#756 How and Who am I - Right Now? and Now? and Now?

     It's critical to keep tabs on ourself - often. Why? Because we drift & get lost - a LOT!

     "… studies on attentiveness show that people are only briefly & unpredictably attentive. Attention habitually diverts to unrelated thoughts & feelings, leaving any task at hand to be managed 'on autopilot.' These studies suggest that mindlessness ('mind wandering,' 'zoning out,' 'task-unrelated thought') is 'one of the most ubiquitous & pervasive of all cognitive phenomena' and that it often occurs unintentionally, without awareness, occupies a substantial proportion of our day, and leads to failures in task performance." Lovas JG, Lovas DA, Lovas PM. Mindfulness and Professionalism in Dentistry. J Dent Educ 2008; 72(9): 998-1009.
     And that doesn't even mention wallowing & catastrophizing - our addiction to the re-runs of the never-ending-story-of-me!

     So, CHECK IN - often & regularly: 

1. Where am I physically - right here & now?
This is to actually "land" from thought-world, to reality. 

2. How am I feeling - Stressed or Peaceful?
If stressed, is this beneficial (functional) in any way, or just conditioning? If your current situation is more appropriately handled peacefully (almost always), can I accept & gently release stress with self-compassion?

3. Can I shift into Authenticity?
Of course you can, no question. As soon as you let go of being stress - not feeling or having stress, but stress-as-an-identity - you return to being authenticity. Authenticity - who you are & have always been - is still, silent, at peace, and spacious enough to hold any & all of life's challenges, including your young frightened part ("poor,  hurt, needy me"), with unshakable equanimity & grace.
     This young part is a very small, temporary part, that reflects the effects of traumas & conditioning. It's nowhere near your actual identity, which is inconceivably vast. Don't take your young part so personally, so seriously! Hold it lovingly BUT lightly. Your authenticity is vast, fluid & completely untouched by life's inevitable ups & downs: gain & loss, status & disgrace, censure & praise, pleasure & pain. 
     Your authenticity can be compared to a wise, loving, nurturing grandparent or wise elder. Your young part can be compared to a three-year-old grandchild. The two have vastly different depths, scopes & capacities.  
     Who you really are is spacious enough to easily hold your young, beat-up part in safety & unconditional love. BE authenticity.

     “Inner peace doesn't come from getting what we want, but from remembering who we are.” Marianne Williamson

 

#737 Prolific Conceptualisation

     Most of us are well aware of our tendency to "go off on a tangent", while thinking, speaking, or looking something up on the internet. We start off on one specific topic, and before we know it, quite unintentionally, we're way, way off on a totally unrelated topic and may not even remember what we started with. Especially problematic forms of "thought proliferation" play central roles in depression (wallowing) and anxiety (catastrophization). But since we all seem to do "normal" thought proliferation, we mistakenly assume that it's harmless. 

     Buddhist psychology considers our tendency to spin off into the past, future, or sideways - away from present-moment reality - a central cause of suffering.
     "The vicious proliferating tendency of the worldling's consciousness weaves for him a labyrinthine network of concepts connecting the three periods of time through processes of recognition, retrospection and speculation. The tangled maze with its apparent objectivity entices the worldling and ultimately obsesses and overwhelms him."
     Bhikkhu Kantukurunde Nanananda. "Concept and Reality in Early Buddhist Thought. An Essay on Papanca and Papanca-Sanna-Sankha." Buddhist Publication Society, 1971. www.seeingthroughthenet.net

     In meditation practice we clearly see when we're overthinking things, we let thoughts go, and remain continuously grounded in reality, directly experiencing (without words & concepts interposed) moment-by-moment, the ever-changing present moment.

Some activities hold our complete attention!

#720 Quality of Life = Quality of Consciousness

     Many of us have a strong, recurrent tendency to waste a lot of time, energy & heartache on external events that have already passed, or are unlikely to happen in the future. In no way is this useful or practical such as seriously deciding to change our behavior, or drawing up a real action plan. 
     By obsessing over the contents of consciousness like this, we inflict tremendous unnecessary suffering on ourselves.

