#649 A Sudden Hunger, and then ...

     We often feel a tad over-extended; just outside our comfort zone; just short of coping - in a word, stressed. Nothing major needs to trigger this: our sleeve gets snagged, yanking us back when we're trying to "get ahead"; an inexplicable pain appears; even a brief period with nothing going on, so we're "bored". And sometimes it's not at all clear why we feel "off" or "out of sorts".
     Basically, when we sense that nothing's stoking our fire, we get scared! Will our fire go out? Yes, but please, not now! We start to see that our sense of self (ego) is like an idol that crumbles unless continuously propped-up with positive strokes. We foolishly depend on the solidity of this imaginary idol to feel relatively up, unafraid, oriented, peaceful.
     And how do we typically respond when the idol fails to be catered to by other people and circumstances? A visceral hunger arises - as if our energy were suddenly critically depleted. Annoyance / irritability / anger (born out of fear if we really look closely) may suddenly arise to energize us to bulldoze past life's speed bumps. Then we "get busy", with anything - any distraction will do - the most potent being addictions: junk food, caffeine, prescription meds, busy-work, smartphones, cigarettes, mindless fun, etc!

     Since life does NOT revolve around me (or you), it's actually normal for our individual egos to get random shares of positive, neutral & negative strokes. Though it's not at all personal, we often react as if it were.
     So for practical purposes ie sanity & quality of life, we need to work on letting go of such self-centeredness. If life does not in fact revolve around me, then I should learn to fully accept that, and not take anything personally. Sometimes the sun shines, sometimes the weather's ugly, & sometimes the climate is bland. There's nothing whatsoever personal, when we're getting soaked by rain, beautifully suntanned, or fried by a lightning bolt! 
     A wise meditation teacher once advised: "Only have no preferences!" Of course we usually do have preferences, but what if we hold these very lightly, in a huge container, and seamlessly accept the fact that things mostly turn out differently than we'd like, or even expect! Can we simply be curious, rather than desperately hope that "luck" is "on our side"? Whether we're "lucky" OR "unlucky" this time, does it say anything at all about next time? So perhaps we're not "special" regardless?

     The journey from egocentricity toward allocentricity is the ancient, well-travelled hero's journey towards wisdom and mature happiness.

#639 Mindfulness in the Real World

     Many of us, even if we have some mindfulness practice under our belts, underestimate the practical importance and impact of mindfulness on our day-to-day life.
     We (incorrectly) tend to assume that our usual way of being & doing things (ie mindless / autopilot) is practical, effective - "necessary to survive in the real-world".
     Conversely, we (incorrectly) assume that mindfulness is impractical - akin to "being the nice guy" in a world where only SOBs "succeed".
     However, our mindless default state, being egocentric, mostly ignores others, where we are, the present moment - so it's profoundly alienating. Everyone keenly notices whenever we lack interest, attention, caring. There's no engagement, no quality of connection, no quality of life. We may well be seen as irrelevant, burdensome, an energy drain.
     When we're being mindful, others readily perceive our "presence". They feel the vitality of a powerful connection between us: attention, caring, empathy, kindness flows unobstructed. Quality engagement defines interpersonal quality of life. We cultivate a "magnetic personality".
     Mindfulness is a product of sincere, open-hearted practice. It's not easy, but nothing of profound value is.
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=presence

#596 Identity & Self-transcendence

     In mindfulness (MBSR) workshops, we share the experiences we encounter during sitting meditation. Common themes include: struggles with "monkey mind", struggles with sleepiness, struggles with physical discomfort, struggles with restlessness, compulsive planning, obsessing about time-poverty, obsessing about being no good at meditation, etc.

     How do you feel after sharing your particular struggle with the group, and the facilitator suggests mindful ways of addressing your struggle?
     Does it feel like a personal attack? Are you angry? Do you feel "diminished"? If you do, what does it say about YOUR identity?

     Mindfulness training is fundamentally about letting go of limiting ideas about our assumed identity. Mindfulness is a journey of self-transcendence - never easy, but a huge leap if we're struggling with low self-esteem - and many of us are. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/11/painful-mistaken-identity.html
     For those who find mindfulness training traumatically challenging, Western psychotherapy can help create a healthier sense of self first. Perhaps then, mindfulness training can facilitate and gently expedite the normal healthy human evolutionary process of self-transcendence.

#588 To Evolve OR Blame? - THAT is the Question!

