#756 How and Who am I - Right Now? and Now? and Now?

     It's critical to keep tabs on ourself - often. Why? Because we drift & get lost - a LOT!

     "… studies on attentiveness show that people are only briefly & unpredictably attentive. Attention habitually diverts to unrelated thoughts & feelings, leaving any task at hand to be managed 'on autopilot.' These studies suggest that mindlessness ('mind wandering,' 'zoning out,' 'task-unrelated thought') is 'one of the most ubiquitous & pervasive of all cognitive phenomena' and that it often occurs unintentionally, without awareness, occupies a substantial proportion of our day, and leads to failures in task performance." Lovas JG, Lovas DA, Lovas PM. Mindfulness and Professionalism in Dentistry. J Dent Educ 2008; 72(9): 998-1009.
     And that doesn't even mention wallowing & catastrophizing - our addiction to the re-runs of the never-ending-story-of-me!

     So, CHECK IN - often & regularly: 

1. Where am I physically - right here & now?
This is to actually "land" from thought-world, to reality. 

2. How am I feeling - Stressed or Peaceful?
If stressed, is this beneficial (functional) in any way, or just conditioning? If your current situation is more appropriately handled peacefully (almost always), can I accept & gently release stress with self-compassion?

3. Can I shift into Authenticity?
Of course you can, no question. As soon as you let go of being stress - not feeling or having stress, but stress-as-an-identity - you return to being authenticity. Authenticity - who you are & have always been - is still, silent, at peace, and spacious enough to hold any & all of life's challenges, including your young frightened part ("poor,  hurt, needy me"), with unshakable equanimity & grace.
     This young part is a very small, temporary part, that reflects the effects of traumas & conditioning. It's nowhere near your actual identity, which is inconceivably vast. Don't take your young part so personally, so seriously! Hold it lovingly BUT lightly. Your authenticity is vast, fluid & completely untouched by life's inevitable ups & downs: gain & loss, status & disgrace, censure & praise, pleasure & pain. 
     Your authenticity can be compared to a wise, loving, nurturing grandparent or wise elder. Your young part can be compared to a three-year-old grandchild. The two have vastly different depths, scopes & capacities.  
     Who you really are is spacious enough to easily hold your young, beat-up part in safety & unconditional love. BE authenticity.

     “Inner peace doesn't come from getting what we want, but from remembering who we are.” Marianne Williamson

 

#704 Choppy Waves AND Profound Stillness Beneath

www.elephantjournal.com

#699 Humility & Mindfulness

     "Some people think that humility is thinking lowly of yourself; some people think it's not thinking about yourself. 
     But to me, the best definition of humility is radical self-awareness from a distance. Seeing yourself from a distance, and saying 'What's my problem?'.  ...
     Success is earned externally, by being better than other people.
     Character - that unfakeable goodness - is earned by being better than you used to be."

       from David Brooks' interview (below) by Judy Woodruff, about his new book: "The Road to Character." Random House, NY, 2015.

#692 Mindfulness Training & Wisdom

     Participants in mindfulness training programs eg 8-week MBSR courses, often come to better manage their stresses, & thus improve the quality of their lives. However, these objectives ultimately require nothing less than the cultivation of wisdom - which mindfulness practices facilitate.

     "Although wisdom is a complex concept and difficult to define, historically it has been considered the pinnacle of human development.
     (Bergsma & Ardelt) define and operationalize wisdom as an integration of cognitive, reflective, and compassionate personality characteristics.

     (They) define and operationalize wisdom as a three-dimensional personality characteristic: 
          • the cognitive dimension of wisdom refers to the desire to know the truth. This does not only imply a knowledge of facts but also a deep understanding of life, particularly with regard to intrapersonal and interpersonal matters, including knowledge and acceptance of the positive and negative aspects of human nature, of the inherent limits of knowledge, and of life’s unpredictability and uncertainties.
          • A deep and undistorted comprehension of reality can only be achieved by overcoming one’s subjectivity and projections through the practice of (self-)reflection. The reflective dimension of wisdom highlights this aspect and represents the ability and willingness to invest in self-examination, self-awareness and self-insight. It requires the perception of phenomena and events from different perspectives and the ability to ‘see through illusions’. ... ‘one must be able to first become aware of and then transcend one’s projections before one can develop both the empathic skills and the cognitive processes associated with wisdom’.
          • Reflectivity tends to reduce self-centeredness, which leads to a deeper understanding of one’s own and others’ motives and behavior, and is likely to result in greater sympathetic and compassionate love for others. All-encompassing sympathetic and compassionate love accompanied by a motivation to foster the well-being of all denotes the compassionate component of wisdom.

