#322 Immediacy of Experience vs Avoidance & Procrastination

     There's a very strong tendency to erect barriers between ourselves and living a better, more meaningful life. It's sooooo much easier to admire, even idolize teachers, than to actually follow their instructions.
     The fact is, if the teachers are able to do it, so can we - as long as we persevere, and work away at it patiently, continuously, for life. If they didn't think we could do it, they wouldn't intentionally frustrate us.
     Good teachers neither need nor want praise & adulation. What makes teachers happy is seeing their students flourish by learning to live more wisely.
     Mindfulness instructions are NOT a list of "shoulds" or "commandments." You're not "bad" if you don't follow the instructions, or if you follow them half-heartedly. You won't be punished in the future.
      Mindfulness instructions are practical suggestions on how to live well, most meaningfully, moment-to-moment. Feedback occurs immediately, in real time - as you do, or don't, follow the instructions. It's direct experiential learning - do more of what works to improve your deepest quality of life, and do less of what doesn't work.

Gerry Frederick   www.dpreview.com

#321 Fear of: Change, Loss of Security, Loss of Community, Loss of Old Sense of Self ...

     Fear is a very basic emotion; Love is its opposite. 
     Fear causes us to shrink away from reality as it is, to shrivel up, to become small, heavy, rigid, isolated, out of touch with reality. 
     Love allows us to expand and embrace reality as it is, to blossom, become light, porous, flexible, to engage the universe with an open mind-heart.
     If we allow ourselves to mature, or better yet, actively take steps to mature as conscious human beings, we will continuously experience changes in how we perceive our selves and our worldview. This is the normal process of healthy adult maturation. An intelligent adult should not expect to freeze their views on life's most meaningful questions. Life is complex and ever-changing - so are we.
     A loving, mature, intelligent community encourages growth and maturation among its members. This is the kind of community one requires if one is to become a fully functional, mature member of a civilized society.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/313-being-stressed-out-is-optional.html

Luis Marden - National Geographic

#320 Self-centered Judgments breed Fear, Guilt & Shame

     “Long before I reached adulthood, I learned to communicate in an impersonal way that did not require me to reveal what was going on inside of myself. When I encountered people or behaviors I either didn’t like or didn’t understand, I would react in terms of their wrongness. If my teachers assigned a task I didn’t want to do, they were ‘mean’ or ‘unreasonable.’ If someone pulled out in front of me in traffic, my reaction would be, ‘You idiot!’ When we speak this language, we think and communicate in terms of what’s wrong with others for behaving in certain ways, or occasionally, what’s wrong with ourselves for not understanding or responding as we would like. Our attention is focused on classifying, analyzing, and determining levels of wrongness rather than on what we and others need and not getting. Thus if my partner wants more affection than I’m giving her, she is ‘needy and dependent.’ But if I want more affection than she is giving me, then she is ‘aloof and insensitive.’ If my colleague is more concerned about details than I am, he is ‘picky and compulsive.’ On the other hand, if I am more concerned about details than he is, he is ‘sloppy and disorganized.’

      It is my belief that all such analyses of other human beings are tragic expressions of our own values and needs. They are tragic because, when we express our values and needs in this form, we increase defensiveness and resistance to them among the very people whose behaviors are of concern to us. Or, if they do agree to act in harmony with our values because they concur with our analysis of their wrongness, they will likely do so out of fear, guilt, or shame.

      We all pay dearly when people respond to our values and needs, not out of a desire to give from the heart, but out of fear, guilt, or shame. Sooner or later, we will experience the consequences of diminished goodwill on the part of those who comply with our values our of a sense of either external or internal coercion. They, too, pay emotionally, for they are likely to feel resentment and decreased self-esteem when they respond to us out of fear, guilt, or shame. Furthermore, each time others associate us in their minds with any of those feelings, we decrease the likelihood of their responding compassionately to our needs and values in the future.”

       Rosenberg MB. “Nonviolent communication. A language of life.” ed 2. Puddle Dancer Press, CA. 2003. 

