#627 Foolish Behaviour & Identity

     Some of our behaviors obviously run contrary to our own long-term interests. And yet we cling tightly to our self-sabotaging behaviour patterns!
     How many times have you heard someone point out another's repeated self-defeating behaviour, only to be answered immediately with a defensive angry outburst: "but that's who I am!!"
     Most of us identify with our behaviour patterns, including those that are seriously damaging. Why? Because the pattern of our self-talk, thoughts, & behaviour is perhaps the most stable of all phenomena. Everything changes, but we can pretty well fossilize a rigid personality for life - at a huge cost to our quality of life. So we pretend that our own foolish behaviour patterns are "solid & reliable" in an otherwise mysterious, constantly shifting, evolving universe.
     We can do much better than that. We can constantly monitor our own self-talk, thoughts, speech & behaviour to see if these are appropriate & beneficial to the present moment and for our own & others' long-term happiness. If not, we can accept it, let it go, and choose to think, speak or act more wisely.
               If it's not helpful, do less of it;
               If it's helpful, do more of it.
     This is mindful practice and it's result: psychological flexibility. Psychological flexibility permits steady gradual evolution in consciousness, and thus wiser thoughts, speech & behaviour. 
     One's identity is neither solid, nor unchanging - it can & should evolve, throughout life, and not be held down in dysfunction. Advice during meditation about letting go of words and images, and remaining appropriate to the task in front of us, applies equally to "self-image". Many wise people have advised that we forget "the self" and concentrate on being kind. Of course this does not endorse self-neglect or self-abuse. However, being overly concerned about the 'self' guarantees suffering, while helping others consistently brings happiness & joy.

Halifax colors

#586 Who is Suffering when I Rest in Awareness?

      "... when I pay attention, it is impossible for me to feel like a self at all: The implied center of cognition and emotion simply falls away, and it is obvious that consciousness is never truly confined by what it knows. That which is aware of sadness is not sad. That which is aware of fear is not fearful. The moment I am lost in thought, however, I’m as confused as anyone else.

     The whole of Advaita ("non-dualism" in general) reduces to a series of very simple and testable assertions: 
          • Consciousness is the prior condition of every experience;
          • the self or ego is an illusory appearance within it;
          • look closely for what you are calling ‘I,’ and the feeling of being a separate self will disappear;
          • what remains, as a matter of experience, is a field of consciousness – free, undivided, and intrinsically uncontaminated by its ever-changing contents.”

       Sam Harris. "Waking Up. A Guide to Spirituality without Religion." Simon & Schuster, 2014.

     "Free Will"? - see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/07/373-how-free-is-our-free-will.html 

Austin Beahm, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#378 I am the Sculptor AND Scupture

     "we become what we think. Every thought, emotion, intention, attitude, or aspiration is shaping how ensuing experience will unfold. This means that every single moment of consciousness is a moment of practice, whether we like it or not. We are practicing to become ourselves. The question is really just how much we want to participate in the process."            Andrew Olendzki PhD

Hart House, University of Toronto

#261 Psychological Rigidity - "I have always ... I will never change!"

     "Although the term rigidity may be somewhat out of vogue among personality and social psychologists today, we continue to see considerable interest in a range of highly related personality variables, such as flexibility, need for closure, and openness to experience. Indeed, every major personality inventory contains a dimension similar to rigidity. ... Social psychologists have always been interested in behavior change. As presented in the following review, rigidity is the tendency of an individual not to change.
     On the basis of our definition of rigidity, the tendency to develop & perseverate in the use of mental or behavioral sets, the present review of the literature supports the following major conclusions:

• Rigidity is related to age in a curvilinear manner. Between the ages of 5 and 18 rigidity decreases; between the ages of 18 and 60 rigidity is fairly stable; and from age 60 on rigidity increases in a linear fashion.
• Although rigidity is found to be generally positively related to authoritarianism, the basic effect is moderated by stress, whereby authoritarianism is a stronger predictor of rigid behavior under stressful conditions than it is under relaxed conditions.
• Rigidity is negatively related to intelligence when people of average and above average intelligence levels are compared.
• It is inconclusive whether people with mental retardation differ in rigidity from people without mental retardation.
• Men tend to be more rigid than women.
• OCD is positively related to rigidity.
• Schizophrenic people are more rigid than nonschizophrenic controls and nonschizophrenic siblings. This effect is reduced, but still significant, when medication is administered."

        Schultz PW, Searleman A. Rigidity of thought and behavior: 100 years of research. Genet Soc Gen Psychol Monogr 2002; 128(2): 165-207.

Dan Siegel MD