#755 Peril and Possibility

     “I have come to see that mental states are also ecosystems. These sometimes friendly and at times hazardous terrains are natural environments embedded in the greater system of our character. I believe it is important to study our inner ecology so that we can recognize when we are on the edge, in danger of slipping from health into pathology. And when we do fall into the less habitable regions of our minds, we can learn from these dangerous territories. Edges are places where opposites meet. Where fear meets courage and suffering meets freedom. Where solid ground ends in a cliff face. Where we can gain a view that takes in so much more of our world. And where we need to maintain great awareness, lest we trip and fall. 
     Our journey through life is one of peril and possibility – and sometimes both at once. How can we stand on the threshold between suffering and freedom and remain informed by both worlds? With our penchant for dualities, humans tend to identify either with the terrible truth of suffering or with freedom from suffering. But I believe that excluding any part of the larger landscape or our lives reduces the territory of our understanding.
     I have come to see the profound value of taking in the whole landscape of life and not rejecting or denying what we are given. I have also learned that our waywardness, difficulties, and ‘crises’ might not be terminal obstacles. They can actually be gateways to wider, richer internal and external landscapes. If we willingly investigate our difficulties, we can fold them into a view of reality that is more courageous, inclusive, emergent, and wise – as have many others who have fallen over the edge. 
     Over the years, I slowly became aware of five internal and interpersonal qualities that are keys to a compassionate and courageous life, and without which we cannot serve, nor can we survive. Yet if these precious resources deteriorate, they can manifest as dangerous landscapes that cause harm. I call these bivalent qualities Edge States.
     The Edge States are altruism, empathy, integrity, respect, and engagement, assets of a mind and heart that exemplify caring, connection, virtue, and strength.”
       Joan Halifax. “Standing at the Edge. Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet.” Flatiron Books, 2018.

Stefan Draschan photograph

#698 Father's Day Wish

     On this Father's Day, I fervently hope - for the sake of our beloved children and grandchildren - that each and every one of us commits to living more intelligently, wisely, lovingly every day of our short lives.

     “Each of the enduring religions contains universal principles that transcend time and culture. It’s not easy to extract those values from religions that are not our own, but it can be done Huston Smith says, if we see their followers as men and women who face problems much like our own, and if we rid our minds of prejudice that dulls our sensitivity to fresh insights.”

      Bill Moyers: “The Wisdom of Faith, with Huston Smith” DVD, 2011. 

#695 Accepting Ourselves, Accepting Others, and Then ...

     We keep trying so desperately to be accepted, valued and loved. We're acutely aware, at some level, of our many imperfections. And we fear our very survival hinges on eliminating, hiding, or overcompensating for our "defectiveness".
     After a while, we start realizing that nobody is perfect; and that unconditional love is painfully rare. Imperfection is tolerable, but life without unconditional love is brutal. What can we do about it? We know that we can't make others do anything. 
     But we can learn to accept ourselves as we are, then it's relatively easy to accept others as they are, and then, perhaps, we ourselves can become the source of unconditional love - the absolutely most precious, nurturing aspect of life. Perfection within imperfection?

     “When you came into this world, you cried and everyone else smiled. You should so live your life that when you leave, everyone else will cry, but you will be smiling.”                         Paramahansa Yogananda
        Dana Sawyer “Huston Smith: Wisdomkeeper. Living the World’s Religions. The Authorized Biography of a 21st Century Spiritual Giant.” Fons Vitae, Louisville, KY, 2014.

Public Gardens, Halifax, NS

#679 How We Keep Pulling Away from Life

     Very few of us, even if actively trying, can consistently embrace life with an open heart-mind. Why not? 

     We can see the reasons most clearly during sitting meditation. Self-talk, self-comfort, self-preservation, self-promotion - we incessantly, continuously obsess over "me, myself & I", despite the fact that doing so actually guarantees suffering. We observe this most clearly during meditation, but it's something we do all the time!
     Egocentricity, though extremely common, is pathological and unwise, because it does not bring us happiness; nor will it keep us living forever, so we must learn to release this obsessive-compulsive death-grip on the "self"!

     Opening our heart-mind towards the welfare & genuine happiness of others (allocentric), animals, & the environment (ecocentric) is wise, because it does bring everyone, including ourselves, genuine happiness and a meaningful life.

Monet's flowers

#641 Learning to Intentionally Engage with what's Meaningful & Challenging

     • "How do we prepare students to cultivate their own inner resources of spirit and moral courage? 
     • How do we enable them to engage moral and social dilemmas with clarity about their own values . . . ? 
     • And, how, without proselytizing, do we foster students’ own development of character, conscience, and examined values?
 
     Contemplative exercises expand students’ learning from the conceptual faculty of mind to the contemplative (non-conceptual) dimension. In other words, (we can) learn to step back from mental-emotional-behavioral phenomena and 'watch' them unfold, as if from the observer standpoint. The goal is to observe one’s inner and outer activity without judgment. According to scientific research from the last twenty years, it is precisely this contemplative 'observer' faculty that has the power to bring about lifelong learning and shifts in consciousness.

