#719 What's Our First Priority? And How's That Working?

     Automatically, reflexively, by default, we "look out for #1" - "me, myself & I" - we're self-centered. We're primarily concerned with our own safety, nutrition, shelter, health, wealth, power, prestige, fame, etc, etc, all of which, we assume (hope), means our personal happiness will be more or less assured. And there's nothing wrong about wanting to be happy - it's perfectly normal & reasonable.
     Many of us behave as if our happiness will increase in proportion to our health, wealth, power, fame, and the opulence of our clothes, homes, cars, vacations etc. But research shows that above a certain surprisingly modest family income, which permits having reasonable basic necessities, there's NO gain in happiness or quality of life with increasing wealth. I see parallels with ethanol consumption - a drink or two may feel good; being drunk does not; while alcoholism is heading for "rock bottom".
     Doesn't the phrase "Looking for love in all the wrong places" somehow resonate? If we're at all self-reflective, we'll notice a hunger or yearning that we can't seem to satisfy for any length of time, no matter what. Smart, young, energetic university students often seem certain that they control their own futures. Ahhh, the sweet illusion of control! However, as the decades flow by, we repeatedly see just how little control we have over our own & our loved ones' lives.
     The healthiest, most intelligent approach to transcending this hunger or yearning is found by discovering our true identity - who we really are. Wisdom traditions have known this for thousands of years: http://jglovas.wix.com/awarenessnow#!The-Real-Voyage-of-Discovery-New-Eyes/c17jj/56afc4e40cf2062bd412b06e

#688 Loosening the Grip

     I suspect a lot of us are burdened by an impossible-to-achieve, idealized image of how we'd dearly love to be perceived. 
     It's very instructive & humbling becoming aware of the number & variety of maneuvers we execute to avoid consciously experiencing the painful gap between this ideal & reality. We pour so much of our energy into guarding & mending the hurt part of ourselves that never could, nor ever will be able to live up to others' expectations. No amount of work, dieting, fancy clothes, fancy trips, booze, drugs, plastic surgery, or any other compulsive activity or avoidance helps.

     Could it be that life is not, after all, about perfecting our appearance, possessions, intelligence, wealth, or fame? One of Adyashanti's guiding principles: "to progressively realize what is not absolutely True is of infinitely more value than speculating about what is."

     What if letting go of terrified, obsessive self-concern, is not only feasible, but in fact transforms each of us small, starving-for-love particles, into so much more than we can currently imagine?

Monet's Bedroom

#680 Give & Take - More or Less?

     After a business transaction that didn't "go your way", or perhaps someone belittled you, you can actually feel diminished in some way - less than your normal sense of self. A surge of anger too often obliterates more subtle feelings. A swell of urgency to quickly repair perceived losses. We instinctively rush to top up life's vitality glass, which like our blood volume, definitely doesn't feel good enough at half-full.
     Conversely, you feel somehow bigger, expanded, "flush" when you unexpectedly or undeservedly come by some extra money, praise, or stuff. Doesn't it feel, if only momentarily, like you've transcended mere human limitations when you win something? Losing something has the opposite effect - makes you feel very vulnerable.

     So it seems that we have a rather solid, physical, materialistic, almost mechanical sense of ourselves, others & our world. Is an 8 foot tall person worth twice that of a 4 footer; a 350 lb person twice that of a 175 pounder? How about net worth, fame, attractiveness, earning potential, health, longevity, etc? Don't we rate everyone, including ourselves, based on a combination of such metrics?
     Isn't each of us far, far more than a handful of such useless measures? Doesn't it take a lifetime of meditation practice to catch ourselves judging - ourselves & others - much like an animal sizes up a potential mate or potential prey? Isn't this where our primitive judgmental attitudes originate? We're "little monkeys" aren't we? We really do need to slowly, patiently, evolve into our pre-frontal cortices, don't we?

Paint & Rust, Agricola Street, Halifax, NS

#674 No Time to BE Mindful ???

     "Definitions of mindfulness ... focus upon a number of qualities

          (a) a deliberate intention to pay attention to momentary experience, 

          (b) a marked distinction from normal, everyday modes of consciousness, 

          (c) a clear focus on aspects of active investigation of moment-to-moment experience, 

          (d) continuity of a precise, dispassionate, non-evaluative, and sustained moment-to-moment awareness of immediate experience, and 

          (e) an attitude of openness, acceptance, kindness, curiosity and patience."

