#725 Observing & Accepting the Conditioned Mind-Body

     At university, while studying for exams, I sometimes felt an incredible urgency to rearrange the furniture in my residence room. Obviously it was an attempt to escape pre-exam anxiety. The urgency was proportional to my anxiety, so the more inappropriate the time reallocation, the more likely I was to carry out the furniture rearrangement!

     Our attempts to avoid truly meaningful priorities in life is mirrored by the degree of our distractedness during formal meditation practice. Can we notice this with equanimity? As we do become aware of this pattern, we're gaining insight into our conditioned mind-body doing it’s conditioned thing.
     Of course we still can train the our monkey mind to cause ourselves & others a LOT less suffering than it does now - to serve us instead of work against us:
http://jglovas.wix.com/awarenessnow#!Worthy-of-Our-Precious-Time-Energy/c17jj/57797ba20cf231c9c3fabfc4

Mahone Bay, NS, Canada

#682 How Meaningful?

     As we get older, it seems we try to squeeze more & more things from our "bucket list" into a shorter & shorter space of time - like several "trips of a lifetime" each year, year-after-year! We become desperate to keep busy - clearly needing to remain permanently distracted.
     Is this really the best use of the limited time we have left to live?

     What about QUALITY (vs quantity)? What about MEANING (vs distraction)? Shouldn't we inquire deeply "who am I?" "What is this?" "How can I embrace life most authentically?"

     Isn't quantity & busyness inversely related to quality? Shouldn't we carefully choose what we do, prioritizing only those things that have the most meaning for us at this time of life? Isn't it time to quit trying to escape, but to engage life with an open heart-mind?

Monet's garden, Giverny

#675 Do What Works

     We tend to assume that we can control our world to keep us happy. So we attempt constant adjustments to the environment, others, ourselves, trying to seize & hang onto whatever feels good, and avoid all that feels bad or threatening. What gradually dawns on us is the fact that we're almost constantly uncomfortable, despite all our manoevres. 
     There are many dysfunctional responses to this steady state of unsatisfactoriness, all involve denial / avoidance / escapism: trance-like relentless pursuit of pleasure via materialism, hedonism, substance abuse, workaholism, & other simplistic belief (& non-belief) systems.

     An alternative is facing reality with as much clear awareness and acceptance as possible (both improve with practice). It's remarkably difficult to accept life's existential facts - that we cannot really control anything, especially things that truly matter: aging, sickness & death of those we love, including ourselves. No wonder we're so compulsive about distracting / deluding ourselves! But that too gets old. 
     Mindfulness practice is a gentle, natural, universal way of making friends with things as they are. Accepting reality with an open heart-mind is an amazing journey. As we progress along this path, life progressively changes for the better. "Better" is not what we expect or typically wish for, but it does become better and better. Keep practicing!

while he plays piano ... 37, rue de la bûcherie — 75005 Paris, France

#672 Black-Box Life

     For most people, life is a black-box: imagined to be solid, unchanging, indestructible, impenetrable, dark, not to be looked at closely. Never mind the wise counsel that "a life unexamined is not worth living." 
     Most of us do our utmost to keep feverishly busy, precisely so we won't have to ponder the two most meaningful questions: "Who am I?" and "What is this?" Avoidance, magical thinking, dogmatism and rigidity go hand-in-hand. A quick hard response to complex questions keeps things simple & controllable - but only in fairy tales.

     Sitting still, letting go of self-talk, opening oneself, remaining as open as one can, as long as one can, to actual reality - things as they are - is the opposite of a black-box life. It's a decision to step out of a dark, boxed-in prison, into the light and openness of real life. It's a bit scary at first, but prisoners can and do become acclimatized to, and come to enjoy freedom.

#654 Even More Craving & Avoidance Won't Get You There, Sorry ...

      “Obsessing about getting what you want, and avoiding what you don’t want, does not result in happiness.” 
                              Pema Chodron
 
     “The ‘secret’ of life that we are all looking for is just this: to develop through sitting and daily life practice the power and courage to return to that which we have spent a lifetime hiding from, to rest in the bodily experience of the present moment – even if it is a feeling of being humiliated, of failing, of abandonment, of unfairness.”
                              Charlotte Joko Beck

     “Your true home is wakefulness. Go home!”
                              Ashin Tejaniya

 

bitstream   www.dpreview.com

#635 Investments - Bullish or Bearish or "Don't Want to Think About It"?

