#760 From Black-and-White Thinking towards Intimacy

     We all experience "ups & downs," "good times & bad," etc. In fact, our contact with life's "opposites", and our "approach-avoidance" reaction to them, started in utero!

     “From the very beginning of our lives, even from before we are born, we organize ourselves in response to our environment. We pull away, with our body and our consciousness, from whatever is painful or overwhelming, and we constrict those parts of ourselves that are experiencing pain. Our pulling away from abrasive stimuli is not just a mental process. It is an actual constricting against the sensation of pain.
     … trauma (is) any event that is too intense, too painful – emotionally or physically – or too confusing to be fully received.

     (This) is simply the ordinary human condition. We all grow up to some extent limited in our human capacities, such as our ability to love, to speak freely, or to think clearly, by (trauma-induced) holding patterns … Although we may be aware of feelings of tension in our body, most people are not aware of the limitations in their ability to receive and respond to life, unless these limitations become severe. Most of us accept our limitations as being ‘just who we are.’ ” Judith Blackstone

     We approach pleasurable opportunities to promote well-being & survival. Conversely, we avoid or withdraw from painful experiences as protection from harm. This biological approach-avoid dichotomy underlies all motivational tendencies, forms the basis of emotion, & promotes adaptation.
     We're biologically & culturally programmed to seek pleasure & avoid discomfort. But life includes pleasure, pain, as well as uncomfortable periods of growth that take place beyond our comfort zone - in liminality - a state of in-between-ness, ambiguity confusion & even boredom.
        Lovas J, Gold E, Neish N, Whitehorn D, Holexa D. "Cultivating Engagement through Mindfulness Practice." Poster Presentation, American Dental Education Association annual meeting, March 19, 2012, Orlando, FL. 

     Our struggle to avoid pain & liminality, and cling to happiness is the basic obstacle to joyful, full engagement with life.
     Particularly in our youth, we might assume that "really living" is a wild roller coaster ride. During periods of calm & peace, we may actually become anxiously "bored." With age, however, we tend to prefer peace over emotional extremes.

     Mindfulness practice cultivates wise acceptance of, & the ability to work equanimously within the entire range of what life brings us - embracing all the apparent opposites, even all apparent paradoxes. 
     Our minds cannot comprehend this - a serious, often permanent road-block for many. HOWEVER, for the few who are sufficiently interested, patient meditation practice allows us to experience the fact that literally "everything is workable," moving us well past mere acceptance, towards intimacy with ALL of life.

#740 Goals, Failures & Paradox

"Nothing to do,

Nowhere to go,

No one to be."

     What a perplexing koan, riddle - or - statement of fact? It sure sounds like a corrective for us goal-oriented workaholics, anxiously struggling with time-poverty, low self-esteem, etc. Below Jon Kabat-Zinn clearly expands on this theme:

     “The goal of mindfulness practice, if there can be said to be a goal at all (since the practice emphasizes non-duality and therefore non-striving) is simply to experience what is present from moment to moment. Thus, emotional reactivity, and the full range of emotional states available to human beings are as much a valid domain of meditative experience as experiences of calm or relaxation. 
     The cultivation of mindfulness is an arduous challenge, in which one learns to face and work with the full range of emotions and mind states. Frequently, relaxation in the way it is usually formulated, would be an entirely inappropriate response to human situations and problems. If it is offered as the ‘solution’ or the heart of a meditative approach to stress reduction, it will introduce inevitable conflict because of its emphasis on a desirable endstate to be achieved. If one one fails to experience or ‘achieve’ relaxation, then one has failed, and the practitioner has either to conclude that she herself is somehow inadequate, or that the technique is lacking. In either case, there has been a thwarting of one’s goals and expectations which can lead to a sense of inadequacy and an arrested trajectory of development. 

     In contrast, it is impossible to ‘fail’ at mindfulness if one is willing to bring whatever it is that one is experiencing into the field of awareness. One does not have to do anything at all, or achieve a particular state in mindfulness practice. We sometimes tell our patients, in the spirit of the paradoxical nature of the non-dualistic approach, that ‘we will teach you how to be so relaxed that it is OK to be tense.’ ”  
       Jon Kabat-Zinn. “Mindfulness Meditation. What It Is, What It Isn’t, and Its Role in Health Care and Medicine.” Chapter 12 in: Ishii Y, Suzuki M, Haruki Y, eds. “Comparative and Psychological Study on Meditation.” Eburon, 2007.

