#510 Embracing or Enabling?

     We get many clues about which operating system (OS) is operating in us at any given time.
     The fearful / hurt child operating system is emotionally labile, up & down according to security & pleasure (or vice versa) for the self-centered child. In this OS, we're constantly chasing after, or running from something, assuming our (inner child's) happiness hinges entirely on the success or failure of our frantic striving. Not enough time or crushing boredom; anxiety about lacking or emptiness pervade.
     The wise adult / grandparent operating system is equanimous, open-hearted, generous, and equally concerned about the welfare of others (allocentric), own inner child (self-compassion), & the environment (ecocentric). A profound sense of ease, connection, completeness, gratitude, stillness, and timelessness pervades.
     It's a very common mistake to compulsively attempt to satisfy our inner fearful child's appetites, but most of this is dysfunctional enabling. The more we're preoccupied by these appetites or our desire to satisfy them, the more power we give the immature inner child over our adult lives. It's very much like fantasizing about, & repeatedly obtaining alcohol when one's an alcoholic. Yes the wanting is there, BUT there's a vast universe at hand that is happily independent of ethanol & our addictive craving. To the degree that we can open our mind-heart to this vast reality, and can hold our hurt inner child in safety & unconditional love, the power & relevance of the craving fades.
     Consciously recognizing the fearful child effects, embracing without pandering to the inner child, and instead, opening up to the present moment, opening our mind-heart to what's appropriate right now, we steadily become more & more stabilized in our mature wise way of being. 

Jonathan Shapiro   www.dpreview.com

#420 From Anxiety to Peace

     At some point when we're learning to swim, we stop flailing wildly & hyperventilating, - and we begin to relax in the water, breathing slowly, deeply - both our strokes and breathing becoming infinitely more efficient and effective. We're no longer struggling against water, but instead, we're savoring the process of swimming. It's a huge experiential shift when fear mysteriously drops away, and we're embracing the whole experience - suddenly, we know everything's OK.

     Somewhat analogously in meditation, at some point - inevitably if we persevere in our practice - we stop relying on frantic mental / physical activity "to keep on top of things", and instead, begin to relax, trusting inner stillness & silence - innate wisdom. Wonderful.

katarina   www.dpreview.com

#240 Adversarial Relationships, Friction, Core Values, & Quality of Life

     Increased sensitivity to physical feelings of inner conflict or friction can be acquired if one is interested and motivated. Like any engine, we don't operate or feel well when there's friction - pitting one thing against another. And what's the basic friction in life? Going after or running away from something that's not worth catching / can't be caught - eg fame, or that can't be escaped / should be experienced instead of avoided - eg doing one's share of work.
     So where's the rub that creates friction? These shallow desires & compulsions conflict with, rub against, our deep universal human core values. When we addictively chase after or run from meaningless fluff, we rub against our own grain - we have an adversarial relationship with our true self. This conflict is impossible to win - no wonder there's so much misery.
     The only possible positive long-term outcome results from going deep within ourselves, learning who we truly are, and ACTING in congruence with & EMBODYING this evolved mature identity or consciousness. When we start living this authentic, meaningful life, the frantic chasing abates on its own, naturally. We come to realize that we are now at home in this body, in this world. This is mindfulness practice.

     There is "a longing for ways of speaking of the human experience of depth, meaning, mystery, moral purpose, transcendence, wholeness, intuition, vulnerability, tenderness, courage, the capacity to love … it arises from the hunger for authenticity, for correspondence between one’s inner and outer lives. … there is a desire to break through into a more spacious and nourishing conception of the common life we all share. … trust, loyalty, and connection, find place and resonance.”
          Parks SD. Big questions, worthy dreams. Mentoring young adults in their search for meaning, purpose, and faith. John Wiley & Sons, San Francisco, 2000.

Seize each Precious Moment to be Authentic