#751 The Courage to Thrive

“... vulnerability is at the center of fear and shame, 
but it is also at the center of joy and gratitude and love and belonging.”     Brene Brown

 
"The secret of happiness is freedom.
And the secret of freedom is courage."    Thucydides


“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”    Anais Nin


“It takes courage to endure the sharp pains of self discovery, rather than 
choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”    Marianne Williamson


“To wake up to our lives and to develop and sustain mindful awareness requires great courage. Mindfulness is not for the faint-hearted, nor for those timid or afraid of bearing witness to the often overwhelming brilliance, intensity, and complexity of their lives and world. To care deeply enough about waking up to our lives that we apply ourselves diligently to cultivating mindfulness, is a great act of courage, curiosity, and commitment. Properly practiced the intention to sustain mindful attention is supported by the attitudes of curiosity, openness, acceptance, and loving discernment."    Joel Levey

#748 Just How Conscious are We?

     Much of the time, we're in one of two "doing" modes: either "mindless" or more or less "focused." And when we actually experience "non-doing", we may find it baffling & confusing.

      Very common examples of mindless doing (acting on autopilot, with a wandering mind) include arriving somewhere & realizing we have no recollection of the details of actually driving (or walking) there. Conscious awareness was far from the here & now, busy with daydreaming, planning, worrying, regretting etc. 
     A relatively new & increasingly common practice is exercising while simultaneously listening to podcasts. 
     Whether our untrained mind simply gets lost, or we intentionally choose "a divided life" instead of engaging with the present moment, we're undermining both quality of life & effectiveness. A wandering mind = a divided mind = unhappiness & inefficiency. See: Killingsworth MA, Gilbert DT. “A wandering mind is an unhappy mind.” Science 2010; 330(6006): 932.

     Many times we're more or less "focused" while doing, but we're paying way too much fear-based attention on the doer. The "noisy ego" is kicking up all sorts of friction & noise. Have you ever seen a little kid at his first track & field event, pouring all his energy into showing his parents how hard he's trying to run - grimacing, exaggerated body movements, groaning, gasping - so that minimal actual energy remains for actual running - a great example of ego noise. The extreme opposite is a world-class 100-yard-dash runner whose face & upper body appear silent & still yet she hurtles forward at record-breaking speed. No energy is wasted on (fearfully protecting) "I, me & mine." 
     It's unimaginable what a wonderful world we'd have if we pooled our combined energies & talents and did what's needed, instead of acting out of fearful self-interest.

     "Non-doing" is action marked by effortlessness, silence, stillness, calm, peace, timelessness, very bright & vivid awareness, no egocentricity / "I" am doing this. Action is extremely efficient & feels effortless, even when there's life-threatening danger. This may explain why "heroes" when interviewed afterwards typically downplay the event, & are very reluctant to accept credit for "their" behavior. Other fascinating examples of non-doing is found in the world of creativity among physicists, composers & song-writers. The best of them typically claim that the discovery or music, even entire symphonies for Mozart, came to them all at once, and they just quickly copied it down. Again note the effortlessness, timelessness, vivid awareness, & no sense that "I" did this. The late rock & roll star Tom Petty described his song-writing process using very similar language: "Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers: Running Down A Dream” 2007 Bogdanovich film on Netflix.)

     "Doing" mode is prioritizing our own needs instead of what present circumstances actually require, for our own & others' long-term benefit. To the extent that our past influences (colors, biases, distorts) our perception, our past needs ("must haves" & "must avoids") determine how we act now, regardless of what's most appropriate right here, right now. At some level, we are aware of this inner conflict (friction, noise, cognitive dissonance, "divided-self"). 
     Sadly, fear-based self-interest (which includes tribalism, partisanship etc) is caused by our understandable need for safety, comfort, predictability & control in today's increasingly stressful, unsafe world. YET, our world is becoming increasingly frightening & dangerous BECAUSE of escalating fear-based self-interest (tribalism, partisanship, nationalism, intolerance, hatreds, warmongering ...). See the excellent book review: Julie Wronski. "Intergroup Identities, Moral Foundations, and Their Political Consequences: A Review of Social Psychology of Political Polarization by Piercarlo Valdesolo and Jesse Graham (Eds)." Soc Just Res (2016) 29:345–353.

