#708 Authenticity, Safety AND Courage

     Authenticity is an absolute requirement for peace of mind and real life satisfaction. Yet, we rarely express honestly who we are & our core values. Too often we feel that who we really are would be unwelcome - even unsafe, to share with colleagues, friends or even family.
     The mind-numbing "comfort zone" is where we tend to languish. A lot of unhealthy pressure builds up from "living a lie", so we "act out", causing ourselves & others untold suffering.
     A number of "safe places" have been created to allow people to speak from their heart: sweat lodges, talking circles, individual and group psychotherapy sessions, truth and reconciliation events, restorative justice processes, support groups, Balint groups for physicians, etc. But these are only safety vents, not living an undivided life.

      Living authentically - thriving - happens at our growing edge. So it demands courage and energy to show up there. Living an authentic life is all about showing up, over & over & over again, at our growing edge, with an open heart-mind.
     A wonderful example of one person's courageous resolve to live authentically is beautifully explored in the 2014 documentary by and about Lacey Schwartz: "Little White Lie", available on Netflix and iTunes.

Lacey Schwartz - Photo: Nicholas Calcott

 

#451 Creativity, Growth, Change ... All Live Here

     Competitive athletes achieve both training effect & winning performances at a potent borderland - past their comfort zone, just short of injury. Creative folks create in this borderland - past the known, just short of chaos. Extreme sports enthusiasts thrive here - past normal safety, just short of recklessness.

     During sitting meditation we ride the energy of this potent borderland directly, without a saddle. In this laboratory of the mind, there are no buffers - no gym equipment, no art materials, no climbing gear - nothing to shield us from the raw energy of life - the "anxious quiver of being" - the "growing edge."
     Releasing the mundane, resting effortlessly in the timeless present, alert, curious, energized, at home in liminality. This is mindfulness practice.

#447 Shutting Down instead of Growing, Learning

     While it's relatively easy to think & talk about various physical or psychosocial capacities, embodying these is a qualitatively distinct matter - see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/445-barriers-limits-ceilings-friction.html
     It's both fascinating and sad to see someone shut down, while I'm talking to them about a level for which they're not ready. Their eyes suddenly loose sparkling aliveness - like blinds suddenly dropping to quickly cover the scene beyond their status quo. Retreat to safety is their sudden silent cry. Though they may continue to agree, it's a dull, lifeless agreement which means "no".
     Skillful teaching, mentoring, coaching, psychotherapy, etc involves helping people feel safe while experiencing liminality - their growing edge. This is exceedingly challenging, because people normally feel vulnerable, exposed, out of control here. The resultant fear often leads to simple avoidance - "shut down," but can even manifest as anger & aggression - see: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/02/control-and-liminality.html
     A good educator requires many of the same qualities & skills a good psychotherapist possesses. Students, especially today, have extremely fragile egos, which makes learning particularly traumatic for them and thus may well project this outwardly, misperceiving educators as adversaries.
      Students with the will & skills to succeed 
1) recognize their own boundaries, & do not mistake these for solid, permanent barriers; 
2) do not mistake educators, therapists etc as enemies, but recognize them as collaborators; 
3) confidently, persistently, keep opening up to more & more broadly encompassing knowledge.

#369 Ready for Change?

     "According to the transtheoretical model of change readiness for change is represented across a continuum, from 

precontemplation (denial or minimization of a problem),

contemplation (considering making change), 

action (actively engaged in change), and 

maintenance (efforts taken to maintain changes already made)."

       Jakupcak M et al. Readiness for change predicts VA Mental Healthcare utilization among Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans. J Trauma Stress 2013; 26(1): 165-8.