#719 What's Our First Priority? And How's That Working?

     Automatically, reflexively, by default, we "look out for #1" - "me, myself & I" - we're self-centered. We're primarily concerned with our own safety, nutrition, shelter, health, wealth, power, prestige, fame, etc, etc, all of which, we assume (hope), means our personal happiness will be more or less assured. And there's nothing wrong about wanting to be happy - it's perfectly normal & reasonable.
     Many of us behave as if our happiness will increase in proportion to our health, wealth, power, fame, and the opulence of our clothes, homes, cars, vacations etc. But research shows that above a certain surprisingly modest family income, which permits having reasonable basic necessities, there's NO gain in happiness or quality of life with increasing wealth. I see parallels with ethanol consumption - a drink or two may feel good; being drunk does not; while alcoholism is heading for "rock bottom".
     Doesn't the phrase "Looking for love in all the wrong places" somehow resonate? If we're at all self-reflective, we'll notice a hunger or yearning that we can't seem to satisfy for any length of time, no matter what. Smart, young, energetic university students often seem certain that they control their own futures. Ahhh, the sweet illusion of control! However, as the decades flow by, we repeatedly see just how little control we have over our own & our loved ones' lives.
     The healthiest, most intelligent approach to transcending this hunger or yearning is found by discovering our true identity - who we really are. Wisdom traditions have known this for thousands of years: http://jglovas.wix.com/awarenessnow#!The-Real-Voyage-of-Discovery-New-Eyes/c17jj/56afc4e40cf2062bd412b06e

#692 Mindfulness Training & Wisdom

     Participants in mindfulness training programs eg 8-week MBSR courses, often come to better manage their stresses, & thus improve the quality of their lives. However, these objectives ultimately require nothing less than the cultivation of wisdom - which mindfulness practices facilitate.

     "Although wisdom is a complex concept and difficult to define, historically it has been considered the pinnacle of human development.
     (Bergsma & Ardelt) define and operationalize wisdom as an integration of cognitive, reflective, and compassionate personality characteristics.

     (They) define and operationalize wisdom as a three-dimensional personality characteristic: 
          • the cognitive dimension of wisdom refers to the desire to know the truth. This does not only imply a knowledge of facts but also a deep understanding of life, particularly with regard to intrapersonal and interpersonal matters, including knowledge and acceptance of the positive and negative aspects of human nature, of the inherent limits of knowledge, and of life’s unpredictability and uncertainties.
          • A deep and undistorted comprehension of reality can only be achieved by overcoming one’s subjectivity and projections through the practice of (self-)reflection. The reflective dimension of wisdom highlights this aspect and represents the ability and willingness to invest in self-examination, self-awareness and self-insight. It requires the perception of phenomena and events from different perspectives and the ability to ‘see through illusions’. ... ‘one must be able to first become aware of and then transcend one’s projections before one can develop both the empathic skills and the cognitive processes associated with wisdom’.
          • Reflectivity tends to reduce self-centeredness, which leads to a deeper understanding of one’s own and others’ motives and behavior, and is likely to result in greater sympathetic and compassionate love for others. All-encompassing sympathetic and compassionate love accompanied by a motivation to foster the well-being of all denotes the compassionate component of wisdom.

     ... this definition of wisdom does not imply that wise individuals will avoid or suppress negative emotions toward themselves or others if they arise. On the contrary, through self-awareness and self-examination (the reflective wisdom dimension) wise persons are able to acknowledge, regulate, and ultimately overcome their negative emotions and projections without adversely affecting their own lives and that of others. For example, the practice of mindfulness and mindfulness meditation appear to facilitate the acceptance and eventual transcendence of negative emotions and behavior."

       Ad Bergsma, Monika Ardelt. Self-Reported Wisdom and Happiness: An Empirical Investigation. J Happiness Stud (2012) 13:481–499. 
       DOI 10.1007/s10902-011-9275-5 

     See also "Two Paths to Wisdom": http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2015/02/638-two-paths-to-wisdom.html

#674 No Time to BE Mindful ???

