#730 Excellence: Loving Awareness, Gratitude & Self-reflection

     Perhaps the most common misunderstanding about mindfulness is that it doesn't work in the "real world" (of competing, adversarial egos). Our ego insists, not surprisingly, that the only way to "win" is by being self-centered (noisy ego, egocentric), on autopilot (fear-based reactivity, brain stem), and ignoring our mind-heart (prefrontal cortex).
     But as we gradually mature with age, or are forced to rapidly mature (see Post-traumatic Growth: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=post-traumatic+growth) we directly experience the truth that the only real success is authenticity. And authenticity is what's left after all our conditioned defensive & offensive reactivity drops off. 
     Let's see how Lionel made out with authenticity in the "real world":

     Lionel Sanders of Windsor, Ontario, overcomes addiction & sets a new world record in perhaps the most challenging of human sporting events - the Ironman Competition, completing the grueling triathlon in 7 hours, 44 minutes, 32 seconds.
     Carol Off: It's just an absolutely remarkable story in every way — including how you got into it. Can you give your secret? What do you have to do? What do you have to have in your psyche and in your body in order to do this?
     Lionel Sanders: Sure. I think the biggest thing has been that I really try and cultivate love for what I am doing and a passion for what I'm doing. And the day-to-day training, I don't dread it. I love every minute of it. And it wasn't always that way, you know. But I always try and put into perspective of just how much of a privilege this is — just to have the use of your body. So I always cultivate that. And that brings a certain level of awareness and presence to my day-to-day training, which allows me to push my limits. And then as well, I would say the other thing is after every race, I try and look at it objectively — the bad ones in particular — and I try figure out a way to correct all the things I did wrong. And I do that after every single race, and I'll do that after this race as well. And there was still lots of things that I could improve upon for the next time around.

     CBC Radio's As It Happens, interview by Carol Off: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-tuesday-edition-1.3861211/ontario-s-lionel-sanders-overcomes-addiction-sets-new-ironman-world-record-1.3861212

Courtesy of Lionel Sanders

#692 Mindfulness Training & Wisdom

     Participants in mindfulness training programs eg 8-week MBSR courses, often come to better manage their stresses, & thus improve the quality of their lives. However, these objectives ultimately require nothing less than the cultivation of wisdom - which mindfulness practices facilitate.

     "Although wisdom is a complex concept and difficult to define, historically it has been considered the pinnacle of human development.
     (Bergsma & Ardelt) define and operationalize wisdom as an integration of cognitive, reflective, and compassionate personality characteristics.

     (They) define and operationalize wisdom as a three-dimensional personality characteristic: 
          • the cognitive dimension of wisdom refers to the desire to know the truth. This does not only imply a knowledge of facts but also a deep understanding of life, particularly with regard to intrapersonal and interpersonal matters, including knowledge and acceptance of the positive and negative aspects of human nature, of the inherent limits of knowledge, and of life’s unpredictability and uncertainties.
          • A deep and undistorted comprehension of reality can only be achieved by overcoming one’s subjectivity and projections through the practice of (self-)reflection. The reflective dimension of wisdom highlights this aspect and represents the ability and willingness to invest in self-examination, self-awareness and self-insight. It requires the perception of phenomena and events from different perspectives and the ability to ‘see through illusions’. ... ‘one must be able to first become aware of and then transcend one’s projections before one can develop both the empathic skills and the cognitive processes associated with wisdom’.
          • Reflectivity tends to reduce self-centeredness, which leads to a deeper understanding of one’s own and others’ motives and behavior, and is likely to result in greater sympathetic and compassionate love for others. All-encompassing sympathetic and compassionate love accompanied by a motivation to foster the well-being of all denotes the compassionate component of wisdom.

     ... this definition of wisdom does not imply that wise individuals will avoid or suppress negative emotions toward themselves or others if they arise. On the contrary, through self-awareness and self-examination (the reflective wisdom dimension) wise persons are able to acknowledge, regulate, and ultimately overcome their negative emotions and projections without adversely affecting their own lives and that of others. For example, the practice of mindfulness and mindfulness meditation appear to facilitate the acceptance and eventual transcendence of negative emotions and behavior."