     As we start to practice sitting meditation, all sorts of apparent impediments arise: mental, physical & emotional irritations that we blame on the practice, teacher, room, time of day, hunger, noise, weather, work, our own ineptitude ... We find all sorts of excuses for not being able to just sit still.
     Mindfulness practice is a structured process that can enable us, initially, to simply remain aware and accepting while sitting comfortably - how stress-free can we get! The more we train, the more able we are to rest in awareness during increasingly challenging "real-world" situations.
      Paradoxically, the more completely we let go of excessive self-concern ("noisy ego"), the greater our freedom and true happiness. Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" is a powerful study of this universal human process of transformation or evolution of consciousness / heart-mind, found outside of, as well as within, all wisdom traditions.

Winfield Parks, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#583 Sticky Stories are Just Stories, NOT Who I Am

     Stories we continuously tell ourselves differ from what happened in our past, what's happening now, and what will happen. They're not true. The "story of my life" is a mental fabrication, like a recurrent nightmare, NOT a direct readout on reality.
     Direct perception IS a direct readout on reality. This can only happen when we're engaged in real time - perceiving reality, being real, AS actual life rapidly unfolds microsecond-by-microsecond. There's no self-talk, no "thinking about" when we're fully engaged with life.
     We have more in common with heroin junkies than we care to admit. Our "monkey mind" incessantly drops out of reality to spin a story, then, instead of "being real" we literally live in - are cognitively fused with - our story. For the vast majority of our life we live in the trance of our story. Were this story always, or even usually a "good trip", then escaping reality might be understandable, but our stories are usually depressing or riddled with anxiety!
     So why on earth hang onto a miserable story as if my life depended on it? Because we actually believe that my story IS me, who I am, my core identity as a person! No wonder we have self-esteem issues!
     A basic aim in psychotherapy is to effect cognitive defusion - help people let go of this common pathological identification with the nightmarish stories they trap themselves in AND get back to reality. There's a whole movement in psychology studying the problems caused by the "noisy ego", and benefits of the "hypo-egoic state", and ultimately, of transcending the ego.
     Downsizing the ego from its dictatorial stranglehold is an absolute necessity if one wishes to be truly happy in a wise, mature way. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=Wayment

savolio   www.dpreview.com

#579 Opening the Heart-Mind

     "When your children arrive, the best you can hope for is that they break open everything about you. Your mind floods with oxygen. Your heart becomes a room with wide-open windows."

       Amy Poehler "Yes Please." HarperCollins, 2014, excerpted in The Globe and Mail, Nov 1, 2014.

#545 Knowing What Nourishes

     Rarely, life circumstances remain consistently pleasant for a brief period, maybe a day or two. But I don't think we really enjoy, nor thrive, under tepid conditions.
     A physiological level of challenge - one that stimulates our growth & evolution - seems ideal. Periodically, we do appreciate a rest from challenge, but not for long. Our need for a sense of agency and of "getting somewhere", has us seeking challenges.
     This also applies to meditation practice (although "getting somewhere" undergoes quite a shift). Initially, we may start practicing in order to better self-regulate. After we've made some progress managing stress, we delve into self-discovery - who am I? The next challenge - self-liberation.
     See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/03/evolution-of-human-consciousness.html 
     Also: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/07/sitting-in-fire.html

     We are our own personal life coach / sports psychologist. As such, we need to gently, persistently ensure that we travel the path that optimally nourishes our evolution as human beings.
    

Taverna Squarcialupi, Castellina, Chianti, Italy - Fine dining experience

#526 Monitoring My State of Being - Moment-by-Moment

     Awareness of what's going on around us & what's going on inside of us are important components, but nowhere near all of mindfulness. Another vital level of awareness is monitoring our state of being or, in computer jargon, our operating system.
     We've all experienced this unique combination kind / loving, open-hearted, peaceful, silent, still, timeless, hypoegoic / egoless: being with a person or animal we love, performing highly meaningful activity, being in a special place, listening to special music etc.
     We've all also experienced being "stressed-out": fear / anger / anxiety / depression, armored, noise, feeling rattled / shaken, time-poverty, egocentric. If we examine our lives very carefully, the vast majority of our time is spent - to some degree - in this mode.
     Whether we're in the rare open-hearted mode - or - the almost continuous armored mode, we tend to blame external factors entirely. Aside from trying to make the external environment more comfortable & pleasing, we assume we have no control over our quality of life.

     Mindfulness training allows us see clearly & experience directly how WE are ENTIRELY RESPONSIBLE for our own state of being - in which operating system WE CHOOSE to live ie we choose our quality of life independent of external factors.
     You CAN open your mind-heart up to an infinitely greater quality of life.

