#711 Who Am I Really?

     “Today, we tend to live within an ethos of authenticity. We tend to believe that the ‘true self’ is whatever is most natural and untutored. That is, each of us has a certain sincere way of being in the world, and we should live our life being truthful to that authentic inner self, not succumbing to the pressures outside of ourself. To live artificially, with a gap between your inner nature and your outer conduct, is to be deceptive, cunning, and false.”
       David Brooks "The Road to Character." Random House, NY, 2015. 

     The refrain "I've got to be me", and Paul Anka's song (made famous by Frank Sinatra) "I did it my way" is very much like Brooks' statement above. The question arises: is our true nature simply equivalent to our egoic tendencies?

     A fascinating statement from a senior Zen teacher: 
          "You're perfect as you are.
           Try harder!"

#628 Cultivating Self-Compassion

"This is a moment of suffering.
          The first phrase helps to mindfully open to the sting of emotional pain. (You can also just say "this is really hard right now" or "this hurts.")
 
Suffering is a part of life. 
          The second phrase normalizes our experience and reminds us that suffering unites all living beings and reduces the tendency to feel ashamed and isolated when things go wrong in our lives.
 
May I be kind to myself.
          The third phrase begins the process of responding with self-kindness rather than self criticism.

May I give myself the compassion I need. 
          The final phrase reinforces the idea that you both need and deserve compassion in difficult moments."

adapted from Kristin Neff       www.self-compassion.org 

by Joel & Michelle Levey    www.wisdomatwork.com

 

#620 What is "Wisdom"?

     Wisdom is far more profound than intelligence or long-term practicality. However, wisdom in it's deepest sense, is seldom considered or discussed these days. Though there are many exceptions, overall we tend to stumble a bit closer to wisdom with age. Many consider themselves wiser than their behavior would suggest. Wisdom is complex - perhaps the most profound, critical concept we have.
     Wisdom is the highest human goal, the most evolved way of being. The major religions have been called "wisdom traditions", though the vast majority of both clergy and their followers have minimal knowledge or interest in wisdom. Only a small minority of monks and mystics devote their lives to a disciplined practice of intentional self-transformation towards "sainthood", "enlightenment" ie wisdom.
     Wisdom is “a developmental process involving self-transcendence. Self-transcendence refers to the ability to move beyond self-centered consciousness, and to see things as they are with clear awareness of human nature and human problems, and with a considerable measure of freedom from biological and social conditioning. This ability to move beyond a self-centered perspective is certainly an important component of wisdom. Consistent with this idea, … transcending the self is needed to move beyond ingrained, automatic ways of thinking, feeling, and acting, and to connect empathetically with the experiences of others.”
       Le TN, Levenson MR. Wisdom as self-transcendence: What's love (& individualism) got to do with it? Journal of Research in Personality 2005; 39(4): 443-457.

     According to Buddhism, all of us can and should do our best to become wise. The clearest description and explanation from this perspective that I’ve found:
       Smith R. “Awakening. A Paradigm Shift of the Heart.” Shambhala, Boston, 2014.
 
     There are many other wisdom paths - one to suit every individual: Aboriginal, Hindu, Kabbalah, Christian, Sufi, & many other fine authors eg Joseph Campbell, Laurence Freeman, Thomas Keating, and Huston Smith.
     Atheists also recognize the critical role of wisdom:
       Sam Harris. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014.

     Intentional pursuit of wisdom - by whatever path best suits the individual - is the most effective way to minimize causing suffering to oneself & others, and maximize one’s own & others’ quality of life.

     No path toward wisdom is quick or easy. All require:
          • mindfulness
          • ethical conduct; 
          • progressive letting go of self-centeredness, materialism & other forms of distraction;
          • increasing empathic engagement with others and the environment.

     So why bother to even consider taking such a challenging, life-long journey? Because at some point, everything else will disappoint with respect to feeling: real, authentic, meaningful, valuable, satisfying, joyful, peaceful.
     One would reasonably assume that wisdom occupies a central place in our education system. Sadly, it's virtually absent. Why?

Deepak Kaw   www.dpreview.com

#615 Shame, Honesty & Intentional Maturation

     It takes maturity, courage, self-reflection, self-compassion and honesty to admit and clearly see our own limitations - our "shadow" - and work with these consciously, constructively. This is rare in today's society. Instead, we tend to 'act out' our shadow - foolish behavior is frighteningly common. It's spawned an endless stream of situation comedies and reality shows about hoarders, morbidly obese, terrible home repairs, an endless array of stunts that end badly, etc etc.

