#728 Who's the busiest, most stressed-out, most exhausted?

     Don't we want to be talked about with admiration: "Oh, she's SO busy!" How many of us are workaholics, with tremendous drive & stamina, mostly wasted on busy-ness, spinning our wheels, trying to prove to ourselves & others how hard we work, how important & indispensable we are?

          “Do not confuse motion and progress.
          A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress."            Alfred A. Montapert 

 
     Then there's "non-doing" - the sense of rightness & effortlessness, arising from authenticity & congruence. It happens when behavior is skillful, decreasing suffering & increasing happiness long-term for oneself & others. There's no inner conflict, friction or noise, only silence, stillness, peace. The ego is quiet, allo- & ecocentric (rather than egocentric). Centeredness.

 

Fall in Halifax

#689 Two Basic Modes of Being

     Is it possible that we can sense two basic modes of being in this world?
     In one, we take a very broad mature perspective on things, not just horizontally - as things are right now for us & everyone & everything else in the world, but also vertically - taking the past & future into account.
     In the other, we have a very young, narrow, self-centered perspective - fearful, exclusively-about-poor-me.
     The first perspective, does include ourselves - but in a balanced, rational relationship to the whole! 
     The second, is completely egocentric. Totally ignoring our human & non-human ecology - the home which gives life to & sustains our very being - is unsustainable & makes no sense, like thrashing one's home during a "party".

     Can we learn to FEEL which of these two states of being we're inhabiting? 
     Can we keep choosing to embody the one that FEELS healthier?

North Street, Halifax, NS

#681 Enlightened Self-Interest?

     We waste an inordinate amount of our time, energy, and far more than our share of the world's resources, in a desperate, futile attempt to make ourselves happy. Being self-centered at the expense of others & the environment is primitive, simple-minded self-interest. It's very easy to see how foolish this is within a small family, but it takes some wisdom to see its global impact - hence our present-day global meltdown.
     As we progress in our mindfulness practice we gradually become wiser. It becomes progressively more clear that self-concern is not only addictive, but like all other addictions, fails miserably to bring about our happiness. On the contrary, selfishness brings us, and all those around us, suffering. 
     Self-centeredness is a miserable burden, yet, like any addiction, difficult to let go of when it becomes our identity. And self-centeredness is our human default, brain-stem-based, way of dealing with life! Mercifully, a part of our makeup also holds unimaginable potential. One can think of enlightenment as our life journey or path from being a spoiled-rotten kid to a wise loving grandparent.
     The path is rocky, with ups, downs, detours, but with patient, intelligent, persistent mindfulness practice, we absolutely will prevail. And as we pay more & more attention to doing what's right & best for the common good, we realize that we ourselves naturally become more deeply happy, peaceful & content in the process. This is sometimes referred to as "enlightened self-interest" - dropping self-centeredness is, paradoxically, key to one's own happiness.

Montseratt Cemetery, Paris

     

#679 How We Keep Pulling Away from Life

     Very few of us, even if actively trying, can consistently embrace life with an open heart-mind. Why not? 

     We can see the reasons most clearly during sitting meditation. Self-talk, self-comfort, self-preservation, self-promotion - we incessantly, continuously obsess over "me, myself & I", despite the fact that doing so actually guarantees suffering. We observe this most clearly during meditation, but it's something we do all the time!
     Egocentricity, though extremely common, is pathological and unwise, because it does not bring us happiness; nor will it keep us living forever, so we must learn to release this obsessive-compulsive death-grip on the "self"!

     Opening our heart-mind towards the welfare & genuine happiness of others (allocentric), animals, & the environment (ecocentric) is wise, because it does bring everyone, including ourselves, genuine happiness and a meaningful life.