Puppy Love from: smchealth.org       &       Stressed-Out from: knowmybody.com

#375 Self-development, Self-knowledge, Wisdom & Overcoming Self-centeredness

     "Quests for self-realization, self-actualization, maturity, & autonomy, and even the quest for wisdom might initially be motivated by a desire for a stron­ger self, yet it is precisely through the process of self-development & self­ knowledge that people start to realize the illusory nature of the phenomenal self. 

     The self is not a substance, an unchangeable essence, or an "individual," but a construct that is created through social interaction. According to the liberative model of adult development, the self may be thought of as a construct of attachments & aversions, which need to be transcended. Self-transcendence can be achieved through nonattachment, patience, and in particular self-observation and self-knowledge. A person in search of wisdom will eventually come to the realization that what is conven­tionally called the 'self,' the 'I,' or the 'ego' is an illusion that enables one to construct a stable image of oneself. It is the attachment to the self that creates the ego. Through the practice of self-examination, self-reflection, & mindfulness the ego grows quiet, which allows a glimpse into reality beyond the self and consequently results in greater wisdom.

     It should be noted that wise people's selflessness is not equivalent to low self-esteem or low self-confidence. Maslow even maintained that 'the best way to transcend the ego is via having a strong identity'. A dialectical relationship exists between selflessness and self-knowledge insofar that only individuals who know who they are can over­come their self-centeredness."

         Ardelt M. Self-development through selflessness: The paradoxical process of growing wiser. in Wayment HA, Bauer JJ eds. Decade of behavior. American Psychological Association, Washington, DC, 2008.

     More from Ardelt's chapter: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/07/wisdom-awareness-self-transcendence.html

 

#325 Why Comfort, Pleasure and Happiness are Elusive

     We're becoming increasingly anxious to secure our own personal pleasure, comfort and security from external sources. And, it's not working!
     Wisdom traditions have consistently shown that self-centeredness causes only suffering, and that happiness is an inward journey. Western psychology and philosophy support these ageless truths.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=hypo-ego

Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, Seattle WA

#262 Psychological Flexibility & Flowing with - OR - Rigidity & Crashing against

     The present moment constantly presents us with new challenges and creative opportunities IF we're awake to appreciate them. To be awake, we must be aware AND accepting. A great deal of flexibility is required to constantly accept new challenges, for these challenges are indifferent to our personal preferences. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/04/reality-entitlement.html
     Reality flows, constantly changing, like a river picking up an infinite amount of new stuff from the air, shore, and riverbed, and likewise leaving behind an infinite amount of old stuff. Each of us is somewhat like a cup of water in this massive, rapidly flowing river of life. 
     Other analogies: being a musician in a large orchestra; being a cell in a complex multicellular organism; driving a car during rush hour traffic ("you're not stuck in a traffic jam, you are the traffic jam").
     Clearly we need to be consciously aware of the reality in which we're intimately interwoven. We're completely immersed in and entirely dependent on this one complex ecosystem, which in turn depends on each one of us. Being an intelligent, informed and decent citizen - "team player" - is absolutely NATURAL. Being otherwise eg selfish, thief, liar, counterfeiter, vandal, etc while common, is COMPLETELY UNNATURAL.
     Moment-to-moment we choose, mindfully or mindlessly, to flow with or crash against reality. Each choice impacts everyone, everything, forever - how could it possibly not?

     Humor: "In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal."           Anon

See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=Psychological+flexibility

Tamer by Kristiina Lehtonen   http://www.kristiinalehtonen.fi/index_en.php

#209 Choices, choices, choices ... Moment-by-moment

     You may recall stories or cartoons of a little angel sitting on one shoulder whispering advice to do the right thing, while on the opposite shoulder sits a little devil, whispering the opposite advice into the other ear. Angels and devils notwithstanding, we do, consciously or subconsciously, make innumerable decisions daily. These decisions are often between short-term self interest ("noisy ego") vs long-term interest for all (plain common sense when one is hypo-egoic).
     North American society has traditionally idolized the "self-made" individual, who quickly rises above everyone else to become rich & famous. If we think for a moment in terms of biology and ecology, what type of cell quickly rises to dominate all other cells? Cancer. What impact does it have on the whole body? Is it sustainable?

     Can we progressively become more consciously aware of moment-to-moment choices? Can we progressively choose in the direction of what makes sense for the long-term welfare of us all?

Tangled Garden, Grand Pré, Nova Scotia   http://www.tangledgardenherbs.ca/