#719 What's Our First Priority? And How's That Working?

     Automatically, reflexively, by default, we "look out for #1" - "me, myself & I" - we're self-centered. We're primarily concerned with our own safety, nutrition, shelter, health, wealth, power, prestige, fame, etc, etc, all of which, we assume (hope), means our personal happiness will be more or less assured. And there's nothing wrong about wanting to be happy - it's perfectly normal & reasonable.
     Many of us behave as if our happiness will increase in proportion to our health, wealth, power, fame, and the opulence of our clothes, homes, cars, vacations etc. But research shows that above a certain surprisingly modest family income, which permits having reasonable basic necessities, there's NO gain in happiness or quality of life with increasing wealth. I see parallels with ethanol consumption - a drink or two may feel good; being drunk does not; while alcoholism is heading for "rock bottom".
     Doesn't the phrase "Looking for love in all the wrong places" somehow resonate? If we're at all self-reflective, we'll notice a hunger or yearning that we can't seem to satisfy for any length of time, no matter what. Smart, young, energetic university students often seem certain that they control their own futures. Ahhh, the sweet illusion of control! However, as the decades flow by, we repeatedly see just how little control we have over our own & our loved ones' lives.
     The healthiest, most intelligent approach to transcending this hunger or yearning is found by discovering our true identity - who we really are. Wisdom traditions have known this for thousands of years: http://jglovas.wix.com/awarenessnow#!The-Real-Voyage-of-Discovery-New-Eyes/c17jj/56afc4e40cf2062bd412b06e

#671 What Feels Healthy?

     Fear shuts us down. It makes our heart-mind, our whole body feel tight, constricted, stiff, rigid, cold, shaky, lousy.

     What do we fear? We fear constant change, aging, sickness and death. We fear having little or no control over our lives, others' lives, our stuff, our world. We fear meaninglessness.
     Fear is feeling unloved. Above all else we want unconditional love.

     What if each of us is the SOURCE of unconditional love?

     How does it feel while we radiate unconditional kindness towards anyone, anything & any activity?
     How does the above compare with how we usually feel caught up in our cravings, aversions & self-absorbtion?
     Which of these clearly feels healthy?

#375 Self-development, Self-knowledge, Wisdom & Overcoming Self-centeredness

     "Quests for self-realization, self-actualization, maturity, & autonomy, and even the quest for wisdom might initially be motivated by a desire for a stron­ger self, yet it is precisely through the process of self-development & self­ knowledge that people start to realize the illusory nature of the phenomenal self. 

     The self is not a substance, an unchangeable essence, or an "individual," but a construct that is created through social interaction. According to the liberative model of adult development, the self may be thought of as a construct of attachments & aversions, which need to be transcended. Self-transcendence can be achieved through nonattachment, patience, and in particular self-observation and self-knowledge. A person in search of wisdom will eventually come to the realization that what is conven­tionally called the 'self,' the 'I,' or the 'ego' is an illusion that enables one to construct a stable image of oneself. It is the attachment to the self that creates the ego. Through the practice of self-examination, self-reflection, & mindfulness the ego grows quiet, which allows a glimpse into reality beyond the self and consequently results in greater wisdom.

     It should be noted that wise people's selflessness is not equivalent to low self-esteem or low self-confidence. Maslow even maintained that 'the best way to transcend the ego is via having a strong identity'. A dialectical relationship exists between selflessness and self-knowledge insofar that only individuals who know who they are can over­come their self-centeredness."

         Ardelt M. Self-development through selflessness: The paradoxical process of growing wiser. in Wayment HA, Bauer JJ eds. Decade of behavior. American Psychological Association, Washington, DC, 2008.

     More from Ardelt's chapter: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/07/wisdom-awareness-self-transcendence.html