#756 How and Who am I - Right Now? and Now? and Now?

     It's critical to keep tabs on ourself - often. Why? Because we drift & get lost - a LOT!

     "… studies on attentiveness show that people are only briefly & unpredictably attentive. Attention habitually diverts to unrelated thoughts & feelings, leaving any task at hand to be managed 'on autopilot.' These studies suggest that mindlessness ('mind wandering,' 'zoning out,' 'task-unrelated thought') is 'one of the most ubiquitous & pervasive of all cognitive phenomena' and that it often occurs unintentionally, without awareness, occupies a substantial proportion of our day, and leads to failures in task performance." Lovas JG, Lovas DA, Lovas PM. Mindfulness and Professionalism in Dentistry. J Dent Educ 2008; 72(9): 998-1009.
     And that doesn't even mention wallowing & catastrophizing - our addiction to the re-runs of the never-ending-story-of-me!

     So, CHECK IN - often & regularly: 

1. Where am I physically - right here & now?
This is to actually "land" from thought-world, to reality. 

2. How am I feeling - Stressed or Peaceful?
If stressed, is this beneficial (functional) in any way, or just conditioning? If your current situation is more appropriately handled peacefully (almost always), can I accept & gently release stress with self-compassion?

3. Can I shift into Authenticity?
Of course you can, no question. As soon as you let go of being stress - not feeling or having stress, but stress-as-an-identity - you return to being authenticity. Authenticity - who you are & have always been - is still, silent, at peace, and spacious enough to hold any & all of life's challenges, including your young frightened part ("poor,  hurt, needy me"), with unshakable equanimity & grace.
     This young part is a very small, temporary part, that reflects the effects of traumas & conditioning. It's nowhere near your actual identity, which is inconceivably vast. Don't take your young part so personally, so seriously! Hold it lovingly BUT lightly. Your authenticity is vast, fluid & completely untouched by life's inevitable ups & downs: gain & loss, status & disgrace, censure & praise, pleasure & pain. 
     Your authenticity can be compared to a wise, loving, nurturing grandparent or wise elder. Your young part can be compared to a three-year-old grandchild. The two have vastly different depths, scopes & capacities.  
     Who you really are is spacious enough to easily hold your young, beat-up part in safety & unconditional love. BE authenticity.

     “Inner peace doesn't come from getting what we want, but from remembering who we are.” Marianne Williamson

 

#755 Peril and Possibility

     “I have come to see that mental states are also ecosystems. These sometimes friendly and at times hazardous terrains are natural environments embedded in the greater system of our character. I believe it is important to study our inner ecology so that we can recognize when we are on the edge, in danger of slipping from health into pathology. And when we do fall into the less habitable regions of our minds, we can learn from these dangerous territories. Edges are places where opposites meet. Where fear meets courage and suffering meets freedom. Where solid ground ends in a cliff face. Where we can gain a view that takes in so much more of our world. And where we need to maintain great awareness, lest we trip and fall. 
     Our journey through life is one of peril and possibility – and sometimes both at once. How can we stand on the threshold between suffering and freedom and remain informed by both worlds? With our penchant for dualities, humans tend to identify either with the terrible truth of suffering or with freedom from suffering. But I believe that excluding any part of the larger landscape or our lives reduces the territory of our understanding.
     I have come to see the profound value of taking in the whole landscape of life and not rejecting or denying what we are given. I have also learned that our waywardness, difficulties, and ‘crises’ might not be terminal obstacles. They can actually be gateways to wider, richer internal and external landscapes. If we willingly investigate our difficulties, we can fold them into a view of reality that is more courageous, inclusive, emergent, and wise – as have many others who have fallen over the edge. 
     Over the years, I slowly became aware of five internal and interpersonal qualities that are keys to a compassionate and courageous life, and without which we cannot serve, nor can we survive. Yet if these precious resources deteriorate, they can manifest as dangerous landscapes that cause harm. I call these bivalent qualities Edge States.
     The Edge States are altruism, empathy, integrity, respect, and engagement, assets of a mind and heart that exemplify caring, connection, virtue, and strength.”
       Joan Halifax. “Standing at the Edge. Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet.” Flatiron Books, 2018.

