#751 The Courage to Thrive

“... vulnerability is at the center of fear and shame, 
but it is also at the center of joy and gratitude and love and belonging.”     Brene Brown

 
"The secret of happiness is freedom.
And the secret of freedom is courage."    Thucydides


“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”    Anais Nin


“It takes courage to endure the sharp pains of self discovery, rather than 
choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”    Marianne Williamson


“To wake up to our lives and to develop and sustain mindful awareness requires great courage. Mindfulness is not for the faint-hearted, nor for those timid or afraid of bearing witness to the often overwhelming brilliance, intensity, and complexity of their lives and world. To care deeply enough about waking up to our lives that we apply ourselves diligently to cultivating mindfulness, is a great act of courage, curiosity, and commitment. Properly practiced the intention to sustain mindful attention is supported by the attitudes of curiosity, openness, acceptance, and loving discernment."    Joel Levey

#512 Complex Reality & Simplistic Certainty

     When we observe highly energized people "on a mission", they're absolutely certain that what they're about to do, or are doing, is 100% right, must be done, and immediately. Even infamous people, who create tremendous suffering, can remain steadfastly certain that what they did was right & reasonable. See: Burton RA. “On being certain. Believing you are right even when you’re not.” St. Martin’s Griffin, NY, 2008.
     Rigid, black-or-white, dichotomous thinking like this is characteristic of teens, people under great stress, or adults whose psychosocial development has arrested. It's very attractive (yet deluded) to be certain about things in a very complex, constantly changing world, filled with ambiguity. This is what attracts people to dictators, hellfire & brimstone religious groups, cults, gangs etc. The overriding fear of complexity will keep many such folks staunchly ignoring mounting evidence that their dogmas are irrational.
     After sufficient life experience, most of us prefer to employ freedom of choice based on mature judgment. Constantly gathering up-to-date information about what's most appropriate in the present moment is just sensible, iterative learning. We need to be aware, flexible, & humble enough to keep learning from, adapting to, & growing with, reality.

tr4driver   www.dpreview.com

#409 Quick Simple Categories versus Reality

     Many of us are more comfortable making quick either-or-judgments than exploring subtle shades of gray ie we tend to see things as either black or white. We quickly conclude that we like or dislike something, can or can't do a task, etc. Dichotomous thinking is our default autopilot mode. We may even identify with such ambiguity intolerance - "that's me, that's who I am, always was and always will be."
     Gradually we learn that virtually nothing is black-or-white. Extremes are perhaps only concepts, with infinite real shades of gray in between. Even two apparently polar opposites can be present and true at the same time eg we each have a number of subpersonalities, one of which may resemble a vulnerable child, and another a wise grandparent. Clearly, concepts and models of reality are but very rough sketches. Our growing psychological flexibility allows us to break free from the corner we may have boxed ourselves into, and to increasingly embrace reality as it is. We begin to realize that ambiguity intolerance is an adaptive over-simplification of an enormously complex, constantly changing world. And we ourselves are infinitely more complex than a pattern of likes and dislikes. 

#287 The Human Journey from "Simple Facts" to Complex Reality

     When a recognized expert in a field of study is asked a specific question, she's likely to respond truthfully "I don't know" and then concisely summarize existing theories about this tiny, circumscribed part of the human experience. This response is the product of a rigorous systematic search for truth, over a lifetime, by a mature, highly educated human being.
     How often do we hear dogmatically expounded simple solutions to problems with which humans have been wrestling for ages? Are these black-or-white views the result of a rigorous systematic search for truth, over a lifetime, by a mature, highly educated human being?
     Simple categorization ("black-or-white thinking") is essential at an early stage of development. We teach toddlers never to do a whole range of things we feel might endanger them; and to always do another list of things that are beneficial. However, as the child matures and becomes able to grasp more of life's complexities, our guidelines become increasingly more nuanced, until they're adults capable of appropriate decisions independent of their parents. This is clearly not a matter of morals ("right-or-wrong"), rather a matter of the child's mind developing progressively increasing capacity to handle the reality of an incredibly complex world.
     Among adults, there's a huge variation in approaching life's complexities, paradoxes, ambiguities, constant changes. A proportion remain at the developmental level of "Do this," and "Don't do that" out of deeply conditioned fear. Only a small proportion of adults actively take on a lifelong rigorous systematic search for truth. Mindfulness practice is an open-ended, life-long approach to investigate "What is this?" "Who am I?", and it does not impose any answers. 
     Many adults' lives are ruled by fear and anxiety. They sense that life is difficult and uncontrollable on many levels, and thus spend their lives distracting themselves: amusements, work, food, drink, material goods, religion on a shallow magical escape / social comfort level, gambling, substance abuse, etc. This is a "life unexamined" not only out of fear, but deep cynicism about introspection, convinced that deeply examining the nature of reality will reveal only darkness. When fear / anxiety / cynicism is the true driving force in one's life, one is profoundly suffering, and creates more suffering for others. It's critically important to realize that this is being stuck at a relatively immature developmental stage ("dark night of the soul"), NOT the final word on reality. It's also critically important to realize that it's (strangely) easier to remain stuck in certainty of something miserable, than to open up to new possibilities!

     We practice mindfulness because life is difficult and we understand that we CAN help our consciousness evolve to more effectively meet life's challenges. 
     Never give up, never give in to cynicism, nihilism - this is a miserable place to park for the rest of one's life! See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/09/181-healthy-maturation.html

Photo: Pawel Klarecki   http://pawelklarecki.blogspot.ro/

#196 To Flourish amid Complexity, Ambiguity, Liminality & Constant Change

     We have a natural aversion to complexity, ambiguity, liminality - to moving targets in general. It must be a hangover from our reptilian past - we just love quick, simple (even simple-minded), clear-cut decisive action. However, our world is infinitely complex and constantly changing.
     No wonder so many seek refuge and willingly become brainwashed in simplistic dogmatic black-or-white worldviews - "you're either with us, or against us". Ambiguity intolerance is characteristic of an adolescent level of development - high school cliques, bullying etc. Many of us never grow out of this. Adults elect leaders who give instant "witty" (sarcastic) responses to complex questions or criticisms - not exactly a sign of wisdom.
     Many of us go towards the other extreme - willingly remaining perpetually confused. Facing reality can be deferred for an entire lifetime. There are endless distractions to help keep one mindlessly entertained.
     Clear seeing, accepting ALL of reality, as it is, including the difficult, complex and ambiguous aspects, requires sober responsible maturity. Welcome to real adult life!
     In mindfulness we learn to become accurately aware of what's going on around us and within us. Only when we perceive clearly can we respond appropriately - to help instead of hinder, to decrease instead of increase suffering.