#770 Relating to Pain Wisely

     Most of the time now, when I'm awake & lying on my back, there's an electric-current-like pulsating sharp pain in some part of my left leg, either locally eg in my upper thigh, or less often, radiating down along most of the leg as if into the bones of my feet. This is known as 'sciatica.' It's sharp, jabbing, varying in intensity, really 'grabs my attention.' While sciatica is dependent on the position of my lower back (vertebrae compressing the sensory nerve to my leg), adjusting my back's position itself causes pain in the lower back, & triggers sciatica as well. Sitting involves much less sciatic pain, and standing or walking are best, though hampered by a leg brace that's fixed straight & crutches.

     So what is my best option? How can I relate to pain wisely? First of all, after repeatedly changing the position of my lower back doesn't help or worsens the pain, at night I can simply be still, accept whatever pain there is, and after a while, I do fall asleep for a couple of hours. Then repeat until it's time to get up for the day. In the morning, I sit up and periodically stand up & walk about for a few minutes. Clearly, I do what is practical to directly eliminate or minimize the pain. This is simple self-care & self-compassion. After the 'doing' of simple practicalities, it's all about 'being' - authentically expressing who I am.

     This is where one's worldview & self-concept (often unexamined), play a powerful role. The subconscious has a powerful (mostly hidden) influence on one's life.
     If deep down, one believes that the universe is a meaningless machine, and we're but random slabs of meat, then it's natural to feel like a wounded animal, suffering alone for nothing.
     On the other hand, when we sense / remember that we're profoundly at home, unconditionally loved & intimately interconnected with everyone & everything, then adversities such as pain are small, temporary lessons helping us grow stronger & wiser.
     Mystics and others who've had profound direct experiences beyond this physical realm, suggest that the hardships we experience in this realm, are for the sole purpose of helping us evolve to higher levels of consciousness - ie are specifically tailored for our benefit. People who've had near death experiences (NDEs) repeatedly report that what might at the time feel like horrible events, are remembered as minor inconveniences compared to how much was learned & the ineffable benefits for ALL those involved. Three reports:
     “I’ve become more relaxed, there is very rarely anything that really makes me upset.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3Ow4sEW8D0
     “There’s just a sense that everyone’s going to be OK. Everything’s happening the way everything’s supposed to be happening. And we’re all taken care of, and that it’s all perfect the way that it’s happening.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTESmsletG4
      The purpose of life is to become a 'bigger container' so we're able to get closer & closer to the Light. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iNucPVPGw4

     Wisdom tells us that after doing everything that's reasonable to directly manage the pain, continuing to focus narrowly on the pain becomes the main cause of suffering. So instead, the wisest approach now is to whole-heartedly say 'yes,' accepting (rather than arguing with) present reality, and to welcome pain with genuine curiosity. Now we can hold the pain in 'spacious awareness.' This is like the sky fully accepting rain clouds, knowing that the sky is huge & timeless, and that rain clouds are small & transient.
     EVERYTHING CHANGES when we can clearly experience challenges NOT as deadly attacks, BUT as loving lessons to help us grow & evolve.
     This is also the secret to true happiness as we age, as we learn an impressive number & variety of challenging life lessons.

      “The easy path of aging is to become a thick-skinned, unbudging curmudgeon, a battle-axe. To grow soft and sweet is the harder way.” James Hillman

 

It’s better to feel pain,
than never feel at all.
The opposite of love’s
indifference.

So keep your head up

and love.

 
Lumineers

 

#716 How Mindfulness (MBSR) Can Change Your Life

     "Mindfulness is a way of being - a basic human quality of awareness that is cultivated by learning to pay wise attention to whatever is happening in our lives.
     People who participate in a mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) program, learn through their own experience how to take better care of themselves, by understanding the interplay of mind and body, allowing for greater access to inner resources for coping, growing and healing. 
     MBSR is an approach that combines meditation, dialogue, reflective inquiry, mindful yoga and movement, as means to assisting participants to work more effectively with stress, pain and illness, as well as the challenges of life in the 21st century."

 

#667 Experiencing the Benefits of Meditation Practice

     "Gradually, by experiencing the benefits of concentration and insight first hand, you will gain confidence that you have the capacity to endure pain with equanimity, that you are able to let go of destructive habits, and that you are worthy of the joy of a deeply tranquil mind."

