#752 Returning to Being

     I strongly suspect that the vast majority of us constantly feel “driven” to do something, to be someone else, to be somewhere else, etc. If we have 5 seconds of "down time" don't we immediately fill it up with distraction, no matter how meaningless: check social media, text someone, have a coffee ± snack, smoke a cigarette, pop a pill, etc? And those who are severely traumatized, marginalized, and perhaps suffering from other psychological handicaps may even act out with irrational violence. We're rarely at ease, rarely OK with who we are, where we are, just being (instead of furiously doing).

     As we age, our ability to maintain this pace of trying to escape just this, right here & now, progressively diminishes. And guess what? Our world, as they say, gets smaller & smaller. We’re forced to contemplate, spend quality time with who we are & just this, right here & now - something we've desperately tried to avoid since we were kids. No wonder meditation isn't for everyone - we do our utmost to avoid being peacefully aware of reality. Of course, putting it that way, suggests that many of us could benefit from psychotherapy, and at the very least mindfulness training. Wisdom is a rare & precious commodity.
     More about this: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2018/04/may-you-live-with-ease.html

     Can you imagine being perfectly comfortable, equanimous, and deeply at peace with having: nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one else to be? This is stripping ourselves of all our conditioning, all that's extra, all that's not really who we are. Aging, as well as suddenly finding out that one has a very short time to live ("post-traumatic growth") tend to speed up this evolution of consciousness or maturation process, where we drop all our habitual bullshit and focus on loving well & living meaningfully.

     “Happiness is not found in things you possess, but in what you have the courage to release.” Nathaniel Hawthorne

 

Christi Belcourt "Revolution of Love" christibelcourt.com

#740 Goals, Failures & Paradox

"Nothing to do,

Nowhere to go,

No one to be."

     What a perplexing koan, riddle - or - statement of fact? It sure sounds like a corrective for us goal-oriented workaholics, anxiously struggling with time-poverty, low self-esteem, etc. Below Jon Kabat-Zinn clearly expands on this theme:

     “The goal of mindfulness practice, if there can be said to be a goal at all (since the practice emphasizes non-duality and therefore non-striving) is simply to experience what is present from moment to moment. Thus, emotional reactivity, and the full range of emotional states available to human beings are as much a valid domain of meditative experience as experiences of calm or relaxation. 
     The cultivation of mindfulness is an arduous challenge, in which one learns to face and work with the full range of emotions and mind states. Frequently, relaxation in the way it is usually formulated, would be an entirely inappropriate response to human situations and problems. If it is offered as the ‘solution’ or the heart of a meditative approach to stress reduction, it will introduce inevitable conflict because of its emphasis on a desirable endstate to be achieved. If one one fails to experience or ‘achieve’ relaxation, then one has failed, and the practitioner has either to conclude that she herself is somehow inadequate, or that the technique is lacking. In either case, there has been a thwarting of one’s goals and expectations which can lead to a sense of inadequacy and an arrested trajectory of development. 

     In contrast, it is impossible to ‘fail’ at mindfulness if one is willing to bring whatever it is that one is experiencing into the field of awareness. One does not have to do anything at all, or achieve a particular state in mindfulness practice. We sometimes tell our patients, in the spirit of the paradoxical nature of the non-dualistic approach, that ‘we will teach you how to be so relaxed that it is OK to be tense.’ ”  
       Jon Kabat-Zinn. “Mindfulness Meditation. What It Is, What It Isn’t, and Its Role in Health Care and Medicine.” Chapter 12 in: Ishii Y, Suzuki M, Haruki Y, eds. “Comparative and Psychological Study on Meditation.” Eburon, 2007.

Courtesy of Buddha Doodles www.buddhadoodles.com

#654 Even More Craving & Avoidance Won't Get You There, Sorry ...