     How do we handle our life savings? Are we "bullish", actively trading stocks; "bearish", hiding cash in our freezer; or do we "not want to think about it", and hand over complete control to a financial adviser? It all depends on our overall understanding of economics, and specific interest & competence in managing personal finances.
     Similarly we may ask, how do we manage our life energy? Are we investing it consciously; holding most of it back; or do we not really want to think about it?
     Like money, our energy is a finite resource. Both can so quickly & easily be squandered. Only after they're gone do we truly appreciate them. 
     Intelligent, conscious, judicious use of our life energy is beautiful & rare - being accomplished in the art & science of living - living mindfully. Continuous intentional evolution of consciousness, repeatedly recognizing & letting go of thoughts, speech & actions that cause needless suffering, and recognizing & increasing thoughts, speech & actions brings about joy, peace, happiness.
     Direct, open heart-minded living, is a choice we can all make in each successive split second. Can we make it a life-long habit?

Stained Glass Window in Ireland

#590 Mindfulness is NOT Suppression or Avoidance of Thoughts or Emotions

     Mindfulness practice first helps us become more comfortable with things as they are in the present moment ie helps cultivate a degree of mental stability. Then, with this stability - decreased ego-noise - we're able to have some insight into what's actually going on.
     So mindfulness is NOT about suppressing or otherwise avoiding thoughts, emotions, or any other aspect of life. We don't suppress thoughts. We do let go of habitually entertaining them, wrestling with them, being hijacked by them, identifying with them. The same goes for emotions. Thoughts and emotions remain, but become quieter & quieter background noise, no longer controlling & distorting our life.

     "Fully plumbing the depths of mindfulness requires time and exploration. There is a wealth of meaning and nuance in the experience of mindfulness that can enrich our lives in unimagined ways." 
       Goldstein J. "Mindfulness. A Practical Guide to Awakening." Sounds True, Boulder, 2013. 

Stephen Bright   www.dpreview.com

#558 NEITHER Avoiding, Stopping, NOR Pushing Away

     "The reality is that we are a river - a living energy system of sensations & sights & sounds, an energy system of changing feelings & thoughts. And the point of meditation and mindfulness isn't to stop the river - which you can't do.

                    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."

     That's really the point of mindfulness and meditation - to allow the experience you're having, which is always changing - and to find your composure in it."

       Jack Kornfield: The Case for Mindfulness and Wisdom in Law
       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLV4Cty06Q4

 

#540 What is Energizing me - Right Now?

     As soon as we wake in the morning, if we pay close attention, we can feel our mind & body come back to "full steam ahead", especially when we have something pressing or exciting to do. We can feel our mind-body revving up like a racing car immediately before the race. We 'get' this part.
     What takes a lot longer to realize, is that though it seems like we're always energized TOWARDS activities or people, in fact, much of the time the real motivation is AVOIDING more challenging aspects of our life. 

     It's immeasurably useful - healthy - to reflect on what we're running from whenever we find ourselves running.

     We do an awful lot of running, but "a life unexamined" is not an intelligently chosen life-long path.

          “Your vision will become clear when you look into your heart.
          Who looks outside, dreams.
          Who looks inside, awakens.”                             Carl Gustav Jung

#529 Keep On Waking Up

     During meditation we're trying to notice, as early as possible, each time we slip away into one of our basic story lines or daydreams. 
     Why do we compulsively keep escaping from the here & now? It's very important to carefully notice how we feel immediately before the urge to escape arises. 
          • How does it feel immediately before we run to the fridge (when not hungry)?  
          • How does it feel immediately before we check our smart phone (though there's nothing important going on)?
          • How does it feel immediately before we jump up to go somewhere (though there's nowhere in particular we need to go)?

     Does compulsive avoidance work - get us where we need to be? And if not, is it time to let it go?