       Shaila Catherine "Wisdom Wide and Deep. A Practical Handbook for Mastering Jhana and Vipassana." Wisdom, Boston, 2011.

DavidAMWA   www.dpreview.com

#609 Short-term Gain, Long-term Pain

     We routinely criticize politicians for making promises they can't possibly deliver; as well as for planning only as far ahead as the next election. Why would they use such dishonest, short-sighted, mindless approaches that guarantee problems later on? Because it works - this is how most of us think, so we elect them!
      Honestly examining the roots of our problems, and personally doing our part to correct these are signs of profound maturity & wisdom. Only a tiny proportion of us is interested. For most, regardless of the image we try to project to others or even to ourselves, deep introspection & moral responsibility are very uncomfortable matters we do our best to avoid. Deep down, we don't think we have what it takes.
     So most of us avoid the deep realities of life by clinging to distractions - for our entire lives, if we can. Happy, happy, busy, busy. But reality is extremely difficult to handle with an immature consciousness. In fact, wisdom traditions suggest that our only problem is an immature consciousness!

          “No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.”                                      Albert Einstein 

     Mindfulness practices are gentle, progressive trainings to help us clearly see & accept our "ordinary mind", and thus be able to transcend it - evolve to a higher level of consciousness. THEN we can engage reality with awareness, using all our multiple intelligences. 
     We CAN effectively deal with life's core challenges, rather than try to hide from them in distraction.

#603 Healthy Relationship with CHRONIC Pain

     CHRONIC pain is fascinating - IF we don't allow it to automatically shut us down. By "shut us down" I include all of our usual mindless behaviors: anger, blaming, popping pills, otherwise "self-medicating", complaining, playing the victim, withdrawing, etc, etc.
     WHAT IF we DIDN'T judge chronic pain to be a terrible mistake? What if we simply didn't know what to make of it - drew no conclusions, made no judgments? The fact is, we don't know much at all about our generally unexamined life. 
     For one thing, we typically mistakenly OVERREACT to CHRONIC pain as though it were acute - yet it's sending us a TOTALLY DIFFERENT message, about a completely different situation.
     ACUTE pain signals an emergency. It's an alarm bell screaming at us to stop everything & immediately look after a potentially life-threatening injury.
     CHRONIC pain, far from being an emergency, is an ongoing reminder that we need to address existential issues in this lifetime. 
     To the extent we mindfully open our mind-heart to the reality of sickness, aging, and death, we heal into wholeness. 
     To the extent that we refuse to do so, and (like heroin addicts, we) aggressively demand a "cure" - escape from reality, OR become cynically embittered by life, we suffer. 
     The CHOICE is entirely ours - let's make it intelligent!

#529 Keep On Waking Up

     During meditation we're trying to notice, as early as possible, each time we slip away into one of our basic story lines or daydreams. 
     Why do we compulsively keep escaping from the here & now? It's very important to carefully notice how we feel immediately before the urge to escape arises. 
          • How does it feel immediately before we run to the fridge (when not hungry)?  
          • How does it feel immediately before we check our smart phone (though there's nothing important going on)?
          • How does it feel immediately before we jump up to go somewhere (though there's nowhere in particular we need to go)?

     Does compulsive avoidance work - get us where we need to be? And if not, is it time to let it go?


       Compulsivity is a tendency to repeat the same, often purposeless acts, which are sometimes associated with undesirable consequences. http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/impulse-control-disorders/understanding-differences-between-impulsivity-and-compulsivity

#518 Meeting Fear Effectively

     "By inviting fear into the relaxed, openness of your heart, by reaching out to your fear when you feel calm and grounded, you can begin to develop a connection between these two areas in yourself. Later when you become afraid, a connection already will have been established to help you call upon your calm, grounded being. When you feel connected to your inner wholeness, you can offer that as an ally to the place in yourself that experiences the pain and helplessness of being afraid. Shunryu Suzuki said, 'The only way you can endure your pain is to let it be painful' and maybe the same is true of fear. The way to endure our fears is to just be with them. Being present without trying to change our experience is how to tame and transform our pain."
 
        Phelan JP. Practicing with Fear. Mindfulness - published online 06 September 2012.

wgjohnston   www.dpreview.com

#487 Mindfulness, Science & Reductionism

     The latest mindfulness-based intervention, "Mindfulness-Oriented Recovery Enhancement (MORE), is designed to train people to respond differently to pain, stress & opioid-related cues."

