#669 Who's Responsible If Not Me?

     It's fascinating to observe our fellow human beings. Even in situations where one would imagine that anyone would be completely happy and grateful, one sees a surprising proportion of people showing obvious signs of sadness, disappointment, and downright misery. Life just does not measure up to their hopes and expectations, no matter how fine it is. A sadly large proportion of us assume that there's a mechanical connection between our happiness and our idea of what a perfect world is. Of course this is completely off base.
     One's happiness is entirely dependent on one's ability to hold all of life in a loving embrace, regardless of what's going on. This is precisely the opposite of what most of us think. We are entirely responsible for our attitude, which has nothing whatsoever to do with what's happening on the outside or even inside of us. It's all about us not just having, but being unconditional love. And, "whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right."

#631 Understanding

     "The most direct way to understand our life situation, who we are, and how our mind and body operate, is to observe with a mind that simply notices all events equally. This attitude of non-judgmental, direct observation allows all events to occur in a natural way. By keeping the attention in the present moment, we can see more and more clearly the true characteristics of our mind and body process. "

                 Jack Kornfield                                                  www.wisdomatwork.com

#558 NEITHER Avoiding, Stopping, NOR Pushing Away

     "The reality is that we are a river - a living energy system of sensations & sights & sounds, an energy system of changing feelings & thoughts. And the point of meditation and mindfulness isn't to stop the river - which you can't do.

                    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."

     That's really the point of mindfulness and meditation - to allow the experience you're having, which is always changing - and to find your composure in it."

       Jack Kornfield: The Case for Mindfulness and Wisdom in Law
       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLV4Cty06Q4

 

#495 Is the Devil in the Details?

     A few years ago, during a break in a continuing medical education course, I overheard a group of young female physicians chatting about their children. One comment stuck: "I just hope they don't grow up to be assholes!"
     Isn't that our hope for ourselves as well? And yet, much of our lives are spent reacting to minor details - "sweating the small stuff", making a big deal out of them, then recuperating by zoning out with mindless distractions, booze, sleep etc. Our life too easily gets pilfered away, lost in details.
     Of course there's nothing wrong with the details themselves, the waste is in the sour attitude of "putting out fires": http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2014/02/493-how-we-fail-to-prioritize.html Such an attitude assumes that we're constantly battling annoyences. NO - we're actually LIVING, & CHOOSING the QUALITY of our LIFE. Our problem is settling for the wrong attitude. A wise person once said: "Every day is a good day." Statements like this really irritate some people - where's the locus of control? See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2014/02/494-we-know-were-heading-wrong-way-when.html and: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=attitude

William McIntosh   http://www.flickr.com/photos/mtsacprof/

#480 From Strong Emotions towards Equanimity

     The more we practice, the more we approach equanimity as the stable attitude in our lives. We may initially fear equanimity based on the incorrect assumption that we might lose our vitality or zest for life. However, remaining calm instead of rattled when life circumstances are unfavorable is a highly desirable sign of maturity (certainly not evidence of death). If wild mood swings were wonderful, antidepressants and anxiolytics would not be breaking sales records.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=equanimity

Kreber   www.dpreview.com

 

#479 "And How's That Working for You?"

     Think what you may of "Dr. Phil", his famous saying does cut to the heart of the matter. If one's life feels chronically suboptimal, then change is required. And don't expect change to come from anywhere other than YOU yourself. There may not be much that you can do about your material or physical circumstances, but your ATTITUDE - WHO you are, moment-by-moment, is ENTIRELY up to you and you alone.
     Such a fundamental shift in attitude - in one's state of being - is neither instant, nor is there linear progress, but as in any intelligent training program or practice, progress is progressive & inevitable. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/435-right-effort-does-not-take-but.html

Tamas Dezso photography   www.tamas-dezso.com

#462 Gratitude, Perception & Quality of Life

     What do I feel grateful for right now?

     Can I savour & rest in this attitude? 

     How does this attitude affect my overall perception?

     How does my perception affect my overall quality of life?