Stefan Draschan photograph

#750 Comfortable Numbness vs Authenticity

     "To break through our comfort, our ease, our behavioral patterns, our habits, the power of our environmental instructions that we all receive from childhood to the present. It takes something powerful to cut through that and get our attention. 
     I often think of Tolstoy's novella that was published in 1885, 'The Death of Ivan Ilyich.' Ivan Ilyich is a common name, sort of like John Johnson, and it's about a person who lived wholly according to the dictates of his time and place. He went to the right school, he espoused the right attitudes, he married the right person, he lived in the right neighborhood, he practiced the career ladder. Nothing ever interrupted the flow of his life as it was supposed to be, until one day he has a pain in his side. The pain doesn't go away, and it turns out to be a terminal illness. After going through the five stages that Kubler-Ross later identified in the 20th century of denial first, and then anger at the interruption, and then bargaining, and then despair, he reaches acceptance in the final hours of his life. After he passes away, everybody around him is indifferent because it was about John Johnson, not about me. 
     Of course, what Tolstoy was suggesting is, again, here's a person who got his appointment, and paradoxically, probably lived a more authentic life in those final days and hours than all the rest of those years put together. (see 'Post-Traumatic Growth' literature)
     So it is for all of us: there's so much of our life that's routinized, and patterned, and goal directed—again, often good goals. At the same time, the psyche has another point of view, and when it wishes to, it will break through. I think [the word] 'summons' is both reflecting the intensity of that encounter with one's own soul, and also that it brings with it an accountability. If you get a summons from a court or a lawyer, you have to pay attention, and if you don't pay attention, there are going to be consequences."

James Hollis: "A Summons to a Deeper Life." 65min interview (podcast) with Tami Simon.
https://www.soundstrue.com/store/weeklywisdom?page=single&category=IATE&episode=13007&utm_source=bronto&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=N180304-WW&utm_content=This+Week:+Featuring+James+Hollis,+Joanna+Macy,+and+Karen+Brody

awakeningartsacademy.com

#739 Changing States - in Meditation & Psychotherapy

     During formal sitting meditation practice, we become aware of the many different states of mind that we encounter - like the endless parade of cloud formations floating by in the vast blue sky. Some of these states may be discontinuous with the ones that preceded and follow it. It is not just that we feel more or less, or better or worse: the way we go about feeling may be qualitatively different.
     Of course meditation doesn't cause such changes directly, we are simply able to observe our mind more clearly in the laboratory-like conditions of meditation practice. The statement, "Awareness in and of itself is healing" by psychiatrist Fritz Perls is intriguing.

     I strongly suspect that the state changes meditators experience are similar to what patients experience during accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy (AEDP), the major difference being the manner in which therapists and meditation teachers recognize & deal with these changes.

     In AEDP, "State 1 functioning" is described as being "dominated by defenses and inhibiting affects, such as shame and fear, which block the person’s direct contact with his or her own emotional experience. ... Aloneness in the face of overwhelming emotions is seen in AEDP as being at the root of psychopathology."
Meditators readily recognize this very common state as restlessness, distractedness, "monkey mind." Why do we compulsively try to escape the present moment? Safety issues? Is some history of trauma almost universal? The harder we push against all these forms of 'resistance' to meditation, the more struggles we create for ourselves - "What we resist, persists!" Gradually we discover that acceptance, and gentle perseverance are the keys.
     In AEDP "State 2, with defenses and inhibiting affects (minimized), the patient is viscerally in touch with bodily-rooted emotional experience. ... patient and therapist ... working together to help the patient access, deepen, regulate, and work through emotional experiences until their adaptive action tendencies can be released. Instead of feeling disrupted and overwhelmed by emotions, the patient, aliveness enhanced, feels stronger and more resilient."  
Meditators intentionally accept the physical feel of emotions, either generating curiosity & leaning in towards it and using it as the object of meditation ('physical processing'); or if its too aversive, letting the physical feel be for now, returning to the primary object of meditation ('touch-and-go').
     In AEDP "State 3 - core state, the patient has a subjective sense of 'truth' and a heightened sense of authenticity and vitality; very often, so does the therapist. As in state 2, defenses or anxiety are absent in the core state. But whereas the turbulence of intense emotions defines state 2, calm, clarity, and centeredness prevail in state 3. Work with core state phenomena culminates in the assertion of personal truth and strengthening of the individual’s core identity and sense of (true) self. In core state, AEDP joins with spiritual traditions and traditions of mindfulness."  
Meditators mercifully do encounter periods of effortlessness & joy during practice. This is usually temporary, though the trajectory is toward a state that is progressively less dependent on the constantly changing, & largely uncontrollable, external circumstances. "When all the layers of false identity have been stripped off, there is no longer any version of that old self. What is left behind is pure consciousness (rigpa). That is our original being. That is our true identity."  Anam Thubten


