#613 Nothing Personal

     We tend to "take it personally" when people treat us in uncaring, nasty, or cruel ways. I've felt this many, many times in my life. Yet, the fact is that I play an insignificantly tiny part in most of these people's lives. How they behave, has little to do with me, and almost everything to do with the rest of their lives, past and present. So taking their behavior personally is actually a bit egocentric. The world does not revolve around me. Things happen for innumerable, complex, interrelated reasons, of which I'm a very tiny part. 

     So what should I concentrate on if not my feelings, my comfort, my wishes, my needs, my security, my convenience, my ...?

     "Be kind, for everyone is carrying a heavy load."

#596 Identity & Self-transcendence

     In mindfulness (MBSR) workshops, we share the experiences we encounter during sitting meditation. Common themes include: struggles with "monkey mind", struggles with sleepiness, struggles with physical discomfort, struggles with restlessness, compulsive planning, obsessing about time-poverty, obsessing about being no good at meditation, etc.

     How do you feel after sharing your particular struggle with the group, and the facilitator suggests mindful ways of addressing your struggle?
     Does it feel like a personal attack? Are you angry? Do you feel "diminished"? If you do, what does it say about YOUR identity?

     Mindfulness training is fundamentally about letting go of limiting ideas about our assumed identity. Mindfulness is a journey of self-transcendence - never easy, but a huge leap if we're struggling with low self-esteem - and many of us are. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/11/painful-mistaken-identity.html
     For those who find mindfulness training traumatically challenging, Western psychotherapy can help create a healthier sense of self first. Perhaps then, mindfulness training can facilitate and gently expedite the normal healthy human evolutionary process of self-transcendence.

#593 Naturally

     While stuck in the muck of the ego - the small, tight, scared, anxious, fearful, angry, sad, time-poor, jangled, self-talk-filled, tiresome, stressful, painful old nightmare - the idea of embodying qualities like clarity, peace, silence, timelessness, stillness, kindness, lightness and effortlessness, may sound like a frustratingly impossible list of "shoulds".
     But it's neither externally imposed, nor a far-off, hard-to-reach destination. It's right here, right now, always, effortlessly available, to all of us. Just remember the direct experience - how you feel while:
                    • hugging a beloved human or other living being; 
                    • wordlessly awed in Nature;
                    • selflessly bringing healing to another.

     This is the freely flowing process of NATURAL human life. Just keep remembering & come back to reality, gently, kindly, peacefully, seamlessly, with timeless patience, as soon as you feel the muck of the ego. THIS WAY of returning, IS having returned already.

#588 To Evolve OR Blame? - THAT is the Question!

     As we start to practice sitting meditation, all sorts of apparent impediments arise: mental, physical & emotional irritations that we blame on the practice, teacher, room, time of day, hunger, noise, weather, work, our own ineptitude ... We find all sorts of excuses for not being able to just sit still.
     Mindfulness practice is a structured process that can enable us, initially, to simply remain aware and accepting while sitting comfortably - how stress-free can we get! The more we train, the more able we are to rest in awareness during increasingly challenging "real-world" situations.
      Paradoxically, the more completely we let go of excessive self-concern ("noisy ego"), the greater our freedom and true happiness. Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" is a powerful study of this universal human process of transformation or evolution of consciousness / heart-mind, found outside of, as well as within, all wisdom traditions.

Winfield Parks, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#581 Character is Built upon our Choices

     Which of these two paths leads to true, lasting peace, joy & happiness? We ALL, repeatedly face this CHOICE.

     Path One: Surrounding yourself by people who agree with your rationalizations for past mistakes & failures, who agree that it was completely other peoples' fault, who agree that you're a victim of ..., who agree that you should get back at them - "lawyer up" etc, and who agree that there's no use trying because the world's not fair.
     This is the common, relatively easy path of the masses. It props up the ego - solidifies your old "identity". It is for those who can't see beyond "ordinary unhappiness."

