#703 Behaving At Home

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#695 Accepting Ourselves, Accepting Others, and Then ...

     We keep trying so desperately to be accepted, valued and loved. We're acutely aware, at some level, of our many imperfections. And we fear our very survival hinges on eliminating, hiding, or overcompensating for our "defectiveness".
     After a while, we start realizing that nobody is perfect; and that unconditional love is painfully rare. Imperfection is tolerable, but life without unconditional love is brutal. What can we do about it? We know that we can't make others do anything. 
     But we can learn to accept ourselves as we are, then it's relatively easy to accept others as they are, and then, perhaps, we ourselves can become the source of unconditional love - the absolutely most precious, nurturing aspect of life. Perfection within imperfection?

     “When you came into this world, you cried and everyone else smiled. You should so live your life that when you leave, everyone else will cry, but you will be smiling.”                         Paramahansa Yogananda
        Dana Sawyer “Huston Smith: Wisdomkeeper. Living the World’s Religions. The Authorized Biography of a 21st Century Spiritual Giant.” Fons Vitae, Louisville, KY, 2014.

Public Gardens, Halifax, NS

#642 Nurishing Social Microclimates - the Give & Take - and Tragic Missed Opportunities

     We are social beings, depending much more than we realize on society. We're completely connected in every way with everyone & everything. Thich Nhat Hanh calls this "interbeing". Another evocative term is "porousness". 
     The people with whom we choose to associate most closely form our social microclimate. The quality of the collective heart-mind or consciousness of this group has the greatest impact on our own heart-mind, consciousness, quality of life. Clearly, we must choose our friends & workmates carefully - our life depends on them.

     We've all seen decent people led astray by lousy friends. The most tragic examples are apparently decent but troubled, marginalized youth, only able to find "friendship" online - in some cult, among fundamentalist extremists, 'Columbiners' etc.
     Desperation, loneliness and impatience invariably result in terrible choices. If we don't take care of our troubled, marginalized children, brothers & sisters, sociopaths are eager to abuse them. We are our brothers' & sisters' keepers.
     We not only need for ourselves, but must also provide for others, a social microclimate that nurtures our innate human kindness, goodness and wisdom.

     See: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2015/02/adrift-in-oceans-of-choices.html
     and: http://www.theawl.com/2012/10/the-killer-crush-from-columbiners-to-beliebers

#625 Deep Inside - What? Why? How?

     Einstein famously said: "I think the most important question facing humanity is, ‘Is the universe a friendly place?’ This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves. For if we decide that the universe is an unfriendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to achieve safety and power by creating bigger walls to keep out the unfriendliness and bigger weapons to destroy all that which is unfriendly and I believe that we are getting to a place where technology is powerful enough that we may either completely isolate or destroy ourselves as well in this process.”

     Those of us who feel that the universe IS a friendly place likely do so, because we’ve intentionally looked within, via meditation / contemplation, and have repeatedly found at the very least, a measure of sanity, self-compassion, kindness, peace and joy.
     Too many, however, are of the opposite opinion - that the universe is hostile. These folks avoid introspection due to fear. They then project the evil that (they mistakenly presume) lies within, outward, onto the universe. Their unexamined 'shadow' is incorrectly conflated with the universe, resulting in adversarial (instead of nurturing) relationships.
     Can we help decrease such wide-scale, needless suffering by facilitating introspection?

     Please savour: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/07/367-discovering-manifesting-our-innate.html

cjf2   www.dpreview.com

#611 Healing is in My Hands

     All of us have been traumatized many times, in many ways. These hurts and traumas conditioned us to try to avoid re-injury from similar situations. Conditioning is not only reactive but also proactive. When we're wise, we nurture ourselves and each other to flourish, like loving grandparents. When we lack wisdom, we re-traumatize ourselves and each other, like cruel children. We choose to do one or the other, countless times, every day.
     Nurturing and traumatizing feel very different. Their impact, on ourselves and everyone else, is as different as heaven or hell. 
     May I be progressively more mindful to nurture more & more, and traumatize less & less.