     ... this definition of wisdom does not imply that wise individuals will avoid or suppress negative emotions toward themselves or others if they arise. On the contrary, through self-awareness and self-examination (the reflective wisdom dimension) wise persons are able to acknowledge, regulate, and ultimately overcome their negative emotions and projections without adversely affecting their own lives and that of others. For example, the practice of mindfulness and mindfulness meditation appear to facilitate the acceptance and eventual transcendence of negative emotions and behavior."

       Ad Bergsma, Monika Ardelt. Self-Reported Wisdom and Happiness: An Empirical Investigation. J Happiness Stud (2012) 13:481–499. 
       DOI 10.1007/s10902-011-9275-5 

     See also "Two Paths to Wisdom": http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2015/02/638-two-paths-to-wisdom.html

#676 Brokenness & Unconditional Love

     People seek help from psychotherapists when they feel broken and want to feel whole. 
     Ideally, psychotherapists themselves first undergo psychotherapy. Doing so, psychotherapists are better able to hold both their own brokenness and their own wholeness. Before we can accept others, we must learn self-acceptance.
     Psychotherapists ideally hold clients in "unconditional positive regard" and "meditative equipoise." These terms suggest great spaciousness, porousness, awareness, acceptance, unshakable love, understanding, peace, stillness, silence, wisdom. These therapists' qualities ideally remain stable, despite the variability & severity of problems and personalities of their clients.
     Obsessing about our needs, our brokenness, how we didn't receive unconditional love as children, is an endless wallowing in misery. It's also backwards. To heal, an inversion must occur.
     Unconditional love does appear to be the very core of human life. But our wholeness, authenticity, true happiness - all appear to be proportional to the degree to which we embody, we are the source of, unconditional love. Indeed, when a person feels utterly miserable, the best thing she can do for herself, is to help others in similar or worse situations.
     Traumas do hurt, traumas do crack our armor, and mercifully, the cracks do light our darkness. But our authenticity is in shining - being unconditional love.

Springtime at Luxembourg Gardens, Paris

#608 Fearing the Shallows & Depths

     This morning, in a local jewellery store, I saw a collection of clay wall hangings, each with a woman's face on top, and a slogan, meant to be funny, below. On one of these was written:
          "Deep down, I'm really shallow!"

     This is dark humor - trying to deal with something that's actually terrifying. I think a large proportion of us, women and probably more so men, go to great lengths to remain constantly distracted so as to avoid seeing clearly who / what they are deep down. They fear that their own character / psyche / soul is at best shallow, at worst wicked. This is a hangover from the dark ages of clerics terrifying people with burning in hell forever unless they pay clerics to pray for them. How could, or indeed why would we live meaningful, dignified lives if we believe that we're "rotten to the core"?
     All the world's wisdom traditions have intelligent, educated, well-meaning, civilized representatives. Also, all have shrill representatives who've miraculously evaded a thousand years of human evolution, and misery loves company.
     Meditation practices are avoided at all costs by those who fear getting to know themselves (as well as those who gain by propagating this fear). In meditation we do directly experience the "shadow" aspect of ourselves - the less flattering aspects of our personality that everyone else clearly sees, but which otherwise remains hidden from us. But seeing & understanding our shadow has nothing to do with encountering "the devil". Becoming aware of this part of our subconscious helps us mature and behave as responsible, civilized adults.
     Fortunately, meditation also lets each of us directly experience the very best of human nature. Each of us, fundamentally, is kind, spacious awareness. This wise, mature, civilized aspect is amply able to hold the relatively small, transient shadow aspect.
     Mindfulness practices, which are all forms of meditation, are ancient, time-proven practices, specifically designed to foster human evolution of consciousness. In other words, we CAN intentionally promote our own psychosocialspiritual maturation - but ONLY IF we can overcome fear-based avoidance.

Bess learning from Gretel

#606 Spacious Awareness

     For most of us, our default level of consciousness is one in which "I" and "mine" are the axis around which the universe turns. In other words, we're normally egocentric, self-absorbed, at times self-obsessed, and thus by necessity, we're stuck in an adversarial relationship with everyone and everything else. It's critical to clearly see this. Self-awareness is humbling, so we compulsively seek distraction - today's "opium of the people".

