It takes maturity, courage, self-reflection, self-compassion and honesty to admit and clearly see our own limitations - our "shadow" - and work with these consciously, constructively. This is rare in today's society. Instead, we tend to 'act out' our shadow - foolish behavior is frighteningly common. It's spawned an endless stream of situation comedies and reality shows about hoarders, morbidly obese, terrible home repairs, an endless array of stunts that end badly, etc etc.
Haven't we beaten our puer aeternus phase to death? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puer_aeternus Isn't it time to celebrate & promote the noble process of intentional maturation?
"shame is ... the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?
Shame is universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.
No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpins this shame, this "I'm not good enough, ... not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough"?
The thing that underpins this is excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen." Brene Brown PhD
Brown B. "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead." Gotham Books, NY, 2012. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability#t-153143
It's quite amazing how differently some people describe themselves from how they actually behave - fail to "walk the talk." And they may actually believe at least some of what they're saying.
High, rigidly-held, often loudly-professed moral & other standards, are difficult to live up to. So we may try, but keep falling short, and can't tolerate the disconnect. Therefore, we suppress the disconnect, to ourselves & others, any way we can.
The greater the disconnect, the less self-respect we have. Others see our hypocrisy far more clearly than we allow ourselves to see it. Hypocrites don't fit in civilized society. Whether living in a small tribe or in today's global village, one's reputation as a dependable, beneficial part of the community is everything. Living a divided life is miserable on all levels. The fact is, we can't ever truly get away with anything!
Rigidity & perfectionism are serious psychological handicaps. Lying is a rampant social disease.
Mindfulness training is about learning to see things - including ourselves - clearly, with kind acceptance, no matter what we see. In this wise way, we can let go of all dysfunctional coping strategies, and start living a congruent, undivided life. This is civilized.
