#753 Recognizing & Embodying the Inner Wise Grandparent

     Each of us has a 'part'** closely resembling a frightened/sad/angry child. 
     Each of us also has a 'part'** that’s like a wise grandparent, who uses far more mature/civilized/evolved ways of thinking, speaking, behaving. 
     A child’s fear, sadness &/or anger is so much better resolved with a wise grandparent’s soothing acceptance, compassion & love, than with fearful, angry & or sad rejection.
     The 'inner child' represents our conditioned, reactive mind, which is too often what we depend on. Fortunately, the 'wise grandparent' level of mind becomes increasingly available to us when we intentionally practice accessing & embodying it with mindfulness meditation. As we gradually grow in wisdom, we become increasingly proficient at 'self-soothing' and equanimity, despite life's inevitable & unpredictable ups & downs. This is true resilience.
     **see: Schwartz R.C. “Internal Family Systems Therapy.” Guilford Press, 1995. OR for a concise summary of IFS, see p172-176 in David A. Treleaven. “Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness. Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing.” W.W. Norton & Co, 2018.

     If the above doesn't resonate, Kristin Neff's excellent exercise (below) may help you access your inner wise grandparent, even if you tend towards perfectionism & harsh self-judgment:

"Exploring Self-Compassion Through Letter Writing
Part One 
     Everybody has something about themselves that they don’t like; something that causes them to feel shame, to feel insecure or not ‘good enough.’ It is the human condition to be imperfect, and feelings of failure and inadequacy are part of the experience of living. Try thinking about an issue that tends to make you feel inadequate or bad about yourself (physical appearance, work or relationship issues, etc). How does this aspect of yourself make you feel inside – scared, sad, depressed, insecure, angry? What emotions come up for you when you think about this aspect of yourself? Please try to be as emotionally honest as possible and to avoid repressing any feelings, while at the same time not being melodramatic. Try to just feel your emotions exactly as they are – no more, no less.

Part Two 
     Now think about an imaginary friend who is unconditionally loving, accepting, kind, and compassionate. Imagine that this friend can see all your strengths and all your weaknesses, including the aspect of yourself you have just been thinking about. Reflect upon what this friend feels toward you, and how you are loved and accepted exactly as you are, with all your very human imperfections. This friend recognizes the limits of human nature and is kind and forgiving toward you. In his/her great wisdom this friend understands your life history and the millions of things that have happened in your life to create you as you are in this moment. Your particular inadequacy is connected to so many things you didn’t necessarily choose: your genes, your family history, life circumstances – things that were outside of your control. 
     Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of this imaginary friend – focusing on the perceived inadequacy you tend to judge yourself for. What would this friend say to you about your ‘flaw’ from the perspective of unlimited compassion? How would this friend convey the deep compassion he/she feels for you, especially for the discomfort you feel when you judge yourself so harshly? What would this friend write in order to remind you that you are only human, that all people have both strengths and weaknesses? And if you think this friend would suggest possible changes you should make, how would these suggestions embody feelings of unconditional understanding and compassion? As you write to yourself from the perspective of this imaginary friend, try to infuse your letter with a strong sense of the person’s acceptance, kindness, caring, and desire for your health and happiness. 
     After writing the letter, put it down for a little while. Then come back and read it again, really letting the words sink in. Feel the compassion as it pours into you, soothing and comforting you like a cool breeze on a hot day. Love, connection, and acceptance are your birthright. To claim them you need only look within yourself.” 
        Kristin Neff. “Self-Compassion. The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.” HarperCollins Publishers, 2011.

BOTH are Worthy of & Deserve Unconditional Acceptance, Compassion & Love

#665 Negativity isn't Enough

     "... natural negativity bias ... is our hardwired tendency to notice and amplify threats. It explains why so many people tend to believe that human life is brutal and cold, despite all evidence to the contrary. Negativity bias is the essence of natural selection: people who run away from a man with a gun or avoid a car running a red light are more likely to pass on their genes to the next generation. And these harrowing moments are more likely to burn themselves into our neurons than the gentle ones, so that we can avoid similar threats in the future." Jeremy Adam Smith "You Can Count on Goodness" Shambhala Sun, May 2015

     So, many (most?) of us are "nattering nabobs of negativity". Like those who are drowning, we'll latch onto anything that floats by - strongly-held opinions, dogmas etc. Even something as dysfunctional as cynicism seems more secure than "not knowing". But the fact is that we don't know much, and right within this space of "liminality" is where learning, creativity and growth happen. While rigid adherence to a jaundiced philosophy of life, though common, is pathological. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=rigidity
     Instead of rigidly closing down in the face of uncertainty, we can thrive in our complex, ever-changing reality using a very different approach: bravery, curiosity, openness, resilience, perseverance and love. We can intentionally, progressively let go of fear-based rigidity, and learn to live vibrantly, embracing life as it is. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2015/04/heart-mind-porousness-meditation.html