       Hofmann FG, Grossman P, Hinton DE. "Loving-Kindness and Compassion Meditation: Potential for Psychological Interventions." Clin Psychol Rev. 2011 November ; 31(7): 1126–1132. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2011.07.003. 

     Since we tend to live "in our heads", theories are important, too important. We don't really consider BEING mindful in our own daily, moment-by-moment life - at least not now, maybe later, when we're not so busy ...... 

     Even sincere young people taking & apparently "enjoying" an 8-week MBSR course typically "don't get the chance" to practice between classes, often "get too busy" & drop out before finishing the course, and "don't get around" to filling out a one-page course evaluation.

     But mindfulness is NOT THEORETICAL, and it's not just another "add-on" to one's overcrowded litany of stuff to get done.  

     Mindfulness is about actually living RIGHT NOW within our most evolved operating system, with an open heart-mind. How can we not have time to live optimally?

How To Enter?

 

#584 Quality of Attention & Quality of Life

     We humans are fully capable of abysmal stupidity AND equally capable of, and evolving towards, transcendent wisdom. Our infatuation with science and other forms of materialism is starting to wear thin. One of the most vocal and eloquent critics of religion, Sam Harris, just came out with a book on spirituality(!!), in which he uses science to support the essential core treasures held within wisdom traditions. A tongue-in-cheek definition of psychology: "Proving, that what grandma always told us, is true."

     "How we pay attention to the present moment largely determines the character of our experience and, therefore, the quality of our lives. Mystics and contemplatives have made this claim for ages - but a growing body of scientific research now bears it out."                         Sam Harris. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014.

#542 Do We Know What We Need?

     In a recent excellent 2-part CBC radio documentary "Re-wiring Our Kids", host Pauline Dakin presents evidence suggesting that we're becoming so engrossed in & distracted by digital media, that our awareness of our own emotions is markedly dampened. Digital distraction may well be today's "opiate of the masses."
https://www.cbc.ca/atlanticvoice/2014/02/20/re-wiring-our-kids/

     Yet isn't it our emotions that warn us that we're suffering, and our emotions that energize us to make changes in order to improve the quality of our lives? 
     Mindfulness practices serve as a potent, vital antidote to the mind-numbing effects of digital distraction, materialism, cynicism, etc.

Resident of Tuscany

 

#521 "Ordinary Unhappiness", Ideas about Happiness & the Real Thing

     Freud believed that the optimal state human beings could achieve is "ordinary unhappiness." 
     Today, the pendulum has swung to the opposite extreme. We seem to be obsessed with comfort & happiness. "How can I be happy?" is the central quest for many. Many seem to think that stable happiness is achievable, though they'd much prefer that their level of happiness steadily increased - why not go for the (imagined) "lifestyle of the rich & famous"?
     Don't most of us come to mindfulness practice because we can't realize our ideas about happiness? What if our ideas were "way off"? Can we, instead try, OPENING UP to REALITY?

Claudio Galli    www.dpreview.com

#495 Is the Devil in the Details?

     A few years ago, during a break in a continuing medical education course, I overheard a group of young female physicians chatting about their children. One comment stuck: "I just hope they don't grow up to be assholes!"
     Isn't that our hope for ourselves as well? And yet, much of our lives are spent reacting to minor details - "sweating the small stuff", making a big deal out of them, then recuperating by zoning out with mindless distractions, booze, sleep etc. Our life too easily gets pilfered away, lost in details.
     Of course there's nothing wrong with the details themselves, the waste is in the sour attitude of "putting out fires": http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2014/02/493-how-we-fail-to-prioritize.html Such an attitude assumes that we're constantly battling annoyences. NO - we're actually LIVING, & CHOOSING the QUALITY of our LIFE. Our problem is settling for the wrong attitude. A wise person once said: "Every day is a good day." Statements like this really irritate some people - where's the locus of control? See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2014/02/494-we-know-were-heading-wrong-way-when.html and: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=attitude

William McIntosh   http://www.flickr.com/photos/mtsacprof/

#464 "Little Needs, Much Contentment"

     "If we have few needs and much contentment, we experience the wealth of the world around us, and when we experience that wealth, there's nothing we need to renounce and nothing we need to add to it."
     Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel

