#136 Sleep disturbance - Mindful response vs Unhelpful reaction

     Many of us wake up in the middle of the night, and can't get back to sleep for either a few hours or at all. Then for the entire rest of the day we're exhausted, sleepy and out of sorts. This happens to all of us sporadically, to some of us with great regularity. A very common, entirely natural (but unhelpful) reaction is to become instantly upset at yet another night's sleep ruined, anticipating the remainder of the day to be brutal!

     Try this Mindful response the next time you wake up in the middle of the night:

1) simply & fully acknowledge & accept that you woke up

2) if you're in any way depressed, anxious or angry that it's happened, fully acknowledge and accept this too!

3) instead of getting into the old self-talk routine about being awake again (you've done such self-talk countless times & know very well how it makes things worse), check-in with your perceptions (except vision - keep your eyes closed):

     a) what do you hear - notice sounds, accept them as normal (obviously not if abnormal) at that time of the night / morning, but don't get into a conversation over them, instead

     b) what do you smell - again, notice the subtle smells, again, accept them as normal at that time, don't get into a conversation about them, instead

     c) what do you taste -  note the subtle tastes - accept them as normal, don't get into a conversation, instead

     d) what do you feel on your skin - notice the pressure of the bed under you, lighter pressure of the blankets over you, warmth of the bed, etc. Again, accept these all as natural - everything actually is!

     If you've done all of the above, you'll likely be asleep by now - entirely appropriate here! If you're still awake, sincerely embrace the peace, porous openness and acceptance you're cultivating. Consider the possibility, in fact probability, that even if you should lie there awake until the end of time, you can and will remain peaceful, open-hearted and calm. Even in the unlikely event you don't go back to sleep, you should derive at least as much quality rest by abiding with this healthy attitude!

     When you wake up in the middle of the night, do NOT get up out of bed (unless have to for bio-break), get a snack, check the computer, read, watch TV, or otherwise entertain yourself - doing these in essence rewards / promotes sleep disturbance.

     Train yourself so each time you wake up at an inappropriate time, you remain in bed and do the above exercise, without any expectations about how quickly, or even if you will go back to sleep. This is also wonderful mindfulness training!

Photo: Geza Radics     flickr.com/radicsge

#135 The momentum of our lives

     Our thought patterns have a certain momentum - our obsessive plans, anxieties and catastrophizations. The "story of me" has been doing re-runs in our heads for our entire lifetime, along with the linked emotions and physical symptoms.

     Even our bodies have a momentum - "muscle memory." It's an excruciatingly slow process letting go of muscular tension in our backs, neck, facial muscles etc.

     And of course our behavior has a huge momentum - habits are deeply ingrained - have you tried dropping a daily habit - like say your morning coffee, or nervous eating?

     Many of us base our very identity on the above constellation of thought / feeling / behavior patterns - "that's me!" So even our problematic self-concept has a momentum. This is despite the fact that we realize that much of this "identity" causes suffering for ourselves and others.

     Thinking, speaking, and behaving appropriate to the needs of the present situation (instead of going with the momentum of our habits) INITIALLY feels like swimming UPstream instead of riding the river downstream. If we reflect on our habitual thinking, speaking and behavior patterns, are these carefully considered to be most appropriate to the current circumstance & most beneficial in the long-run to all parties - OR - reactive, based primarily on self-interest?

     Momentum feels a bit like riding a roller coaster on the downward tracks - reconsideration of the destination, or even the pace, becomes increasingly impossible. Mindfulness, on the other hand, is like flying a helicopter, which can hover in one spot so one can look all around, then go at a chosen pace, to the selected appropriate place.

     So, shall we stay asleep on the roller coaster OR take helicopter flying lessons ie wake up & train to be continuously mindful?
     Are we ready to replace these problematic momenta with mindfulness that leads to a deeply meaningful life?

Photo: David A. Lovas

#134 Reptile & Homo sapiens sapiens

     Reptiles react instinctively: running after, grabbing, holding onto, eating what they want; or fleeing from what they don't want. Being on the run is something we're thoroughly used to - second nature! How often do we, or others notice that we've "over-reacted" or otherwise behaved  in an uncivilized manner? How often do we notice the sickening feeling of constantly chasing or being chased?

   Yet each and every one of us has the capacity for seeing clearly, objectively, free from the narrow limitations of our reptilian brain stem. We have, after all, been walking on two legs for a while, and have managed to grow an impressively large prefrontal cortex! 