     Deep self-reflection during meditation practice allows us to become increasingly aware of our own mind's unconscious primitive survival patterns of thinking (& ensuing behavior), some of which is delusional, illusory, and even work against our own & everyone else's best interests. An exceptionally useful book that carefully examines our thinking & behavior from the perspective of evolutionary psychology is: Robert Wright. "Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment." Simon & Schuster, 2017.

Katie Hoffman      "Petrichor"      www.katiehoffman.com

#710 Heart & Happiness

www.elephantjournal.com

#697 Choosing to Nurture Wisdom over Ignorance

     At our deepest level, we all know to what degree we're being honestly authentic.
     From this depth of authenticity, we act with innate loving wisdom, increasing joy and decreasing suffering for all.
     Yet, fear and ignorance can lock us into our small selves, small cults, small dogmas, and other self-serving ideologies, leading to hate crimes against our fellow humans, other living creatures, and our environment. 
     So all of us carry both seeds of wisdom, as well as seeds of ignorance.  
     But what determines how we actually live our lives?

     An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
     The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
     The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
        http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html


     “... I have seen evil men become good and that’s the only miracle that interests me.”                                     Satprakashananda
       Dana Sawyer “Huston Smith: Wisdomkeeper. Living the World’s Religions. The Authorized Biography of a 21st Century Spiritual Giant.” Fons Vitae, Louisville, KY, 2014. 

#684 A Bird in the Hand Koan

     My daughter-in-law recounted a Tibetan teaching about having a wise relationship with transient moments of perceived happiness. 
     Consider a precious dove landing, briefly, on your open palm. And the moment the dove starts flying away ... can you truly love it, while letting it go?

     What if the dove's total freedom & happiness is not different than yours?

Agricola Street, Halifax, NS

#679 How We Keep Pulling Away from Life

     Very few of us, even if actively trying, can consistently embrace life with an open heart-mind. Why not? 

     We can see the reasons most clearly during sitting meditation. Self-talk, self-comfort, self-preservation, self-promotion - we incessantly, continuously obsess over "me, myself & I", despite the fact that doing so actually guarantees suffering. We observe this most clearly during meditation, but it's something we do all the time!
     Egocentricity, though extremely common, is pathological and unwise, because it does not bring us happiness; nor will it keep us living forever, so we must learn to release this obsessive-compulsive death-grip on the "self"!

     Opening our heart-mind towards the welfare & genuine happiness of others (allocentric), animals, & the environment (ecocentric) is wise, because it does bring everyone, including ourselves, genuine happiness and a meaningful life.

Monet's flowers

#669 Who's Responsible If Not Me?

     It's fascinating to observe our fellow human beings. Even in situations where one would imagine that anyone would be completely happy and grateful, one sees a surprising proportion of people showing obvious signs of sadness, disappointment, and downright misery. Life just does not measure up to their hopes and expectations, no matter how fine it is. A sadly large proportion of us assume that there's a mechanical connection between our happiness and our idea of what a perfect world is. Of course this is completely off base.
     One's happiness is entirely dependent on one's ability to hold all of life in a loving embrace, regardless of what's going on. This is precisely the opposite of what most of us think. We are entirely responsible for our attitude, which has nothing whatsoever to do with what's happening on the outside or even inside of us. It's all about us not just having, but being unconditional love. And, "whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right."

#663 Open Minds Open Doors

"The greatest discovery of my generation
is that human beings can alter their lives
by altering their attitudes of mind." 

William James

WisdomAtWork.com

Akos Stiller   www.stillerakos.com

#659 Do We Have It All Backwards?

     We (particularly men) rigidly pretend that happiness, our very survival, is entirely under our control. How? By surrounding ourselves metaphorically with a perfect semi-permeable membrane that keeps bad stuff out & pulls good stuff in. Many of us are obsessive doormen. Such a simple boundary, between a separate 'self' and a foreign, hostile environment, may be OK for amoebas, but ... 