Monet's flowers

#673 Forced to Care about Others, the Big Picture

     "When China burns coal, that pollution doesn't just stay above Chinese skies, nor does nuclear radioactivity from Fukushima stay only in Japanese coastal waters. The same is true generally for humankind and the rest of the natural world: when the ecosystems of the earth become sick, we become sick. In short, the ecological crisis is also a spiritual*** crisis: we are challenged to realize our interdependence - our larger 'self' - or else. What the earth seems to be telling us is Wake up or get out of the way."
       David Loy. "Awakening in the Age of Climate Change." Tricycle, Spring 2015.                               ww.tricycle.com


     *** "spirituality ... ‘the personal quest for understanding answers to ultimate questions about life, about meaning, and about relationship to the sacred or transcendent’."
       Greeson JM et al. "Changes in spirituality partly explain health-related quality of life outcomes after Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction." J Behav Med 2011; 34(6): 508-18.

     Atheists also recognize the critical role of spirituality - see:
       Sam Harris. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014.

#649 A Sudden Hunger, and then ...

     We often feel a tad over-extended; just outside our comfort zone; just short of coping - in a word, stressed. Nothing major needs to trigger this: our sleeve gets snagged, yanking us back when we're trying to "get ahead"; an inexplicable pain appears; even a brief period with nothing going on, so we're "bored". And sometimes it's not at all clear why we feel "off" or "out of sorts".
     Basically, when we sense that nothing's stoking our fire, we get scared! Will our fire go out? Yes, but please, not now! We start to see that our sense of self (ego) is like an idol that crumbles unless continuously propped-up with positive strokes. We foolishly depend on the solidity of this imaginary idol to feel relatively up, unafraid, oriented, peaceful.
     And how do we typically respond when the idol fails to be catered to by other people and circumstances? A visceral hunger arises - as if our energy were suddenly critically depleted. Annoyance / irritability / anger (born out of fear if we really look closely) may suddenly arise to energize us to bulldoze past life's speed bumps. Then we "get busy", with anything - any distraction will do - the most potent being addictions: junk food, caffeine, prescription meds, busy-work, smartphones, cigarettes, mindless fun, etc!

     Since life does NOT revolve around me (or you), it's actually normal for our individual egos to get random shares of positive, neutral & negative strokes. Though it's not at all personal, we often react as if it were.
     So for practical purposes ie sanity & quality of life, we need to work on letting go of such self-centeredness. If life does not in fact revolve around me, then I should learn to fully accept that, and not take anything personally. Sometimes the sun shines, sometimes the weather's ugly, & sometimes the climate is bland. There's nothing whatsoever personal, when we're getting soaked by rain, beautifully suntanned, or fried by a lightning bolt! 
     A wise meditation teacher once advised: "Only have no preferences!" Of course we usually do have preferences, but what if we hold these very lightly, in a huge container, and seamlessly accept the fact that things mostly turn out differently than we'd like, or even expect! Can we simply be curious, rather than desperately hope that "luck" is "on our side"? Whether we're "lucky" OR "unlucky" this time, does it say anything at all about next time? So perhaps we're not "special" regardless?

     The journey from egocentricity toward allocentricity is the ancient, well-travelled hero's journey towards wisdom and mature happiness.

#639 Mindfulness in the Real World

     Many of us, even if we have some mindfulness practice under our belts, underestimate the practical importance and impact of mindfulness on our day-to-day life.
     We (incorrectly) tend to assume that our usual way of being & doing things (ie mindless / autopilot) is practical, effective - "necessary to survive in the real-world".
     Conversely, we (incorrectly) assume that mindfulness is impractical - akin to "being the nice guy" in a world where only SOBs "succeed".
     However, our mindless default state, being egocentric, mostly ignores others, where we are, the present moment - so it's profoundly alienating. Everyone keenly notices whenever we lack interest, attention, caring. There's no engagement, no quality of connection, no quality of life. We may well be seen as irrelevant, burdensome, an energy drain.
     When we're being mindful, others readily perceive our "presence". They feel the vitality of a powerful connection between us: attention, caring, empathy, kindness flows unobstructed. Quality engagement defines interpersonal quality of life. We cultivate a "magnetic personality".
     Mindfulness is a product of sincere, open-hearted practice. It's not easy, but nothing of profound value is.
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=presence