      “Obsessing about getting what you want, and avoiding what you don’t want, does not result in happiness.” 
                              Pema Chodron
 
     “The ‘secret’ of life that we are all looking for is just this: to develop through sitting and daily life practice the power and courage to return to that which we have spent a lifetime hiding from, to rest in the bodily experience of the present moment – even if it is a feeling of being humiliated, of failing, of abandonment, of unfairness.”
                              Charlotte Joko Beck

     “Your true home is wakefulness. Go home!”
                              Ashin Tejaniya

 

bitstream   www.dpreview.com

#598 Relaxation & Clarity

     "When there is less intensity, the mind becomes more relaxed and thereby able to quieten and open to its innate spaciousness and clarity."

     This statement runs so contrary to our cultural conditioning, that we need to experience its veracity before we believe it. And the momentum of our habits is so strong, that we need to experience it many times before we trust it sufficiently to intentionally put it into practice. Yet ...

     "As we deepen our sense of ease with ourselves, the fundamental wounding to our self-identity will soften. This softening leads to a greater inner space that can more naturally respond to others. While we are caught in our wounded self-preoccupations, we have no space for others. An inner atmosphere of compassion and acceptance slowly softens the rigidity of our wounding. As we become less self-preoccupied we begin to find the capacity to respond to others, and we may discover that we are able to be present, compassionate, and caring without judging. Our compassion grows as we allow others to be who they are with their faults and struggles, their unique qualities and gifts."

       Preece R. "The Wisdom of Imperfection. The Challenge of Individuation in Buddhist Life." Snow Lion Publications, Ithaca NY, 2006.

 

Antonio Celso Lima Mollo, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#593 Naturally

     While stuck in the muck of the ego - the small, tight, scared, anxious, fearful, angry, sad, time-poor, jangled, self-talk-filled, tiresome, stressful, painful old nightmare - the idea of embodying qualities like clarity, peace, silence, timelessness, stillness, kindness, lightness and effortlessness, may sound like a frustratingly impossible list of "shoulds".
     But it's neither externally imposed, nor a far-off, hard-to-reach destination. It's right here, right now, always, effortlessly available, to all of us. Just remember the direct experience - how you feel while:
                    • hugging a beloved human or other living being; 
                    • wordlessly awed in Nature;
                    • selflessly bringing healing to another.

     This is the freely flowing process of NATURAL human life. Just keep remembering & come back to reality, gently, kindly, peacefully, seamlessly, with timeless patience, as soon as you feel the muck of the ego. THIS WAY of returning, IS having returned already.

#575 Struggle & Stress - vs - a Better Way of Being

     You might find it useful to question the very idea of struggling, striving etc to get somewhere / something, or become someone / something - as opposed to effortlessly shifting awareness towards who you actually are. We can only experience the latter - which we might call "discerning awareness" - in inner silence & inner stillness, via meditation, nature, mature love etc.
     As soon as we introduce words, concepts, images, we’re back into egocentric conflicts - “me against the world.” Our identity has nothing really to do with self-images or even ideals – those are mental concepts, dummed-down operationalizations that the mind can easily manage. Reality is well beyond the mind’s abilities, and thus the mind / ego doesn't wan’t to deal with it.
     What would happen if you changed nothing at all in your life EXCEPT stopped struggling? Example: If, immediately after you took a sharp knife away from your very young child, she yelled that you're the worst Mommy in the world, you would probably completely ignore the potential assault on your ego, and instead, seamlessly, would see how to turn this near disaster (cutting herself) into a teachable moment to nurture your child. THIS is being a hypoegoic verb appropriate to life. Was there struggle & suffering?
     We ALL have the capacity to behave THIS MINDFULLY in ALL situations, and thus CAN minimize / eliminate suffering for ourselves AND others. It is literally a matter of patient, intelligent practice.

October near Lewis Lake, Nova Scotia, Canada

#574 Trying Really Hard and Feeling Frustrated?

     Life can be chronically, irritatingly frustrating - particularly for those of us who put an awful lot of time, effort and gut-wrenching desire into our work. We know we're putting more and more into it, yet the "returns on investment" are pitiful. We assume, that if we set our mind on a goal, any goal, with enough determination, sacrifice, effort, smarts etc, it's simply a matter of time before we achieve it. Then, and only then, will we gain worthiness, approval, respect, admiration, security, peace, and yes - even love. At some future point, but certainly not now, we're much too busy now, we will earn happiness.

