“To the ‘practical man’ the [philosophical questions] may seem irrelevant. But in fact they are not. It is in the light of our beliefs about the ultimate nature of reality that we formulate our conceptions of right and wrong; and it is in the light of our conceptions of right and wrong that we frame our conduct, not only in the relations of private life, but also in the sphere of politics and economics. So far from being irrelevant, our metaphysical beliefs are the finally determining factor in all our actions.” Aldous Huxley in Ends and Means
Dana Sawyer “Huston Smith: Wisdomkeeper. Living the World’s Religions. The Authorized Biography of a 21st Century Spiritual Giant.” Fons Vitae, Louisville, KY, 2014
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| Gretel |
Some of our behaviors obviously run contrary to our own long-term interests. And yet we cling tightly to our self-sabotaging behaviour patterns!
How many times have you heard someone point out another's repeated self-defeating behaviour, only to be answered immediately with a defensive angry outburst: "but that's who I am!!"
Most of us identify with our behaviour patterns, including those that are seriously damaging. Why? Because the pattern of our self-talk, thoughts, & behaviour is perhaps the most stable of all phenomena. Everything changes, but we can pretty well fossilize a rigid personality for life - at a huge cost to our quality of life. So we pretend that our own foolish behaviour patterns are "solid & reliable" in an otherwise mysterious, constantly shifting, evolving universe.
We can do much better than that. We can constantly monitor our own self-talk, thoughts, speech & behaviour to see if these are appropriate & beneficial to the present moment and for our own & others' long-term happiness. If not, we can accept it, let it go, and choose to think, speak or act more wisely.
If it's not helpful, do less of it;
If it's helpful, do more of it.
This is mindful practice and it's result: psychological flexibility. Psychological flexibility permits steady gradual evolution in consciousness, and thus wiser thoughts, speech & behaviour.
One's identity is neither solid, nor unchanging - it can & should evolve, throughout life, and not be held down in dysfunction. Advice during meditation about letting go of words and images, and remaining appropriate to the task in front of us, applies equally to "self-image". Many wise people have advised that we forget "the self" and concentrate on being kind. Of course this does not endorse self-neglect or self-abuse. However, being overly concerned about the 'self' guarantees suffering, while helping others consistently brings happiness & joy.
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| Halifax colors |
When we compare a homeless alcoholic guzzling the handiest liquid intoxicant (including mouthwash, hair tonic, etc), with a sophisticated wine connoisseur, we tend to identify with the latter.
For one, it's all about becoming intoxicated as quickly as possible - mindlessly escaping reality.
For the other, it's all about quality, with little or no intoxication - consciously savouring reality.
All of us can be connoisseurs of our own life! We can carefully monitor the quality of our current thoughts, speech, and behaviours for lasting, timeless quality by asking:
• Do these lead to stress and suffering, or to the end of stress and suffering?
• If these lead to stress, are they necessary?
• If not necessary, why do these again?
• If these lead to the end of stress, how can I master these as skills? Thanissaro Bhikkhu
