#628 Cultivating Self-Compassion

"This is a moment of suffering.
          The first phrase helps to mindfully open to the sting of emotional pain. (You can also just say "this is really hard right now" or "this hurts.")
 
Suffering is a part of life. 
          The second phrase normalizes our experience and reminds us that suffering unites all living beings and reduces the tendency to feel ashamed and isolated when things go wrong in our lives.
 
May I be kind to myself.
          The third phrase begins the process of responding with self-kindness rather than self criticism.

May I give myself the compassion I need. 
          The final phrase reinforces the idea that you both need and deserve compassion in difficult moments."

adapted from Kristin Neff       www.self-compassion.org 

by Joel & Michelle Levey    www.wisdomatwork.com

 

#600 Affectionate Attention

     "While mindfulness is about cultivating bare attention, discernment, clear seeing, and wisdom, at the same time, it is important to bring an affectionate quality to the attending - an openness to whatever may arise, along with a degree of kindness and a willingness to extend our intrinsic compassion to embrace even ourselves.
     ... this is not something that we need to force or strive to acquire. Rather it is a quality of being that we might realize is already part of who we are. All we need to do is keep it in mind from time to time for it to come more into the foreground in any moment."

       Kabat-Zinn J. “Mindfulness for Beginners. Reclaiming the Present Moment – and Your Life.” Sounds True, Boulder, 2012.

Michael Wood   www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10152770060165664.1073741832.628775663&type=1&l=dd02666ee1

#591 Perfect Freedom - the Path MIRRORS the Goal

     We can ALL attain the state of perfect freedom described below - but how? 
     In mindfulness, the goal & path are one - a moment-by-moment choice to be mindful (aware), instead of mindless (inhabiting the egocentric "ordinary mind"). 
     We cannot "get to" mindfulness by being mindless, no matter how hard we try. Angry, impatient struggle only buries us deeper into the swamp of mindlessness. We practice mindfulness by resting in awareness, and when we notice that we've drifted off into mindlessness, we skillfully return to resting in awareness. Acceptance, gentleness, kindness are already aspects of mindfulness ie we're already instantly, effortlessly there!: http://www.johnlovas.com/2011/12/self-compassion.html
 
     A highly accomplished practitioner of meditation has been described as "a person who has actualized that perfect freedom that is the potential for all human beings. The flow of her consciousness is not the fixed repetitive pattern of our usual self-centered consciousness, but rather arises spontaneously & naturally from the circumstances of the present. The results of this, in terms of the quality of life, are extraordinary: buoyancy, vigor, straight-forwardness, simplicity, humility, serenity, joyousness, uncanny perspicacity, and unfathomable compassion. Her whole being testifies to what it means to live in the reality of the present. Without anything said or done, just the impact of meeting a person so developed, is enough change another's whole way of life."

       Jack Kornfield "Transmission - Receiving the Living Wisdom of Spiritual Teachers - In-depth reflections and teachings on the student-teacher relationship."           www.soundstrue.com

 

Antonio Celso Lima Mollo, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#502 Self-improvement?

     Don't we all want to become better in some way? We may have recurrent daydreams of performing various actions better, looking better, becoming more likeable, more valued & appreciated, and thus feeling much better about ourselves. Essentially, we'd like to start from scratch & create a whole new "ideal" person.
     Letting go of self-judgment, and adopting self-acceptance & gentle kindness toward ourselves - as we are - is infinitely more beneficial AND practical than making ourselves feel sickeningly inadequate by constantly comparing ourselves to (our & society's) ideal, unreachable standards. This does NOT mean we succumb to the other extreme - failing to actively care for ourselves, others & the environment. There is a sane, practical middle way between obsessive perfectionism & giving up.
     Most importantly, we might be surprised to find that the quality of life we seek has little to do with our ideas of self-improvement, and almost everything to do with the state of being or level of consciousness which naturally manifests gentle, kind awareness.

Watatsumi Temple, Japan - by Xu Xiaolin - http://travel.nationalgeographic.com

#500 Changes, Ambivalence & Progress

     Most of us start Mindfulness training with the (realistic) hope & expectation that we'll become better able to handle life's stresses. Clearly, we ourselves expect to change, becoming more resilient, thus being able to enjoy an improved quality of life.
     Though we're intent on changing ourselves - at the same time - we're deeply ambivalent. This ambivalence is perfectly natural & healthy. We tend to identify with a certain sense of self, self-concept or ego, which we (mistakenly) assume to be permanently fixed & stable. Change to one's self-image feels threatening, and may evoke fear & anxiety. Knowing this, and realizing that our self-concept is actually constantly evolving over time, and remembering that we are, through Mindfulness practice, intentionally promoting & guiding the natural evolution of our consciousness, we can become consciously aware of, & accept our natural ambivalence, and proceed gently, at our own healthy, physiologic pace.

#395 Why Do We Resist Mindfulness?

     I read about meditation practices for 30 years before I ever started to actually meditate. Even then, I remained strongly inclined towards action, or at least trying to figure things out by thinking. The fact is, most of us have a lifetime of practice doing & thinking, and virtually no experience - hence no confidence in - dropping everything to sit still. So, "if it ain't broke", we stick with the momentum of our lives - keeping busy, physically & mentally.
     But the older we get, the more clearly we see the many ways in which "it IS broke", and the more often we realize that "keeping busy" is often an ineffective habitual nervous twitch. We gradually realize that even old dogs have to learn new tricks. Meditation is very effective for most things for which "keeping busy" is useless - that's why so many people around the world, and increasingly in Europe, Australia and North America meditate regularly.
     Obviously, most of us will be clumsy at it initially. But like any other skill, with training we progressively gain competence. Deciding "I'm no good at this", then quitting is a very common, very unfortunate pattern. What overweight person, on starting an aerobic exercise program, ever declared "Yes, I'm damned good at this!"? - None! Persistence and steady practice is how we gain competence at anything worthwhile. 
     Attention NORMALLY drifts all over the place. Gently, repeatedly, with endless patience, we keep bringing attention back to our focus of attention - THAT's a huge part of the practice. What we primarily develop is NOT a blank slate mind, but rather gentleness, acceptance, humility & great patience - this is transformational. ... But we all start impatient and a bit arrogant!

Harriet Irving Botanical Gardens, Wolfville, Nova Scotia

#114 Qualities or Attitudes of Mindfulness

     Jon Kabat-Zinn highlighted 7 mindfulness qualities - how one attends to information during mindfulness. 
     Shauna Shapiro et al added 5 affective qualities, yielding a total of 12:

nonjudging, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/115-nonjudging-quality-1.html

nonstriving, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/116-nonstriving-quality-2.html

acceptance, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/117-acceptance-quality-3.html

patience, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/118-patience-quality-4.html

trust, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/119-trust-quality-5.html

openness, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/120-openness-quality-6.html

letting go, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/04/121-letting-go-quality-7.html

gentleness, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/122-gentleness-quality-8.html

generosity, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/123-generosity-quality-9.html

empathy, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/124-empathy-quality-10.html

gratitude, http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/125-gratitude-quality-11.html
and 

loving kindness. http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/05/126-loving-kindness-quality-12.html

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

  

     These overlapping, interdependent, characteristic qualities or attitudes are cultivated by, & naturally arise from, mindfulness practice - much like physical strength, aerobic fitness, perseverance, etc arise for athletes from their training regimen.