Gevork Mosesi   www.dpreview.com

#319 Far more than a Method, Mindfulness is a Way of Being in the World

     Mindfulness is “an intensive self-directed training program in the art of conscious living. … a practical guide for anyone, well or ill, who seeks to transcend his or her limitations and move toward greater levels of health and well-being.

      It will take conscious effort on your part to move in a direction for healing and inner peace. This means learning to work with the very stress and pain that is causing you to suffer. … facing our problems is usually the only way to get past them.”

        Kabat-Zinn J. “Full catastrophe living. Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness”. Dell Publishing, NY, 1990.

rok urankar   www.dpreview.com

 

#318 Trusting Ourselves, Others & Life Itself - Taming our Inner Reptile

     Aversive events apparently have 7 times greater impact than positive events. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective: not remembering to avoid a dangerous situation is potentially lethal; whereas forgetting to recognize a positive cue has less severe consequences eg missing a meal. So some fear, wariness, and avoidance is naturally, very common, with survival benefits in hostile environments. Deer easily get spooked and run.
     On the other hand, trust and cooperation is essential in collaborative groups, where these provide greater survival benefits than avoidance. All living creatures seem to require a prolonged, stable, pleasant atmosphere, for trust seems to develop slowly. Aversive events easily disrupt a trusting, cooperative atmosphere.
     In our increasingly integrated, interactive, interdependent world, there's a distinctive advantage for individuals, as well as for human beings as a whole, for the entire ecosystem really, to trust in and contribute to our common welfare.
     Each of us can, and indeed need to contribute to this joint evolutionary venture, first and foremost by intentionally taming our wild inner reptile.

clal   www.dpreview.com

#317 Resistance to Mindfulness: from Unnatural, Externally Imposed - to - Natural, True Nature, Home

     Many would agree, in theory at least, with yesterday's blog http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/316-fear-reactivity-mindfulness-mature.html. Some would be opposed, yet would not truly understand why. But even those committed to practicing mindfulness will, initially, feel some resistance to practicing.
     What's the basis of resistance to mindfulness practice? Why does it, in the beginning, feel like an externally-imposed "should" instead of something natural, a form of coming home?
     The biological answer is that we remain hard-wired for reptilian reactivity ie we retain a fully-functional brain stem. This brain stem commands us to survival-based action, then, microseconds later, we become consciously aware of the stimulus that prompted it. FIRST we feel a "primitive impulse" THEN we realize what triggered it.
     So we have millions of years of momentum mindlessly reacting to the environment out of instinct. Despite Socrates' well-known admonition: "An unexamined life is not worth living", many of us feel uneasy about getting to know ourselves. We've been brainwashed by countless ads to seek happiness outside of ourselves instantly by buying, eating, or drinking stuff. Many simply don't realize that life can be more than "ordinary unhappiness" on autopilot. "Don't fix what ain't broke" is the motto for those who see no reason to, lack motivation, or out of fear, avoid change, growth.
     We become increasingly aware of the corrosive effects of fear-driven primitive instincts on our lives naturally as we mature. Those of us unwilling to live lives of quiet desperation choose to evolve to a higher level of human consciousness and functioning. This maturation process is markedly enhanced by meditation. We can and must learn to make use our full potential as evolved human beings.

jr   www.dpreview.com

#316 Fear, Reactivity, Mindfulness, Mature Judgment, Wisdom to Navigate a Complex World

     It's easy to feel tight, claustrophobic, as we worry about our own security, welfare, and health in what seems to be an increasingly hostile, random, uncaring world. We're bombarded with gory superficial details of the tragedy of the day. Invariably we're left wondering why?, "searching for answers," "looking for closure".

     Our primitive brain-stem, retained from our reptilian ancestors, automatically triggers quick action in response to fear, greed & lust, to keep us alive individually, and as a species. The fear we feel on hearing of a tragedy, triggers an almost overpowering anger and impulse for swift revenge. This automatic brain-stem reflex is instant, simple & clear BUT - no longer works (did it ever?).