Courtesy of Buddha Doodles www.buddhadoodles.com

#598 Relaxation & Clarity

     "When there is less intensity, the mind becomes more relaxed and thereby able to quieten and open to its innate spaciousness and clarity."

     This statement runs so contrary to our cultural conditioning, that we need to experience its veracity before we believe it. And the momentum of our habits is so strong, that we need to experience it many times before we trust it sufficiently to intentionally put it into practice. Yet ...

     "As we deepen our sense of ease with ourselves, the fundamental wounding to our self-identity will soften. This softening leads to a greater inner space that can more naturally respond to others. While we are caught in our wounded self-preoccupations, we have no space for others. An inner atmosphere of compassion and acceptance slowly softens the rigidity of our wounding. As we become less self-preoccupied we begin to find the capacity to respond to others, and we may discover that we are able to be present, compassionate, and caring without judging. Our compassion grows as we allow others to be who they are with their faults and struggles, their unique qualities and gifts."

       Preece R. "The Wisdom of Imperfection. The Challenge of Individuation in Buddhist Life." Snow Lion Publications, Ithaca NY, 2006.

 

Antonio Celso Lima Mollo, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#472 Liminality in Illness AND Health

     While we have youth, good health & abundant energy, it's so easy to take these for granted, and focus our worries on relatively trivial matters. As the many & varied challenges of aging start creeping in, we marvel at young peoples' good fortune - which for us is now "slip-sliding away". When life-threatening illness arrives, we're suddenly thrown for a loop. This is how most of us sleepwalk through life - on autopilot.
     But we're ALL, ALWAYS changing, and everything around us is also CONSTANTLY changing. Stability, of any kind, at any age, is an illusion. Reality has nothing to do with solid permanence - everything is liminal!
     Successful adaptation involves perceiving things clearly, accepting life as it is, improving external circumstances as much as practical, AND adjusting ourselves optimally to situations that cannot be improved (serenity prayer). This is thriving in the real world - the world of liminality. 

     "The concept of liminality stems from the work ... on ritual and rites of passage. Van Gennep suggested ‘the life of an individual in any society is a series of passages from one age to another and from one occupation to another’. Typical rites include life events such as: pregnancy, birth, marriage and death. Rites of passage can be divided into three stages: preliminal rites (rites of separation), liminal rites (rites of transition) and postliminal rites (rites of reincorporation). A rite of passage begins by ‘severing connection’ with a previous social state or position, followed by an ambiguous time where individuals find themselves ‘in-between’ social positions, and ends with ‘re-entry’ or ‘rebirth’ into a new social position.

     Rites of passage are not restricted to movement between ‘ascribed’ statuses such as those associated with birth, marriage and death. They also apply to entry into a ‘new achieved status’, for example, membership of a certain group. Turner was particularly interested in the ‘sociocultural’ properties of the liminal (transition) period, asserting that liminality is an ‘interstructural’ situation where culturally recognized positions, such as being married, single, an infant, etc. no longer apply. Liminal people are structurally ‘invisible’ - they are ‘no longer classified and not yet classified’, and therefore are ‘betwixt and between’ structural classification. As such, they are often described as being on the threshold, or margins. Living in the liminal (or transition) period can therefore lead to feelings of ‘ambiguity and paradox’. Yet, Turner also suggested that transition can be transformative. In fact, Turner described liminality as a ‘stage of reflection’ where ‘the reformulation of old elements in new patterns’ occurs, with liminal people re-entering society at a higher social status."

       Blows E et al. Liminality as a framework for understanding the experience of cancer survivorship: A literature review. J Adv Nurs 2012; 68(10): 2155-64. 

#466 Timelessness?

     Linear time may seem quite rational. Timelessness may be something you experience as equally if not more reasonable, in time. Yes, both time and timelessness.

