#767 BASICS #2: The Heart of Mindfulness

     “Mindfulness can be thought of as moment-to-moment, nonjudgmental awareness, cultivated by paying attention in a specific way, that is, in the present moment, and as non-reactively, as nonjudgmentally, and as openheartedly as possible.” Jon Kabat-Zinn. “Wherever You Go, There You Are.” Hyperion, 1994.

     Moment-to-moment means continuously ie all the time - we intend this to become our stable way of being in the world.
     Non-judgmentally doesn’t mean detached – quite the opposite. We’re learning to cultivate a friendly, kind, even loving attitude, toward ourselves, others & life in general, as life keeps unfolding for us in each present moment.
     One way to help achieve this is to instead of compulsively analyzing our thoughts & sensations, to simply notice if they feel pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. This counterbalances our tendency to become lost in our heads thinking, and helps bring us back down to earth, into our bodies, right here, right now ie back to reality.

     All of us have sustained different traumas. The more severe the trauma and the earlier in life it occurs, the greater the impact and the less we may be consciously aware of it. All of us are at least somewhat armoured, and therefore, we have more in common with military veterans with PTSD than we realize.
     "Whoever you're looking at, know that that person has been through hell several times." Christian Bobin
     So we automatically behave qualitatively differently, as if we were totally different people, when for example, we face a hostile stranger vs when we rock a beloved one-year-old to sleep on our chest. The hostile stranger 'triggers' us! We 'react' by hardening (armour), become 'stone cold,' ready to fight, run or shut down ('fight, flight or freeze instinct'). With the baby however, our heart opens wide, radiating warmth, safety, nurturing, unconditional love ('tend & befriend instinct').
     This radical difference is 'normal' ie common, but not optimal! A person competent in negotiating with enraged people will show relaxation, concern & curiosity towards the hostile stranger, will get to know them (no longer a stranger), find out why they're upset, maybe give them a hot drink, and hold them in safety & unconditional kindness. This is what we all need, especially when we're triggered!
    Triggered people unfortunately usually trigger others! When two triggered parties confront each other, things don't go well (eg when mentally ill people are killed; the many ongoing endless religious / tribal / racial conflicts). INSTEAD, we CAN cultivate the mindfulness required to face all situations far, far more skillfully: with an open mind & an open heart.

                              "We are fools to make war
                               on our brothers in arms."          Mark Knopfler

     “… in any situation in life, confronted by an outer threat or opportunity, you can notice yourself responding inwardly in one of two ways. Either you will brace, harden, and resist, or you will soften, open and yield. If you go with the former gesture, you will be catapulted immediately into your smaller self, with its animal instincts and survival responses. If you stay with the latter regardless of the outer conditions, you will remain in alignment with your innermost being, and through it, divine being can reach you. Spiritual practice at its no-frills simplest is a moment-by-moment learning not to do anything in a state of internal brace. Bracing is never worth the cost.
     This does not necessarily carry over into an outer state of surrender, or ‘rolling over and playing dead.’ On the contrary, interior surrender is often precisely what makes it possible to see a decisive action that must be taken and to do it with courage and strength. To ski down a hill or split a piece of wood, you first have to relax inwardly; only then can you exert the right force and timing. It’s exactly the same in the emotional world. Whether it’s a matter of holding your ground in a dispute with your boss, handling a rebellious teenager with tough love, or putting your life on the line for an ideal you believe in like Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr., action flows better when it flows from nonviolence, that is, from the place of relaxed, inner opening.
     Remember that memorable scene in the first Star Wars movie when young Luke Skywalker had to guide his space cruiser through a narrow passage and release his missile at exactly the right time? ‘Feel the force, feel the force’ – that powerful mantra his teacher Obi-Wan-Kenobi had impressed on him – captures perfectly the relationship between inner surrender and effortless action. It’s a secret the great spiritual masters have always known.”
    Cynthia Bourgeault. “The Wisdom Way of Knowing: Reclaiming An Ancient Tradition to Awaken the Heart.” Jossey-Bass, 2003.