#634 Personal Quality of Life - Professionalism - Citizenship

     We can all agree that every one of us is very interested & highly motivated to have & enjoy maximal personal health & quality of life. What constitutes professional behavior & good citizenship, and how best to promote these is more controversial & challenging.
     Yet I've come to understand that an individual's attention to self-care & wellness, their professionalism, good citizenship overlap greatly. From the other direction, I suggest that it's not possible (except perhaps for sociopaths) to enjoy optimal health while behaving unethically. If someone commits a horrific crime, chances are s/he will be found criminally insane (innocent by virtue of insanity). But I suggest that anything short of consistent prosocial, civilized, allocentric / ecocentric behavior is unhealthy - creates needless additional suffering - for the individual "actor" and society. Individuals (except sociopaths) are an integral part of society and nature - whatever benefits or harms one, has the identical effect on the other.
     So progressive maximal personal evolution of consciousness, fully integrated into one’s life, is the path to maximal health & well-being for oneself (wellness), one's profession (professionalism) and society at large (good citizenship).
     Teaching self-care - at the deepest level eg via mindfulness (MBSR) - is I suggest, a highly effective way of teaching professionalism and good citizenship in our multicultural, multi-faith, multi-ethnic society. Our world is literally dying for these qualities.

#613 Nothing Personal

     We tend to "take it personally" when people treat us in uncaring, nasty, or cruel ways. I've felt this many, many times in my life. Yet, the fact is that I play an insignificantly tiny part in most of these people's lives. How they behave, has little to do with me, and almost everything to do with the rest of their lives, past and present. So taking their behavior personally is actually a bit egocentric. The world does not revolve around me. Things happen for innumerable, complex, interrelated reasons, of which I'm a very tiny part. 

     So what should I concentrate on if not my feelings, my comfort, my wishes, my needs, my security, my convenience, my ...?

     "Be kind, for everyone is carrying a heavy load."

#605 Perspectives Evolving

     How we feel, how we are, and how we perceive is one indivisible unit. 
     With mindfulness, we learn to monitor how we feel, and recognize this as a constantly changing energy, flowing through. When we lightly hold anything in spacious awareness, we are no longer stuck in it or identified with it - it is no longer who we are, and it no longer, or at least less strongly, distorts our perception of reality. We are spacious awareness, not the ever-changing energies passing by.
     Self-concern (egocentricity) seems to be a step on the path to developing a healthy sense of self. Then concern for one's immediate family's welfare, then one's ethnicity, religion, country, etc. are only expansions on this same egocentric theme. Ideally, by one's 60s, one is progressively letting go of egocentricity / tribalism, and is developing a wise, grandparent-like nurturing attitude toward all of humanity, nature, the cosmos.
     Having a grandchild helps promote this allocentric / ecocentric shift. A grandchild brings joy that helps keep open the heart-mind, that can hold everything in spacious awareness.

McFrost69   www.dpreview.com

#587 Consciousness - Right Here, Right Now

     Reality is essentially consciousness, and vice versa. Consciousness directly experiences reality, somewhat like a clear mirror reflects an image - exactly as it is, and of course, in real time. Obviously, this is immediately, effortlessly available to all human beings.

     But as soon as we start talking to ourselves about the experience, or about anything else, we immediately abandon reality, to maintain & stroke our pretend pet - the ego. Tragically, we spend most of our lives doing this, "lost in thought". We so fully inhabit this "ordinary mind" narrative, this cartoon life, that we mistakenly assume the "me", "myself" & "I" - the main character - to be our actual identity. We cling to and defend this "ego" as if our survival depended on it. Though an ego is only "virtual," we nevertheless treat it morbidly seriously - to our own & everyone else's detriment.
     Being mindlessly egocentric & tribal, is at the primitive pole of human evolution. Transcending the ego and being mindful, allocentric and ecocentric are at the evolving, civilized pole. The very basis of all wisdom traditions is about waking up from the nightmare of self-centeredness, and opening to the far vaster reality that is right here, right now.