     Contemplative pedagogy (eg Mindfulness) is not about a goal, an outcome, or even effort. It is about being alive to the lifelong path of self-evolution – thereby becoming a beneficial presence in the world, to all beings. Isn’t that what any effective pedagogy aims to do?"

       Fran Grace. "Learning as a Path, Not a Goal: Contemplative Pedagogy – Its Principles and Practices." Teaching Theology and Religion 2011; 14 (2): 99-124.

#639 Mindfulness in the Real World

     Many of us, even if we have some mindfulness practice under our belts, underestimate the practical importance and impact of mindfulness on our day-to-day life.
     We (incorrectly) tend to assume that our usual way of being & doing things (ie mindless / autopilot) is practical, effective - "necessary to survive in the real-world".
     Conversely, we (incorrectly) assume that mindfulness is impractical - akin to "being the nice guy" in a world where only SOBs "succeed".
     However, our mindless default state, being egocentric, mostly ignores others, where we are, the present moment - so it's profoundly alienating. Everyone keenly notices whenever we lack interest, attention, caring. There's no engagement, no quality of connection, no quality of life. We may well be seen as irrelevant, burdensome, an energy drain.
     When we're being mindful, others readily perceive our "presence". They feel the vitality of a powerful connection between us: attention, caring, empathy, kindness flows unobstructed. Quality engagement defines interpersonal quality of life. We cultivate a "magnetic personality".
     Mindfulness is a product of sincere, open-hearted practice. It's not easy, but nothing of profound value is.
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=presence

#634 Personal Quality of Life - Professionalism - Citizenship

     We can all agree that every one of us is very interested & highly motivated to have & enjoy maximal personal health & quality of life. What constitutes professional behavior & good citizenship, and how best to promote these is more controversial & challenging.
     Yet I've come to understand that an individual's attention to self-care & wellness, their professionalism, good citizenship overlap greatly. From the other direction, I suggest that it's not possible (except perhaps for sociopaths) to enjoy optimal health while behaving unethically. If someone commits a horrific crime, chances are s/he will be found criminally insane (innocent by virtue of insanity). But I suggest that anything short of consistent prosocial, civilized, allocentric / ecocentric behavior is unhealthy - creates needless additional suffering - for the individual "actor" and society. Individuals (except sociopaths) are an integral part of society and nature - whatever benefits or harms one, has the identical effect on the other.
     So progressive maximal personal evolution of consciousness, fully integrated into one’s life, is the path to maximal health & well-being for oneself (wellness), one's profession (professionalism) and society at large (good citizenship).
     Teaching self-care - at the deepest level eg via mindfulness (MBSR) - is I suggest, a highly effective way of teaching professionalism and good citizenship in our multicultural, multi-faith, multi-ethnic society. Our world is literally dying for these qualities.

#628 Cultivating Self-Compassion

"This is a moment of suffering.
          The first phrase helps to mindfully open to the sting of emotional pain. (You can also just say "this is really hard right now" or "this hurts.")
 
Suffering is a part of life. 
          The second phrase normalizes our experience and reminds us that suffering unites all living beings and reduces the tendency to feel ashamed and isolated when things go wrong in our lives.
 
May I be kind to myself.
          The third phrase begins the process of responding with self-kindness rather than self criticism.

May I give myself the compassion I need. 
          The final phrase reinforces the idea that you both need and deserve compassion in difficult moments."

adapted from Kristin Neff       www.self-compassion.org 

by Joel & Michelle Levey    www.wisdomatwork.com

 

#616 Meaningful Living

     "What moves us to serve humanity, to achieve meaningful change, is genuine empathy; the capacity to feel the pain of others, to experience an intimate shared humanity, to accept discomfort and sacrifice in the path of a greater cause. In entering an authentic communion with others, we also discover a profound expression of our own dignity."

       Payam Akhavan, from the 2014 Vancouver Human Rights Lecture, "Beyond Human Rights: Building a World on Empathy."
       CBC radio interview: http://www.cbc.ca/ideas/episodes/2015/01/06/beyond-human-rights-1/

srb7109   www.dpreview.com

#615 Shame, Honesty & Intentional Maturation

     It takes maturity, courage, self-reflection, self-compassion and honesty to admit and clearly see our own limitations - our "shadow" - and work with these consciously, constructively. This is rare in today's society. Instead, we tend to 'act out' our shadow - foolish behavior is frighteningly common. It's spawned an endless stream of situation comedies and reality shows about hoarders, morbidly obese, terrible home repairs, an endless array of stunts that end badly, etc etc.

     Haven't we beaten our puer aeternus phase to death? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puer_aeternus Isn't it time to celebrate & promote the noble process of intentional maturation?