      “Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.”          Daniel Goleman "Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships"      www.goodreads.com

     Mindfulness practices help us see clearly and accept our far-from-perfect conditioned selves. The upside is that we also become aware of a qualitatively higher level of consciousness. At this level of awareness, we experience spaciousness, clarity, generosity, freedom, stillness, silence, loving-kindness, joy - the polar opposites of claustrophobically agonizing about "me & mine". Spacious awareness is always at hand - in fact we're it - whenever our "noisy ego" doesn't drown it out. While screaming, a baby cannot appreciate that his loving parents are right there trying to soothe it.
     As we progressively shift from being egocentric to allo- and ecocentric, appropriate self-care & self-compassion remain. We're AS important - not more, not less - as other human beings. Normal, healthy maturation is transcending an unhealthy, exaggerated degree of self-concern ie self-obsession, and opening our heart-minds to embrace & nurture all that we encounter, right here, right now.

Jonathan Shapiro   www.dpreview.com

#569 Clear Objective Self Awareness

     Everything we think, say and do has, or had, some perceived benefit in our life. Even the vilest, most reprehensible forms of human behavior have, or had, some perceived benefit in the perp's life.
     Mindfulness training helps us see, with increasing clarity, what we're thinking, saying and doing now, and whether our current way of being is appropriate to our current circumstances.
     The "momentum of our life" has a lot of momentum! But inevitably, our old ways of thinking, speaking and behaving become "old", losing both their charm and effectiveness. Objectively looking at these, compassionately letting go of what clearly was beneficial in the past, but is no longer, and trying better approaches makes perfect sense. Of course there will be things that we're already doing effectively - great, we can do more of these. 
     See clearly; be kind; do less of what doesn't work; do more of what does. Sounds reasonable.

Fort Beausejour by Robert Rutherford (2013)  www.fogforestgallery.ca

#565 Gentle Questioning

     Can I gently question: 
          Why I do the things I do?
          Why I say the things I say?
          Why I even think the way I think?
          Is there an overall pattern to the way I live?
          And if there is, is it still how I wish to live my life?

     "In a perfect world", what would I wish for as the central driving force in my life?

     If, from this moment on, that energized & directed my life, how would life be?

     See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/08/simple-but-not-easy-vow.html

Steve McCurry   stevemccurry.com

#537 Appropriate Behavior Takes Time AND Practice!

     How many people do you know who, no matter what:
1) laugh heartily, 
2) blurt something out,  
3) laugh heartily, then 
4) rush off? 

     Typically there's nothing funny, and they don't stop long enough to hear or understand what you have to say. 
     Is this really supposed to represent meaningful human interaction?

     Do I enjoy a regular daily sitting meditation practice? If not, then in all likelihood, I too lack what it takes to consistently engage - with an open mind-heart - with whomever & whatever the present moment holds.

     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/07/introverts-contribute-much-more-than.html 

Cotton Coulson, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#533 How to Keep from Becoming Frustrated? - Part 2

     As we continue to practice mindfulness, we become able to see our thought patterns more & more clearly and objectively. We start monitoring our thoughts, emotions, speech & behavior AND the consequences of each of these.
     What precisely does my prolonged feeling of these (below) accomplish?: 
          • down, angry, hopeless, revengeful, righteous, etc about "my world's situation"
          • guilt for not saving "my world"
          • revengeful over the injustices suffered by "my ancestors"
          • anger & hatred towards "the enemies of my people"
          • anger & hatred towards "my enemies"
          • judgmental & hatred towards those who don't live up to "my standards"

     What proportion of our FINITE energy & lifetime do the above dysfunctional habits of mind bleed out of us? Being "frustrated" is a massive waste of time & energy. For some, it's a huge part of their cultural identity to wallow in such emotional swamps. Some of these unfortunates inevitably act out, causing wide-scale suffering - and what good comes of these?
     Being frustrated, indignant, angry, revengeful, etc is useless dysfunctional posturing. Life's short & precious - HELP REDUCE SUFFERING & INCREASE JOY - for yourself & others. Positive change must & CAN start within each one of us.