     "Definitions of mindfulness ... focus upon a number of qualities

          (a) a deliberate intention to pay attention to momentary experience, 

          (b) a marked distinction from normal, everyday modes of consciousness, 

          (c) a clear focus on aspects of active investigation of moment-to-moment experience, 

          (d) continuity of a precise, dispassionate, non-evaluative, and sustained moment-to-moment awareness of immediate experience, and 

          (e) an attitude of openness, acceptance, kindness, curiosity and patience."

       Hofmann FG, Grossman P, Hinton DE. "Loving-Kindness and Compassion Meditation: Potential for Psychological Interventions." Clin Psychol Rev. 2011 November ; 31(7): 1126–1132. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2011.07.003. 

     Since we tend to live "in our heads", theories are important, too important. We don't really consider BEING mindful in our own daily, moment-by-moment life - at least not now, maybe later, when we're not so busy ...... 

     Even sincere young people taking & apparently "enjoying" an 8-week MBSR course typically "don't get the chance" to practice between classes, often "get too busy" & drop out before finishing the course, and "don't get around" to filling out a one-page course evaluation.

     But mindfulness is NOT THEORETICAL, and it's not just another "add-on" to one's overcrowded litany of stuff to get done.  

     Mindfulness is about actually living RIGHT NOW within our most evolved operating system, with an open heart-mind. How can we not have time to live optimally?

How To Enter?

 

#663 Open Minds Open Doors

"The greatest discovery of my generation
is that human beings can alter their lives
by altering their attitudes of mind." 

William James

WisdomAtWork.com

Akos Stiller   www.stillerakos.com

#659 Do We Have It All Backwards?

     We (particularly men) rigidly pretend that happiness, our very survival, is entirely under our control. How? By surrounding ourselves metaphorically with a perfect semi-permeable membrane that keeps bad stuff out & pulls good stuff in. Many of us are obsessive doormen. Such a simple boundary, between a separate 'self' and a foreign, hostile environment, may be OK for amoebas, but ... 

     As we mature, we gradually release this illusion of control. Increasingly we recognize how deep quality of life is found in embracing every aspect of life - "the full catastrophe" - with an open heart-mind. Mindfulness practice is about consciously, intentionally maturing, coming home to our full potential, right now.
     Rather than anxiously flipping back & forth between aversion & craving, we gradually stabilize awareness, acceptance, spaciousness, ease & love. 


     No Boundaries: http://www.johnlovas.com/2012/01/healing-growth.html
     Wise Aging: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/search?q=aging

lewynn   www.dpreview.com

#657 You Can Count on Goodness

     "... consistently demonstrated in many domains of research: that daily human life is not characterized by violence, exploitation, or indifference. Far from it. The research ... reveals that we care deeply for one another, and that we would rather help our fellow beings than not. Even more, the science shows that refusing to help others can have debilitating, long-term mental and physical consequences for ourselves. Isolation hurts, physically; so does aggression. Every angry word we utter fries neurons and wears out our hearts.

      ... research currently suggests: If you want to find and foster the good in society, you need to start by searching for the goodness inside yourself."

       Jeremy Adam Smith, "You Can Count On Goodness" Shambhala Sun, May 2015     greatergood.berkeley.edu

#639 Mindfulness in the Real World

     Many of us, even if we have some mindfulness practice under our belts, underestimate the practical importance and impact of mindfulness on our day-to-day life.
     We (incorrectly) tend to assume that our usual way of being & doing things (ie mindless / autopilot) is practical, effective - "necessary to survive in the real-world".
     Conversely, we (incorrectly) assume that mindfulness is impractical - akin to "being the nice guy" in a world where only SOBs "succeed".
     However, our mindless default state, being egocentric, mostly ignores others, where we are, the present moment - so it's profoundly alienating. Everyone keenly notices whenever we lack interest, attention, caring. There's no engagement, no quality of connection, no quality of life. We may well be seen as irrelevant, burdensome, an energy drain.
     When we're being mindful, others readily perceive our "presence". They feel the vitality of a powerful connection between us: attention, caring, empathy, kindness flows unobstructed. Quality engagement defines interpersonal quality of life. We cultivate a "magnetic personality".
     Mindfulness is a product of sincere, open-hearted practice. It's not easy, but nothing of profound value is.
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=presence