      "consciousness is different (than the above 'ordinary mind'). It appears to have no form at all, because anything that would give it form must arise within the field of consciousness. Consciousness is simply the light by which the contours of mind and body are known. It is that which is aware of feelings such as joy, regret, amusement, and despair. It can seem to take their shape for a time, but it is possible to recognize that it never quite does. In fact, we can directly experience that consciousness is never improved or harmed by what it knows. Making this discovery, again and again, is the basis of spiritual life."                           Sam Harris. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014.

Dan Piraro   bizarro.com

 

#579 Opening the Heart-Mind

     "When your children arrive, the best you can hope for is that they break open everything about you. Your mind floods with oxygen. Your heart becomes a room with wide-open windows."

       Amy Poehler "Yes Please." HarperCollins, 2014, excerpted in The Globe and Mail, Nov 1, 2014.

#551 Primary Goal Selects our Operating System

     If your primary (overriding) objective is to escape from a burning building, most likely you'll be in full fight-or-flight mode.
     If your primary (overriding) objective is to excell
          • in competitive sports
          • in academics
          • in your profession
          • financially
you will most likely be in the fight-or-flight mode to varying degrees much of the time. These are challenging, competitive (adversarial) pursuits. In order to achieve a coveted material goal, as quickly as possible, people devote pretty well all the time, energy, & other resources they have. There's urgent egocentric striving, whether the fire is "in the belly" to become CEO by age 25, or is in your house & you're desperate to escape. Many live such "a life unexamined", which at some point they realize, was not worth it.
          However, if your primary (overriding) objective is to live as an evolved human being, most of your attention will be on the people and environment right now, relating to them appropriately. There is no struggle against competitors to achieve this. It's a lifelong project & company is very welcome. If you also want to achieve one of the material objectives above eg academics, you will approach it as an evolved human being - in a friendly, collegial, collaborative manner - rather than as an obsessed, self-centered, aggressive cave-man. Your operating system does not need to devolve to succeed in the world. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/05/establishing-new-way-of-being.html

     We still have cave-women & cave-men among us. Such folks believe that being an evolved human being is incompatible with "success" in the "real" world. They believe that cheating, lying, bribery, stealing, bullying etc are necessary, and only the simple-minded reject these. "Greed is good" & "Win at any cost."

     Which is my path: the low road of "wise guys" or the high road of the wisdom traditions?  
     What is my primary goal & overriding operating system?

Human-powered boat day, Venice, June 2014

#548 Is being Cynical the same as Realistic?

     How often do we hear an uplifting story or an interesting plan of action quickly drowned out by someone's pessimistic or sarcastic putdown? Cynics believe that their worldview is accurate, and assume that the rest of us can't see how harsh life really is.
     Fear, anger & aggression dominates such peoples' lives - the egocentric, adversarial approach. And yes, life is indeed brutish in this primitive, yet all too common mode. The 2013 movie "August: Osage County" nicely illustrates this mindset within a family. This quality of relating is also common in the world's troubled hotspots, where groups have been slaughtering each other for generations. They clamor for revenge, "make the enemy pay", "make them suffer"! They don't understand that "doing more of what doesn't work, and expecting different results" is not just unreasonable, but the definition of insanity. But suggesting to either side that the "eye for an eye" approach hasn't, doesn't & won't work evokes indignant rage! Leaders of such warring groups may inspire rabid followers, but their obvious lack of emotional / spiritual intelligence ensures severe continuous widespread suffering.
     All the wisdom traditions guide us to let go of egocentric, adversarial orientation and open ourselves to a loving, nurturing relationship with all of humanity, all creatures, all of the world. This requires a qualitative shift in our operating system - from reptilian, to homo sapiens sapiens.
     From the evolved homo sapiens sapiens perspective, our more common, reptilian (fear-based egocentric adversarial) way of being appears ridiculous - and vice versa! Therefore, many aspects of mindfulness may initially seem somewhat puzzling or even counterintuitive.