Halifax, Nova Scotia, May 3, 2014

#517 First Self-acceptance Then Self-knowledge

     What we find unacceptable in others, we naturally find unacceptable in ourselves. Rejecting others is relatively easy. When it comes to aspects of ourselves that we judge unacceptable, it's easier for us to suppress these, becoming consciously unaware or "blind" to our own "faults".
     When we deeply deny our own unacceptable aspects, we see or "project" these imperfections onto others and in them we find these all the more reprehensible. We judge others very harshly for having ( our ) qualities that disgust us. An extreme example is narcissistic personality disorder (below). The sickest example is scapegoating - ethnic, religious & other forms of "cleansing".
     Obviously, healthy maturation involves progressively greater degrees of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and empathy for self & others as we slowly become truly civilized & gradually earn our title: homo sapiens sapiens.

     “Narcissistic personality disorder is named after Narcissus, the youth from Greek and Roman mythology who falls in love with his own reflection in a pool. While the term narcissistic is commonly used to describe people who believe they are better than everybody else, in psychiatric terms, it refers to patients who unconsciously believe they are defective & deeply flawed. In order to mask their self-hatred, they develop a veneer of false confidence and superiority over others. Often, this takes the form of being highly critical and setting up impossibly high standards for people in their lives. But this only serves to alienate others, leading to rejection, loneliness, and sometimes suicidal depression.”
     Carlat D. Unhinged. The trouble with psychiatry – A doctor’s revelations about a profession in crisis. Free Press, NY, 2010. 

#511 Who Am I - Right Now?

     As soon as I pause to consider "Who am I?", I'm immediately being mindful - a feature of the wise adult operating system (WAOS) - see yesterday's post. Perspective, awareness of how things interconnect, how everything is interdependent, how every thought, word & action has immediate local as well as long-term distant effects are important components of wisdom. Behavior that arises from this place of relative stillness tends to be appropriate, kind, and serves the long-term welfare of many.
     But when I'm "driven" to think, speak & act by unexamined energies, short-term gain for my ego is almost invariably the driver, the source of the energy. And long-term pain is very likely the result, for myself, others & the environment. Feeling "energized" to do something should always be carefully examined rather than quickly acted out. Reasonable courses of action seldom come attached to a brief rush of emotion. Behind energized zeal, there is often aversion, anger, hatred, and ultimately, fear - the fearful child operating system (FCOS) actually driving the whole sorry misadventure.
     "Who am I?" is such a critical question to ask oneself, very often, since we make important, life-changing choices moment-by-moment. EVERYTHING depends on the OS that's functioning - who we are - scared child OR wise adult - who do I want running my life? Please also read: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/03/power-its-origin-how-to-use-it.html

upuaut   www.dpreview.com

#479 "And How's That Working for You?"

     Think what you may of "Dr. Phil", his famous saying does cut to the heart of the matter. If one's life feels chronically suboptimal, then change is required. And don't expect change to come from anywhere other than YOU yourself. There may not be much that you can do about your material or physical circumstances, but your ATTITUDE - WHO you are, moment-by-moment, is ENTIRELY up to you and you alone.
     Such a fundamental shift in attitude - in one's state of being - is neither instant, nor is there linear progress, but as in any intelligent training program or practice, progress is progressive & inevitable. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/435-right-effort-does-not-take-but.html

Tamas Dezso photography   www.tamas-dezso.com

#473 Why Train in Mindfulness?

     Most people are drawn to Mindfulness when they find life overly stressful. Their usual coping mechanisms are simply inadequate to the burden that today's pace of life imposes. So at least initially, their interest tends to be focused on Mindfulness "as a self-regulation strategy in addressing stress & pain management and enhancing relaxation & physical health."
        Shapiro DH. A preliminary study of long-term meditators: Goals, effects, religious orientation, cognitions. Journal of Transpersonal Psychology 1992; 24(1): 23-39.

      So why so much stress in a time of plenty? Is it possible that many of us have lost - or never found - our bearings, spending most of our time & energy chasing after relatively meaningless things? Before we reach meaningless goals, we ride the anxious energy of the chase. But after achieving them, profound disappointment quickly sets in. We sense we're wasting our precious life. After repeating this chase-&- catch routine too many times, the pattern becomes obvious, and hopefully we can stop "doing more of what doesn't work!"