       Ad Bergsma, Monika Ardelt. Self-Reported Wisdom and Happiness: An Empirical Investigation. J Happiness Stud (2012) 13:481–499. 
       DOI 10.1007/s10902-011-9275-5 

     See also "Two Paths to Wisdom": http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2015/02/638-two-paths-to-wisdom.html

#643 Choosing our Energy

     This morning I was trying to deal with the glare ice that completely covers our driveway. While chipping away at the rock-hard ice, and doing my best to stay on my feet, I became aware of how incredibly close two vastly different, competing energies resided within me.
     Adversarial reactivity, the default energy, quickly, spontaneously arose - me against the ice; anger-based - get rid of this bloody nuisance, immediately! Our reptilian ancestry remains alive and fully functional in all of us - egocentric, impatient.
     But a few seconds later, a "choice gap" opened, and I realized that I'm here to do something kind for my wife, visitors and myself - making the driveway safer, hopefully to avoid injuries. The adversarial reaction immediately morphed into kind intention; time-poverty into timelessness; tightness into openness; coldness into warmth; smallness into spaciousness; fear, anxiety & anger into stillness, peace & love.
     We can waste an incredible amount of time & energy by angrily hacking away at all the challenges (& challengers!) that arise over a lifetime. Many of us are conditioned to routinely take an adversarial approach to life's difficulties. This is fear-based, ineffective, antagonizing, and very hard on everyone, including ourself. 
     
     With mindfulness training, we learn to quickly recognize & drop this default, bull-in-a-China-shop approach, and immediately a better choice presents. With training, we can choose to embody & enjoy awareness, kindness, timelessness, stillness, peace and joy, under any circumstance, no matter how challenging.

     More Nuanced Energy Choices: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2015/02/real-time-monitoring-of-our-own-energy.html

Ami Vitale, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#630 Satisfying the Heart's Longing

     "Choose a question that speaks most deeply to your longing. Sitting in an upright posture, settling in to your breath and body, breathe your question in. You can ask, for example, 'Who am I?' And then breathe out, 'Who am I?' However you frame your inquiry, stay with it. If your mind wanders, gently return to your question.
     The discursive mind, our companion ever since we developed the capacity for language, enjoys being in charge of everything, and will rush in to give obvious answers: 'I'm a women, I'm Melissa, I'm sixty years old, I'm a teacher, a parent, a wife. I'm horrible, I'm wonderful.'
     Every time one of these answers arises simply set it aside and ask again. Eventually, this kind of answer stops coming, and may be replaced by a feeling of profound wonder. This feeling, sometimes called 'great doubt,' is highly valued in Zen.
     If you are not working with a teacher, at this point in your practice you must be your own Zen master. Patiently and firmly redirect yourself away from intellectual understanding and toward immediate and intimate experience. Don't settle for anything that doesn't completely satisfy your longing.
     In this state of great doubt, something surprising might reveal itself to you. As you continue to set aside all of your conventional answers, you also set aside all of your expectations and explanations. The mind will want to turn your experience into theories and memories. Don't let anything turn solid.
     Keep asking and don't give up. Eventually you will learn to live a new kind of life - one that is continually surprising, profoundly ordinary, and full of wonder."

       Melissa Myozen Blacker. "Who Am I?" Shambhala Sun, March 2015
 

#615 Shame, Honesty & Intentional Maturation

     It takes maturity, courage, self-reflection, self-compassion and honesty to admit and clearly see our own limitations - our "shadow" - and work with these consciously, constructively. This is rare in today's society. Instead, we tend to 'act out' our shadow - foolish behavior is frighteningly common. It's spawned an endless stream of situation comedies and reality shows about hoarders, morbidly obese, terrible home repairs, an endless array of stunts that end badly, etc etc.

     Haven't we beaten our puer aeternus phase to death? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puer_aeternus Isn't it time to celebrate & promote the noble process of intentional maturation?

     "shame is ... the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?
     Shame is universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.
     No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpins this shame, this "I'm not good enough, ... not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough"?
     The thing that underpins this is excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen."                         Brene Brown PhD

       Brown B. "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead." Gotham Books, NY, 2012. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability#t-153143

#569 Clear Objective Self Awareness

     Everything we think, say and do has, or had, some perceived benefit in our life. Even the vilest, most reprehensible forms of human behavior have, or had, some perceived benefit in the perp's life.
     Mindfulness training helps us see, with increasing clarity, what we're thinking, saying and doing now, and whether our current way of being is appropriate to our current circumstances.
     The "momentum of our life" has a lot of momentum! But inevitably, our old ways of thinking, speaking and behaving become "old", losing both their charm and effectiveness. Objectively looking at these, compassionately letting go of what clearly was beneficial in the past, but is no longer, and trying better approaches makes perfect sense. Of course there will be things that we're already doing effectively - great, we can do more of these. 
     See clearly; be kind; do less of what doesn't work; do more of what does. Sounds reasonable.

