#349 Equanimity in our Relationships is More Real

     Our relationships, with others, and even with ourselves, can be real roller coasters. I think it's simply accurate to say that, like most people, we are imperfect "works in progress," slowly becoming less foolish, and a bit wiser as the years roll on, and as we all accumulate impressive collections of errors.
     So when someone screws up badly, if we're really honest with ourselves, we can admit that either we've been there, or at the very least, could easily have done the same thing. Yet, out of fear, we tend to publicly denounce "bad guys," trying to convince ourselves "well I could never have done that!" Instantly we transform into "the church lady" & do our little "superior dance." Meanwhile the poor sucker who did just "do that" is wondering "What the hell happened? How could I possibly have gotten into this mess?"
     The more we realize the possibility of ourselves erring, the more skillfully we'll avoid doing so - and - the less harshly we'll judge those who do mess up. Most of us are neither demons nor fully enlightened beings, most of us are just getting by, carrying a heavy load. Let's give each other a break - we all need it.

     "Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity."           Pema Chodron

Murat Tosun   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/

#234 Shared World of Deep Meaning AND Multiculturalism

     Based on our experience in fifteen 8-week MBSR workshops, with attendees from a wide range of cultures, ages, and educational backgrounds, it's abundantly clear that mindfulness welcomes all to meet in a "shared world" of deep meaning. Mindfulness may well be the Esperanto - the common language - of deeply meaningful connection. As human beings we're all wounded, in need of healing from each other; AND we're all healers through listening deeply, being fully with each other.
     Anything less than such a deep human-to-human connection (see quote below), is a barrier to meaningful communication between individuals, cultures, religions etc (eg doctor-patient, peace talks).

     "Most analyses of traditional healing systems involve situations in which patients and healers share a similar cultural background. In multicultural societies, sufferer and healer may live in different local worlds and may not share the same notions of the roles of patient and healer, the appropriate place and time for healing, the meaning of symbolic acts, and the expected outcome. Where a shared world cannot be assumed, patient and healer must go through prolonged negotiation to define the parameters of an effective clinical encounter. Even when patient and healer find common ground, their co-constructed understandings of illness and healing may run into conflict with larger institutional contexts and the social world. The clinical encounter is embedded in social structures, which may give it unintended meanings and consequences."
       Kirmayer LJ. Asklepian dreams: the ethos of the wounded-healer in the clinical encounter. Transcult Psychiatry 2003; 40(2): 248-77.

Paul Hannon   http://paulhannon.com/