     "shame is ... the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?
     Shame is universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.
     No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpins this shame, this "I'm not good enough, ... not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough"?
     The thing that underpins this is excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen."                         Brene Brown PhD

       Brown B. "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead." Gotham Books, NY, 2012. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability#t-153143

#613 Nothing Personal

     We tend to "take it personally" when people treat us in uncaring, nasty, or cruel ways. I've felt this many, many times in my life. Yet, the fact is that I play an insignificantly tiny part in most of these people's lives. How they behave, has little to do with me, and almost everything to do with the rest of their lives, past and present. So taking their behavior personally is actually a bit egocentric. The world does not revolve around me. Things happen for innumerable, complex, interrelated reasons, of which I'm a very tiny part. 

     So what should I concentrate on if not my feelings, my comfort, my wishes, my needs, my security, my convenience, my ...?

     "Be kind, for everyone is carrying a heavy load."

#611 Healing is in My Hands

     All of us have been traumatized many times, in many ways. These hurts and traumas conditioned us to try to avoid re-injury from similar situations. Conditioning is not only reactive but also proactive. When we're wise, we nurture ourselves and each other to flourish, like loving grandparents. When we lack wisdom, we re-traumatize ourselves and each other, like cruel children. We choose to do one or the other, countless times, every day.
     Nurturing and traumatizing feel very different. Their impact, on ourselves and everyone else, is as different as heaven or hell. 
     May I be progressively more mindful to nurture more & more, and traumatize less & less.

#517 First Self-acceptance Then Self-knowledge

     What we find unacceptable in others, we naturally find unacceptable in ourselves. Rejecting others is relatively easy. When it comes to aspects of ourselves that we judge unacceptable, it's easier for us to suppress these, becoming consciously unaware or "blind" to our own "faults".
     When we deeply deny our own unacceptable aspects, we see or "project" these imperfections onto others and in them we find these all the more reprehensible. We judge others very harshly for having ( our ) qualities that disgust us. An extreme example is narcissistic personality disorder (below). The sickest example is scapegoating - ethnic, religious & other forms of "cleansing".
     Obviously, healthy maturation involves progressively greater degrees of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and empathy for self & others as we slowly become truly civilized & gradually earn our title: homo sapiens sapiens.

     “Narcissistic personality disorder is named after Narcissus, the youth from Greek and Roman mythology who falls in love with his own reflection in a pool. While the term narcissistic is commonly used to describe people who believe they are better than everybody else, in psychiatric terms, it refers to patients who unconsciously believe they are defective & deeply flawed. In order to mask their self-hatred, they develop a veneer of false confidence and superiority over others. Often, this takes the form of being highly critical and setting up impossibly high standards for people in their lives. But this only serves to alienate others, leading to rejection, loneliness, and sometimes suicidal depression.”
     Carlat D. Unhinged. The trouble with psychiatry – A doctor’s revelations about a profession in crisis. Free Press, NY, 2010. 

#407 Sympathetic Joy instead of Adversarial Relationship

     "If we approach life from a place of scarcity, a mind-set that emphasizes what we lack instead of what we have, then anyone who has something we want becomes the enemy. But when we can rejoice in other people's happiness, we realize that joy and fulfillment are not finite quantities we have to grab while we can. They are always available because they are internal qualities that flow naturally if we allow them to."

       Salzberg S, Thurman R. "Love your enemies: Hot to break the anger habit and be a whole lot happier." Hay House, 2013.

Toby Smith  

http://pdn30.pdnevents.com/gallery/2013/index.php?contest=smith

#381 Each Moment - a New Beginning

     "The goal of becoming a better person is within the reach of us all, at every moment. The tool for emerging from the primitive yoke of conditioned responses to the tangible freedom of the conscious life lies just behind our brow. We need only invoke the power of mindful awareness in any action of body, speech, or mind to elevate that action from the unconscious reflex of a trained creature to the awakened choice of a human being who is guided to a higher life by wisdom."             Andrew Olendzki PhD

     An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. 
     "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
     The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" 
     The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
       http://www.firstpeople.us/FP-Html-Legends/TwoWolves-Cherokee.html

From Kelly McGonigal's YouTube video - see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/08/384-understanding-willpower-competing.html

#114 Qualities or Attitudes of Mindfulness

     Jon Kabat-Zinn highlighted 7 mindfulness qualities - how one attends to information during mindfulness. 
     Shauna Shapiro et al added 5 affective qualities, yielding a total of 12:

nonjudging, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/115-nonjudging-quality-1.html

nonstriving, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/116-nonstriving-quality-2.html

acceptance, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/117-acceptance-quality-3.html

patience, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/118-patience-quality-4.html

trust, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/119-trust-quality-5.html

openness, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/120-openness-quality-6.html

letting go, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/121-letting-go-quality-7.html

gentleness, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/122-gentleness-quality-8.html

generosity, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/123-generosity-quality-9.html

empathy, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/124-empathy-quality-10.html

gratitude, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/125-gratitude-quality-11.html
and 

loving kindness. http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/126-loving-kindness-quality-12.html

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

  

     These overlapping, interdependent, characteristic qualities or attitudes are cultivated by, & naturally arise from, mindfulness practice - much like physical strength, aerobic fitness, perseverance, etc arise for athletes from their training regimen.