Steve McCurry   http://stevemccurry.com/

#287 The Human Journey from "Simple Facts" to Complex Reality

     When a recognized expert in a field of study is asked a specific question, she's likely to respond truthfully "I don't know" and then concisely summarize existing theories about this tiny, circumscribed part of the human experience. This response is the product of a rigorous systematic search for truth, over a lifetime, by a mature, highly educated human being.
     How often do we hear dogmatically expounded simple solutions to problems with which humans have been wrestling for ages? Are these black-or-white views the result of a rigorous systematic search for truth, over a lifetime, by a mature, highly educated human being?
     Simple categorization ("black-or-white thinking") is essential at an early stage of development. We teach toddlers never to do a whole range of things we feel might endanger them; and to always do another list of things that are beneficial. However, as the child matures and becomes able to grasp more of life's complexities, our guidelines become increasingly more nuanced, until they're adults capable of appropriate decisions independent of their parents. This is clearly not a matter of morals ("right-or-wrong"), rather a matter of the child's mind developing progressively increasing capacity to handle the reality of an incredibly complex world.
     Among adults, there's a huge variation in approaching life's complexities, paradoxes, ambiguities, constant changes. A proportion remain at the developmental level of "Do this," and "Don't do that" out of deeply conditioned fear. Only a small proportion of adults actively take on a lifelong rigorous systematic search for truth. Mindfulness practice is an open-ended, life-long approach to investigate "What is this?" "Who am I?", and it does not impose any answers. 
     Many adults' lives are ruled by fear and anxiety. They sense that life is difficult and uncontrollable on many levels, and thus spend their lives distracting themselves: amusements, work, food, drink, material goods, religion on a shallow magical escape / social comfort level, gambling, substance abuse, etc. This is a "life unexamined" not only out of fear, but deep cynicism about introspection, convinced that deeply examining the nature of reality will reveal only darkness. When fear / anxiety / cynicism is the true driving force in one's life, one is profoundly suffering, and creates more suffering for others. It's critically important to realize that this is being stuck at a relatively immature developmental stage ("dark night of the soul"), NOT the final word on reality. It's also critically important to realize that it's (strangely) easier to remain stuck in certainty of something miserable, than to open up to new possibilities!

     We practice mindfulness because life is difficult and we understand that we CAN help our consciousness evolve to more effectively meet life's challenges. 
     Never give up, never give in to cynicism, nihilism - this is a miserable place to park for the rest of one's life! See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/09/181-healthy-maturation.html

Photo: Pawel Klarecki   http://pawelklarecki.blogspot.ro/

#235 Discomfort - A Wonderful Opportunity !!!

     What happens when I'm trying to enjoy a book in my favorite coffee shop and the couple right beside me is having a continuous, moderately loud conversation? Well, I used to become irritated, judgmental, condescending, frustrated etc.

     “How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.”
                  Neils Bohr, physicist, Nobel laureate

     These days, I realize that their conversation (or any other behavior that doesn't cause suffering to them or others) is not my business. BUT, a big part of my practice is selecting the most appropriate attitude. Here, I can be porous, like a stone house without windows, doors, or roof. The sounds can pass through unobstructed, yet the stone walls remain solidly grounded, undisturbed.
     I've accepted the physical sensations of initial reflexive discomfort caused by my attitude (not their behavior). This in turn reminds me to select a more appropriate attitude - acceptance of the stimuli as impersonal sounds and an opportunity to practice mindfulness - to have curiosity about the situation. I then become more porously - physiologically - related to reality as it is. This is healthy. I'm at home, in my home, with others who are also at home - deep satisfaction. On leaving the coffee shop, there's NO hangover (no unpleasant residual effects), even though the couple's conversation persists. I'm learning to be at home in our world.
     Each one of us is a rock with rough edges, several carried in a monk's pocket, as he walks endlessly. At the end of his long journey, as we keep rubbing against each other, all of us become perfectly smooth - no more friction. This is the fruit of our practice.
     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/02/37-embracing-challenges.html

Trident Booksellers & Cafe, Halifax NS

#77 Mind AND Heart

     It’s not a matter of mind or heart, but mind and heart, despite the fact that the two, at a superficial level, would appear to be mutually exclusive. As we grow older, we feel an increasing pull to live congruently, to live a non-dualistic life.

     “… a mature adult … can hold both conviction and paradox.”
     Parks SD. “Big questions, worthy dreams. Mentoring young adults in their search for meaning, purpose, and faith.” John Wiley & Sons, San Francisco, 2000.

Photo: Pat Curley   www.dpreview.com

 

#37 Embracing Challenges

     “But the amazing thing, which you can find out only by practicing mindfulness fairly regularly over time, is that paying attention in a particular way to the very sensations, emotions, and thoughts that together constitute the experience of pain – in the present moment and as nonjudgmentally as possible (which may be very judgmental a good deal of the time) – actually has within it the seeds of freedom from suffering. This is totally counterintuitive I know; nonetheless, it seems to be the case…."          Jon Kabat-Zinn

 
       Gardner-Nix, J. “The mindfulness solution to pain. Step-by-step techniques for chronic pain management.” New Harbinger Publications Inc, Oakland CA, 2009.

Photo: Uloo   www.dpreview.com