     We live in an incredibly complex, constantly & rapidly changing world. To survive, and hopefully thrive in this challenging climate, our pre-frontal cortex - the seat of judgment & executive function, the main distinguishing feature of humans - can & must override primitive instincts. This requires consistent training. We have constant reminders of the incredibly foolish behaviors that result when the pre-frontal cortex is bypassed: under the influence of alcohol, rage, "in the heat of passion" or other strong emotions. To live wisely, we need to intentionally nurture our own and others' evolution of consciousness. Mindfulness practice is an excellent, evidence-based way of doing just this.

anttitapani   www.dpreview.com

#315 Glass Half Empty? Don't be so Sure! Openness to & Nurturing Unknowable Potentials

     We know ourselves less well than we assume. I suspect most of us are far more pessimistic "glass half-empty" or even cynical than we realize - trusted friends' honest opinions about us might be revelatory. Meditation provides the framework for deep, honest self-observation - a more objective insight into our thoughts / self-talk, speech and behavior.
     Are we quick to judge harshly, or do we recognize how limited our knowledge about people and their potentials are? Do we hold strong opinions about most issues? Do we see issues as clearly black-or-white, right-or-wrong? Do we typically feel we're one of "the good guys," and quickly label "the other" as a "bad guy"?
     This "my way or the highway," rigid way of being may be fun to watch in a "blow-em-up" Hollywood movie, but it's an incredibly difficult way to live a life, not only for the afflicted individual, but for everyone who has to be around him. A much more realistic, wiser, & more mature approach is more nuanced, more curious, more open to and nurturing of possibilities.

     See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/04/wisely-motivating-behavior-modification.html

Norbert Rosing   National Geographic

#314 Boston Marathon Bombings - Reptiles & Wise Grandparents

     We quickly want to find and definitively eliminate "once and for all" the source of such heartless carnage. If only it were that simple!
     Both world wars were supposed "to end all wars". How are we doing with "the war on drugs" and "the war on terror"? We're going nowhere with "wars" because wars maintain violence.
     Should we find and safely lock up individuals who pose a danger to public safety? Of course. Some individuals can't function in civilized societies. But even this should be done with kindness and respect. None of us is the masked avenger.
     Each of us cultivates a small garden called our life. Our job is to ensure that we plant seeds that will ultimately produce crops to benefit society. Then we nurture these seeds: till the soil, gently remove weeds, provide water and sunshine.
     Cultivating a garden requires personal qualities that differ from murdering and maiming innocent people. Each one of us is, at least potentially, capable of leading a wise, patient, nurturing life - or - lashing out with hideously ugly violence (perpetrators always feel justified).
     We each make critically important choices moment-by-moment-by-moment ...

Bob Sacha, National Geographic

#313 Being Stressed-out is Optional - Alternatively - Mature Clarity, Peace & Joy are Fully Available

     We've all been stressed-out – feeling like a fearful little kid, alone, lost in a big dangerous world. We’ve also seen young children crying like their world has collapsed because they broke a favorite toy. This brings out the wise loving grandparent in us, as we smile at the child’s minor temporary upset and console them lovingly, knowing that everything will be fine. In this mode we feel centered: peaceful, relaxed, loving - radically different from stressed.
     As adults, we can be in either mode. Most stressful situations today only threaten our ego, not our survival, so we can usually allow ourselves to become lost children for a while - or even for life. But in life-or-death emergencies, we become instantly, automatically centered because we simply can’t afford to be anything less than calm, clear, focused, effective, and efficient.
     Many of us mistakenly believe that being stressed-out, multitasking, sleep-deprived, running on caffeine, etc is unavoidable, even normal throughout life for responsible hardworking adults. While being stressed-out is indeed common, it’s mostly unnecessary, inefficient, ineffective, and compromises everyone’s quality of life - ours, our loved ones’, colleagues’, even the quality of our physical environment. 
     Developmental psychology models of healthy adult maturation involve: leaving behind stressed-out (egocentric) states, and progressively maturing toward a centered (hypo-egoic, allocentric & ecocentric) way of being.
     Is there a way I can ensure that this healthy adult maturation process (evolution of consciousness) happens for me, in a timely manner? Can I learn to intentionally switch to a centered way of being? Can I let go of being stressed-out and all the negative things that go with it, and establish an increasingly stable home base in this centered state?
     Mindfulness practices eg mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), started at UMass Medical Center by Jon Kabat-Zinn PhD in 1979, are secular, evidence-based mind-body exercises, specifically designed to facilitate this journey for anyone interested in a profound improvement in quality of life.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/311-fearful-child-wise-grandparent-were.html