       Compulsivity is a tendency to repeat the same, often purposeless acts, which are sometimes associated with undesirable consequences. http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/impulse-control-disorders/understanding-differences-between-impulsivity-and-compulsivity

#527 What Can We Do About Toxic Environments?

     We instinctively pull away from unpleasant, difficult situations, people, activities, and are attracted to pleasant, comfortable situations, people, activities. It's the well-known approach-avoid dichotomy see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/03/65-embracing-full-catastrophe.html
     One very unfortunate consequence of this tendency is that when things start going awry in one's surroundings eg a colleague's behavior becomes disruptive, we're apt to avoid dealing with it in a timely, direct manner. We find it unpleasant, we may fear negative consequences from speaking to the person, we may feel incompetent intervening, we may not want to hurt the colleague's feelings, etc. Many of us have minimal training or skills in the behavioral sciences.
     Without constructive intervention, problems tend to persist or escalate. We'll often continue to avoid addressing the offender, because now it's really out of hand - way too much for us to handle. Now we may be grumbling incessantly about the problem with other colleagues, behind the offender's back, and even behind the backs of management, who could & should address the problem. Soon we're also grumbling about management for allowing the problem to get out of hand! THIS is the perfect recipe for poisoning one's environment. This is how a collegial, collaborative, family-like atmosphere can easily be turned toxic - not by the one troubled colleague - but by all the bystanders - the "nattering nabobs of negativism."

     So what is an appropriate, intelligent response (instead of avoidance) to such problems?  
     1) awareness & acceptance of problems
     2) approach & investigate them with curiosity 
     3) learn & apply skills to solve them early
     4) institute proactive preventive measures

     We can learn to become competent in any arena.  Competence transforms unpleasant difficulties that we may once have avoided, into manageable, even interesting challenges. We can become truly proactive by initiating a cultural shift in which training & competence in the psychosocial realm becomes a valued, integral part of our educational system. 
     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/04/fear-avoidance-ineffective-existential.html
     and: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/01/270-interpersonal-conflicts-inevitable.html

Peet J van Eeden, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#509 Letting Go of Friction & Noise

     We have automatic, conditioned reactions to many life events. Some reactions are avoidant or aversive - we try to keep unpleasant, difficult or otherwise threatening things away physically, away from our heart / emotions (via armoring) or at the very least away from our consciousness (via suppression, repression). We reflexively erect pretend boundaries or barriers between ourselves and challenging reality.
     Our other reactions involve grasping or clinging - we automatically chase after, try to catch & permanently hang onto things we want or think we must have. 
     Grasping arises from instinctive fearful neediness, avoidant behavior arises from instinctive fearful aversion. Both are fear-based & self-centered. Both are primitive instincts we share with animals, right down to single-cell organisms. This echo from our collective & personal evolutionary past expressed through our fearful inner child can be sufficiently powerful as to dominate our life OR at the very least, add a great deal of undesirable friction or noise.
     Enabling (in the negative, psychological sense - see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enabling) our inner child predictably drains us of energy, and predictably leads to suffering. As we gradually become aware of this repetitive, dysfunctional pattern, we become motivated to find a better way to live - more & more like the inner wise grandparent.
     Mindfulness practice is all about intentionally, gently but persistently, shifting (evolving) our level of consciousness ("operating system") from fearful child to wise adult.

Steve McCurry   stevemccurry.com

#503 Self-talk & Identity

     During Mindfulness training we learn to notice, accept & then let go of self-talk, seamlessly bringing attention back to the object(s) of awareness. Is self-talk merely an innocent distraction? Sometimes ...
     Sometimes self-talk is encouraging - "Common, you can do it!" This may be useful - for a while.
     Too often, self-talk is self-defeating - "Oh no, not standing meditation! The last time we did that it was soooo uncomfortable! I don't want to do it now! I don't ever want to do it again! I so much prefer sitting meditation" etc etc etc. Such self-talk very effectively trains us to self-sabotage. The more we listen to & engage with this, the more these statements become - in our minds - hard facts, until the contents become "who we are" (cognitive fusion). Unhelpful self-talk clearly needs to be noticed early, accepted, & let go - gently - but definitely let go.
     Isn't it odd that we have to repeatedly remind ourselves that our core identity is NOT a pathetic collection of rigid preferences, dislikes & can't do's? We are SO MUCH MORE than that. But until we thoroughly let go of the former sticky fiction, we hold ourselves back from living the latter reality.