     I have direct experiential awareness of this scenario, but fortunately, I'm less & less trapped in it. It's sad but interesting to see friends and colleagues in this same boat. Why do we strive so hard? Why are we so "driven"? Are you stuck in this mud up to your eyeballs?
     The two Nasrudin stories below may shed some clarifying perspectives:

       A man noticed Nasrudin intently inspecting the ground outside his door. 
       “Mulla,” he said, “what are you looking for?”
       “I’m looking for a ring I dropped,” Nasrudin replied.
       “Oh,” the man replied as he also began searching. “Well where exactly were you standing when you dropped it?”
       “In my bedroom,” Nasrudin replied, “not more than a foot in front of my bed.”
       “Your bedroom?!“ the man asked. “Then why are you searching for it out here near your doorway.
       “Because,” Nasrudin explained, “there is much more light out here.”


       One day, Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, “I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy-but alas, I have yet to find it.” 
       As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man’s bag and ran off with it. The man chased him, and Nasrudin soon ran out of the man’s sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see.
       When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy. As the man danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself, “That’s one way to bring joy to a sad man.”  

       Both Nasrudin stories from: http://www.rodneyohebsion.com/mulla-nasrudin.htm

Tribute to the Group of Seven

#424 Strive for the "Sure Thing" - OR - Trust Open-Hearted Engagement?

     It makes sense to put more care, time & effort into a project, so it will turn out closer to what we hope for. Of course it's easy to go overboard, only to (re)discover that no matter how hard we try, we can't perfectly control things. "The hurrier I goes, the behinder I gets!"
     Interestingly, mindfulness advises focusing on the process itself, rather than the goal. In fact, (excessively) focusing on the goal is considered a major impediment to reaching it. Excessive goal-orientation is "driven" by greed, fear, anxiety or some combination of these unhealthy emotions, which virtually block one's ability to pay attention to the journey - the actual path to the goal.
     We optimally attend to what we're doing when we're fully engaged - our mind-heart-body is open to the actual process eg taking care of a little child or pet. Our focus of attention is almost exclusively experiential, with minimal narrative focus. There seems to be a direct connection of some sort between the silent depths of ourselves and that of the person, animal or activity. There's a sense of love, kindness or perhaps a primal recognition. It feels very still, peaceful, timeless and right - radically different from greed, fear or anxiety. 
     One may even say that open-hearted engagement is the antidote for greed, fear & anxiety. We know both ends of this spectrum, but perhaps have more experience with the latter. Can we trust the former to guide our lives? Our moment-by-moment way of being holds the answer. Can we observe what guides (or drives) our behavior & the quality of life that naturally arises?

Bob Kaune   www.dpreview.com

#391 Comfort-seeking Moves and our Full Human Potential

     Sitting meditation is an ideal laboratory for studying ourselves. Under these controlled conditions of (external) stillness and relative (external) peace & quiet, we clearly observe a stunning array of inner activity.
     We see how we're continuously exerting energy to seek comfort. This constant automatic striving shows the pervasive dominance of the brain stem reflex. 
     The most obvious sign of this during meditation is the inability of most people to sit completely still for even short periods of time. They feel that it's impossible. As soon as they become uncomfortable, they "have to" move to a more comfortable position. When their nose gets a tickle, they "have to" immediately scratch it to become more comfortable. They assume that there's no choice in these matters - if one feels discomfort, one immediately has to react - brain stem reflex.
     A less obvious, but equally pervasive sign of this constant automatic striving towards comfort is the compulsive habit of "living in the past" or future. A large part of the time when we're (supposedly) awake, we're actually in the past - dreaming of the good old days, or wallowing in some miserable past experience; or in the future - fantasizing, or catastrophizing. Wallowing and catastrophizing are less obviously comforting than daydreaming about positive experiences, but these nevertheless do seem to provide something that's hard to let go of. 
     Perhaps the present moment is never perfectly comfortable - physically or emotionally (hedonic concept of happiness), and therefore our brain stem judges it unacceptable to inhabit continuously. So escaping the present moment is reactive, automatic (brain stem reflex) rather than a conscious decision.
     There are huge reasons for choosing to be fully conscious: to explore, embody & enjoy our full potential as evolved human beings (eudaimonic concept of happiness); and to avoid repeating & try to repair the horrors (wars, genocides, ecological devastation, Ponzi schemes, etc, etc) we've been inflicting on each other, animals and the rest of the universe in our long history of behaving far below our potential. See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/09/hedonism-eudaimonia-important-concepts.html
     Sitting still in meditation, observing our urge to move, scratch, or otherwise react to a wide variety of mild discomforts, we practice accepting these without acting on these primitive urges. As surely as steadily practicing a musical instrument invariably produces a competent musician, meditation practice gradually and progressively rewires our brains so that we become less & less reactive, and increasingly conscious wise human beings.
     

