“... vulnerability is at the center of fear and shame,
but it is also at the center of joy and gratitude and love and belonging.” Brene Brown
"The secret of happiness is freedom.
And the secret of freedom is courage." Thucydides
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.” Anais Nin
“It takes courage to endure the sharp pains of self discovery, rather than
choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” Marianne Williamson
“To wake up to our lives and to develop and sustain mindful awareness requires great courage. Mindfulness is not for the faint-hearted, nor for those timid or afraid of bearing witness to the often overwhelming brilliance, intensity, and complexity of their lives and world. To care deeply enough about waking up to our lives that we apply ourselves diligently to cultivating mindfulness, is a great act of courage, curiosity, and commitment. Properly practiced the intention to sustain mindful attention is supported by the attitudes of curiosity, openness, acceptance, and loving discernment." Joel Levey
"... natural negativity bias ... is our hardwired tendency to notice and amplify threats. It explains why so many people tend to believe that human life is brutal and cold, despite all evidence to the contrary. Negativity bias is the essence of natural selection: people who run away from a man with a gun or avoid a car running a red light are more likely to pass on their genes to the next generation. And these harrowing moments are more likely to burn themselves into our neurons than the gentle ones, so that we can avoid similar threats in the future." Jeremy Adam Smith "You Can Count on Goodness" Shambhala Sun, May 2015
So, many (most?) of us are "nattering nabobs of negativity". Like those who are drowning, we'll latch onto anything that floats by - strongly-held opinions, dogmas etc. Even something as dysfunctional as cynicism seems more secure than "not knowing". But the fact is that we don't know much, and right within this space of "liminality" is where learning, creativity and growth happen. While rigid adherence to a jaundiced philosophy of life, though common, is pathological. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/search?q=rigidity
Instead of rigidly closing down in the face of uncertainty, we can thrive in our complex, ever-changing reality using a very different approach: bravery, curiosity, openness, resilience, perseverance and love. We can intentionally, progressively let go of fear-based rigidity, and learn to live vibrantly, embracing life as it is. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2015/04/heart-mind-porousness-meditation.html
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| Gretel |
It's well known that most of our stresses today, are misinterpretations of threats to our egos, as if these were threats to our actual lives. Extreme examples: one man looks at another man, or another man's girlfriend, "the wrong way", causing (at times lethal) confrontation; paralyzing anxiety over writing "high-stakes exams" eg fellowship, board or bar exams; cyber-bullying tragically leading, in some cases, to suicide. We routinely take some things way too seriously; while at the same time, we pay too little attention to things that actually matter. How we direct our attention & energy can make the difference between barely surviving & thriving.
For students it's very important to realize that excessive stress also negatively impacts judgment & memory. While studying, if you're worried about doing badly in a subject, you likely waste huge amounts of time & energy listening to negative self-talk. Stress also interferes with your ability to remember the material, so the efficiency of your studying is greatly reduced. Then, while writing the exam, if you're stressed, your judgments eg choices you make on a multiple-choice exam, are negatively impacted. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2014/02/490-safe-learning-environment.html
Not well known is the fact that the opposite of fear-based stress is love. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/06/140-love.html How much effort did it take for you to learn all sorts of information about your favorite sport or hobby? None - it certainly didn't feel like work! How difficult is it for you to remember all this info? Easy, effortless!
To the extent you're able to bring about liking or even loving the subject that you're studying, you eliminate all the self-defeating, energy-draining barriers that keeps the information from going deep into your memory banks. If you don't find the subject itself inherently likeable, can you see how much good will come from knowing it? Now, what you study, will behave EXACTLY like all that information about your favorite sport or hobby. You are learning to open up, & welcome in information. Once it's deeply within "the marrow of your bones", it's readily retrievable & appropriately applicable in any context (test or real-world eg clinical application).
Learn to become aware of self-talk, thoughts & moods. If they're not helpful, learn to let them go & switch over to ones that work for you! YES YOU CAN!
