#532 How to Keep from Becoming Frustrated? - Part 1

     World & local events on the news often sound horrifically ugly, barbarically cruel, primitive. The perpetrators are often amazingly brazen, defiant, even triumphant - claiming religious, political or other "rationale" for their subhuman behavior. Disgust is a common, understandable reaction from civilized society.
     How - or why - should we keep from supporting those who would "nuke them back into the stone-age"? In short, that would make us horrifically ugly, barbarically cruel, primitive. It's critically important to recognize our own potential for evil. "Wiping out evil - out there" eg capital punishment for murderers, does nothing to eliminate our own capacity to cause others great suffering.
     Those perps on the news are literally our relatives. How would we want our children treated if they were the perps on the news? It would be with superhuman understanding, respect, fairness, with rehabilitation instead of vengeance in mind.
     The other humbling aspect for us to ponder AND act on is the part WE play in these global events. How does our appetite for ridiculously cheap clothes contribute to child labor & dangerous sweat shops in third world countries? How does our appetite for street drugs contribute to the drug-related massacres in Mexico, Columbia etc and on our own streets? Our appetite for oil, exotic produce from around the world, our inflated standard of living, - all come at a price - increased suffering for poor, powerless people around the world.
     WE need to clean our own house! The more clearly we see ourselves, the more humble we become, the less unnecessary suffering we cause ourselves & others. Awareness, humility & kindness work for us, work for others - these just work!
     We surely know by now that "the war to end all wars" - both of them, and all the other wars on drugs, terrorism, poverty, etc - are primitive useless garbage - enough - they don't work!

Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia, May 4, 2014

#333 Paradoxes & Head-scratchers during Mindfulness - Cognitive Dissonance

     "cognitive dissonance is the discomfort experienced when simultaneously holding two or more conflicting cognitions: ideas, beliefs, values or emotional reactions. In a state of dissonance, people may sometimes feel 'disequilibrium': frustration, hunger, dread, guilt, anger, embarrassment, anxiety, etc. 
     ... people have a bias to seek consonance between their expectations and reality. ... people engage in ... 'dissonance reduction' ... achieved in one of 3 ways: lowering the importance of one of the discordant factors, adding consonant elements, or changing one of the dissonant factors. This bias sheds light on otherwise puzzling, irrational, and even destructive behavior."     http://en.wikipedia.org

     As we become increasingly mindful ie more & more aware of what's actually happening all around us and within, we realize that we've been doing an awful lot of 'dissonance reduction' in order to distort reality to fit our naive ideas of safety, comfort, convenience, happiness etc.
     The puzzling statements about mindfulness that we initially discounted - "no, they can't mean that" - we increasingly realize accurately depict reality, but at the time, we literally could not - were not ready - to see it. Learning is iterative & experiential.
     As our practice matures, we become increasingly "more real". Reality is far less harsh than we feared, and the quality of our lives becomes better than we had hoped for.

     See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/06/intellectual-glass-ceiling-it-most.html

Dale Chihuly   http://www.chihulygardenandglass.com/

#270 Interpersonal Conflicts - Inevitable Learning Opportunities

     "outbreak of interpersonal conflicts may originate from personal factors like cognition, perception, emotion, non-conscious needs, and communicative skills, or cultural factors, real differences, social and physical environments or the quality of the message given in the communication process. Conflicts among individuals are naturally inevitable, as they differ from each other, in every aspect of these factors. 

     Conflicts are a normal segment of daily life. Yet, to many, conflict is considered to be negative, as it causes disagreements, stress, social chaos and violence, and moreover, the most significant indication of a good relationship is accepted to be the absence of conflicts. ... positive aspects of conflicts are; it helps the individual in knowing themselves, enhancing their awareness about others’ characteristics, noticing the relationship problems that they need to solve, and encouraging change, increases energy and motivation for problem solving, making life more interesting, and help find small problems that are perceived as big issues. After all, it is obvious that conflict, can induce constructive results both for the conflicting person, and the person or the group that conflict is about. 

       Dincyurek S, Civelek AH. The determination of the conflict resolution strategies of university students that they use when they have conflicts with people. The Behavior Analyst Today 2008; 9(3-4): 215-233.

                    "Our deepest fears are like dragons
                     guarding our deepest treasures"                 Rainer Maria Rilke

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