Gretel

#500 Changes, Ambivalence & Progress

     Most of us start Mindfulness training with the (realistic) hope & expectation that we'll become better able to handle life's stresses. Clearly, we ourselves expect to change, becoming more resilient, thus being able to enjoy an improved quality of life.
     Though we're intent on changing ourselves - at the same time - we're deeply ambivalent. This ambivalence is perfectly natural & healthy. We tend to identify with a certain sense of self, self-concept or ego, which we (mistakenly) assume to be permanently fixed & stable. Change to one's self-image feels threatening, and may evoke fear & anxiety. Knowing this, and realizing that our self-concept is actually constantly evolving over time, and remembering that we are, through Mindfulness practice, intentionally promoting & guiding the natural evolution of our consciousness, we can become consciously aware of, & accept our natural ambivalence, and proceed gently, at our own healthy, physiologic pace.

#444 Dancing in Constant Change

     “It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today.”           Isaac Asimov
 
     "The psychology of the mature human being is an unfolding, emergent, oscillating, spiraling process marked by progressive subordination of older, lower-order behavior systems to newer, higher-order systems as man's existential problems change."                                                       Clare W. Graves (1914-1986) 

      “Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”           William James

Steve McCurry   http://stevemccurry.com/

#442 Mindfulness Training & Hardiness

     "the personality trait hardiness (dispositional resilience) is characterized by perceived control over various aspects of life, commitment to one’s endeavors, and a tendency to view stressors as challenges.
     Conceptually, hardiness is broadly characterized as a stable disposition and/or a pattern of attitudes and skills providing the courage to turn stressful circumstances into growth opportunities. Over the years, a series of studies has yielded evidence for the construct validity of hardiness, including its interrelated elements of commitment, control and challenge.

     Commitment describes the tendency to stay involved with people and events rather than retreating into isolation under stress.

     Control refers to the belief that if one struggles and applies effort, s/he may be able to influence outcomes.

     Finally, challenge describes the tendency to view change as natural and as an opportunity for growth.

     Validation studies suggest that this construct is conceptually distinct from other well-known dispositions such as neuroticism, Type A behavioral pattern, negative affect, and optimism.

       Taylor MK et al. Relationships of hardiness to physical and mental health status in military men: a test of mediated effects. J Behav Med 2013; 36(1): 1-9.

     Those familiar with mindfulness will immediately recognize all components of hardiness - which are essential requirements for and natural byproducts of mindfulness training. Most importantly, hardiness can be & is intentionally, continuously cultivated, via patient, life-long mindfulness practices.
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/436-readiness-for-change-is-pivotal.html

Amateur Sony Shooter   www.dpreview.com

#414 Mindfulness is Mainstream

     88% of American college students who responded to the 2013 National College Health Assessment survey said they felt overwhelmed by everything that they had to do, and 49% said they felt that things were hopeless. And these 'emerging adults' have yet to face the real responsibilities and challenges of adult life!
     Life is moving faster, it's more complicated, more interconnected, less controllable and experienced as far more stressful than ever before. And we have fewer traditional resources to help us cope and promote resilience (extended families with stay-at-home Mom, stable small town communities, community of faith, etc). More about the significance of "community": http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/10/what-really-matters-in-community.html

     Mindfulness practices are helping to fill this critical void in our private lives, health-care, education, law, the arts, management, government, and now the military:
     "The U.S. Marine Corps, known for turning out some of the military's toughest warriors, is studying how to make its troops even tougher through meditative practices, yoga-type stretching and exercises based on mindfulness.
     Marine Corps officials say they will build a curriculum that would integrate mindfulness-based techniques into their training if they see positive results from a pilot project. Mindfulness ... emphasizes active attention on the moment to keep the mind in the present. 
     Facing a record suicide rate and thousands of veterans seeking treatment for post-traumatic stress, the military has been searching for ways to reduce strains on service members burdened with more than a decade of fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. 
     Marine Corps officials are testing a series of brain calming exercises called "Mindfulness-Based Mind Fitness Training" that they believe could enhance the performance of troops, who are under mounting pressures from long deployments and looming budget cuts expected to slim down forces."
     Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/u-s-marines-learn-meditate-stress-reduction-program-article-1.1245698#ixzz2hz5r5zmy

     See also "Mindfulness Goes Mainstream" July 20, 2012 PBS video (~9min): http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/2012/07/20/july-20-2012-mindfulness-goes-mainstream/11881/

#392 BOTH Anxious, Confused, Reactive - AND - Calm, Clear-minded, Wise

     We gradually let go of rigid black-or-white dualistic thinking as we become aware of infinite shades between extremes. As we broaden our intellectual & emotional horizons (gain psychological flexibility), we increasingly appreciate our own & others' weaknesses AND strengths.
     Seeing another's weakness opens our hearts to fellow human beings who, like all of us, are carrying heavy burdens.
     Seeing another's strength inspires us, knowing that we ourselves also have at least some of that very same capacity.

