#713 Acceptance of Circumstances - Outer & Inner

     “the painful aspects of life, the really hard times … That’s the stuff you work with. … It may seem like the outer circumstances are the problem, but the challenge is actually what they bring up in you – the inner experiences of anguish or sorrow or suffering that they provoke or trigger in you.
     I don’t feel self-loathing and those kinds of intense emotions anymore, but I sure remember what they feel like. I know that the single most important thing for people today is the extent to which they feel really bad about themselves. I have a passion for finding a way of talking about this that can help people make friends with themselves. That requires a deep acceptance of yourself and learning how to accept things inside you that are considered unacceptable.
     Usually we spend our whole lives trying to avoid feeling that ‘there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.’ The view I’m coming from is that we’re actually complete and whole, and there is nothing fundamentally wrong with us. In fact, we are fundamentally good, and we can connect with that goodness. We can move closer to accepting and honoring all parts of ourselves, while knowing that almost everybody shares those bad feelings about themselves. This is just what it’s like to be human.”                          Pema Chodron

        “Connect with the Best of Yourself – An Evening with Pema Chodron and k.d. lang.” Shambhala Sun, September 2015 

#235 Discomfort - A Wonderful Opportunity !!!

     What happens when I'm trying to enjoy a book in my favorite coffee shop and the couple right beside me is having a continuous, moderately loud conversation? Well, I used to become irritated, judgmental, condescending, frustrated etc.

     “How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.”
                  Neils Bohr, physicist, Nobel laureate

     These days, I realize that their conversation (or any other behavior that doesn't cause suffering to them or others) is not my business. BUT, a big part of my practice is selecting the most appropriate attitude. Here, I can be porous, like a stone house without windows, doors, or roof. The sounds can pass through unobstructed, yet the stone walls remain solidly grounded, undisturbed.
     I've accepted the physical sensations of initial reflexive discomfort caused by my attitude (not their behavior). This in turn reminds me to select a more appropriate attitude - acceptance of the stimuli as impersonal sounds and an opportunity to practice mindfulness - to have curiosity about the situation. I then become more porously - physiologically - related to reality as it is. This is healthy. I'm at home, in my home, with others who are also at home - deep satisfaction. On leaving the coffee shop, there's NO hangover (no unpleasant residual effects), even though the couple's conversation persists. I'm learning to be at home in our world.
     Each one of us is a rock with rough edges, several carried in a monk's pocket, as he walks endlessly. At the end of his long journey, as we keep rubbing against each other, all of us become perfectly smooth - no more friction. This is the fruit of our practice.
     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/02/37-embracing-challenges.html

Trident Booksellers & Cafe, Halifax NS