     Path Two: Listening to one or more trusted people who advise you to deeply examine your mistakes & failures, who advise you to honestly face your role in these, who advise you to make amends to the people who were likely hurt by your actions, and then vowing to lead a meaningful life that you yourself, your family, and even strangers can respect and trust.
     This is the uncommon path, requiring strength, bravery and persistence. It is chosen by those for whom "ordinary unhappiness" = "a life unexamined" = "a life wasted." Here one transcends the ego, opening to "deeper degrees of truth about yourself, others, and the nature of mind. More and more, you live in awareness." (Larry Rosenberg)

     At any time, we can choose to leave behind an unsatisfying way of life, and start living one that's increasingly meaningful and inspiring to ourselves, our family, our community.

Keith Willette, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#545 Knowing What Nourishes

     Rarely, life circumstances remain consistently pleasant for a brief period, maybe a day or two. But I don't think we really enjoy, nor thrive, under tepid conditions.
     A physiological level of challenge - one that stimulates our growth & evolution - seems ideal. Periodically, we do appreciate a rest from challenge, but not for long. Our need for a sense of agency and of "getting somewhere", has us seeking challenges.
     This also applies to meditation practice (although "getting somewhere" undergoes quite a shift). Initially, we may start practicing in order to better self-regulate. After we've made some progress managing stress, we delve into self-discovery - who am I? The next challenge - self-liberation.
     See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/03/evolution-of-human-consciousness.html 
     Also: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/07/sitting-in-fire.html

     We are our own personal life coach / sports psychologist. As such, we need to gently, persistently ensure that we travel the path that optimally nourishes our evolution as human beings.
    

Taverna Squarcialupi, Castellina, Chianti, Italy - Fine dining experience

#457 Why Practice Mindfulness

     The need for self-regulation takes priority over and necessarily precedes self-exploration & liberation. The critical thing to remember is that adequate self-regulation is NOT "as good as it gets" and that mindfulness practice is an effective, well-trodden path for self-exploration, and beyond.

     "the intention behind traditional Eastern mindfulness practice is transformation, liberation, & compassion for all beings,

     whereas in the Western context, the intention includes more secular motivations such as time-out from daily stress, development of better coping mechanisms, or as a means of self-regulation."

       Thurman SK. Review of 'Neuroscience, consciousness & spirituality.' Mindfulness 2013; 4(3): 286-88.

      "The goal of meditation at its deepest level has been liberation from the egoic self; developing a sense of harmony with the universe; and the ability to increase one's compassion, sensitivity, & service to others. These goals may include, but go beyond, personal self-regulation or self-exploration."

        Shapiro DH. Examining the content and context of meditation; A challenge for psychology in the areas of stress management, psychotherapy, and religion/values. Journal of Humanistic Psychology 1994; 34(4): 101-135.  

clauluna   www.dpreview.com

#449 Advanced Self-development: Self-actualization, Self-transcendence & Personal Wisdom

     "Advanced self-development is characterized by mature self-awareness, self-insight, openness to experience, open-mindedness, comfort with ambiguity, & cognitive complexity in terms of self & others. These personal qualities represent an integrated type of self-development that is considered to be a form of actualization tendency.

     The concept of self-actualization ... refers to a developmental process that involves the actualization or full use of one’s abilities or potential. ... the most agreed upon attributes of self-actualization ... include: meaning in life, positive self-esteem, personal responsibility, self-awareness, intimacy, empathy, realistic perceptions, insight, and resistance to undue social pressure. ... the construct of self-actualization is represented by two essential traits: openness to experience and self-reference or centeredness. 'The first depicts interest in varied experiences for its own sake (interest or pleasure) whereas the second describes awareness and consciousness of what is taking place in one’s personal experience.' Thus ... self-actualization is 'a process through which one’s potential is developed in congruence with one’s self-perception and one’s experience.' 

     Self-transcendence is the ability to see oneself & the world in a way that is not hindered by the boundaries of one’s ego identity and, thus, it involves a heightened sense of meaning and connectedness with others and with the world. 'Being able to detach from the external definitions of the self and dissolving rigid boundaries between self and other allows for self-transcendence.' Self-transcendence is considered by wisdom researchers to be a consequence of advanced self-development or self-actualization posited that the capacity for self-transcendence is an aspect of ego growth that is motivating during each developmental period and, thus, it can be realized at any age through practice and mature coping. The key is “having a strong identity”.  