Balzac's Cafe, Toronto, Distillery District, 2013

#350 Conditioned Reflexes, Autopilot AND Conscious Awareness, Mature Judgment

     During meditation, as loud self-talk settles down, we gradually notice that a much quieter self-talk continues unabated. Also, despite our efforts to let go of thinking, we notice that we're periodically whisked off by a train of thought - one that may not even be particularly interesting. Patiently, peacefully, seamlessly we turn attention back to the here-and-now.
     It takes moderate effort to remain alert, conscious of what precisely is going on in our mind-body moment-by-moment. Monitoring posture, muscle-tone, breath and mind requires moderate effort. Not enough effort, and we go on autopilot or night-time sleep. Too much effort, and we go into striving, doing mode, trying to force something that isn't real, isn't helpful.
     We gradually learn not to take conditioned habits so seriously. Conditioning turns out to be a sadly simple affair as we come to appreciate it in greater detail - with frightening similarity to a drunk's predictable behavior. Sadder still is remaining on conditioning's autopilot.
     Meditation literally allows us to objectively, directly see our (primitive) conditioned reflexes AND gives us the choice, the freedom, the opportunity to try something infinitely better. In "observer-self" we are simultaneously conscious of conditioning AND the creative freedom to choose differently, consciously, wisely. Awareness increasingly stabilizes so we can live in an increasingly mature, evolved, wise manner.

Rick Wianecki   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/

#313 Being Stressed-out is Optional - Alternatively - Mature Clarity, Peace & Joy are Fully Available

     We've all been stressed-out – feeling like a fearful little kid, alone, lost in a big dangerous world. We’ve also seen young children crying like their world has collapsed because they broke a favorite toy. This brings out the wise loving grandparent in us, as we smile at the child’s minor temporary upset and console them lovingly, knowing that everything will be fine. In this mode we feel centered: peaceful, relaxed, loving - radically different from stressed.
     As adults, we can be in either mode. Most stressful situations today only threaten our ego, not our survival, so we can usually allow ourselves to become lost children for a while - or even for life. But in life-or-death emergencies, we become instantly, automatically centered because we simply can’t afford to be anything less than calm, clear, focused, effective, and efficient.
     Many of us mistakenly believe that being stressed-out, multitasking, sleep-deprived, running on caffeine, etc is unavoidable, even normal throughout life for responsible hardworking adults. While being stressed-out is indeed common, it’s mostly unnecessary, inefficient, ineffective, and compromises everyone’s quality of life - ours, our loved ones’, colleagues’, even the quality of our physical environment. 
     Developmental psychology models of healthy adult maturation involve: leaving behind stressed-out (egocentric) states, and progressively maturing toward a centered (hypo-egoic, allocentric & ecocentric) way of being.
     Is there a way I can ensure that this healthy adult maturation process (evolution of consciousness) happens for me, in a timely manner? Can I learn to intentionally switch to a centered way of being? Can I let go of being stressed-out and all the negative things that go with it, and establish an increasingly stable home base in this centered state?
     Mindfulness practices eg mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), started at UMass Medical Center by Jon Kabat-Zinn PhD in 1979, are secular, evidence-based mind-body exercises, specifically designed to facilitate this journey for anyone interested in a profound improvement in quality of life.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/311-fearful-child-wise-grandparent-were.html