     As we mature, we gradually release this illusion of control. Increasingly we recognize how deep quality of life is found in embracing every aspect of life - "the full catastrophe" - with an open heart-mind. Mindfulness practice is about consciously, intentionally maturing, coming home to our full potential, right now.
     Rather than anxiously flipping back & forth between aversion & craving, we gradually stabilize awareness, acceptance, spaciousness, ease & love. 


     No Boundaries: http://www.johnlovas.com/2012/01/healing-growth.html
     Wise Aging: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=aging

lewynn   www.dpreview.com

#654 Even More Craving & Avoidance Won't Get You There, Sorry ...

      “Obsessing about getting what you want, and avoiding what you don’t want, does not result in happiness.” 
                              Pema Chodron
 
     “The ‘secret’ of life that we are all looking for is just this: to develop through sitting and daily life practice the power and courage to return to that which we have spent a lifetime hiding from, to rest in the bodily experience of the present moment – even if it is a feeling of being humiliated, of failing, of abandonment, of unfairness.”
                              Charlotte Joko Beck

     “Your true home is wakefulness. Go home!”
                              Ashin Tejaniya

 

bitstream   www.dpreview.com

#612 Feeling Lousy? Now What?

     Feeling down, blue, out of sorts, alone, useless, etc happens so often for many of us that, at some level, we identify with it - it feels like home, "that's me - that's how I am, who I am". Other emotions, like love, joy & happiness seem to slip right through, so we correctly recognize their transient, ephemeral nature.
     Is it possible that identifying with downer emotions is what makes them so sticky? What if we didn't focus on these so intently when they appeared - would these evaporate as seamlessly as joy? Can we imagine the effect of having no preference for joy over sadness?

#581 Character is Built upon our Choices

     Which of these two paths leads to true, lasting peace, joy & happiness? We ALL, repeatedly face this CHOICE.

     Path One: Surrounding yourself by people who agree with your rationalizations for past mistakes & failures, who agree that it was completely other peoples' fault, who agree that you're a victim of ..., who agree that you should get back at them - "lawyer up" etc, and who agree that there's no use trying because the world's not fair.
     This is the common, relatively easy path of the masses. It props up the ego - solidifies your old "identity". It is for those who can't see beyond "ordinary unhappiness."

     Path Two: Listening to one or more trusted people who advise you to deeply examine your mistakes & failures, who advise you to honestly face your role in these, who advise you to make amends to the people who were likely hurt by your actions, and then vowing to lead a meaningful life that you yourself, your family, and even strangers can respect and trust.
     This is the uncommon path, requiring strength, bravery and persistence. It is chosen by those for whom "ordinary unhappiness" = "a life unexamined" = "a life wasted." Here one transcends the ego, opening to "deeper degrees of truth about yourself, others, and the nature of mind. More and more, you live in awareness." (Larry Rosenberg)

     At any time, we can choose to leave behind an unsatisfying way of life, and start living one that's increasingly meaningful and inspiring to ourselves, our family, our community.

Keith Willette, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#574 Trying Really Hard and Feeling Frustrated?

     Life can be chronically, irritatingly frustrating - particularly for those of us who put an awful lot of time, effort and gut-wrenching desire into our work. We know we're putting more and more into it, yet the "returns on investment" are pitiful. We assume, that if we set our mind on a goal, any goal, with enough determination, sacrifice, effort, smarts etc, it's simply a matter of time before we achieve it. Then, and only then, will we gain worthiness, approval, respect, admiration, security, peace, and yes - even love. At some future point, but certainly not now, we're much too busy now, we will earn happiness.

     I have direct experiential awareness of this scenario, but fortunately, I'm less & less trapped in it. It's sad but interesting to see friends and colleagues in this same boat. Why do we strive so hard? Why are we so "driven"? Are you stuck in this mud up to your eyeballs?
     The two Nasrudin stories below may shed some clarifying perspectives:

       A man noticed Nasrudin intently inspecting the ground outside his door. 
       “Mulla,” he said, “what are you looking for?”
       “I’m looking for a ring I dropped,” Nasrudin replied.
       “Oh,” the man replied as he also began searching. “Well where exactly were you standing when you dropped it?”
       “In my bedroom,” Nasrudin replied, “not more than a foot in front of my bed.”
       “Your bedroom?!“ the man asked. “Then why are you searching for it out here near your doorway.
       “Because,” Nasrudin explained, “there is much more light out here.”