     Joke: humans use their prefrontal cortex to make excuses for their reptilian behavior.
     Science: "Studies of everyday reasoning show that we usually use reason to search for evidence to support our initial judgment, which was made in milliseconds." Jonathan Haidt PhD

http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/haidt07/haidt07_index.html

     We've all experienced exceptional episodes when everything is brilliantly clear, timeless - a wonderful sense of total freedom. These are entirely natural - brief glimpses at life through our eyes as homo sapiens sapiens - how we are able to perceive. Can we make these brief episodes more frequent and more continuous by training our minds to keep evolving?

Photo: Geza Radics   flickr.com/radicsge

#133 Natural or Personal?

     Farmers understand that there are many causes and conditions required for seeds to transform into healthy crops. So they try to optimize as many of these inputs as possible. Inputs include the right amount, temperature, and timing of sunshine, rain, snow, winds, and fertilizer, in relation to altitude, latitude, slope of the land, drainage, innumerable chemical and physical characteristics of the soil, contributions by beneficial critters like bees and worms, minimizing weeds, harmful insects, foraging birds and animals, and on and on. A crop of grapes, like everything else in our world today, is the inevitable product of all that preceded it. It is intimately and completely woven into the fabric of everything that ever transpired before. It is part of nature, natural, natural science.

     Whether a farmer's crop is huge and healthy, average, or a complete bust, should s/he take it personally? Is there any benefit to taking it personally?

     Yet intelligent, normally rational human beings take things personally all the time. The primary reason: our brain stem prejudging all our perceptions as beneficial ("good"), dangerous ("bad") or irrelevant ("indifferent") for my (my DNA's) survival. So based on this reptilian process, we naturally feel absolutely convinced that "it's all about me".

     Nature of course is complex beyond comprehension. Our individual effort - just one of countless inputs - cannot predictably control our world. Nature is a massive impersonal organic process without any agenda to please or displease any one of its components - not even me!

     Can I look at myself, my body, "my story" objectively - as at a crop of grapes - as a natural process? How could this affect the quality of my life?

     Have you ever experienced an episode when everything appeared brilliantly clear, time didn't seem to exist, and there was a sense of complete freedom? How was that different than how you feel normally? Which feels healthier? Can we make the one that feels healthier increase in duration / continuity?

Photo: Colin Bates   http://www.coastalimageworks.com/

#132 Mindfulness basics recap

WHY practice mindfulness?

While we each come to mindfulness for a variety specific personal reasons, our common goal boils down to trying to figure out what on earth is going on - to learn what we and life are all about - can we find real happiness in this complex, rapidly-changing world?

HOW to practice?

• We keep returning our attention to what's happening here & now, both within and outside of us.

• We notice that the mind habitually thinks of the past or the future. (Actually, even thoughts about the past & future occur now.)

• The mind notices sights, sounds, smells, tastes, body sensations, mental feelings, thoughts, etc ("objects").

• The mind's function is to notice, to be aware of, to know objects.

Where's your attention right now? Can you now check how your feet feel?

Did this take much time & effort? No! The mind is very quick, and can do many things effortlessly!

What you did just now, checking how your mind feels - does it feel tense or relaxed? - is an important skillful mindfulness habit to learn and maintain. Why?

When our mind feels tense, we're usually using forced effort - striving. On the other hand, when our mind feels relaxed, we're using our natural intelligence.

BUT what if my mind keeps on drifting from the here & now?

It's perfectly natural for the mind to study various "objects" as these are perceived. Observe thoughts arising and spontaneously fading away (learn to observe thoughts objectively rather than getting wrapped-up & carried away in conversations {"story lines"} with them).

Check how the mind feels - relaxed or tense?

If relaxed, keep patiently bringing attention back to the breath, posture, whatever the mind notices in the present moment.

If tense, this too has natural causes. Can you see if you're trying hard to get, achieve, hold on to, - as if chasing something? Or trying to avoid, deny, get away from, - as if being chased by something? How does your mind feel if you let go of this striving? This too, like everything, is of course all happening right now - just another object for your mind to learn from - "no worries mate" - this too is part of mindfulness practice. When your mind feels at ease again, can you return attention to simpler objects eg feel of the breath, in the here & now?