     The definitions provided in the paper (below) of mindfulness, reappraisal & savoring are so brief as to be misleading. Clearly there's MUCH more to mindfulness than awareness for the purpose of self-regulation. Reappraisal / reframing, at least as it pertains to mindfulness, is also MUCH more complex, including acceptance and seeing things clearly as part of the overall big picture. Similarly, savoring as defined below sounds simplistic - FAR less nuanced & balanced than one experiences through mindfulness meditation practice. But such is the nature of reductionism, an inherent part of science.

     "MORE targets the underlying processes involved in chronic pain & opioid misuse by combining three therapeutic components: mindfulness training, reappraisal & savoring.
     • Mindfulness involves training the mind to increase awareness, gain control over one's attention & regulate automatic habits.
     • Reappraisal is the process of reframing the meaning of a stressful or adverse event in such a way as to see it as purposeful or growth promoting.
     • Savoring is the process of learning to focus attention on positive events to increase one's sensitivity to naturally rewarding experiences, such as enjoying a beautiful nature scene or experiencing a sense of connection with a loved one."

       Garland EL, Manusov EG, Froeliger B, Kelly A, Williams JM, Howard MO. Mindfulness-Oriented Recovery Enhancement for Chronic Pain and Prescription Opioid Misuse: Results From an Early-Stage Randomized Controlled Trial. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2014; DOI: 10.1037/a0035798

 

Elena Shumilova  http://www.flickr.com/photos/75571860@N06/11874722676/

#468 Endurance, Perseverance & Transcendence

     "Most of all, we have to learn to trust our own capacities to endure pain. We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don't deny it, don't be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there."                                            Harold S. Kushner

       Streep P ed. Spiritual Illuminations. Meditations for Inner Growth. Viking Studio Books, NY, 1992.

Ice Storm, Toronto, Christmas 2013

#460 Waking Up - OR - Suffering

     “We become disabled, unable to function in areas of our lives that evoke feelings we’ve never learned to tolerate. Turning away from this primary pain creates a second, ongoing level of suffering: living in a state of contraction and constricted awareness.”                          John Welwood

        Glickman M. “Beyond the breath. Extraordinary mindfulness through whole-body Vipassana meditation.” Journey Editions, Boston, 2002.

      “The most powerful agent of growth and transformation is something much more basic than any technique: a change of heart.”                                                       John Welwood

      “We have little choice about anything, moving around as we do in a sleepy, anxious cloud of habit and conditioned response. … The only choice we have anyway is to wake up.”                                                               Stephen Butterfield

       Welwood J. ed. “Ordinary magic. Everyday life as spiritual path.” Shambhala, Boston, 1992.

#438 Invalidating, Validation & Encouragement to Heal

     “Invalidating someone else is not merely disagreeing with something that the other person said. It is a process in which individuals communicate to another that the opinions & emotions of the target are invalid, irrational, selfish, uncaring, stupid, most likely insane, & wrong, wrong, wrong. Invalidators let it be known directly or indirectly that their target’s views & feelings do not count for anything to anybody at any time or in any way. In some families, the invalidation becomes extreme, leading to physical abuse & even murder. However, invalidation can also be accomplished by verbal manipulations that invalidate in ways both subtle & confusing.”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/matter-personality/201309/invalidation-in-families-what-are-the-hidden-aspects

     Invalidating is particularly damaging when inflicted by parents and other loved ones on the young. Even as adults, when we share something deeply meaningful & traumatic with a close friend, we need a fellow human being to hear us deeply, to be with us, to resonate with our feelings, to validate our humanity.
     Perhaps worse than being invalidated, one could end up in a dysfunctional support group. Here the strong common bond is a shared type of suffering. One's identity as a sufferer becomes, not just validated, but solidly established "reified." Group-think rejects significant improvement. One's identity & sense of belonging to cult-like groups depends on remaining essentially the same - not healing. (Healthy support groups actively promote wellness & healing.)
     The extreme opposite response will likely come from a meditation teacher, who might respond to our story with the question "WHO is suffering?" This may initially sound callous, puzzling, or weird. However, as we keep practicing - perhaps for many more years - the light might go on, and we suddenly "get it." We are being asked to carefully, critically examine our identity. Is identification with suffering valid? Am I pain - or - do I happen to have pain? There is a critical difference - suffering is inherent in the first, optional / minimal in the second. Furthermore, am I solid & unchanging? Is anything, including pain or suffering, solid, unchanging? See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2016/05/722-suffering-our-sense-of-self.html
     Of course there are many possible skillful means between the 3 extremes above: several mindfulness-based therapies eg MBCT, solution-focused therapy, motivational interviewing, internal family systems, and hundreds of other specific therapies - which some of us do need & would greatly benefit from.