       Diana Fosha. "Quantum Transformation in Trauma and Treatment: Traversing the Crisis of Healing Change." J Clin Psychol: In Session 2006; 62: 569–583. 
       AEDP overview with Diana Fosha: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HasX4sW3mRw

Courtesy of Buddha Doodles www.BuddhaDoodles.shop

#730 Excellence: Loving Awareness, Gratitude & Self-reflection

     Perhaps the most common misunderstanding about mindfulness is that it doesn't work in the "real world" (of competing, adversarial egos). Our ego insists, not surprisingly, that the only way to "win" is by being self-centered (noisy ego, egocentric), on autopilot (fear-based reactivity, brain stem), and ignoring our mind-heart (prefrontal cortex).
     But as we gradually mature with age, or are forced to rapidly mature (see Post-traumatic Growth: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=post-traumatic+growth) we directly experience the truth that the only real success is authenticity. And authenticity is what's left after all our conditioned defensive & offensive reactivity drops off. 
     Let's see how Lionel made out with authenticity in the "real world":

     Lionel Sanders of Windsor, Ontario, overcomes addiction & sets a new world record in perhaps the most challenging of human sporting events - the Ironman Competition, completing the grueling triathlon in 7 hours, 44 minutes, 32 seconds.
     Carol Off: It's just an absolutely remarkable story in every way — including how you got into it. Can you give your secret? What do you have to do? What do you have to have in your psyche and in your body in order to do this?
     Lionel Sanders: Sure. I think the biggest thing has been that I really try and cultivate love for what I am doing and a passion for what I'm doing. And the day-to-day training, I don't dread it. I love every minute of it. And it wasn't always that way, you know. But I always try and put into perspective of just how much of a privilege this is — just to have the use of your body. So I always cultivate that. And that brings a certain level of awareness and presence to my day-to-day training, which allows me to push my limits. And then as well, I would say the other thing is after every race, I try and look at it objectively — the bad ones in particular — and I try figure out a way to correct all the things I did wrong. And I do that after every single race, and I'll do that after this race as well. And there was still lots of things that I could improve upon for the next time around.

     CBC Radio's As It Happens, interview by Carol Off: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-tuesday-edition-1.3861211/ontario-s-lionel-sanders-overcomes-addiction-sets-new-ironman-world-record-1.3861212

Courtesy of Lionel Sanders

#728 Who's the busiest, most stressed-out, most exhausted?

     Don't we want to be talked about with admiration: "Oh, she's SO busy!" How many of us are workaholics, with tremendous drive & stamina, mostly wasted on busy-ness, spinning our wheels, trying to prove to ourselves & others how hard we work, how important & indispensable we are?

          “Do not confuse motion and progress.
          A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress."            Alfred A. Montapert 

 
     Then there's "non-doing" - the sense of rightness & effortlessness, arising from authenticity & congruence. It happens when behavior is skillful, decreasing suffering & increasing happiness long-term for oneself & others. There's no inner conflict, friction or noise, only silence, stillness, peace. The ego is quiet, allo- & ecocentric (rather than egocentric). Centeredness.

 

Fall in Halifax

#711 Who Am I Really?

     “Today, we tend to live within an ethos of authenticity. We tend to believe that the ‘true self’ is whatever is most natural and untutored. That is, each of us has a certain sincere way of being in the world, and we should live our life being truthful to that authentic inner self, not succumbing to the pressures outside of ourself. To live artificially, with a gap between your inner nature and your outer conduct, is to be deceptive, cunning, and false.”
       David Brooks "The Road to Character." Random House, NY, 2015. 

     The refrain "I've got to be me", and Paul Anka's song (made famous by Frank Sinatra) "I did it my way" is very much like Brooks' statement above. The question arises: is our true nature simply equivalent to our egoic tendencies?

     A fascinating statement from a senior Zen teacher: 
          "You're perfect as you are.
           Try harder!"

#709 Simply Natural

www.elephantjournal.com

#708 Authenticity, Safety AND Courage

     Authenticity is an absolute requirement for peace of mind and real life satisfaction. Yet, we rarely express honestly who we are & our core values. Too often we feel that who we really are would be unwelcome - even unsafe, to share with colleagues, friends or even family.
     The mind-numbing "comfort zone" is where we tend to languish. A lot of unhealthy pressure builds up from "living a lie", so we "act out", causing ourselves & others untold suffering.
     A number of "safe places" have been created to allow people to speak from their heart: sweat lodges, talking circles, individual and group psychotherapy sessions, truth and reconciliation events, restorative justice processes, support groups, Balint groups for physicians, etc. But these are only safety vents, not living an undivided life.