     Wisdom involves clearly seeing & compassionately accepting imperfection, while at the same time, resting in awareness & nurturing inherent wholeness. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/09/393-awareness-acceptance-dwelling-in.html

     "Therapeutic presence is the atmosphere for attending to the person's pain and vulnerability, while engaging their inner resiliency and wholeness."
       Palmer PJ, Zajonc A. The heart of higher education: A call to renewal. Transforming the academy through collegial conversation. Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, 2010.

  Muck AND Beauty

#364 Being your own Trainer, Sports Psychologist & Life Coach

     The will to repeatedly put a little bit more quality, a little bit more intelligence - the "right effort" into each activity - to behave mindfully - comes from deep within us. This will is referred to as "heart", "spirit", "character", "intestinal fortitude" or "show us 'what you're made of'". If we learn to consistently dig down deep to manifest that "little extra", we are training ourselves to become progressively stronger, more competent, and more resilient. We transform ourselves into an elite individual, a champion in our chosen field of interest. In other words we intentionally remodel "what we're made of" - our mind, body & emotions - physically & functionally, for the better. Also, we become a fine personal trainer, sports psychologist & life coach to ourselves.

     "Water boils at 100°C, not at 99°C. That 1° of intensity makes all the difference. Workouts are similar ... If you aren't getting results, up the intensity!"               encouragement handwritten on Dalplex exercise room board

     “I’ve always believed that if you put in the work, the results will come. I don’t do things half-heartedly. Because I know if I do, then I can expect half-hearted results. That’s why I approach practices the same way I approached games. You can’t turn it on and off like a faucet. I couldn’t dog it during practice and then, when I need that extra push late in the game, expect it to be there.”         Michael Jordan, NBA MVP 1988, 1991, 1993, 1996, & 1998.
     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/06/348-heart-of-mindfulness-practice.html
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/06/basic-essential-life-skills-need-to-be.html

alan-tunnicliffe   www.dpreview.com

#361 Beyond "Stress Management" - Resilience for Real Life

      Our life will include several catastrophic events - death of loved ones, end of relationships, accidents, financial setbacks, humiliations, job losses, serious illnesses, etc - "shipwrecks" - where our life, as we once knew it, ends. “To undergo shipwreck is to be threatened in a total and primary way. … what has dependably served as shelter and protection and held and carried one where one wanted to go comes apart. What once promised trustworthiness vanishes.”
       Parks SD. Big questions, worthy dreams. Mentoring young adults in their search for meaning, purpose, and faith. John Wiley & Sons, San Francisco, 2000.
 
     There is NOTHING we can do to reliably prevent these from happening. A bruised ego will want to play the irrational, immature blame-game - detrimental on many levels. What we CAN do, is intentionally mature, so we won't just survive these storms, but will thrive! Mindfulness meditation practice is an excellent time-proven way of achieving that. Some discomfort - "growing pains" - are normal signs of progress in this practice - a very small price to pay. “As you go deeper into your practice, there will be times of great inner tension followed by release to the point of weeping. If you have not experienced this at least several times, you have not yet really practiced.”
        Kornfield J, Breiter P. A still forest pool. The insight meditation of Achaan Chah. Quest Books, Wheaton IL, 1985.

     IF resilient, after a shipwreck "we wash up on a new shore, perceiving more adequately how life really is – there is, eventually, gladness. It is a gladness that pervades one’s whole being; there is a new sense of vitality, be it quiet or exuberant. Usually, however, there is more than relief in this gladness. There is transformation. We discover a new reality beyond the loss. Rarely are we able to replace, to completely recompose, what was before. The loss of earlier meaning is irretrievable and must be grieved and mourned. But gladness arises from the discovery that life continues to unfold with meaning, with connections of significance and delight. ... There is deeply felt gladness in an enlarged knowing and being, and in a new capacity to act.
     ... the gladness on the other side of shipwreck arises from an embracing, complex kind of knowing that is experienced as a more trustworthy understanding of reality in both its beauty and terror.” 
       Parks SD. Big questions, worthy dreams. Mentoring young adults in their search for meaning, purpose, and faith. John Wiley & Sons, San Francisco, 2000.