      "Man's search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life."      Viktor Frankl 

     The beauty of doing meaningful work is that daily life becomes & feels worthwhile, significant. In the process of doing something of value, we live meaningful lives. Instead of stressed, we feel engaged, energized to contribute. But to know what is meaningful for us as individuals, we must first discover who or what we are. To help accomplish this intentionally, sitting quietly and observing the pattern of our thoughts & emotions is exceptionally useful. Welcome to mindfulness meditation!
     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/432-i-try-and-i-try-but-i-cant-get-no.html 

 

#380 Everything Hinges on the Quality of Our Individual Inner Lives

     "Life itself is a balancing act. We are each of us perched upon a precarious pole, trying to stay centered in a swaying, breezy world. It is difficult enough staying safe ourselves, let alone trying to keep track of all the things stacked upon our shoulders. Mindfulness is a tool for looking inward, adjusting our balance, and staying focused on that still center point upon which everything else is poised. The quality of the present moment of awareness - that bamboo pole upon which we all are perched - can be calm, stable, and focused. And when it is, our well-being and that of all those who depend upon us is well protected. When it is not, no amount of pointing to the doings of others can compensate or restore our balance."            Andrew Olendzki PhD

 

Hart House, University of Toronto

#373 How Free is our Free Will?

     In the introduction to his short book “Free Will” (Free Press, 2012), Sam Harris writes: 
    “The popular conception of free will seems to rest on two assumptions: 1) that each of us could have behaved differently than we did in the past, and 2) that we are the conscious source of most of our thoughts and actions in the present. As we are about to see, however, both of these assumptions are false. 
     But the deeper truth is that free will doesn’t even correspond to any subjective fact about us – and introspection soon proves as hostile to the idea as the laws of physics are. Seeming acts of volition merely arise spontaneously (whether caused, uncaused, or probabilistically inclined, it makes no difference) and cannot be traced to a point of origin in our conscious minds. A moment or two of serious self-scrutiny, and you might observe that you no more decide the next thought you think than the next thought I write.”

     When we devote no more than the odd moment to contemplate who we are, and how we relate to our environment, Harris is correct, we do remain locked into being thoroughly conditioned by our past history, genetics, etc. Conditioning powerfully, predictably programs specific responses to specific stimuli. Our default mode is indeed primitive conditioned reactivity - we live much (ALL according to Harris) of our lives on autopilot. Sadly, most of us behave based on the complex cocktail of causes & conditions of our past - our future 'set in stone' by our past - with no chance of creatively carving out new, qualitatively better possibilities. 

     The timeless exhortations to "Know Thyself!" and "A Life Unexamined is Not Worth Living" point to the power of conditioning to enslave, BUT ALSO to the fact that there is A WAY OUT of an otherwise pre-programmed, robotic existence.
     Einstein said, "We cannot solve the problems of today at the level of thinking at which they were first created." Since our "normal" level of thinking is conditioned, it cannot solve the problem of conditioning. Contemplative practices such as mindfulness meditation are designed to free us from the prison of conditioning by cultivating a more evolved level of awareness that leads to wisdom.
     "Wisdom is a function of deep insight into, and mature understanding of, the central existential issues of life, together with practical skill in responding to these issues in ways that enhance the deep wellbeing of all those who the responses affect." 
       Walsh R. The varieties of wisdom: Contemplative, cross-cultural, and integral contributions. Research in Human Development 2011; 8(2): 109-127.

eaglevshawk   www.dpreview.com

#352 Cultivating Wisdom - the Essential Basic Competency - are Universities up to the Task?

     "Many educators are asking hard questions about the consequences of a too-narrow focus on technical skills that can rapidly become obsolete. At U of T, recent curriculum reforms have deliberately leavened academic and technical skills with what one might call “renewable competencies,” such as critical thinking, effective writing & communications, problem-solving, teamwork, and ethical & social reasoning. These are competencies for a lifetime, for any job and for every citizen. ...
     It’s hard to imagine nurturing such attributes effectively without some in-person interactions. It’s even harder to imagine how traits such as resilience or emotional self-awareness can be developed in an online cocoon with its pseudo-socialization. In contrast, if student A debates student B in a seminar, neither can reboot as their pet arguments get shredded. And the good news is that they might thereafter engage in civil discourse and discover the most important piece of human geography: common ground.
     Please don’t take this as a Luddite turn. I firmly believe that digital tools will make a hugely positive difference to higher education in the decades ahead. But I also believe that in-person education – and the competencies fostered by interpersonal exchanges – will be irreplaceable on our hot and crowded planet for a very long time." 
       David Naylor, President, University of Toronto   http://www.magazine.utoronto.ca/presidents-message/online-and-in-person-digital-synergy-david-naylor/

     I humbly suggest that the common, connecting "language" or foundation for these essential life skills is perhaps best learned via mindfulness meditation practice.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/02/33-deeper-teaching.html 
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/06/empathy-basic-human-competence.html 

Michelle Finucane   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/