      Living authentically - thriving - happens at our growing edge. So it demands courage and energy to show up there. Living an authentic life is all about showing up, over & over & over again, at our growing edge, with an open heart-mind.
     A wonderful example of one person's courageous resolve to live authentically is beautifully explored in the 2014 documentary by and about Lacey Schwartz: "Little White Lie", available on Netflix and iTunes.

Lacey Schwartz - Photo: Nicholas Calcott

 

#702 The Best Defense is ... What?

     The idea that the best defense is a strong offense might explain some peoples' apparent unprovoked aggressiveness. They seem to be yelling: "Don't mess with me, I'm bad!" Maybe fear cowers behind facades of aggressive posturing. And don't we all, to a lesser degree, at least think, and perhaps speak with some hostility?
     So why is there so much defensiveness? Would there be any if we had all received perfect unconditional love from day one? Perhaps behavior is conditioned by all - remembered & forgotten - past experiences. So maybe nothing is completely unprovoked - the present situation may just be stirring up an old wound.
     For me, the most impressive individual is authentic, open and decent. Such (rare) people have dropped their offensive-defensiveness ball & chain. They're able to simply connect directly - one human being to another. I suspect they began with self-observation & self-acceptance, which then spread to acceptance of others. Awareness & acceptance nurtures unconditional love, authenticity & peace.

#687 Worldview AND Behavior

     “To the ‘practical man’ the [philosophical questions] may seem irrelevant. But in fact they are not. It is in the light of our beliefs about the ultimate nature of reality that we formulate our conceptions of right and wrong; and it is in the light of our conceptions of right and wrong that we frame our conduct, not only in the relations of private life, but also in the sphere of politics and economics. So far from being irrelevant, our metaphysical beliefs are the finally determining factor in all our actions.”                                Aldous Huxley in Ends and Means

       Dana Sawyer “Huston Smith: Wisdomkeeper. Living the World’s Religions. The Authorized Biography of a 21st Century Spiritual Giant.” Fons Vitae, Louisville, KY, 2014

Gretel

#678 Each Moment is Brand New & Unique - Is Your Response?

      Each moment presents an absolutely new, absolutely unique, never-to-be-repeated set of circumstances, to which we're asked to respond in an absolutely brand new unique open fashion. Can we be absolutely fresh, authentic & true to what is?

     Each moment holds incredible freedom of choice & creative potential, as long as we are the very energy of an alert, loving, spacious, open heart-mind. Can we be fully alive?

Fire juggler in front of the Basilica of the Sacre Coeur, Montmartre

#674 No Time to BE Mindful ???

     "Definitions of mindfulness ... focus upon a number of qualities

          (a) a deliberate intention to pay attention to momentary experience, 

          (b) a marked distinction from normal, everyday modes of consciousness, 

          (c) a clear focus on aspects of active investigation of moment-to-moment experience, 

          (d) continuity of a precise, dispassionate, non-evaluative, and sustained moment-to-moment awareness of immediate experience, and 

          (e) an attitude of openness, acceptance, kindness, curiosity and patience."

       Hofmann FG, Grossman P, Hinton DE. "Loving-Kindness and Compassion Meditation: Potential for Psychological Interventions." Clin Psychol Rev. 2011 November ; 31(7): 1126–1132. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2011.07.003. 

     Since we tend to live "in our heads", theories are important, too important. We don't really consider BEING mindful in our own daily, moment-by-moment life - at least not now, maybe later, when we're not so busy ...... 

     Even sincere young people taking & apparently "enjoying" an 8-week MBSR course typically "don't get the chance" to practice between classes, often "get too busy" & drop out before finishing the course, and "don't get around" to filling out a one-page course evaluation.

     But mindfulness is NOT THEORETICAL, and it's not just another "add-on" to one's overcrowded litany of stuff to get done.  

     Mindfulness is about actually living RIGHT NOW within our most evolved operating system, with an open heart-mind. How can we not have time to live optimally?

How To Enter?

 

#637 Inevitably

     "He made me so mad", "I had no choice in the matter - I had to do it" ... The longer we live, the less we believe such excuses.
     Nobody, no circumstance can force us to abandon our own authentic nature. We keep dropping internal friction, inner noise, needless suffering. We keep simplifying till we return home to our core essence: loving conscious energy.

Seaport Market, Halifax, Nova Scotia, February 7, 2015

#616 Meaningful Living

     "What moves us to serve humanity, to achieve meaningful change, is genuine empathy; the capacity to feel the pain of others, to experience an intimate shared humanity, to accept discomfort and sacrifice in the path of a greater cause. In entering an authentic communion with others, we also discover a profound expression of our own dignity."