Beast & Prey, Rome, Italy

#547 Where Am I Now?

     As we gradually mature as human beings, we become increasingly aware of where we are - moment-by-moment - in two major dimensions, AND progressively, intentionally shift from the former to the more conscious, evolved latter:

          • am I pretending that I & everything else will last forever OR consciously aware that everything is in a constant state of change & flux?

          • am I being selfish OR appropriately nurturing our People, our Creatures, our Home?

       Mindfulness training promotes the above fundamental shift to a more evolved "operating system".

Perspective

#510 Embracing or Enabling?

     We get many clues about which operating system (OS) is operating in us at any given time.
     The fearful / hurt child operating system is emotionally labile, up & down according to security & pleasure (or vice versa) for the self-centered child. In this OS, we're constantly chasing after, or running from something, assuming our (inner child's) happiness hinges entirely on the success or failure of our frantic striving. Not enough time or crushing boredom; anxiety about lacking or emptiness pervade.
     The wise adult / grandparent operating system is equanimous, open-hearted, generous, and equally concerned about the welfare of others (allocentric), own inner child (self-compassion), & the environment (ecocentric). A profound sense of ease, connection, completeness, gratitude, stillness, and timelessness pervades.
     It's a very common mistake to compulsively attempt to satisfy our inner fearful child's appetites, but most of this is dysfunctional enabling. The more we're preoccupied by these appetites or our desire to satisfy them, the more power we give the immature inner child over our adult lives. It's very much like fantasizing about, & repeatedly obtaining alcohol when one's an alcoholic. Yes the wanting is there, BUT there's a vast universe at hand that is happily independent of ethanol & our addictive craving. To the degree that we can open our mind-heart to this vast reality, and can hold our hurt inner child in safety & unconditional love, the power & relevance of the craving fades.
     Consciously recognizing the fearful child effects, embracing without pandering to the inner child, and instead, opening up to the present moment, opening our mind-heart to what's appropriate right now, we steadily become more & more stabilized in our mature wise way of being. 

Jonathan Shapiro   www.dpreview.com

#417 Appreciating & Even Prioritizing QUALITY - Stillness & Silence

     How does it feel when we're about to do something that gives us a quick fix - like eating a chocolate bar (instead of a healthy snack) when we're hungry, or rushing a job to get it over & done with (instead of doing it with appropriate care)? Isn't there a building momentum to approach & complete the act, as if starting to descend from the highest point on a roller coaster, or as if pulled by a powerful magnet?
     When we're being self-centered, grasping for "short-term gains" - we're much like addicts reaching for their addictive substance of choice - big pull, brief elation, big let-down, and we're worse off, knowing we've just added to our own (plus likely our loved ones') "long-term pains".

     In contrast, how does it feel when we're about to do something that's not about us, but for the long-term benefit of others? When we're about to do the right thing? There's no momentum, no magnetic effect. We make wise, mature decisions from a place of stillness, a place of silence. We can feel this stillness.

     Isn't it sad that we become addicted to the "excitement" of brief highs, despite, & even because of their brevity, inevitability of crashing & other hangovers? Why does it take so long for us to let go of cheap thrills? We seem to have to gradually, intentionally learn to appreciate, and very slowly prioritize, peace & mature judgment.
     Quality is a very slowly acquired taste for most of us. Mindfulness practice is a direct way of increasing the pace of this critical - yet mysteriously avoided - experiential learning. Of course we still have prioritize this practice over our habitual momentum-driven distractions.