     Haven't we beaten our puer aeternus phase to death? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puer_aeternus Isn't it time to celebrate & promote the noble process of intentional maturation?

     "shame is ... the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?
     Shame is universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.
     No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpins this shame, this "I'm not good enough, ... not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough"?
     The thing that underpins this is excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen."                         Brene Brown PhD

       Brown B. "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead." Gotham Books, NY, 2012. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability#t-153143

#490 A Safe Learning Environment

     We now appreciate the need to feel safe to be able to learn as well as to behave like civilized mature members of society.
     Stress impedes both learning, and the ability to make mature judgments. However, learning is inherently stressful in so far as the student (& we're ALL students) is never quite sure about what's going on - uncertainty, ambiguity, liminality is uncomfortable yet omnipresent - learning always comes with "growing pains"! 
     But as a society, we have a largely unexamined, yet very powerful aversion to discomfort. This learning / discomfort combo often results in emotional reactions. Teachers / instructors / professors & students blame each other for the discomfort.
     Of course teachers / instructors / professors also experience stress & its negative effects. They often care deeply for the material they teach, and may resent a perceived lower level of interest on the part of students. Teachers' memory of themselves as students tends to become idealized over the years. Teachers are also aware that course evaluations are important to their career and that students whom they discipline or give low marks to, will likely retaliate with harsh course evaluations. So teachers may also, at times - also out of fear / stress - react inappropriately to students. Such behaviour, though caused by fear, tends to be interpreted as "bullying" because of the power differential. Most bullying is probably at least partially fear-based.
     Students & teachers - everyone - can & needs to cultivate alliances rather than adversarial relationships. Individuals must clearly recognize when they're stressed. Self-awareness is critical, since one cannot care properly for another human being, as called for by an alliance, while one is afraid, angry & stressed out. A warm caring attitude cannot be faked nor mandated. It can only happen when fear & anger are gone. It's a shared responsibility, among individuals & groups, to cultivate caring, civilized environments fit for quality human life.
     Stress impairs judgment. Recognize & let go of fear & anger BEFORE you say (email, text) or do anything. This requires mindfulness practice, making mistakes, accepting rather than denying the mistakes, more mindfulness practice, making fewer & smaller mistakes, accepting rather than denying the mistakes, more mindfulness practice, making fewer & smaller mistakes, ... on & on for life!
     By becoming increasingly mindful, we cultivate a safe learning environment for ourselves & others. 
     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/11/blindspots-ethics-evolution-of.html
     and: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/316-fear-reactivity-mindfulness-mature.html

Safe Learning Environment?

#480 From Strong Emotions towards Equanimity

     The more we practice, the more we approach equanimity as the stable attitude in our lives. We may initially fear equanimity based on the incorrect assumption that we might lose our vitality or zest for life. However, remaining calm instead of rattled when life circumstances are unfavorable is a highly desirable sign of maturity (certainly not evidence of death). If wild mood swings were wonderful, antidepressants and anxiolytics would not be breaking sales records.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=equanimity

Kreber   www.dpreview.com

 

#356 The World Mirrors our Individual & Collective Level of Consciousness

     “The great experiment in consciousness, human evolution, now stands at a precipice of its own making. That same consciousness which struggled for millions of years to ensure human survival is now on the verge of depleting its planet’s resources, rendering its environment uninhabitable, and fashioning the instruments of its own self-annihilation. Can this consciousness (we) develop the wisdom not to do these things? Can we foster sufficient self-understanding to reduce our destructiveness, and mature rapidly enough to carry us through this evolutionary crisis? …  
     … the crucial fact about these global crises is that all of them have psychological origins. Our own behavior has created these threats, and, thus, psychological approaches may be essential to understanding and reversing them. And to the extent that these threats are determined by psychological forces within us and between us, they are actually symptoms – symptoms of our individual and collective state of mind. These global symptoms reflect and express faulty beliefs and perceptions, fears and fantasies, defences and denials, that shape and misshape our individual and collective behavior. The state of the world reflects our state of mind; our collective crises mirror our collective consciousness. … 
     We have clearly created a world situation that demands unprecedented psychological and social maturation if we are to survive. Until now, we have been able to cover or compensate for our psychological shortcomings. We have been able to consume without fear of depletion, discard wastes without fear of pollution, bear children without fear of overpopulation, and fight without fear of extinction. We have been able to act out our psychological immaturities rather than having to understand and outgrow them, to indulge our addictions rather than resolve them, and to revolve through the same neurotic patterns rather than evolve out of them. But if the world is a stage, it is now no longer big enough for us to continue playing out our psychological immaturities. It is time for us to grow up, and we ourselves have created the situation which may force us to do so.”           Roger Walsh MD