       Payam Akhavan, from the 2014 Vancouver Human Rights Lecture, "Beyond Human Rights: Building a World on Empathy."
       CBC radio interview: http://www.cbc.ca/ideas/episodes/2015/01/06/beyond-human-rights-1/

srb7109   www.dpreview.com

#592 MY Choice - moment by moment

     Is love flowing through? Is there clarity, peace, silence, timelessness, stillness, kindness, lightness? Is an effortless process at play?

     If not, how long do I allow estrangement from authenticity? My mind-body tells me, moment-by-moment, precisely what's happening - heaven or hell.

     Listen well. My quality of life is MY choice alone.

#432 "I try, and I try, ... but I can't get No Satisfaction"

     "The desire for a more meaningful and authentic existence may be experienced as a vague sense of longing that cannot be satisfied by the attainment of external ego goals. Once the transitory nature of egoic satisfactions has been recognized, whether they are in the realm of material possessions, personal achievement, or interpersonal relationships, attention may be turned to inner development in a search for deeper meaning.
     Carl Jung suggested that the first half of life was appropriately devoted to external accomplishments and the development of ego, while the second half should be devoted to the inward journey and letting go of ego. Although healthy ego functioning may precede confrontation with existential issues in healthy human development, it appears that the process is not necessarily chronologically sequential. Ego development may be satisfactorily completed in early childhood, and a call to inner development can be experienced at any age. It is no longer necessary to make a choice between devoting oneself exclusively to outer or inner development. On the contrary, it appears that optimum well-being demands both. Perhaps if the inner life were not so badly neglected in the educational system, there would be less need for remedial work in psychotherapy in order to redress the balance between inner and outer development.  
     When inner experience has been ignored or repressed throughout adolescence & early adulthood, it can become a source of considerable pain, anguish, & existential despair. 
     If, on the other hand, existential concerns can be acknowledged in conjunction with one's work in the world, one may discover inner resources for guidance, inspiration & deep satisfaction that transcend the boundaries of isolated individual existence."

        Vaughn F. The Inward Arc. Healing in Psychotherapy and Spirituality. iUniverse.com Inc, Lincoln NE, 1995, 2000. 

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/10/408-deterioration-and-improvement-both.html

tko   www.dpreview.com

#342 WHO IS THAT BURIED SUBPERSONALITY?

     Remember the "you", who at age 18, boldly told close friends how you were going to change the world?
     That VERY SAME YOU periodically reappears, quite unexpectedly, when traveling, after a few drinks, or simply among close confidants.
     What happened to the part of you who holds those ideals, those plans to help humanity? What, Who - BURIED your soul - your raison d'être - your true calling?
     IS IT TIME TO BE AUTHENTIC? To live Palmer's "undivided life"? 

     Life really IS a ONE-TIME performance!!!!

     Who am I?
     What is this?

ultimitsu   www.dpreview.com

#240 Adversarial Relationships, Friction, Core Values, & Quality of Life

     Increased sensitivity to physical feelings of inner conflict or friction can be acquired if one is interested and motivated. Like any engine, we don't operate or feel well when there's friction - pitting one thing against another. And what's the basic friction in life? Going after or running away from something that's not worth catching / can't be caught - eg fame, or that can't be escaped / should be experienced instead of avoided - eg doing one's share of work.
     So where's the rub that creates friction? These shallow desires & compulsions conflict with, rub against, our deep universal human core values. When we addictively chase after or run from meaningless fluff, we rub against our own grain - we have an adversarial relationship with our true self. This conflict is impossible to win - no wonder there's so much misery.
     The only possible positive long-term outcome results from going deep within ourselves, learning who we truly are, and ACTING in congruence with & EMBODYING this evolved mature identity or consciousness. When we start living this authentic, meaningful life, the frantic chasing abates on its own, naturally. We come to realize that we are now at home in this body, in this world. This is mindfulness practice.

     There is "a longing for ways of speaking of the human experience of depth, meaning, mystery, moral purpose, transcendence, wholeness, intuition, vulnerability, tenderness, courage, the capacity to love … it arises from the hunger for authenticity, for correspondence between one’s inner and outer lives. … there is a desire to break through into a more spacious and nourishing conception of the common life we all share. … trust, loyalty, and connection, find place and resonance.”
          Parks SD. Big questions, worthy dreams. Mentoring young adults in their search for meaning, purpose, and faith. John Wiley & Sons, San Francisco, 2000.

Seize each Precious Moment to be Authentic