#548 Is being Cynical the same as Realistic?

     How often do we hear an uplifting story or an interesting plan of action quickly drowned out by someone's pessimistic or sarcastic putdown? Cynics believe that their worldview is accurate, and assume that the rest of us can't see how harsh life really is.
     Fear, anger & aggression dominates such peoples' lives - the egocentric, adversarial approach. And yes, life is indeed brutish in this primitive, yet all too common mode. The 2013 movie "August: Osage County" nicely illustrates this mindset within a family. This quality of relating is also common in the world's troubled hotspots, where groups have been slaughtering each other for generations. They clamor for revenge, "make the enemy pay", "make them suffer"! They don't understand that "doing more of what doesn't work, and expecting different results" is not just unreasonable, but the definition of insanity. But suggesting to either side that the "eye for an eye" approach hasn't, doesn't & won't work evokes indignant rage! Leaders of such warring groups may inspire rabid followers, but their obvious lack of emotional / spiritual intelligence ensures severe continuous widespread suffering.
     All the wisdom traditions guide us to let go of egocentric, adversarial orientation and open ourselves to a loving, nurturing relationship with all of humanity, all creatures, all of the world. This requires a qualitative shift in our operating system - from reptilian, to homo sapiens sapiens.
     From the evolved homo sapiens sapiens perspective, our more common, reptilian (fear-based egocentric adversarial) way of being appears ridiculous - and vice versa! Therefore, many aspects of mindfulness may initially seem somewhat puzzling or even counterintuitive.

Beast & Prey, Rome, Italy

#534 Heart of the Matter

     As I heard the news of more children killed & kidnapped in Nigeria by terrorists, I could feel my heart area tighten & harden. I knew that if I allowed the momentum of that well-worn emotional story line to continue, I'd be cheering on those people who'll be hunting these terrorists down. But this trajectory only adds to our suffering. We can't eliminate "evil" by eliminating people who do terrible things. For thousands of years we've been proving that "an eye-for-an-eye" (or worse) predictably perpetuates or escalates violence & hatred. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

     We're trying to evolve into conscious, rational, civilized human beings. Our practice is to first & foremost let go of our own hard-heartedness, and stabilize our own mind-heart in the open position. Our practice is not to be critically selective about whom we love & help, but to nurture all people, critters, things & places. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/06/140-love.html

Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia, May 4, 2014

#475 Mindfulness Research - Not So Simple

     The therapeutic alliance hangs on the patient's firm belief in the healer's intention & ability to heal and that her method is reasonable & effective. The ideal healer's every thought, word & action intentionally nurtures this relationship.

     This critical psychosocial component of all healing modalities should be intentionally maximized, not eliminated. Mindfulness can be seen as a healing modality - a path out of suffering towards wholeness. From a less medical and more developmental point of view, mindfulness can be seen as a way of consciously nurturing the maturation of one's own consciousness.
     Many researchers would like to use a scientific / medical model for studying mindfulness. Yet, unlike drugs & surgeries, which have significant "material" components, mindfulness has almost none. The "active ingredient" of mindfulness CANNOT be reduced to some molecule. It is NOT a simple cause & effect (nor is anything that simple in medicine). The actual process of engaging with mindfulness practices IS what brings about transformation & healing. So the advice below may not apply at all to mindfulness research.

     "Observational studies have a high risk of bias owing to problems such as self-selection of interventions (people who believe in the benefits of meditation or who have prior experience with meditation are more likely to enroll in a meditation program & report that they benefited from one) & use of outcome measures that can be easily biased by participants’ beliefs in the benefits of meditation. Clinicians need to know whether meditation training has beneficial effects beyond self-selection biases & the nonspecific effects of time, attention & expectations for improvement."

       Goyal M et al. Meditation Programs for Psychological Stress and Well-being. A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis. JAMA Intern Med. doi:10.1001/jamainternmed.2013.13018 Published online January 6, 2014.

Mystical Boat by Odilon Redon