      “We are all prisoners of our minds.
     This realization is the first step on the journey to freedom.”         Ram Das

     “When water is still it is like a mirror ….
      And if water thus derives lucidity from stillness,
      How much more the faculties of mind?
      The mind of the sage being in repose
      Becomes the mirror of the universe.”                    Chuang Tzu

     We're free to effortlessly shift from attending to the contents of (our noisy egoic) consciousness to directly experience the depth of stillness & silence within - the vast field of consciousness itself.
     Contents can be compared to clouds, while (transpersonal post-symbolic) consciousness is the sky in which clouds occasionally float by.

    See: http://jglovas.wix.com/awarenessnow#!Two-Levels-of-Consciousness/c17jj/56f14e0c0cf266a292561f27

#676 Brokenness & Unconditional Love

     People seek help from psychotherapists when they feel broken and want to feel whole. 
     Ideally, psychotherapists themselves first undergo psychotherapy. Doing so, psychotherapists are better able to hold both their own brokenness and their own wholeness. Before we can accept others, we must learn self-acceptance.
     Psychotherapists ideally hold clients in "unconditional positive regard" and "meditative equipoise." These terms suggest great spaciousness, porousness, awareness, acceptance, unshakable love, understanding, peace, stillness, silence, wisdom. These therapists' qualities ideally remain stable, despite the variability & severity of problems and personalities of their clients.
     Obsessing about our needs, our brokenness, how we didn't receive unconditional love as children, is an endless wallowing in misery. It's also backwards. To heal, an inversion must occur.
     Unconditional love does appear to be the very core of human life. But our wholeness, authenticity, true happiness - all appear to be proportional to the degree to which we embody, we are the source of, unconditional love. Indeed, when a person feels utterly miserable, the best thing she can do for herself, is to help others in similar or worse situations.
     Traumas do hurt, traumas do crack our armor, and mercifully, the cracks do light our darkness. But our authenticity is in shining - being unconditional love.

Springtime at Luxembourg Gardens, Paris

#669 Who's Responsible If Not Me?

     It's fascinating to observe our fellow human beings. Even in situations where one would imagine that anyone would be completely happy and grateful, one sees a surprising proportion of people showing obvious signs of sadness, disappointment, and downright misery. Life just does not measure up to their hopes and expectations, no matter how fine it is. A sadly large proportion of us assume that there's a mechanical connection between our happiness and our idea of what a perfect world is. Of course this is completely off base.
     One's happiness is entirely dependent on one's ability to hold all of life in a loving embrace, regardless of what's going on. This is precisely the opposite of what most of us think. We are entirely responsible for our attitude, which has nothing whatsoever to do with what's happening on the outside or even inside of us. It's all about us not just having, but being unconditional love. And, "whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right."

#612 Feeling Lousy? Now What?

     Feeling down, blue, out of sorts, alone, useless, etc happens so often for many of us that, at some level, we identify with it - it feels like home, "that's me - that's how I am, who I am". Other emotions, like love, joy & happiness seem to slip right through, so we correctly recognize their transient, ephemeral nature.
     Is it possible that identifying with downer emotions is what makes them so sticky? What if we didn't focus on these so intently when they appeared - would these evaporate as seamlessly as joy? Can we imagine the effect of having no preference for joy over sadness?

#599 Alive with Potential

     The boundary between wallowing / self-indulgence / complacency / self-acceptance / idealism / spiritual practice / enlightenment tends to be dynamic, moving, evolving. When open to it, we get a felt sense of outgrowing younger needs & ways of being, which loose their appeal as our requirements evolve to become progressively more sophisticated, mature human beings.

     The motivation to keep growing, evolving varies between individuals & within the same person at different phases of life, from nonexistent to urgent priority.