     Our task is to discover a freedom that's independent of all circumstances & times.
     Kornfield J, Breiter P. A still forest pool. The insight meditation of Achaan Chah. Quest Books, Wheaton IL, 1985.

     See: Readiness for Change http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/436-readiness-for-change-is-pivotal.html

Udayan Sankar Pal   www.facebook.com/UdayanSankarPal

#352 Cultivating Wisdom - the Essential Basic Competency - are Universities up to the Task?

     "Many educators are asking hard questions about the consequences of a too-narrow focus on technical skills that can rapidly become obsolete. At U of T, recent curriculum reforms have deliberately leavened academic and technical skills with what one might call “renewable competencies,” such as critical thinking, effective writing & communications, problem-solving, teamwork, and ethical & social reasoning. These are competencies for a lifetime, for any job and for every citizen. ...
     It’s hard to imagine nurturing such attributes effectively without some in-person interactions. It’s even harder to imagine how traits such as resilience or emotional self-awareness can be developed in an online cocoon with its pseudo-socialization. In contrast, if student A debates student B in a seminar, neither can reboot as their pet arguments get shredded. And the good news is that they might thereafter engage in civil discourse and discover the most important piece of human geography: common ground.
     Please don’t take this as a Luddite turn. I firmly believe that digital tools will make a hugely positive difference to higher education in the decades ahead. But I also believe that in-person education – and the competencies fostered by interpersonal exchanges – will be irreplaceable on our hot and crowded planet for a very long time." 
       David Naylor, President, University of Toronto   http://www.magazine.utoronto.ca/presidents-message/online-and-in-person-digital-synergy-david-naylor/

     I humbly suggest that the common, connecting "language" or foundation for these essential life skills is perhaps best learned via mindfulness meditation practice.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/02/33-deeper-teaching.html 
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/06/empathy-basic-human-competence.html 

Michelle Finucane   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/

#351 Resilience - Cultivating Inner Strength by Experiencing Sequential Successes

     "Resilience seems to be a skill that has to be experienced to be learned. ... The belief that one can bounce back from a setback, can overcome a failure or disappointment is most likely based upon numerous instances where that individual has previously done so. Those multiple experiences may give birth to a belief that one can turn things around."

       Barton GB. Career success and life skill development through sports. PhD Thesis, Boston University, School of Education, 2011.

lona Antonoviciute http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/

#328 Enhancing Quality of Care, Quality of Caring & Resilience - Workshops for Clinicians & Educators

Mindful Practice: Enhancing Quality of Care, Quality of Caring & Resilience

Two separate 4-day workshops designed to improve the quality of care that clinicians provide while improving their own resilience and well-being. These retreat-like workshops offer an experiential learning environment, with a focus on developing the capacity for mindful practice – attentiveness, situational awareness, self-awareness, teamwork and self-monitoring in stressful and demanding situations. Session themes include communication with patients/families, difficult decisions, errors, professionalism, medical education, self-care and burnout.

Designed for medical practitioners (physicians, NPs, PAs) and others involved in medical practice and education.

Session I is designed for those who have not previously attended a mindful practice workshop.
Session II will offer advanced mindful communication skills, hands-on experience in facilitation, and attention to promoting mindful practice activities at participants’ home institutions.

Course directors: Ronald Epstein MD and Mick Krasner MD

Location/Accommodations: Chapin Mill Retreat Center, Batavia, NY

Information & Registration: Please call 585-275-4392 or visit the session sites below:
Session 1: October 9-12, 2013 - http://www.cvent.com/d/1cqbt1
Session 2: May 7-10, 2014 - http://www.cvent.com/d/tcqbgb

Dale Chihuly   http://www.chihulygardenandglass.com/

#191 The Battle vs the War

     It's easy to become disheartened by difficulties and obstacles that incessantly block our path. We all fantasize (much more than we realize), especially when trying to achieve some worthy goal, that God, Mother Nature, or "The Force" should walk on ahead of us to sweep away all annoyances and petty hindrances!
     That line of "reasoning" is flawed in many dimensions. First and foremost, difficulties in life spare no one. You are not alone! And the kicker: one's intelligent, conscious interaction with difficulties is precisely what creates a mature evolved person. In fact, truly successful well-rounded people typically have had a surprisingly challenging life - see Kenneth R. Pelletier's remarkable 1994 book: "Sound Mind, Sound Body: A New Model for Lifelong Health." Simon & Schuster.  https://drpelletier.com/
     So sticking it out, be it in a marathon or a job, may be the polar opposite of martyrdom and self-abuse - it may well be exactly what you need to grow as a human being. Accepting the inevitability of loosing many battles along the way helps us win the war - and emerge as an evolved wise person.