      Suffering does NOT have to be our final miserable lot in life. Someone who encourages us to keep practicing is providing a great service (no matter how we may react to it at the time). See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/436-readiness-for-change-is-pivotal.html

Bindia Gupta   www.dpreview.com

#437 Wholeness includes Everything

     "Wholeness is based on a balance & integration of opposites, not on getting rid of what we don't like. When we feel an inconsistency or conflict between inner experience and outer expression, between persona and shadow, fear and love, life and death, body and mind, or any other pairs of opposites, we experience pain and tension. According to the ancient Hindu scriptures, the Upanishads, wherever there is other there is fear, for fear is born of duality. We can be released from fear only when we recognize the unity of opposites and learn to balance the polarities of emotional experience in a context of healing awareness."

        Vaughn F. The Inward Arc. Healing in Psychotherapy and Spirituality. iUniverse.com Inc, Lincoln NE, 1995, 2000.

Fine young people behind Hope Blooms - see their inspiring story: http://hopeblooms.ca/

#330 Mindfulness Practices - Simple but Not Easy

     "taking time out to sit in silence and bring attention to something like the breath, there is an opportunity for a degree of relaxation, or ‘slowing down’. Secondly there is a perhaps more counter-intuitive opportunity to simply notice - as non-judgementally and non-analytically as possible - the experiential flow of thoughts, feelings and sensations. In other words, there is an attempt to cultivate awareness of one’s moment-by-moment experience ... a ‘post-modern’ meta skill.
     Straight away in this two-fold description, one may appreciate why it could be said that mindfulness is ‘simple, but not easy’. The process of sitting and bringing some light attention to the process of breathing (or in other mindfulness practices it may be for example the process of walking, or eating), is not technically complicated and may feel a welcome relaxation. Alternatively, being invited simply to notice one’s experience, can feel tremendously challenging. One can come up closer to previously less noticed streams of negative, painful, or fearful thought, or at the very least one can feel unsettled by noticing for perhaps the first time, how ‘all over the place’ our experience can be, veering in the space of a few moments, from wild fantasy, to profound sleepiness, for example. It is not something we may ever have done before, in such a direct way, and it can feel anything but relaxing at times. Thus, mindfulness could be said to be a more radical practice, of learning to be with both positive and painful experiential states, in the present, without loading this with strong expectations, of an outcome."

       Moss D, Waugh M, Barnes R. A tool for life? Mindfulness as self-help or safe uncertainty. Int J Qual Stud Health Well-being 2008; 3(3): 132-142.

 

Studio 21 Art Gallery, Halifax, NS   http://www.studio21.ca/

#222 Physically processing emotions - Mindfulness meditation's systematic desensitization

     Staying with (acceptance of) the unpleasant physical sensations of emotions such as fear, AND witnessing it objectively (a process Western psychology calls cognitive defusion) is how we "physically process" or work our way through difficult emotions in mindfulness practice.
     Amazingly, we learn this powerful, far-ranging skill during mindfulness meditation by simply sitting still - when our nose tickles, when our feet want to move, and even when we want to get up and end the sitting prematurely. We're fully aware of the physical feeling, without words or stories, we examine it with curiosity, accept it fully, and stay with it, observing how it arises, remains for a while, changes, and disappears from whence it arose, without us ever having to react. (Psychiatrists & psychologists use similar concepts - systematic desensitization / graduated exposure therapy - to treat phobias & other anxiety disorders.)
     We learn in a very direct experiential manner how we can intentionally “outgrow” the clutches of fear, anxiety, chronic pain, etc. All that we fear, worry about, or are otherwise imprisoned by, can thus "lose their solidity." We are no longer fused with these transient energies (phantoms) passing through the mind.
     We remember "the story", but it's no longer "my drama," for the emotional charge progressively dissipates. We free ourselves. Our mind-heart becomes relaxed, free, open. We come home to the stillness and silence of our center.

     See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2012/12/physical-processing-neuroscience.html

Henri Rousseau (1844–1910) - "Fight Between a Tiger and a Buffalo"