Steve McCurry   http://stevemccurry.com/

#408 Deterioration AND Improvement - BOTH Predictable

     Many try hard to avoid dealing with existential realities: constant change, aging, sickness & death - considering these to be "downers." When we do consider these, we often think of these happening to others, as if we ourselves were immune. Our physical & cognitive deterioration, and eventual death is of course inevitable, regardless of how we deal (or refuse to deal) with it. If our worldview is essentially materialistic, then avoidance (though proven ineffective as a long-term strategy) is somewhat understandable.
     Far more difficult to understand, however, is the common tendency to doubt our capability, and thus ignore direct responsibility for elevating our own level of consciousness, and thus quality of life. 
     Both of the above tendencies are irrational, problematic, and egocentric. A rational, effective approach is ridiculously simple conceptually, yet a challenging behavioral shift - releasing our grip on our ego is similar to quitting smoking. We tend to behave strangely, even self-destructively, when self-concern (egocentricity) dominates, be this conscious or subconscious.
     We're social beings. Egocentricity, though common these days, is unnatural, unhealthy, and guarantees unhappiness for the individual, his associates, and environment. Training ourselves to gradually shift from being egocentric towards being allocentric and ecocentric is, quite literally, a wise move. 
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=wisdom
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=allocentric

Evgenia Arbugaeva   http://pdn30.pdnevents.com/gallery/2013/index.php?contest=arbugaeva

#390 Shiny Things Lose their Sparkle - Don't Let it Bring You Down!

     As toddlers, we learn that our toys either break or get lost, but most often we learn that every single one of them, sooner or later, loses its ability to entertain us. For a while, we get very upset at breaking or loosing a toy, but gradually we automatically move on to newer, shinier, bigger, more expensive, more impressive distractions - even when the toys we already own are still quite new & serviceable.
     Our consumer society has trained us well to constantly thirst & hunger - always dissatisfied - constantly "in the market" for new distractions. Despite this lifelong pattern, it still comes as a huge shock - "an aha moment" - to some that after finally being able to buy the car of their dreams for example, they remain just as unsatisfied as before. 
     Of course we also pin our hopes for happiness on non-material shiny things: friends, lovers, jobs, status, fitness, physical health etc. NONE of these can consistently satisfy our thirst & hunger either.
     For many, this realization is such a crushing disappointment, that it leads to a lifetime of cynicism & depression, based on the fearful, quasi-religious conviction: life sucks, can't get better, only worse. 

                    "Don't let it bring you down
                    It's only castles burning, ....."           Neil Young

     Is it possible that we can & must outgrow reliance on externals to fulfill us? As adults, doesn't it make sense to "put away childish things"?

     "... it's never too late to take the less well-lit, but rich, essential path to mature adulthood. It comes through a mindful examination of one's personal and interpersonal life. 
        Hollis J. “Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life.” Gotham Books, NY, 2005.

 

Stephen Alvarez - National Geographic

#388 Common Wrong Assumptions about Happiness

      My character, personality, happiness & quality of life are determined by hereditary + environmental factors.
     All I can do is try to optimize or otherwise control environmental (external) factors eg work hard to earn money & gain respect, buy a nice house, buy a nice car, take nice vacations, have enough money saved for retirement, etc.
     If work pays well and is interesting, if my spouse, children and I are healthy, if we have a long, interesting, rewarding, enjoyable life, then life's as good as it gets.

     REALITY CHECK. The above seems to be the current idea of "the good life", inflicted on us by the multi-billion dollar advertising industry. Ads insist that we are dissatisfied now - our only hope lies in the future AFTER purchasing their product or service.
     We do require some external stuff: goods & services. It's nice to have some nice things. But NOBODY has all of them. And every item quickly loses it's luster. See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/07/psychological-health-sense-of-control.html

     Psychosocial maturation (evolution of consciousness) - NOT owning stuff - is the key to profound quality of life. Unless we learn this, we're in for a huge disappointment, regardless of how much or how little stuff we've accumulated. Egocentricity breeds suffering, while allocentricity breeds joy, independent of possessions.
     "Happiness is an inside job." Through mindfulness practices we CAN intentionally & progressively continue to mature psychosocially, throughout our lives - discover for yourself how good it gets!