Steve McCurry  http://stevemccurry.com/

#378 I am the Sculptor AND Scupture

     "we become what we think. Every thought, emotion, intention, attitude, or aspiration is shaping how ensuing experience will unfold. This means that every single moment of consciousness is a moment of practice, whether we like it or not. We are practicing to become ourselves. The question is really just how much we want to participate in the process."            Andrew Olendzki PhD

Hart House, University of Toronto

#235 Discomfort - A Wonderful Opportunity !!!

     What happens when I'm trying to enjoy a book in my favorite coffee shop and the couple right beside me is having a continuous, moderately loud conversation? Well, I used to become irritated, judgmental, condescending, frustrated etc.

     “How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.”
                  Neils Bohr, physicist, Nobel laureate

     These days, I realize that their conversation (or any other behavior that doesn't cause suffering to them or others) is not my business. BUT, a big part of my practice is selecting the most appropriate attitude. Here, I can be porous, like a stone house without windows, doors, or roof. The sounds can pass through unobstructed, yet the stone walls remain solidly grounded, undisturbed.
     I've accepted the physical sensations of initial reflexive discomfort caused by my attitude (not their behavior). This in turn reminds me to select a more appropriate attitude - acceptance of the stimuli as impersonal sounds and an opportunity to practice mindfulness - to have curiosity about the situation. I then become more porously - physiologically - related to reality as it is. This is healthy. I'm at home, in my home, with others who are also at home - deep satisfaction. On leaving the coffee shop, there's NO hangover (no unpleasant residual effects), even though the couple's conversation persists. I'm learning to be at home in our world.
     Each one of us is a rock with rough edges, several carried in a monk's pocket, as he walks endlessly. At the end of his long journey, as we keep rubbing against each other, all of us become perfectly smooth - no more friction. This is the fruit of our practice.
     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/02/37-embracing-challenges.html

Trident Booksellers & Cafe, Halifax NS

#119 Trust (Quality 5)

     "Trust = Trusting both oneself, one’s body, intuition, emotions, as well as trusting that life is unfolding as it is supposed to."

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

     We put a huge amount of unwarranted trust, time and energy into, and stake our happiness on, spinning stories about our past and future. Mindfulness practice suggests we reallocate these precious resources - this trust - to engaging directly with reality - right here, right now.

#117 Acceptance (Quality 3)

     "Acceptance = Open to seeing and acknowledging things as they are in the present moment; acceptance does not mean passivity or resignation, rather a clearer understanding of the present so one can more effectively respond."

       Cardaciotto L. Assessing Mindfulness: The Development of a Bi-Dimensional Measure of Awareness and Acceptance. PhD Thesis, Drexel University, 2005.

dspace.library.drexel.edu/retrieve/4264/Cardaciotto_LeeAnn.pdf

     This is it. As Jon Kabat-Zinn says, "wherever you go, there you are"! Acceptance works; all the variants of avoidance simply do not work in the long run. The scientific literature solidly supports this.
     Life is workable - we are up to the task - and we can learn to do it wisely.

Excellent guided mindfulness meditation - focusing on Acceptance - Part 1 (~8min)

Part 2 (~9min)

#74 Attitude

     “The attitude with which you undertake the practice of paying attention and being in the present is crucial. … if your energy and commitment to practice are low, it will be hard to develop calmness and relaxation with any consistency. … if you are trying to force yourself to feel relaxed and demand of yourself that ‘something happen,’ nothing will grow at all and you will quickly conclude that ‘meditation doesn’t work.’  
     To cultivate meditative awareness requires an entirely new way of looking at the process of learning. Since thinking that we know what we need and where we want to get are so ingrained in our minds, we can easily get caught up in trying to control things to make them turn out ‘our way,’ the way we want them to. But this attitude is antithetical to the work of awareness and healing. Awareness requires only that we pay attention and see things as they are. It doesn’t require that we change anything. And healing requires receptivity and acceptance, a turning to connectedness and wholeness. None of this can be forced, just as you cannot force yourself to go to sleep. You have to create the right conditions for falling asleep and then you have to let go. The same is true for relaxation. It cannot be achieved through force of will. That kind of effort will only produce tension and frustration.”

     Kabat-Zinn J. “Full catastrophe living. Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness”. Dell Publishing, NY, 1990.

Artist: Tom Forrestall   http://www.forrestallfineart.com/index.php