#760 From Black-and-White Thinking towards Intimacy

     We all experience "ups & downs," "good times & bad," etc. In fact, our contact with life's "opposites", and our "approach-avoidance" reaction to them, started in utero!

     “From the very beginning of our lives, even from before we are born, we organize ourselves in response to our environment. We pull away, with our body and our consciousness, from whatever is painful or overwhelming, and we constrict those parts of ourselves that are experiencing pain. Our pulling away from abrasive stimuli is not just a mental process. It is an actual constricting against the sensation of pain.
     … trauma (is) any event that is too intense, too painful – emotionally or physically – or too confusing to be fully received.

     (This) is simply the ordinary human condition. We all grow up to some extent limited in our human capacities, such as our ability to love, to speak freely, or to think clearly, by (trauma-induced) holding patterns … Although we may be aware of feelings of tension in our body, most people are not aware of the limitations in their ability to receive and respond to life, unless these limitations become severe. Most of us accept our limitations as being ‘just who we are.’ ” Judith Blackstone

     We approach pleasurable opportunities to promote well-being & survival. Conversely, we avoid or withdraw from painful experiences as protection from harm. This biological approach-avoid dichotomy underlies all motivational tendencies, forms the basis of emotion, & promotes adaptation.
     We're biologically & culturally programmed to seek pleasure & avoid discomfort. But life includes pleasure, pain, as well as uncomfortable periods of growth that take place beyond our comfort zone - in liminality - a state of in-between-ness, ambiguity confusion & even boredom.
        Lovas J, Gold E, Neish N, Whitehorn D, Holexa D. "Cultivating Engagement through Mindfulness Practice." Poster Presentation, American Dental Education Association annual meeting, March 19, 2012, Orlando, FL. 

     Our struggle to avoid pain & liminality, and cling to happiness is the basic obstacle to joyful, full engagement with life.
     Particularly in our youth, we might assume that "really living" is a wild roller coaster ride. During periods of calm & peace, we may actually become anxiously "bored." With age, however, we tend to prefer peace over emotional extremes.

     Mindfulness practice cultivates wise acceptance of, & the ability to work equanimously within the entire range of what life brings us - embracing all the apparent opposites, even all apparent paradoxes. 
     Our minds cannot comprehend this - a serious, often permanent road-block for many. HOWEVER, for the few who are sufficiently interested, patient meditation practice allows us to experience the fact that literally "everything is workable," moving us well past mere acceptance, towards intimacy with ALL of life.

#743 Existential Loneliness

     "Loneliness is one of the most common of all human conditions, but it is largely misunderstood by the general population and clinicians alike. In this article, I draw sharp distinctions between 'pathological loneliness' (what people usually mean when they say they are lonely) and 'existential loneliness,' the central focus of this paper. I briefly review the former in order to differentiate it clearly from the latter, arguing that pathological loneliness derives from the unsuccessful resolution of existential loneliness. The two are fundamentally inseparable, constituting different manifestations of the same human condition. 

     Existential loneliness springs from our very nature as human beings. It speaks to the fundamental emptiness & disconnectedness we feel as we grapple with the profoundest questions of the uncertainty of life and death. I argue that we must come to grips with our existential loneliness if we are to fully embrace our humanity and that love is the only healthy response to our dilemma.

     Finally, I discuss our need to resolve our existential situation by adopting an alternative epistemology - unitary consciousness - an epistemology that understands the fundamental oneness of being." 

       Booth R. “Existential Loneliness: The Other Side of the Void.” International Journal of Transpersonal Studies 1997; 16(1): 23-32. 

La Femme en Bleu by Alice Mason   https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/AliceMasonArtist?ref=l2-shopheader-name

 

#711 Who Am I Really?

     “Today, we tend to live within an ethos of authenticity. We tend to believe that the ‘true self’ is whatever is most natural and untutored. That is, each of us has a certain sincere way of being in the world, and we should live our life being truthful to that authentic inner self, not succumbing to the pressures outside of ourself. To live artificially, with a gap between your inner nature and your outer conduct, is to be deceptive, cunning, and false.”
       David Brooks "The Road to Character." Random House, NY, 2015. 

     The refrain "I've got to be me", and Paul Anka's song (made famous by Frank Sinatra) "I did it my way" is very much like Brooks' statement above. The question arises: is our true nature simply equivalent to our egoic tendencies?

     A fascinating statement from a senior Zen teacher: 
          "You're perfect as you are.
           Try harder!"

#677 Beyond Black-or-White Alternatives

     Our usual way of thinking & speaking is dualistic, constantly comparing opposites: good / bad, beautiful / ugly, desirable / repulsive, etc. How does this habit make us feel? Incessant up & down mood swings, moment by moment! To try to minimize the trauma, we do our best to grab & hold onto the good / beautiful / desirable, and avoid & push away the bad / ugly / repulsive. It's an exhausting, unwinnable battle, resulting only in constant tightness and misery.
       Wordlessly opening up to and accepting what is natural, with curiosity, and even an attitude of loving embrace, brings about an ease, a spaciousness of heart and mind. And yes, if we "pick our battles", we even gain a greater facility to do something about things that can and should be changed.
     This does require letting go of puffing up our ego with incessant mind-numbing self-talk: "I like this", "I hate that", etc etc etc etc. We need to examine very carefully what such a simplistic, unexamined identity does to our quality of life. Once we see its affects clearly, we'll want to minimize it's corrosive effects as quickly as possible.

#461 Paradox of Two Perspectives

     The usual (default) way in which we perceive things - ourselves & everything else - is based on a (dualistic) self-concept which is separate from, & in an adversarial relationship with everyone & everything else. We therefore automatically expend considerable energy avoiding (aversion, anger)  stimuli we reject; while chasing after to get & keep (craving, clinging) stimuli we want. This reactive reflex is hard-wired into our fully-functional brain stem. The typical mode of existence within dualism is suffering.

     A very different way of perceiving reality (rare without training) is experiencing one's self as an inherent part of the physical universe (nondualistic). A sense of wholeness & interconnectedness ("interbeing") is usually the result of a very gradual, radical shift in perception / way of being, brought about by consistent mindfulness meditation practice. This mode of existence is characterized by wonder, gratitude, love & joy. 
     One remains fully aware of the former perspective & way of being, but it is no longer the only way, so one is no longer trapped within dualism. 

     From within dualism, the concept of nondualism may seem attractive, but the experience of it cannot be imagined. A practical approach is patient, consistent, persistent, mindfulness meditation practice. Intelligent sustained practice inevitably cultivates & matures this natural, universal human capacity.

Steve McCurry   http://stevemccurry.com/