     One can’t successfully evolve too fast (eg "spiritual bypassing") since such “striving” binds us to “ordinary mind”. Rushing to acquire a goal ties us down to the same primitive (brain stem) level of consciousness that cause problems in the first place.
     Nor can we successfully stagnate in complacency – besides the dullness factor, our biological clock is ticking away. 

     Awareness of our mind-heart-body tells us what we need to physically process right now. Awareness of actual awareness tells us that, right now, we are clarity, peace, silence, stillness, joy.

     We have the mysteriously incredible gift of life … can we share our blessings with so many who suffer?

 

Angela Classen   www.angelaclassen.com

#438 Invalidating, Validation & Encouragement to Heal

     “Invalidating someone else is not merely disagreeing with something that the other person said. It is a process in which individuals communicate to another that the opinions & emotions of the target are invalid, irrational, selfish, uncaring, stupid, most likely insane, & wrong, wrong, wrong. Invalidators let it be known directly or indirectly that their target’s views & feelings do not count for anything to anybody at any time or in any way. In some families, the invalidation becomes extreme, leading to physical abuse & even murder. However, invalidation can also be accomplished by verbal manipulations that invalidate in ways both subtle & confusing.”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/matter-personality/201309/invalidation-in-families-what-are-the-hidden-aspects

     Invalidating is particularly damaging when inflicted by parents and other loved ones on the young. Even as adults, when we share something deeply meaningful & traumatic with a close friend, we need a fellow human being to hear us deeply, to be with us, to resonate with our feelings, to validate our humanity.
     Perhaps worse than being invalidated, one could end up in a dysfunctional support group. Here the strong common bond is a shared type of suffering. One's identity as a sufferer becomes, not just validated, but solidly established "reified." Group-think rejects significant improvement. One's identity & sense of belonging to cult-like groups depends on remaining essentially the same - not healing. (Healthy support groups actively promote wellness & healing.)
     The extreme opposite response will likely come from a meditation teacher, who might respond to our story with the question "WHO is suffering?" This may initially sound callous, puzzling, or weird. However, as we keep practicing - perhaps for many more years - the light might go on, and we suddenly "get it." We are being asked to carefully, critically examine our identity. Is identification with suffering valid? Am I pain - or - do I happen to have pain? There is a critical difference - suffering is inherent in the first, optional / minimal in the second. Furthermore, am I solid & unchanging? Is anything, including pain or suffering, solid, unchanging? See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2016/05/722-suffering-our-sense-of-self.html
     Of course there are many possible skillful means between the 3 extremes above: several mindfulness-based therapies eg MBCT, solution-focused therapy, motivational interviewing, internal family systems, and hundreds of other specific therapies - which some of us do need & would greatly benefit from.

      Suffering does NOT have to be our final miserable lot in life. Someone who encourages us to keep practicing is providing a great service (no matter how we may react to it at the time). See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/436-readiness-for-change-is-pivotal.html

Bindia Gupta   www.dpreview.com

#304 Positive Psychology, Cynicism, Arrested Development, Mindfulness the Middle-Way

     In her book "Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America," Barbara Ehrenreich (YouTube video below) rightly criticizes simplistic cheerleader-style optimism and associated intolerance towards critical thinking. Unfortunately, in a more recent YouTube "Barbara Ehrenreich - Smile or Die" she also explicitly states "cancer left me more cynical and meaner". Cancer can be a "shipwreck" experience - see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/07/361-beyond-stress-management-resilience.html
     This reaction is understandable, but it's the sign of an early stage of adult psychosocial development ("spiritual journey"). Remaining stuck (wallowing) here is an unnecessary, sad, self-imposed life-sentence. This is NOT "as good as it gets." With intelligence, curiosity, perseverance, and energy we can definitely transcend this existential / spiritual dry period ("dark night of the soul").
     Mindfulness practice is all about fearlessly exploring what's real, who am I, how do I relate to reality in a way that reduces suffering (including my own), how can we experience the most profound quality of life. Mindfulness is not about being negative nor positive, but about waking up to & engaging reality.
     More about Normal Adult Development: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=development