#634 Personal Quality of Life - Professionalism - Citizenship

     We can all agree that every one of us is very interested & highly motivated to have & enjoy maximal personal health & quality of life. What constitutes professional behavior & good citizenship, and how best to promote these is more controversial & challenging.
     Yet I've come to understand that an individual's attention to self-care & wellness, their professionalism, good citizenship overlap greatly. From the other direction, I suggest that it's not possible (except perhaps for sociopaths) to enjoy optimal health while behaving unethically. If someone commits a horrific crime, chances are s/he will be found criminally insane (innocent by virtue of insanity). But I suggest that anything short of consistent prosocial, civilized, allocentric / ecocentric behavior is unhealthy - creates needless additional suffering - for the individual "actor" and society. Individuals (except sociopaths) are an integral part of society and nature - whatever benefits or harms one, has the identical effect on the other.
     So progressive maximal personal evolution of consciousness, fully integrated into one’s life, is the path to maximal health & well-being for oneself (wellness), one's profession (professionalism) and society at large (good citizenship).
     Teaching self-care - at the deepest level eg via mindfulness (MBSR) - is I suggest, a highly effective way of teaching professionalism and good citizenship in our multicultural, multi-faith, multi-ethnic society. Our world is literally dying for these qualities.

#626 Satisfaction??

     We're always "hungry" aren't we? And we anxiously race around getting, becoming, doing, consuming - desperately trying to get rid of this "hunger", this "fire in the belly".
     We experiment constantly, testing the very limits of self-indulgence (intoxication, overeating, hoarding, workaholism, compulsive traveling) and self-denial (abstinence, fasting, homelessness, agoraphobia) trying to "get some satisfaction". But all of these are transient, fundamentally unsatisfying, and not what we're about.

     Can you recall ever feeling truly, wonderfully satisfied, for any length of time? If you can, it's very useful to recall the direct experience of this event in as much detail as possible. Though powerful, it was probably an otherwise simple event: being on the sea shore; stepping outdoors into a cool, crisp starlit night; as a child, sitting under a rose-apple tree, quietly watching your father working in the fields.
     The sublime quality of consciousness at such times is a natural part of ourselves that we barely know. Yet this aspect of consciousness is peaceful - hungers for nothing. This is the quality of consciousness & life that we stabilize during mindfulness practices. This, and only this quality of consciousness, while doing anything or nothing at all, brings peace, satisfaction, joy.
    

#622 Ultimate Agency

     We work towards becoming continuously aware of our thoughts, words and actions. As clay turns into a sculpture, the quality of our awareness, intention & love becomes the quality of our life. How we are, moment-by-moment, is who we are.

         “She who works with her hands is a laborer. 
          She who works with her hands and her head is a craftsman. 
          She who works with her hands and her head and her heart is an artist."                        Francis of Assisi

#592 MY Choice - moment by moment

     Is love flowing through? Is there clarity, peace, silence, timelessness, stillness, kindness, lightness? Is an effortless process at play?

     If not, how long do I allow estrangement from authenticity? My mind-body tells me, moment-by-moment, precisely what's happening - heaven or hell.

     Listen well. My quality of life is MY choice alone.