     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/311-fearful-child-wise-grandparent-were.html
     and: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/08/381-each-moment-new-beginning.html

Bronwyn Proven   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#490 A Safe Learning Environment

     We now appreciate the need to feel safe to be able to learn as well as to behave like civilized mature members of society.
     Stress impedes both learning, and the ability to make mature judgments. However, learning is inherently stressful in so far as the student (& we're ALL students) is never quite sure about what's going on - uncertainty, ambiguity, liminality is uncomfortable yet omnipresent - learning always comes with "growing pains"! 
     But as a society, we have a largely unexamined, yet very powerful aversion to discomfort. This learning / discomfort combo often results in emotional reactions. Teachers / instructors / professors & students blame each other for the discomfort.
     Of course teachers / instructors / professors also experience stress & its negative effects. They often care deeply for the material they teach, and may resent a perceived lower level of interest on the part of students. Teachers' memory of themselves as students tends to become idealized over the years. Teachers are also aware that course evaluations are important to their career and that students whom they discipline or give low marks to, will likely retaliate with harsh course evaluations. So teachers may also, at times - also out of fear / stress - react inappropriately to students. Such behaviour, though caused by fear, tends to be interpreted as "bullying" because of the power differential. Most bullying is probably at least partially fear-based.
     Students & teachers - everyone - can & needs to cultivate alliances rather than adversarial relationships. Individuals must clearly recognize when they're stressed. Self-awareness is critical, since one cannot care properly for another human being, as called for by an alliance, while one is afraid, angry & stressed out. A warm caring attitude cannot be faked nor mandated. It can only happen when fear & anger are gone. It's a shared responsibility, among individuals & groups, to cultivate caring, civilized environments fit for quality human life.
     Stress impairs judgment. Recognize & let go of fear & anger BEFORE you say (email, text) or do anything. This requires mindfulness practice, making mistakes, accepting rather than denying the mistakes, more mindfulness practice, making fewer & smaller mistakes, accepting rather than denying the mistakes, more mindfulness practice, making fewer & smaller mistakes, ... on & on for life!
     By becoming increasingly mindful, we cultivate a safe learning environment for ourselves & others. 
     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/11/blindspots-ethics-evolution-of.html
     and: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/316-fear-reactivity-mindfulness-mature.html

Safe Learning Environment?

#460 Waking Up - OR - Suffering

     “We become disabled, unable to function in areas of our lives that evoke feelings we’ve never learned to tolerate. Turning away from this primary pain creates a second, ongoing level of suffering: living in a state of contraction and constricted awareness.”                          John Welwood

        Glickman M. “Beyond the breath. Extraordinary mindfulness through whole-body Vipassana meditation.” Journey Editions, Boston, 2002.

      “The most powerful agent of growth and transformation is something much more basic than any technique: a change of heart.”                                                       John Welwood

      “We have little choice about anything, moving around as we do in a sleepy, anxious cloud of habit and conditioned response. … The only choice we have anyway is to wake up.”                                                               Stephen Butterfield

       Welwood J. ed. “Ordinary magic. Everyday life as spiritual path.” Shambhala, Boston, 1992.

#456 Awakening to Things as They Are

     We progressively awaken to the moment-to-moment reactions we have to life by noticing how each reaction is preceded by a felt physical sensation. Two amazingly frequent sensations:
     1) closing off, tightening / hardening of the body - particularly the heart-mind - towards stimuli that we negatively judge. This is aversion or hatred - a rigid, adversarial reaction.
     2) aching hunger - particularly in the gut - towards stimuli we judge to be enticing, desirable. This is craving or clinging - a wanting, wishing, pining away for, desperately desiring to keep reaction.
     In aversion / hatred we're running from / fighting off stuff, in craving / clinging we're running after / desperately hanging-on to stuff, based on the fundamental misunderstanding: that things as they are, are unacceptable. 
     And how actually are things as they are? Fluidly changing, ephemeral - far more like inner transient energies than solid external chunks of matter, that can either be accumulated in our bedrooms, or hauled far away to be buried.
     These are not dogma, simply observations at a given stage of mindfulness meditation practice. From a Western psychological perspective, it represents a normal, healthy shift from rigidity towards psychological flexibility & accepting reality.