Fort Beausejour by Robert Rutherford (2013)  www.fogforestgallery.ca

#565 Gentle Questioning

     Can I gently question: 
          Why I do the things I do?
          Why I say the things I say?
          Why I even think the way I think?
          Is there an overall pattern to the way I live?
          And if there is, is it still how I wish to live my life?

     "In a perfect world", what would I wish for as the central driving force in my life?

     If, from this moment on, that energized & directed my life, how would life be?

     See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/08/simple-but-not-easy-vow.html

Steve McCurry   stevemccurry.com

#556 Whose Life am I Living?

     Resisting doing what we know is best, is very common, and of course, very strange! It's like the old image of a tiny angel sitting on one shoulder whispering good suggestions, while a tiny devil sits on the other shoulder whispering self-destructive alternatives. We buy into this more than we realize. Regardless of which "voice" we obey, it's NOT really OUR OWN choice. Instinctively we resist conforming to other peoples' ideas - living other peoples' lives. We highly value agency, freedom of choice. 

     So it's worth spending quality time & energy investigating our own deepest values - what precisely gives most meaning to our lives? - then intentionally living life according to this internal compass, as closely & as consistently as possible. In this way, we can live the highest quality, "undivided life".

#540 What is Energizing me - Right Now?

     As soon as we wake in the morning, if we pay close attention, we can feel our mind & body come back to "full steam ahead", especially when we have something pressing or exciting to do. We can feel our mind-body revving up like a racing car immediately before the race. We 'get' this part.
     What takes a lot longer to realize, is that though it seems like we're always energized TOWARDS activities or people, in fact, much of the time the real motivation is AVOIDING more challenging aspects of our life. 

     It's immeasurably useful - healthy - to reflect on what we're running from whenever we find ourselves running.

     We do an awful lot of running, but "a life unexamined" is not an intelligently chosen life-long path.

          “Your vision will become clear when you look into your heart.
          Who looks outside, dreams.
          Who looks inside, awakens.”                             Carl Gustav Jung

#537 Appropriate Behavior Takes Time AND Practice!

     How many people do you know who, no matter what:
1) laugh heartily, 
2) blurt something out,  
3) laugh heartily, then 
4) rush off? 

     Typically there's nothing funny, and they don't stop long enough to hear or understand what you have to say. 
     Is this really supposed to represent meaningful human interaction?

     Do I enjoy a regular daily sitting meditation practice? If not, then in all likelihood, I too lack what it takes to consistently engage - with an open mind-heart - with whomever & whatever the present moment holds.

     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/07/introverts-contribute-much-more-than.html 

Cotton Coulson, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#511 Who Am I - Right Now?

     As soon as I pause to consider "Who am I?", I'm immediately being mindful - a feature of the wise adult operating system (WAOS) - see yesterday's post. Perspective, awareness of how things interconnect, how everything is interdependent, how every thought, word & action has immediate local as well as long-term distant effects are important components of wisdom. Behavior that arises from this place of relative stillness tends to be appropriate, kind, and serves the long-term welfare of many.
     But when I'm "driven" to think, speak & act by unexamined energies, short-term gain for my ego is almost invariably the driver, the source of the energy. And long-term pain is very likely the result, for myself, others & the environment. Feeling "energized" to do something should always be carefully examined rather than quickly acted out. Reasonable courses of action seldom come attached to a brief rush of emotion. Behind energized zeal, there is often aversion, anger, hatred, and ultimately, fear - the fearful child operating system (FCOS) actually driving the whole sorry misadventure.
     "Who am I?" is such a critical question to ask oneself, very often, since we make important, life-changing choices moment-by-moment. EVERYTHING depends on the OS that's functioning - who we are - scared child OR wise adult - who do I want running my life? Please also read: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/03/power-its-origin-how-to-use-it.html

upuaut   www.dpreview.com

#448 Health to Better Health - Transcending Limiting Self-concepts & Worldviews

      An intelligent, curious, open-minded individual is very much more likely to practice mindfulness than someone who's averse to self-reflection, denies any need to change, and is content to conform to the status quo. Interestingly, mindfulness practice further cultivates the attributes of the - already healthiest - informational identity style.