     In summary, self-actualization involves advanced self-development or actuation of growth, whereas self-transcendence involves an ability to expand or transcend the boundaries of one’s ego identity. Together, self-actualization and self-transcendence include a rich form of self-knowledge and awareness that is characterized by openness, self-reflection, and insight based in a mature identity that is not hampered by ego preoccupation. Thus, these two attributes encompass or provide a pathway to personal wisdom.

       Beaumont SL. Identity processing and personal wisdom: An information-oriented identity style predicts self-actualization and self-transcendence. Identity: An International Journal of Theory and Research 2009; 9(2): 95-115.

 

diadra   www.dpreview.com

 

#259 In-groups, Self-centeredness, Maturity & Wisdom

     "My country - right or wrong!" is a controversial position still held by some. Such "group think" attitudes allow the group to commit atrocities. To permit atrocities to happen, the majority of followers must at least fail to oppose, if not actively participate. Yet, as soon as a leadership falls, the previously silent majority starts to whimper: "We were only following orders"; "We didn't know these things were happening."
     A proportion of the population will ride along with anything that provides easy access to power, wealth and security - ethics and common decency be damned. Too self-centered and weak to care for anyone but themselves, short-term gain is their game. Such opportunists completely identify with whatever group holds power: country, ethnicity, political party, religion, profession, cult, tribe, gang, etc, and against outsiders. 

     Some of us will, instead, actively seek and increasingly grow in wisdom. To do so requires that we outgrow self-serving in-groups.
     Wisdom is “a developmental process involving self-transcendence. Self-transcendence refers to the ability to move beyond self-centered consciousness, and to see things as they are with clear awareness of human nature and human problems, and with a considerable measure of freedom from biological and social conditioning. This ability to move beyond a self-centered perspective is certainly an important component of wisdom. Consistent with this idea, … transcending the self is needed to move beyond ingrained, automatic ways of thinking, feeling, and acting, and to connect empathetically with the experiences of others.”

     Le TN, Levenson MR. Wisdom as self-transcendence: What's love (& individualism) got to do with it? Journal of Research in Personality 2005; 39(4): 443-457.

Carsten Krieger Photography   http://www.carstenkrieger.com/

#187 Psychological flexibility = Mature EVOLVING Human Being?

     "Psychological flexibility (is) the ability to act effectively in accordance with personal values and goals in the presence of potentially interfering thoughts and feelings."
       McCracken LM, Gutierrez-Martinez O. Processes of change in psychological flexibility in an interdisciplinary group-based treatment for chronic pain based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Behav Res Ther 2011; 49(4): 267-74.

     Don't we expect any mature civilized human being to behave according to core human values and responsible long-term goals (for self & society), regardless of his/her past or present, internal or external circumstances?

     Psychological flexibility is the combination of 1) acceptance, 2) cognitive defusion, 3) present moment awareness, 4) self as context, 5) values, and 6) committed action.
          Thompson M, McCracken LM. Acceptance and Related Processes in Adjustment to Chronic Pain. Curr Pain Headache Rep 2011; 15: 144–151. 

     Each one of these is cultivated through mindfulness practices.

Fig 1. from Thompson & McCracken 2011

#77 Mind AND Heart

     It’s not a matter of mind or heart, but mind and heart, despite the fact that the two, at a superficial level, would appear to be mutually exclusive. As we grow older, we feel an increasing pull to live congruently, to live a non-dualistic life.

     “… a mature adult … can hold both conviction and paradox.”
     Parks SD. “Big questions, worthy dreams. Mentoring young adults in their search for meaning, purpose, and faith.” John Wiley & Sons, San Francisco, 2000.

Photo: Pat Curley   www.dpreview.com

 

#18 Normal Human Development

     
      Life experiences "condition" us, so we can end up with fairly inflexible thoughts about ourself. A natural part of maturing is seeing through and beyond these incorrect and limiting mental "straight jackets." We tend to underestimate crucial aspects of ourselves.

     "Self-transcendence relates to decreases in attachment to one’s own perspectives, view points, truths, and construal self, as well as extension of care, compassion, and concern toward others including both past and future generations. ... a developmental process that involves a change in perspective and orientation of self in relation to others, social status, and objects. … a self-transcendence orientation is part of a developmental process towards liberation from biological and social conditionings.”

     Le TN. Life satisfaction, openness value, self-transcendence, and wisdom. Journal of Happiness Studies 2011; 12(2): 171-182.