St. Andrews by John England   http://www.fogforestgallery.ca/bios/bio_england.html

#439 Armored for Life?

     An ideal state of being for helping professionals, particularly when helping people with existential & mental health-related issues, is "therapeutic presence." See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/11/therapeutic-presence.html
     Clinicians, mentors, coaches, teachers, parents all share the common ideal of motivating people to improve their quality of life - "health promotion." The more they care about doing this, the less "neutral" or "objective" (disinterested in the results of their efforts) they may appear.
     Presenting facts & stats with a take-it-or-leave-it attitude is risk-free for the presenter (though deadly boring).
     Engaging with one's audience as a team with a common goal is risky, yet can nurture a positive, useful, motivating energy - for those with shared goals.
     Intellect by itself is a way of keeping things at a safe, theoretical distance - an effective barrier to engagement. Many of us are heavily protected (armored) from much of life - we live almost exclusively in our heads.
     Engagement is complete mind-heart-body-spirit involvement. The capacity to engage can be developed intentionally through mindfulness practice, which catalyzes a gentle, progressive process of de-armoring. 

     Many of us will remain armored for life, rigidly resisting all suggestions to de-armor as unscientific, impractical, a "sales pitch" etc. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/01/261-psychological-rigidity-i-will.html This is understandable, but tragic. See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/08/promoting-healthy-personality.html

gordonpritchard   www.dpreview.com

#422 The Direct Physical Feel of Things

     In mindfulness meditation practice we constantly bring attention to the PHYSICAL FEEL of various objects of attention: the breath in the belly (hara, dan tien or tanden), posture, muscle tone, sounds etc. At the same time, we let go of words, stories (self-talk), concepts etc. We emphasize direct experience of just this moment, then just this moment, then just this ... To stabilize just this, we notice when attention has drifted off, accept this as a fact, and seamlessly bring attention back to just this.
     Perception - the act of contacting sense objects -  becomes as clear & obvious as when physically touching a solid object. Awareness comes back home to our bodies, filling it like sand fills a bag of sand. We stand solidly on the earth, sit firmly on a chair or cushion. Perhaps this is what "groundedness" refers to.
     There is clarity, simplicity, a lightness of being to directness. We are progressively letting go of the many barriers (boundaries, avoidances, filters, defences etc) we previously erected between ourselves and life straight-up. These barriers were necessary, but are now hindrances that we intentionally release.

       Wilber K. No boundary. Eastern and Western approaches to personal growth. Shambhala, Boston, 1979.

#408 Deterioration AND Improvement - BOTH Predictable

     Many try hard to avoid dealing with existential realities: constant change, aging, sickness & death - considering these to be "downers." When we do consider these, we often think of these happening to others, as if we ourselves were immune. Our physical & cognitive deterioration, and eventual death is of course inevitable, regardless of how we deal (or refuse to deal) with it. If our worldview is essentially materialistic, then avoidance (though proven ineffective as a long-term strategy) is somewhat understandable.
     Far more difficult to understand, however, is the common tendency to doubt our capability, and thus ignore direct responsibility for elevating our own level of consciousness, and thus quality of life. 
     Both of the above tendencies are irrational, problematic, and egocentric. A rational, effective approach is ridiculously simple conceptually, yet a challenging behavioral shift - releasing our grip on our ego is similar to quitting smoking. We tend to behave strangely, even self-destructively, when self-concern (egocentricity) dominates, be this conscious or subconscious.
     We're social beings. Egocentricity, though common these days, is unnatural, unhealthy, and guarantees unhappiness for the individual, his associates, and environment. Training ourselves to gradually shift from being egocentric towards being allocentric and ecocentric is, quite literally, a wise move. 
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=wisdom
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=allocentric

Evgenia Arbugaeva   http://pdn30.pdnevents.com/gallery/2013/index.php?contest=arbugaeva