     See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/10/self-concepts-sense-of-momentum-or.html
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/10/uncomfortable-being-still.html 

#416 What's Lost? What's Gained?

     People sometimes express concern that they might lose some vital, characteristic aspect of themselves through meditation. This is natural, but unnecessary.
     So what do we loose in the course of mindfulness meditation practice? As we progressively perceive more clearly, we also notice the ways in which we habitually get in our own way - how we tend to unwittingly handicap ourselves eg cynicism, doubting our (actual) abilities, etc. 
     By noticing, accepting, then letting these internal noises or frictions go, we struggle less & less against ourselves, and thus function with greater ease & efficiency. The sense of struggle, "divided self" progressively diminishes, as we approach stillness, inner silence, a sense of "non-doing." Our perceptions become cleaner, fresher. Because we now see it more clearly, ordinary life becomes interesting and satisfying. Our interest in chasing after distractions diminishes. Our focus shifts from "me, myself & I" (egocentric) to other people (allocentric) & the environment (ecocentric). We are maturing as a human being - homo sapiens sapiens - we're slowly becoming wise.

RUcrAZ   www.dpreview.com

#408 Deterioration AND Improvement - BOTH Predictable

     Many try hard to avoid dealing with existential realities: constant change, aging, sickness & death - considering these to be "downers." When we do consider these, we often think of these happening to others, as if we ourselves were immune. Our physical & cognitive deterioration, and eventual death is of course inevitable, regardless of how we deal (or refuse to deal) with it. If our worldview is essentially materialistic, then avoidance (though proven ineffective as a long-term strategy) is somewhat understandable.
     Far more difficult to understand, however, is the common tendency to doubt our capability, and thus ignore direct responsibility for elevating our own level of consciousness, and thus quality of life. 
     Both of the above tendencies are irrational, problematic, and egocentric. A rational, effective approach is ridiculously simple conceptually, yet a challenging behavioral shift - releasing our grip on our ego is similar to quitting smoking. We tend to behave strangely, even self-destructively, when self-concern (egocentricity) dominates, be this conscious or subconscious.
     We're social beings. Egocentricity, though common these days, is unnatural, unhealthy, and guarantees unhappiness for the individual, his associates, and environment. Training ourselves to gradually shift from being egocentric towards being allocentric and ecocentric is, quite literally, a wise move. 
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=wisdom
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=allocentric

Evgenia Arbugaeva   http://pdn30.pdnevents.com/gallery/2013/index.php?contest=arbugaeva

#402 Objectification

     Much is said and written about men objectifying women - perceiving and thus treating women as if they were mere sexual objects.

     "Objectification means treating a person as a thing, without regard to their dignity. A person is objectified if treated:
          • as a tool for another's purposes (instrumentality);
          • as if lacking in agency or self-determination;
          • as if owned by another;
          • as if interchangeable;
          • as if permissible to damage or destroy;
          • as if there is no need for concern for their feelings and experiences." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification

     Of course it's not only women - and men - who are objectified. Don't we all, at times, have similar reductionist attitudes, and thus inappropriate behaviors, towards animals, jobs, food, homes, cars, vacations, the ecosystem - everything - even ourselves? Objectification arises from deep, unexamined hunger. This hunger limits our attention to the one specific quality of the person, animal, product, activity, or natural resource that we desperately, unrealistically, hope will quench our desire. It all starts with the "life unexamined" - instead of looking at our life as a complex, nuanced whole, we reduce it to likes & dislikes, and end up compulsively chasing desires, and fleeing aversions.

     "The robber sees only the saint's wallet."

     To perceive each person, animal and thing as they are, in the appropriate context of this time and place, awareness must be open (instead of narrowly focused) and equanimous (as undistorted as possible by the observer's needs). Practicing mindfulness helps to shift consciousness from egocentric towards allocentric & ecocentric.

     See: #398-401