#591 Perfect Freedom - the Path MIRRORS the Goal

     We can ALL attain the state of perfect freedom described below - but how? 
     In mindfulness, the goal & path are one - a moment-by-moment choice to be mindful (aware), instead of mindless (inhabiting the egocentric "ordinary mind"). 
     We cannot "get to" mindfulness by being mindless, no matter how hard we try. Angry, impatient struggle only buries us deeper into the swamp of mindlessness. We practice mindfulness by resting in awareness, and when we notice that we've drifted off into mindlessness, we skillfully return to resting in awareness. Acceptance, gentleness, kindness are already aspects of mindfulness ie we're already instantly, effortlessly there!: http://www.johnlovas.com/2011/12/self-compassion.html
 
     A highly accomplished practitioner of meditation has been described as "a person who has actualized that perfect freedom that is the potential for all human beings. The flow of her consciousness is not the fixed repetitive pattern of our usual self-centered consciousness, but rather arises spontaneously & naturally from the circumstances of the present. The results of this, in terms of the quality of life, are extraordinary: buoyancy, vigor, straight-forwardness, simplicity, humility, serenity, joyousness, uncanny perspicacity, and unfathomable compassion. Her whole being testifies to what it means to live in the reality of the present. Without anything said or done, just the impact of meeting a person so developed, is enough change another's whole way of life."

       Jack Kornfield "Transmission - Receiving the Living Wisdom of Spiritual Teachers - In-depth reflections and teachings on the student-teacher relationship."           www.soundstrue.com

 

Antonio Celso Lima Mollo, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#584 Quality of Attention & Quality of Life

     We humans are fully capable of abysmal stupidity AND equally capable of, and evolving towards, transcendent wisdom. Our infatuation with science and other forms of materialism is starting to wear thin. One of the most vocal and eloquent critics of religion, Sam Harris, just came out with a book on spirituality(!!), in which he uses science to support the essential core treasures held within wisdom traditions. A tongue-in-cheek definition of psychology: "Proving, that what grandma always told us, is true."

     "How we pay attention to the present moment largely determines the character of our experience and, therefore, the quality of our lives. Mystics and contemplatives have made this claim for ages - but a growing body of scientific research now bears it out."                         Sam Harris. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014.

#581 Character is Built upon our Choices

     Which of these two paths leads to true, lasting peace, joy & happiness? We ALL, repeatedly face this CHOICE.

     Path One: Surrounding yourself by people who agree with your rationalizations for past mistakes & failures, who agree that it was completely other peoples' fault, who agree that you're a victim of ..., who agree that you should get back at them - "lawyer up" etc, and who agree that there's no use trying because the world's not fair.
     This is the common, relatively easy path of the masses. It props up the ego - solidifies your old "identity". It is for those who can't see beyond "ordinary unhappiness."

     Path Two: Listening to one or more trusted people who advise you to deeply examine your mistakes & failures, who advise you to honestly face your role in these, who advise you to make amends to the people who were likely hurt by your actions, and then vowing to lead a meaningful life that you yourself, your family, and even strangers can respect and trust.
     This is the uncommon path, requiring strength, bravery and persistence. It is chosen by those for whom "ordinary unhappiness" = "a life unexamined" = "a life wasted." Here one transcends the ego, opening to "deeper degrees of truth about yourself, others, and the nature of mind. More and more, you live in awareness." (Larry Rosenberg)

     At any time, we can choose to leave behind an unsatisfying way of life, and start living one that's increasingly meaningful and inspiring to ourselves, our family, our community.

Keith Willette, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#562 Suffering or Wisdom? We Get to Choose?

     Early this week our 5-year old water heater stopped working. The plumber from the company that sold it to us decided that some parts needed to be replaced, did so, charged $300., and left, but no hot water. The next day, he returned, replaced another part, left, but no hot water. Later that day, he returned, checked his work, left, but still no hot water. The next day, while waiting for him to return, I noticed that I was developing a low-grade tension headache (rare for me). Even thought the repair guy seemed like a pleasant, decent fellow, I was obviously resenting the slowness & inefficiency with which this (very minor) inconvenience was being handled. Waiting for a repairman, and waiting for hot water, was not the way my week was supposed to be! The headache helped me remember meditation teacher John Tarrant's saying:
               "Suffering is the thought 'This isn't it.'
                Wisdom is the thought 'What is this?'"