       One day, Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, “I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy-but alas, I have yet to find it.” 
       As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man’s bag and ran off with it. The man chased him, and Nasrudin soon ran out of the man’s sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see.
       When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy. As the man danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself, “That’s one way to bring joy to a sad man.”  

       Both Nasrudin stories from: http://www.rodneyohebsion.com/mulla-nasrudin.htm

Tribute to the Group of Seven

#569 Clear Objective Self Awareness

     Everything we think, say and do has, or had, some perceived benefit in our life. Even the vilest, most reprehensible forms of human behavior have, or had, some perceived benefit in the perp's life.
     Mindfulness training helps us see, with increasing clarity, what we're thinking, saying and doing now, and whether our current way of being is appropriate to our current circumstances.
     The "momentum of our life" has a lot of momentum! But inevitably, our old ways of thinking, speaking and behaving become "old", losing both their charm and effectiveness. Objectively looking at these, compassionately letting go of what clearly was beneficial in the past, but is no longer, and trying better approaches makes perfect sense. Of course there will be things that we're already doing effectively - great, we can do more of these. 
     See clearly; be kind; do less of what doesn't work; do more of what does. Sounds reasonable.

Fort Beausejour by Robert Rutherford (2013)  www.fogforestgallery.ca

#521 "Ordinary Unhappiness", Ideas about Happiness & the Real Thing

     Freud believed that the optimal state human beings could achieve is "ordinary unhappiness." 
     Today, the pendulum has swung to the opposite extreme. We seem to be obsessed with comfort & happiness. "How can I be happy?" is the central quest for many. Many seem to think that stable happiness is achievable, though they'd much prefer that their level of happiness steadily increased - why not go for the (imagined) "lifestyle of the rich & famous"?
     Don't most of us come to mindfulness practice because we can't realize our ideas about happiness? What if our ideas were "way off"? Can we, instead try, OPENING UP to REALITY?

Claudio Galli    www.dpreview.com

#516 Strength, Vulnerability & Reality

     We're all, at some level, aware of our own weaknesses, shortcomings, vulnerabilities. The effect this awareness has on us varies tremendously from person to person, as well as for each of us under different circumstances and over the span of a lifetime.
     Dysfunctional, yet all too common ways of dealing with the reality of our human condition include various types of: 
          overcompensation eg tough guy / gal, workaholism, narcissistic personality disorder;
          suppression eg pretending everything's always happy-happy; and 
          decompensation eg paralyzing anxiety / fear / depression.

     A healthy way of living in reality, in all its complexity, unpredictability, high ups & low downs is with a clear, open heart-mind. Does this sound as revolutionary as driving sober? It's common sense, yet as we all know, common sense is not common at all.
     Mindfulness practice increases & stabilizes metacognition - ability to observe the workings of our own mind: mental, emotional, verbal & behavioral reactions. We learn to clearly see when these are dysfunctional (noise, friction), accept these as they are, and observe their consequences (increased suffering for ourselves & others). As a result of this clear insight & acceptance of ourselves & others as we are ("our common human condition"), we naturally, gradually, at our own pace, let go of dysfunctional compensations, and become progressively healthier & wiser.
     See:  http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2014/02/490-safe-learning-environment.html

Steve McCurry   stevemccurry.com

#454 Divided Life - or - One Continuous Mindfulness Practice?

