#708 Authenticity, Safety AND Courage

     Authenticity is an absolute requirement for peace of mind and real life satisfaction. Yet, we rarely express honestly who we are & our core values. Too often we feel that who we really are would be unwelcome - even unsafe, to share with colleagues, friends or even family.
     The mind-numbing "comfort zone" is where we tend to languish. A lot of unhealthy pressure builds up from "living a lie", so we "act out", causing ourselves & others untold suffering.
     A number of "safe places" have been created to allow people to speak from their heart: sweat lodges, talking circles, individual and group psychotherapy sessions, truth and reconciliation events, restorative justice processes, support groups, Balint groups for physicians, etc. But these are only safety vents, not living an undivided life.

      Living authentically - thriving - happens at our growing edge. So it demands courage and energy to show up there. Living an authentic life is all about showing up, over & over & over again, at our growing edge, with an open heart-mind.
     A wonderful example of one person's courageous resolve to live authentically is beautifully explored in the 2014 documentary by and about Lacey Schwartz: "Little White Lie", available on Netflix and iTunes.

Lacey Schwartz - Photo: Nicholas Calcott

 

#649 A Sudden Hunger, and then ...

     We often feel a tad over-extended; just outside our comfort zone; just short of coping - in a word, stressed. Nothing major needs to trigger this: our sleeve gets snagged, yanking us back when we're trying to "get ahead"; an inexplicable pain appears; even a brief period with nothing going on, so we're "bored". And sometimes it's not at all clear why we feel "off" or "out of sorts".
     Basically, when we sense that nothing's stoking our fire, we get scared! Will our fire go out? Yes, but please, not now! We start to see that our sense of self (ego) is like an idol that crumbles unless continuously propped-up with positive strokes. We foolishly depend on the solidity of this imaginary idol to feel relatively up, unafraid, oriented, peaceful.
     And how do we typically respond when the idol fails to be catered to by other people and circumstances? A visceral hunger arises - as if our energy were suddenly critically depleted. Annoyance / irritability / anger (born out of fear if we really look closely) may suddenly arise to energize us to bulldoze past life's speed bumps. Then we "get busy", with anything - any distraction will do - the most potent being addictions: junk food, caffeine, prescription meds, busy-work, smartphones, cigarettes, mindless fun, etc!

     Since life does NOT revolve around me (or you), it's actually normal for our individual egos to get random shares of positive, neutral & negative strokes. Though it's not at all personal, we often react as if it were.
     So for practical purposes ie sanity & quality of life, we need to work on letting go of such self-centeredness. If life does not in fact revolve around me, then I should learn to fully accept that, and not take anything personally. Sometimes the sun shines, sometimes the weather's ugly, & sometimes the climate is bland. There's nothing whatsoever personal, when we're getting soaked by rain, beautifully suntanned, or fried by a lightning bolt! 
     A wise meditation teacher once advised: "Only have no preferences!" Of course we usually do have preferences, but what if we hold these very lightly, in a huge container, and seamlessly accept the fact that things mostly turn out differently than we'd like, or even expect! Can we simply be curious, rather than desperately hope that "luck" is "on our side"? Whether we're "lucky" OR "unlucky" this time, does it say anything at all about next time? So perhaps we're not "special" regardless?

     The journey from egocentricity toward allocentricity is the ancient, well-travelled hero's journey towards wisdom and mature happiness.