     What happens in each moment has little if anything to do with what we want or need. Instead, it's the result of innumerable causes & conditions coming together at a unique crossroads in history. It is complex beyond imagination, and impossible to predict or control. Our individual input is usually an incredibly tiny contribution, so why do we fool (inflate?) ourselves thinking we can control anything (other than perhaps our own attitude)?
     When the universe fails to unfold according to our individual desire, we can (like I did) get angry. "This sucks, I don't want this, this is upsetting all my plans ..." Nevertheless, the universe continues to unfold without consulting me, nor as far as I know, any other of earth's ~9 billion human beings. Therefore, remembering to remain curious and open to whatever unfolds moment-to-moment, seems much wiser than being constantly mad.
     Wisdom is generally understood to involve a progressive shift from egocentricity (self concerns) towards allocentricity & ecocentricity (being concerned about others & the environment).
     Yesterday, the plumber returned and succeeded in fixing the heater.

Justin Jung, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#560 Doing Less of What Doesn't & More of What Does Work

     Can we learn to become aware of & fed up with strategies that don't bring us long-term peace, contentment & joy? Can we persevere with practices that do? It really is that simple.
     We should not become jaded & cynical when buying junk we don't need, eating junk food, or getting drunk leave us feeling lousy. Of course there's infinitely more to life!
     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2014/08/getting-somewhere.html
 

Gretel with toy, August 17, 2014

 

#553 Forgiveness & Emotional Intelligence

     “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.”

     “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”

     “You can either practice being right or practice being kind.”


       Anne Lamott     http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/7113.Anne_Lamott 

#549 What Operating System am I Running on Now?

     We have 2 very different "ways of being in the world" depending on which of the 2 very different parts of our brain (operating system) is directing our thoughts, words & behavior: 
          1) a primitive brain stem, we share with reptiles & other animals, that permits a very basic level of functioning
          2) a highly evolved prefrontal cortex that, permits a much more sophisticated, evolved level of behavior - that of homo sapiens sapiens.

     One of these always dominates. Some human beings live the highest quality of life possible, which includes helping the rest of humanity evolve to enjoy the same optimal quality of life. Other fellow humans experience "a living hell" continuously butchering each other, like crazed animals. 
     Most of us are somewhere in between - sometimes inspiring, generally just muddling along, & at times we're (justifiably) ashamed of ourselves. How can we be inspiring more often & filled with regret less often?
     We can all learn to PHYSICALLY FEEL which operating system (part of our brain) is operating AND we can TRAIN to engage our more highly evolved operating system more & more consistently, to optimize our own & others' short & precious lives. It's all part of mindfulness training.

Mado   www.fredmiranda.com

#542 Do We Know What We Need?

     In a recent excellent 2-part CBC radio documentary "Re-wiring Our Kids", host Pauline Dakin presents evidence suggesting that we're becoming so engrossed in & distracted by digital media, that our awareness of our own emotions is markedly dampened. Digital distraction may well be today's "opiate of the masses."
https://www.cbc.ca/atlanticvoice/2014/02/20/re-wiring-our-kids/

     Yet isn't it our emotions that warn us that we're suffering, and our emotions that energize us to make changes in order to improve the quality of our lives? 
     Mindfulness practices serve as a potent, vital antidote to the mind-numbing effects of digital distraction, materialism, cynicism, etc.

Resident of Tuscany

 

#535 Mindful Heart Monitoring

     Cultivating stable, continuous awareness - monitoring - the state of my mind-heart is key. Then I recognize:

           • What impact my being kind, aware & open mind-hearted has on my own & others' quality of life,
           • Compared to when I'm self-centered, "driven" & closed mind-hearted.

      "The path to loving-kindness will always entail our gentle attention to the very things that block our way to it."  
                              Ezra Bayda

      See:  http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/02/285-how-my-heart-feels-heavy-or-open.html