       Walsh R. Human survival: A psychoevolutionary analysis. ReVision 1985; 8: 7-10. (available free as pdf on the web) 

                       AND IN

       Grof S ed. Human Survival and Consciousness Evolution. State University of New York Press, Albany, 1988.

Elizabeth Jameson   http://www.jamesonfineart.com

#333 Paradoxes & Head-scratchers during Mindfulness - Cognitive Dissonance

     "cognitive dissonance is the discomfort experienced when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting cognitions: ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel 'disequilibrium': frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc. 
     ... people have a bias to seek consonance between their expectations and reality. ... people engage in ... 'dissonance reduction' ... achieved in one of 3 ways: lowering the importance of one of the discordant factors, adding consonant elements, or changing one of the dissonant factors. This bias sheds light on otherwise puzzling, irrational, and even destructive behavior."     http://en.wikipedia.org

     As we become increasingly mindful ie more & more aware of what's actually happening all around us and within, we realize that we've been doing an awful lot of 'dissonance reduction' in order to distort reality to fit our naive ideas of safety, comfort, convenience, happiness etc.
     The puzzling statements about mindfulness that we initially discounted - "no, they can't mean that" - we increasingly realize accurately depict reality, but at the time, we literally could not - were not ready - to see it. Learning is iterative & experiential.
     As our practice matures, we become increasingly "more real". Reality is far less harsh than we feared, and the quality of our lives becomes better than we had hoped for.

     See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/06/intellectual-glass-ceiling-it-most.html

Dale Chihuly   http://www.chihulygardenandglass.com/

#259 In-groups, Self-centeredness, Maturity & Wisdom

     "My country - right or wrong!" is a controversial position still held by some. Such "group think" attitudes allow the group to commit atrocities. To permit atrocities to happen, the majority of followers must at least fail to oppose, if not actively participate. Yet, as soon as a leadership falls, the previously silent majority starts to whimper: "We were only following orders"; "We didn't know these things were happening."
     A proportion of the population will ride along with anything that provides easy access to power, wealth and security - ethics and common decency be damned. Too self-centered and weak to care for anyone but themselves, short-term gain is their game. Such opportunists completely identify with whatever group holds power: country, ethnicity, political party, religion, profession, cult, tribe, gang, etc, and against outsiders. 

     Some of us will, instead, actively seek and increasingly grow in wisdom. To do so requires that we outgrow self-serving in-groups.
     Wisdom is “a developmental process involving self-transcendence. Self-transcendence refers to the ability to move beyond self-centered consciousness, and to see things as they are with clear awareness of human nature and human problems, and with a considerable measure of freedom from biological and social conditioning. This ability to move beyond a self-centered perspective is certainly an important component of wisdom. Consistent with this idea, … transcending the self is needed to move beyond ingrained, automatic ways of thinking, feeling, and acting, and to connect empathetically with the experiences of others.”

     Le TN, Levenson MR. Wisdom as self-transcendence: What's love (& individualism) got to do with it? Journal of Research in Personality 2005; 39(4): 443-457.

Carsten Krieger Photography   http://www.carstenkrieger.com/

#77 Mind AND Heart

     It’s not a matter of mind or heart, but mind and heart, despite the fact that the two, at a superficial level, would appear to be mutually exclusive. As we grow older, we feel an increasing pull to live congruently, to live a non-dualistic life.

     “… a mature adult … can hold both conviction and paradox.”
     Parks SD. “Big questions, worthy dreams. Mentoring young adults in their search for meaning, purpose, and faith.” John Wiley & Sons, San Francisco, 2000.

Photo: Pat Curley   www.dpreview.com