#699 Humility & Mindfulness

     "Some people think that humility is thinking lowly of yourself; some people think it's not thinking about yourself. 
     But to me, the best definition of humility is radical self-awareness from a distance. Seeing yourself from a distance, and saying 'What's my problem?'.  ...
     Success is earned externally, by being better than other people.
     Character - that unfakeable goodness - is earned by being better than you used to be."

       from David Brooks' interview (below) by Judy Woodruff, about his new book: "The Road to Character." Random House, NY, 2015.

#634 Personal Quality of Life - Professionalism - Citizenship

     We can all agree that every one of us is very interested & highly motivated to have & enjoy maximal personal health & quality of life. What constitutes professional behavior & good citizenship, and how best to promote these is more controversial & challenging.
     Yet I've come to understand that an individual's attention to self-care & wellness, their professionalism, good citizenship overlap greatly. From the other direction, I suggest that it's not possible (except perhaps for sociopaths) to enjoy optimal health while behaving unethically. If someone commits a horrific crime, chances are s/he will be found criminally insane (innocent by virtue of insanity). But I suggest that anything short of consistent prosocial, civilized, allocentric / ecocentric behavior is unhealthy - creates needless additional suffering - for the individual "actor" and society. Individuals (except sociopaths) are an integral part of society and nature - whatever benefits or harms one, has the identical effect on the other.
     So progressive maximal personal evolution of consciousness, fully integrated into one’s life, is the path to maximal health & well-being for oneself (wellness), one's profession (professionalism) and society at large (good citizenship).
     Teaching self-care - at the deepest level eg via mindfulness (MBSR) - is I suggest, a highly effective way of teaching professionalism and good citizenship in our multicultural, multi-faith, multi-ethnic society. Our world is literally dying for these qualities.

#578 Civilized Behavior?

     It's quite amazing how differently some people describe themselves from how they actually behave - fail to "walk the talk." And they may actually believe at least some of what they're saying.
     High, rigidly-held, often loudly-professed moral & other standards, are difficult to live up to. So we may try, but keep falling short, and can't tolerate the disconnect. Therefore, we suppress the disconnect, to ourselves & others, any way we can. 
     The greater the disconnect, the less self-respect we have. Others see our hypocrisy far more clearly than we allow ourselves to see it. Hypocrites don't fit in civilized society. Whether living in a small tribe or in today's global village, one's reputation as a dependable, beneficial part of the community is everything. Living a divided life is miserable on all levels. The fact is, we can't ever truly get away with anything!
     Rigidity & perfectionism are serious psychological handicaps. Lying is a rampant social disease.

     Mindfulness training is about learning to see things - including ourselves - clearly, with kind acceptance, no matter what we see. In this wise way, we can let go of all dysfunctional coping strategies, and start living a congruent, undivided life. This is civilized.

#490 A Safe Learning Environment

     We now appreciate the need to feel safe to be able to learn as well as to behave like civilized mature members of society.
     Stress impedes both learning, and the ability to make mature judgments. However, learning is inherently stressful in so far as the student (& we're ALL students) is never quite sure about what's going on - uncertainty, ambiguity, liminality is uncomfortable yet omnipresent - learning always comes with "growing pains"! 
     But as a society, we have a largely unexamined, yet very powerful aversion to discomfort. This learning / discomfort combo often results in emotional reactions. Teachers / instructors / professors & students blame each other for the discomfort.
     Of course teachers / instructors / professors also experience stress & its negative effects. They often care deeply for the material they teach, and may resent a perceived lower level of interest on the part of students. Teachers' memory of themselves as students tends to become idealized over the years. Teachers are also aware that course evaluations are important to their career and that students whom they discipline or give low marks to, will likely retaliate with harsh course evaluations. So teachers may also, at times - also out of fear / stress - react inappropriately to students. Such behaviour, though caused by fear, tends to be interpreted as "bullying" because of the power differential. Most bullying is probably at least partially fear-based.
     Students & teachers - everyone - can & needs to cultivate alliances rather than adversarial relationships. Individuals must clearly recognize when they're stressed. Self-awareness is critical, since one cannot care properly for another human being, as called for by an alliance, while one is afraid, angry & stressed out. A warm caring attitude cannot be faked nor mandated. It can only happen when fear & anger are gone. It's a shared responsibility, among individuals & groups, to cultivate caring, civilized environments fit for quality human life.
     Stress impairs judgment. Recognize & let go of fear & anger BEFORE you say (email, text) or do anything. This requires mindfulness practice, making mistakes, accepting rather than denying the mistakes, more mindfulness practice, making fewer & smaller mistakes, accepting rather than denying the mistakes, more mindfulness practice, making fewer & smaller mistakes, ... on & on for life!
     By becoming increasingly mindful, we cultivate a safe learning environment for ourselves & others. 
     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/11/blindspots-ethics-evolution-of.html
     and: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/316-fear-reactivity-mindfulness-mature.html

Safe Learning Environment?

#407 Sympathetic Joy instead of Adversarial Relationship

     "If we approach life from a place of scarcity, a mind-set that emphasizes what we lack instead of what we have, then anyone who has something we want becomes the enemy. But when we can rejoice in other people's happiness, we realize that joy and fulfillment are not finite quantities we have to grab while we can. They are always available because they are internal qualities that flow naturally if we allow them to."

       Salzberg S, Thurman R. "Love your enemies: Hot to break the anger habit and be a whole lot happier." Hay House, 2013.

Toby Smith  

http://pdn30.pdnevents.com/gallery/2013/index.php?contest=smith

#321 Fear of: Change, Loss of Security, Loss of Community, Loss of Old Sense of Self ...

     Fear is a very basic emotion; Love is its opposite. 
     Fear causes us to shrink away from reality as it is, to shrivel up, to become small, heavy, rigid, isolated, out of touch with reality. 
     Love allows us to expand and embrace reality as it is, to blossom, become light, porous, flexible, to engage the universe with an open mind-heart.
     If we allow ourselves to mature, or better yet, actively take steps to mature as conscious human beings, we will continuously experience changes in how we perceive our selves and our worldview. This is the normal process of healthy adult maturation. An intelligent adult should not expect to freeze their views on life's most meaningful questions. Life is complex and ever-changing - so are we.
     A loving, mature, intelligent community encourages growth and maturation among its members. This is the kind of community one requires if one is to become a fully functional, mature member of a civilized society.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/313-being-stressed-out-is-optional.html

Luis Marden - National Geographic

#187 Psychological flexibility = Mature EVOLVING Human Being?

     "Psychological flexibility (is) the ability to act effectively in accordance with personal values and goals in the presence of potentially interfering thoughts and feelings."
       McCracken LM, Gutierrez-Martinez O. Processes of change in psychological flexibility in an interdisciplinary group-based treatment for chronic pain based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Behav Res Ther 2011; 49(4): 267-74.

     Don't we expect any mature civilized human being to behave according to core human values and responsible long-term goals (for self & society), regardless of his/her past or present, internal or external circumstances?

     Psychological flexibility is the combination of 1) acceptance, 2) cognitive defusion, 3) present moment awareness, 4) self as context, 5) values, and 6) committed action.
          Thompson M, McCracken LM. Acceptance and Related Processes in Adjustment to Chronic Pain. Curr Pain Headache Rep 2011; 15: 144–151. 

     Each one of these is cultivated through mindfulness practices.

Fig 1. from Thompson & McCracken 2011