So we 1) observe objects, 2) accept whatever we find (instead of pretending reality is not there or is different than it is. This does NOT mean condoning anything that causes suffering, NOR allowing it to continue), 3) investigate the nature of the object using the effortless power of our natural intelligence. 

The earliest objects in sitting meditation include the activity of the mind itself (shifting focus of attention), tickles, body stiffness / aches, restlessness, etc. Under the high-power microscope of meditative awareness, objects reveal themselves to be very different than we've assumed.

Mindfulness is all about learning from real life - learning to live intelligently, engaging with life it more and more wisely.

Photo: dibilio57   www.dpreview.com

#131 Biology, Morals, Choice?

     Research shows that when we perceive anything, our brain stem ("reptilian brain") first judges if the perceived object is good, bad or indifferent to our personal / DNA's survival. A fraction of a second later, we become consciously aware of the object - complete with a primitive, self-centered opinion about it! (Most "objects" fail to reach our conscious awareness because they're judged to be "indifferent" ie irrelevant.)
     When we perceive an attractive member of our favored sex, we become consciously aware of this individual AT THE SAME TIME as we're aware of our attraction. This is just neurobiology. It has nothing to do with choice, free will or morals. It is entirely natural, universal, nothing personal.

     IF, however, we then "feed" or entertain this message from our brain stem ie act on it via further thinking, speech or other types of action, these now ARE voluntary - free-will, choice and morals ARE involved. We are actively helping the power of this event over us to rapidly escalate, AND later, each successive similar encounter will have greater and greater impact on us. We are training (conditioning) our mind to crave, and become increasingly more dependent on this type of "object" for our happiness.

     IF, on the other hand, we're already in a committed monogamous relationship, and thus CHOOSE to simply accept and acknowledge that this linked-perception-attraction phenomenon is natural, universal, nothing personal, then the impact of this event rapidly dissipates. Each time we handle successive similar encounters in this fashion, they'll have progressively less impact on us. We don't train (de-conditioning) our mind to depend on this type of "object" for our happiness, so like any other activity in which we stop training, it's strength progressively diminishes.

     We each have addictive relationships with MANY objects eg food, coffee, alcohol & other drugs, work, internet, gambling, cars, cameras, shopping, travel, etc. Initially, try this de-conditioning technique with a relatively weak addiction. Can you FEEL it move you in a HEALTHIER direction? Can you gain freedom over other objects?

     The general principles are outlined in blog #128 "Check-in regularly": 
http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/128-checking-in-regularly.html

Photo: menghoff   www.dpreview.com

#130 Stable awareness OR trance?

     Many strive to focus attention on one object eg the breath, to stabilize awareness. Such forced mental effort goes hand-in-hand with forced physical effort, "breaking through barriers" of pain. Stable one-pointed awareness can indeed be achieved by some using this marine-style effort. However, those of us who have (some variant of) attention-deficit, and or low pain threshold, and all of us when we have a lot going on in our lives, are not marine material.

     Hallmarks of stabilized awareness include the end of "self-talk" (the obvious loud stuff at least) and sitting with complete comfort (even for prolonged periods). Both of these are major reliefs, so there's subtle euphoria, and the tendency to think "I've got it!" It's nice, but actually only a small, early step, in the lifelong journey of mindfulness.

     The stabilized awareness one cultivates with mindfulness meditation, is not lost by moving physically, looking around, etc. If doing these things ends the state ("breaks the spell"), it was only self-hypnosis - a good hypnotist can help get you there in 10 minutes.

     We are trying to become progressively more mindful - awake! This is not a quick fix, but slow, thorough, stable, transformational learning. We can achieve this through skillful mindfulness practice that is unforced, but continuous throughout our waking hours.

Photo: MABurney   www.dpreview.com

#129 How important is it to be "right"?

     Actively remaining identified with (cognitive fusion) one's own, or a nation's difficult history, and thus feeling like an aggrieved victim, is referred to in Buddhist psychology as "feeding the defilements" - a sure way to increase suffering.

     Human beings have a timeless tradition of doing exactly this, both individually (depressive "wallowing") and in groups (tribal / national / religious grudges). This predictably causes untold suffering, readily felt as mental tension / distress, and generates innumerable negative spin-offs from absenteeism to war. Nevertheless, there is a payoff of sorts - the feeling of "being right" ("delusion" in Buddhist psychology).