     "Identity is defined as ‘an internal, self-constructed, dynamic organization of drives, abilities, beliefs & individual history’. ... a clear & committed sense of identity provides the personality coherency necessary to adapt positively to the demands of adulthood.
     Defense mechanisms are patterns of involuntary thoughts, feelings, & behaviors that function to hide or alleviate anxiety-causing stressors. Although some defenses (e.g., denial) can be maladaptive because their use involves disregarding or distorting reality, other defenses are considered to be adaptive in that they represent a form of involuntary coping with stressful life events that provides a means for adjustment. Thus, the maturity of defense use can be viewed as an indicator of adaptive adjustment to life stress.
     ... an individual’s sense of identity is formed & maintained by a preferred style of social-cognitive processing, along with related dispositional & behavioral characteristics. ... three different styles that individuals typically use to process and adapt to self-relevant information:

     • information-oriented or informational identity style is used by individuals who actively confront self-relevant questions and problems by critically evaluating information.

     • norm-oriented or normative identity style is used by individuals who conform to the expectations of significant others in dealing with personal decisions and identity relevant issues and, thus, they are presumed to be defensive about self-relevant feedback. 

     • diffuse-avoidant identity style is used by individuals who tend to be low in self-awareness and avoid dealing with identity issues. 

     Generally speaking, the diffuse-avoidant identity style was found to be associated with maladjustment whereas the normative & informational styles were associated with positive adjustment. For example, individuals who prefer to use a diffuse-avoidant style reported poorer adjustment to university, lower self-esteem, & greater life distress & depressive symptomatology ...  

     personality & cognitive characteristics underlying the informational identity style appears to provide the basis for better adjustment than does the normative style. For example, in addition to having committed beliefs, individuals with an informational identity style are high in openness, self-reflectiveness, introspection, need for cognition, & cognitive complexity whereas normative individuals are less open, self-reflective, cognitively flexible, and have a high need for closure. 

     ... the informational style has also been found to be uniquely & positively related to emotional intelligence, proactive coping, personal growth, hardiness, & personal wisdom. In contrast ... individuals who prefer a normative identity style might employ avoidant coping strategies & operate in a defensive manner."

       Seaton CL, Beaumont SL. Identity processing styles and defense styles during emerging adulthood: Implications for life distress. Identity: An International Journal of Theory and Research 2011; 11(1): 1-24.

Sphinx_man   www.dpreview.com

#432 "I try, and I try, ... but I can't get No Satisfaction"

     "The desire for a more meaningful and authentic existence may be experienced as a vague sense of longing that cannot be satisfied by the attainment of external ego goals. Once the transitory nature of egoic satisfactions has been recognized, whether they are in the realm of material possessions, personal achievement, or interpersonal relationships, attention may be turned to inner development in a search for deeper meaning.
     Carl Jung suggested that the first half of life was appropriately devoted to external accomplishments and the development of ego, while the second half should be devoted to the inward journey and letting go of ego. Although healthy ego functioning may precede confrontation with existential issues in healthy human development, it appears that the process is not necessarily chronologically sequential. Ego development may be satisfactorily completed in early childhood, and a call to inner development can be experienced at any age. It is no longer necessary to make a choice between devoting oneself exclusively to outer or inner development. On the contrary, it appears that optimum well-being demands both. Perhaps if the inner life were not so badly neglected in the educational system, there would be less need for remedial work in psychotherapy in order to redress the balance between inner and outer development.  
     When inner experience has been ignored or repressed throughout adolescence & early adulthood, it can become a source of considerable pain, anguish, & existential despair. 
     If, on the other hand, existential concerns can be acknowledged in conjunction with one's work in the world, one may discover inner resources for guidance, inspiration & deep satisfaction that transcend the boundaries of isolated individual existence."

        Vaughn F. The Inward Arc. Healing in Psychotherapy and Spirituality. iUniverse.com Inc, Lincoln NE, 1995, 2000. 