     For some of us, dressing up, going to school or work, behaving professionally and doing our tasks, all feel phoney. It all feels like "acting" to earn money so we can put food on the table, and be able to do the things we really enjoy doing & be ourselves. The sense of having to work, having to expend (minimal) effort, producing products & services that (barely) meet standards under tight supervision, are the natural result of living a divided life. This breeds an us-against-them, adversarial attitude between students & teachers, between staff & management. There's no engagement, no personal investment or initiative - the "real me" wants to be elsewhere. This is presenteeism - the land of the walking dead. A huge desire, & unrealistic expectations arise for any opportunity to escape drudgery: weekends, holidays, and the holy grail - retirement. Such students & workers complain because they're truly unhappy, & externalize their unhappiness, believing that the cause lies outside of themselves. Their teachers & bosses usually don't understand the underlying psychology, but do look forward to replacing them with far more collaborative, vital, engaged people.
      Of course it's perfectly normal to sometimes have "a part" of us want to stay home from work - go skiing or read a good book. However, it's also perfectly normal & healthy for another "part" of us to want to go to work and fully, authentically engage in our profession. All play & no work also makes Jack a dull boy! Judging either work or play all good or all bad is extreme, unbalanced & unhealthy.  
     Even retired wealthy individuals feel the need to contribute meaningfully to society. So how can healthy young people possibly feel phoney by working? Is it not that their ideas of "meaning", "self" & "worldview" require maturation?
     These are not simple matters of morality. None of us have had ideal childhoods, full of unconditional love, stable healthy wealthy wise families, friends, etc. But we do have to start where we are - right here, right now. The opposite of externalizing all our problems is seeing all that we encounter as a learning opportunity. We can choose to be fully engaged with, directly experiencing every moment of life with our heart-mind open.
     It is possible to live authentically through continuous mindfulness practice.

Don Pentz - Flood Tide, Broad Cove   www.fogforestgallery.ca

#408 Deterioration AND Improvement - BOTH Predictable

     Many try hard to avoid dealing with existential realities: constant change, aging, sickness & death - considering these to be "downers." When we do consider these, we often think of these happening to others, as if we ourselves were immune. Our physical & cognitive deterioration, and eventual death is of course inevitable, regardless of how we deal (or refuse to deal) with it. If our worldview is essentially materialistic, then avoidance (though proven ineffective as a long-term strategy) is somewhat understandable.
     Far more difficult to understand, however, is the common tendency to doubt our capability, and thus ignore direct responsibility for elevating our own level of consciousness, and thus quality of life. 
     Both of the above tendencies are irrational, problematic, and egocentric. A rational, effective approach is ridiculously simple conceptually, yet a challenging behavioral shift - releasing our grip on our ego is similar to quitting smoking. We tend to behave strangely, even self-destructively, when self-concern (egocentricity) dominates, be this conscious or subconscious.
     We're social beings. Egocentricity, though common these days, is unnatural, unhealthy, and guarantees unhappiness for the individual, his associates, and environment. Training ourselves to gradually shift from being egocentric towards being allocentric and ecocentric is, quite literally, a wise move. 
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=wisdom
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=allocentric

Evgenia Arbugaeva   http://pdn30.pdnevents.com/gallery/2013/index.php?contest=arbugaeva

#388 Common Wrong Assumptions about Happiness

      My character, personality, happiness & quality of life are determined by hereditary + environmental factors.
     All I can do is try to optimize or otherwise control environmental (external) factors eg work hard to earn money & gain respect, buy a nice house, buy a nice car, take nice vacations, have enough money saved for retirement, etc.
     If work pays well and is interesting, if my spouse, children and I are healthy, if we have a long, interesting, rewarding, enjoyable life, then life's as good as it gets.

     REALITY CHECK. The above seems to be the current idea of "the good life", inflicted on us by the multi-billion dollar advertising industry. Ads insist that we are dissatisfied now - our only hope lies in the future AFTER purchasing their product or service.
     We do require some external stuff: goods & services. It's nice to have some nice things. But NOBODY has all of them. And every item quickly loses it's luster. See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/07/psychological-health-sense-of-control.html

     Psychosocial maturation (evolution of consciousness) - NOT owning stuff - is the key to profound quality of life. Unless we learn this, we're in for a huge disappointment, regardless of how much or how little stuff we've accumulated. Egocentricity breeds suffering, while allocentricity breeds joy, independent of possessions.
     "Happiness is an inside job." Through mindfulness practices we CAN intentionally & progressively continue to mature psychosocially, throughout our lives - discover for yourself how good it gets!

#357 Meditation, Yoga, Quality of Life & Neuroscience

     Scientifically validated benefits of yoga & mindfulness meditation practices include: stress reduction; reduced symptoms associated with depression, anxiety disorders, pain, insomnia; enhanced ability to pay attention; improved happiness, increased satisfaction with their quality of life.
     Sarah Lazar PhD discusses (8 minutes) the results of her brain imaging studies correlating these changes with changes in brain structure & function: