - towards stimuli that we negatively judge. This is aversion or hatred - a rigid, adversarial reaction.
     2) aching hunger - particularly in the gut - towards stimuli we judge to be enticing, desirable. This is craving or clinging - a wanting, wishing, pining away for, desperately desiring to keep reaction.
     In aversion / hatred we're running from / fighting off stuff, in craving / clinging we're running after / desperately hanging-on to stuff, based on the fundamental misunderstanding: that things as they are, are unacceptable. 
     And how actually are things as they are? Fluidly changing, ephemeral - far more like inner transient energies than solid external chunks of matter, that can either be accumulated in our bedrooms, or hauled far away to be buried.
     These are not dogma, simply observations at a given stage of mindfulness meditation practice. From a Western psychological perspective, it represents a normal, healthy shift from rigidity towards psychological flexibility & accepting reality.

St. Andrews by John England   http://www.fogforestgallery.ca/bios/bio_england.html

#426 Zone of Learning - Between Can & Can't

     Agency is so important to us, as is the sense of making progress - we'll take anything but stagnation! And yet, unconsciously or consciously, we keep attempting to create a solid unchanging sense of self. Such a self-concept completely contradicts reality - which we experience as a constant flow of change.
     How often do we hear people - including ourselves - say, "Oh I can't do that - that's not me" or "I could never do that" or other ways of expressing a fixed, unchanging, unchangeable concept of a "self"? Of course when we hear someone else say it, it just sounds stupid. Except perhaps when it applies to ourself, we recognize the wisdom behind Henry Ford's famous statement: "Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right!"

     It's absolutely amazing how everything changes when, instead of desperately sticking to our rigid opinions, we choose to be curious, open-minded - psychologically flexible. We do need to remember that, strangely, it's easier to remain stuck in the certainty of something limiting, than to open ourselves up to the reality of constantly arising new possibilities! 
     We practice mindfulness because we know we CAN intentionally evolve our consciousness to more effectively meet life's many challenges.
      See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/09/181-healthy-maturation.html

#421 Clarity is Surprisingly Fresh

     Sometimes we're swept up and carried away emotionally with the momentum of the moment. We may ascribe it to going with our feelings or with the flow, but in fact, we're just being impulsive, ignoring most of our other faculties or intelligences - often with negative results. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." It's a bit like getting a tattoo while drunk.
     On the other end of the spectrum, sometimes we get derailed by ignoring most of our other faculties or intelligences and instead of going with emotions, we rely entirely on linear thinking. We allow an insignificant detail, even a single word or phrase to completely turn us off an otherwise reasonable, convincing story or plan of action. All we can think of is how we find one particular detail completely unacceptable. One small item trips the fuse, and we can't go forward. This is an example of black-or-white thinking, being overly critical, using a legal-eagle approach out of context. Example: not being able to enjoy an otherwise wonderful symphony because we couldn't tolerate (our impression of) the first violinist's attitude.
     Mindfulness is somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. The equanimity that develops from mindfulness practice allows seeing external as well as internal events objectively, in perspective, in a balanced manner. Seeing things as if for the first time, with curiosity, with a "beginner's mind" are not slogans, nor even aspirations, but the natural results of mindfulness training. It's inevitable that we keep noticing & dropping distortions. It's inevitable that with practice, we perceive progressively more clearly. Our perceptions become more and more direct. Clarity is surprising and fine.

minzaw   www.dpreview.com

#392 BOTH Anxious, Confused, Reactive - AND - Calm, Clear-minded, Wise

     We gradually let go of rigid black-or-white dualistic thinking as we become aware of infinite shades between extremes. As we broaden our intellectual & emotional horizons (gain psychological flexibility), we increasingly appreciate our own & others' weaknesses AND strengths.
     Seeing another's weakness opens our hearts to fellow human beings who, like all of us, are carrying heavy burdens.
     Seeing another's strength inspires us, knowing that we ourselves also have at least some of that very same capacity.

     Wisdom involves clearly seeing & compassionately accepting imperfection, while at the same time, resting in awareness & nurturing inherent wholeness. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/09/393-awareness-acceptance-dwelling-in.html

     "Therapeutic presence is the atmosphere for attending to the person's pain and vulnerability, while engaging their inner resiliency and wholeness."
       Palmer PJ, Zajonc A. The heart of higher education: A call to renewal. Transforming the academy through collegial conversation. Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, 2010.

  Muck AND Beauty

#367 Discovering & Manifesting our Innate Goodness & Wisdom

     “We do not have to improve ourselves; we just have to let go of what blocks our heart. When our heart is free from the contractions of fear, anger, grasping, & confusion, the spiritual qualities we have tried to cultivate manifest in us naturally. They are our true nature, and they spontaneously shine in our consciousness whenever we let go of the rigid structures of our identity.”               Jack Kornfield

     "Spirituality" (like "faith" & "religion") have a checkered history. Currently, in healthcare, attempts are being made to engage the valuable (while avoiding the divisive) aspects of these universally potent paradigms.
     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/10/critical-spirituality-is-way-of-naming.html
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/02/spirituality-in-health-care_28.html
       and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/03/faith.html 

Frenchfx   www.dpreview.com