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/10/408-deterioration-and-improvement-both.html

tko   www.dpreview.com

#380 Everything Hinges on the Quality of Our Individual Inner Lives

     "Life itself is a balancing act. We are each of us perched upon a precarious pole, trying to stay centered in a swaying, breezy world. It is difficult enough staying safe ourselves, let alone trying to keep track of all the things stacked upon our shoulders. Mindfulness is a tool for looking inward, adjusting our balance, and staying focused on that still center point upon which everything else is poised. The quality of the present moment of awareness - that bamboo pole upon which we all are perched - can be calm, stable, and focused. And when it is, our well-being and that of all those who depend upon us is well protected. When it is not, no amount of pointing to the doings of others can compensate or restore our balance."            Andrew Olendzki PhD

 

Hart House, University of Toronto

#373 How Free is our Free Will?

     In the introduction to his short book “Free Will” (Free Press, 2012), Sam Harris writes: 
    “The popular conception of free will seems to rest on two assumptions: 1) that each of us could have behaved differently than we did in the past, and 2) that we are the conscious source of most of our thoughts and actions in the present. As we are about to see, however, both of these assumptions are false. 
     But the deeper truth is that free will doesn’t even correspond to any subjective fact about us – and introspection soon proves as hostile to the idea as the laws of physics are. Seeming acts of volition merely arise spontaneously (whether caused, uncaused, or probabilistically inclined, it makes no difference) and cannot be traced to a point of origin in our conscious minds. A moment or two of serious self-scrutiny, and you might observe that you no more decide the next thought you think than the next thought I write.”

     When we devote no more than the odd moment to contemplate who we are, and how we relate to our environment, Harris is correct, we do remain locked into being thoroughly conditioned by our past history, genetics, etc. Conditioning powerfully, predictably programs specific responses to specific stimuli. Our default mode is indeed primitive conditioned reactivity - we live much (ALL according to Harris) of our lives on autopilot. Sadly, most of us behave based on the complex cocktail of causes & conditions of our past - our future 'set in stone' by our past - with no chance of creatively carving out new, qualitatively better possibilities. 

     The timeless exhortations to "Know Thyself!" and "A Life Unexamined is Not Worth Living" point to the power of conditioning to enslave, BUT ALSO to the fact that there is A WAY OUT of an otherwise pre-programmed, robotic existence.
     Einstein said, "We cannot solve the problems of today at the level of thinking at which they were first created." Since our "normal" level of thinking is conditioned, it cannot solve the problem of conditioning. Contemplative practices such as mindfulness meditation are designed to free us from the prison of conditioning by cultivating a more evolved level of awareness that leads to wisdom.
     "Wisdom is a function of deep insight into, and mature understanding of, the central existential issues of life, together with practical skill in responding to these issues in ways that enhance the deep wellbeing of all those who the responses affect." 
       Walsh R. The varieties of wisdom: Contemplative, cross-cultural, and integral contributions. Research in Human Development 2011; 8(2): 109-127.

eaglevshawk   www.dpreview.com

#352 Cultivating Wisdom - the Essential Basic Competency - are Universities up to the Task?

     "Many educators are asking hard questions about the consequences of a too-narrow focus on technical skills that can rapidly become obsolete. At U of T, recent curriculum reforms have deliberately leavened academic and technical skills with what one might call “renewable competencies,” such as critical thinking, effective writing & communications, problem-solving, teamwork, and ethical & social reasoning. These are competencies for a lifetime, for any job and for every citizen. ...
     It’s hard to imagine nurturing such attributes effectively without some in-person interactions. It’s even harder to imagine how traits such as resilience or emotional self-awareness can be developed in an online cocoon with its pseudo-socialization. In contrast, if student A debates student B in a seminar, neither can reboot as their pet arguments get shredded. And the good news is that they might thereafter engage in civil discourse and discover the most important piece of human geography: common ground.
     Please don’t take this as a Luddite turn. I firmly believe that digital tools will make a hugely positive difference to higher education in the decades ahead. But I also believe that in-person education – and the competencies fostered by interpersonal exchanges – will be irreplaceable on our hot and crowded planet for a very long time." 
       David Naylor, President, University of Toronto   http://www.magazine.utoronto.ca/presidents-message/online-and-in-person-digital-synergy-david-naylor/

     I humbly suggest that the common, connecting "language" or foundation for these essential life skills is perhaps best learned via mindfulness meditation practice.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/02/33-deeper-teaching.html 
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/06/empathy-basic-human-competence.html 

Michelle Finucane   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/