     At some point, "victims" eventually learn that there must be a better way ... but this means gradually letting go of a firmly-established (unhealthy, unproductive) way of thinking. Self-centeredness gradually gives way to wisdom.
 
     "Would you rather be 'right', or happy?"

Photo: chrisby   www.dpreview.com

#128 Check-in regularly

     Are you aware of your state of mind, moment-to-moment? Is your mind tense or relaxed?

     If your mind is tense, you can't be mindful. Your mind is locked-in - like a missile - on something. What? It's important to investigate the source of tension. Often it's craving - striving to obtain or achieve something, with the underlying idea that doing so will bring about happiness. Tension can equally be brought on by aversion to something (eg pain) or someone (eg someone who insulted you), again based on the idea that avoiding, retaliating, or somehow getting rid of the object of your aversion will bring about happiness.

     At some level we all realize that our own attitude is the only thing we can control. Can we then learn to give up on the unreasonable hope that others and the environment will start behaving to best suit us? Can we see that events occur because of innumerable causes & conditions, and that our own input usually has minimal influence?
     Say for example you take a cab and the driver is in a miserable mood and treats you badly. Many of us would take that personally, however, his mood has little if anything at all to do with you.
     How does it feel if you start taking NOTHING personally? Doesn't EVERYTHING occur naturally, due to countless causes & conditions converging at one particular place & time?

     Check-in regularly to see if your mind feels tense or relaxed. See how it feels letting go of tension-producing craving & aversion. See if you take things personally - how does it feel? Do less of what doesn't work and more of what does - see where it leads!

     You might revisit blog #74 Attitude:
http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/03/74-attitude.html

 

Photo: LolloRiva   www.dpreview.com

#127 In a relaxed way

     "Meditating is acknowledging and observing whatever happens - whether pleasant or unpleasant - in a relaxed way."                 Ashin Tejaniya

     Many of us are very goal-oriented, always striving to achieve, "driven" - otherwise we might worry that we're lazy or even insincere. However, meditation teachers repeatedly advise that this "gaining mind" attitude actually impedes meditation. Such a mindset craves results, anxiously anticipates the future, and is therefore uncomfortable in the here and now. But in reality, we're always only here and now, and it's about this present reality that we're trying to learn in meditation.

     Fortunately, everything - including thoughts about the future (or past) - keeps arising in the present. Therefore, we can acknowledge and observe even these thoughts - "pleasant or unpleasant - in a relaxed way."

#126 Loving kindness (Quality 12)

     "Loving kindness = A quality of embodying benevolence, compassion and cherishing, a quality filled with forgiveness and unconditional love."

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

     As indicated in #114, the 12 qualities or attitudes of mindfulness are overlapping, interdependent and arise from mindfulness practice much like the qualities of a master musician or high-level athlete arise completely naturally as a result of appropriate long-term training. The seeds of all of these qualities are within us all, growing to full fruition only when we provide the appropriate nurturing environment.

 Jon Kabat-Zinn Guided Loving Kindness Meditation (48min)

#125 Gratitude (Quality 11)

     "Gratitude = The quality of reverence, appreciating and being thankful for the present moment."

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

     Gratitude, like the other mindfulness qualities or attitudes, comes naturally through mindfulness practice. One can also intentionally generate gratitude by thinking of things one feels fortunate about. Regardless of how gratitude arrives, one should notice how one feels while being grateful vs for example feeling hard done by. Doing more of what feels good would seem reasonable.

#124 Empathy (Quality 10)

     "Empathy = The quality of feeling and understanding another person’s situation in the present moment—his or her perspectives, emotions, actions (reactions)—and communicating this to the person."

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

Jon Kabat-Zinn "The Healing Power of Mindfulness - Part 5" at Dartmouth College (5min)

#123 Generosity (Quality 9)

     "Generosity = Giving into the present moment within a context of love and compassion, without attachment to gain or thought of return."

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

#122 Gentleness (Quality 8)

     "Gentleness = Characterized by a soft, considerate and tender quality; however, not passive, undisciplined or indulgent."

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

     This is the opposite of trying to quickly force something through, which has very poor long-term results. Gentleness implies intelligence, consideration of all factors, patience, and persistence - the way water wears away rocks, the way a loving grandmother gets a grandchild to do the right thing, even though the child at first categorically says "No!" 

Jon Kabat-Zinn "The Healing Power of Mindfulness - Part 4" at Dartmouth College (27min)