   A useful meditation PRACTICE: http://www.johnlovas.com/2021/01/768-basics-2a-heart-of-mindfulness.html

#518 Meeting Fear Effectively

     "By inviting fear into the relaxed, openness of your heart, by reaching out to your fear when you feel calm and grounded, you can begin to develop a connection between these two areas in yourself. Later when you become afraid, a connection already will have been established to help you call upon your calm, grounded being. When you feel connected to your inner wholeness, you can offer that as an ally to the place in yourself that experiences the pain and helplessness of being afraid. Shunryu Suzuki said, 'The only way you can endure your pain is to let it be painful' and maybe the same is true of fear. The way to endure our fears is to just be with them. Being present without trying to change our experience is how to tame and transform our pain."
 
        Phelan JP. Practicing with Fear. Mindfulness - published online 06 September 2012.

wgjohnston   www.dpreview.com

#431 Transformative Power of Acceptance - Nonjudgmentally Embracing Change

     "some have asserted that cancer may be one of the most challenging diseases to treat because of the various levels of human experience that it penetrates, from the physical, to the psychological, and spiritual. However, psychological reactions to a cancer diagnosis are not exclusively negative. For example, a diagnosis may actually provoke patients to begin an internal search for greater awareness and a sense of meaning and purpose in life. In accordance, reexamining the cancer experience as a potentially positive psychosocial transition has emerged as a focus of research interest. A psychosocial transition is a major life event that causes a process whereby individuals gradually change their worldview, expectations, and plans. It has been suggested that people may make sense of their diagnosis by finding positive benefit(s) in their situation.

     Related processes have been studied under various names, including post-traumatic growth (PTG), stress-related growth, benefit finding, adversarial growth, positive change, thriving, personal growth, positive adjustment, and transformation.

     ... PTG is comprised of three broad categories: perceived changes in self, a changed sense of relationship with others, and a changed philosophy of life. The mechanisms by which an intervention may facilitate the development of PTG may be through taking advantage of the trauma-induced disruption in the person’s life to introduce a transition towards new beneficial organization compared to one’s beliefs before the trauma."

       Garland SN et al. A non-randomized comparison of mindfulness-based stress reduction and healing arts programs for facilitating post-traumatic growth and spirituality in cancer outpatients. Support Care Cancer 2007; 15(8): 949-61.

     In Mindfulness practices we intentionally, skillfully, gently, progressively penetrate all levels of our common human experience with awareness and acceptance, embracing it all. Only without expectations can we keep finding pleasant surprises.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/07/361-beyond-stress-management-resilience.html

 

On my way to work this week

#349 Equanimity in our Relationships is More Real

     Our relationships, with others, and even with ourselves, can be real roller coasters. I think it's simply accurate to say that, like most people, we are imperfect "works in progress," slowly becoming less foolish, and a bit wiser as the years roll on, and as we all accumulate impressive collections of errors.
     So when someone screws up badly, if we're really honest with ourselves, we can admit that either we've been there, or at the very least, could easily have done the same thing. Yet, out of fear, we tend to publicly denounce "bad guys," trying to convince ourselves "well I could never have done that!" Instantly we transform into "the church lady" & do our little "superior dance." Meanwhile the poor sucker who did just "do that" is wondering "What the hell happened? How could I possibly have gotten into this mess?"
     The more we realize the possibility of ourselves erring, the more skillfully we'll avoid doing so - and - the less harshly we'll judge those who do mess up. Most of us are neither demons nor fully enlightened beings, most of us are just getting by, carrying a heavy load. Let's give each other a break - we all need it.

     "Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity."           Pema Chodron

Murat Tosun   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/

#39 Observer-self

     We've all experienced moments of profound peace, silence and clarity - sometimes outdoors in nature, holding a loved one, or even at a time of life-threatening danger.

     Mindfulness training involves awakening to, and learning to spend more time - to rest - make ourselves at home in, this dimension of ourselves - "cultivating a certain kind of intimacy with the core of our being" (Jon Kabat-Zinn) - our observer-self.

     “Mindfulness is a key element … to establish a sense of self that is greater than one’s thoughts, feelings, & other private events. By practicing mindfulness … (we) learn to develop an ‘observer-self’ perspective, in which (we) can examine previously avoided thoughts & feelings in a nonreactive & nonjudgmental way. Adopting this observer perspective facilitates cognitive defusion, in which (we) learn to notice thoughts without necessarily acting on them, being controlled by them, or believing them.” 

     Dahl J, Lundgren T. “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in the Treatment of Chronic Pain.” in Baer RA ed. “Mindfulness-based treatment approaches: Clinician's guide to evidence base and applications.” Elsevier Academic Press, San Diego, CA. 2006. 

Photo: LincolnB   www.dpreview.com