#312 What exactly is "Mindfulness"?

     "Mindfulness", is a unique method of promoting maturation of one's way of being in the world, developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn PhD in 1979 at the UMASS Medical Center. Kabat-Zinn, a cell biologist researcher, tailored what he knew about Buddhist meditation and certain mind-body exercises, to a broad, secular American audience suffering from a wide variety of chronic diseases and illnesses, for which Western medicine was ineffective. He called it "Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)" and encouraged health-care professionals to learn this practice and then use it therapeutically.  http://www.umassmed.edu/cfm/stress/index.aspx
     He started research on the effectiveness of MBSR from the beginning. This research has grown exponentially since then. The 11th Annual International Scientific Conference for Clinicians, Researchers and Educators is being held on April 17-21, 2013  http://www.umassmed.edu/cfm/conference/index.aspx
     Due to the worldwide popularity of MBSR, the term "Mindfulness" is often inappropriately used by a variety of practices that differ significantly from MBSR in both content and flavor.
      The content of MBSR is fairly standardized, and is evidence-based by Western scientific criteria. The flavor of MBSR is strictly secular - both devoutly religious people of different traditions, as well as those with no interest or even averse to religion, are equally comfortable in, and thus are able to benefit equally from MBSR. This is because the goal of MBSR is strictly to reduce the suffering we all share as human beings, and to improve quality of life, through improved mental functioning & mind-body awareness.
     Mindfulness contains no dogma - participants learn various exercises, and only if they personally experience benefits, are they encouraged to continue them.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/11/234-shared-world-of-deep-meaning-and.html

http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/entire/pr2010022a/large_web/

#311 Fearful Child & Wise Grandparent - We're Both, & We Can Mature Amazingly

     Since none of us has perfect genes, nor received perfectly consistent unconditional love, etc, we're all traumatized to some degree from birth. So we have within each of us, an "inner child" who feels alone & afraid in what appears to be a hostile universe. Successful, otherwise confident, middle-aged professionals, can instantly transform into whimpering children in a dental office or other specific situations.
     At the same time, most of us are capable of heroic levels of altruism and bravery in the service of those in distress. So we also have, within each of us, a wise loving stable grandparent, with a broad perspective based on timeless experience.
     Under stress, the fearful child tends to manifest. In good times - or - in a life-or-death emergency, the wise grandparent tends to manifest. With mindfulness training, we naturally mature from a place of fear, towards greater love & wisdom. In the "laboratory of the mind" that mindfulness practice provides, we learn to gently, fully accept & embrace our inner fearful child whenever it manifests, then with increasing stability, we become able to manifest & embody our wise grandparent in thoughts, speech & behavior.
     With continuous intelligent mindfulness practice, even under the worst possible external conditions, awareness, equanimity, kindness & joy can become reality. Our consciousness can evolve well beyond our current imagination (imagination being the product & reflection of our present level of consciousness). This lifelong journey of mindfulness is full of surprises.
     Some of us can find ourselves trapped for decades, or a lifetime, in our hurt inner child part, and require expert help from a trauma specialist to help us evolve into & stabilize in our mature adult part.
     Also see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/08/381-each-moment-new-beginning.html

Mariko Klug

#310 Good Times or Bad, Now is the Time to Engage Reality

     In a recent NYT article: "Living With Cancer: Truthiness," ovarian cancer patient Susan Gubar writes: "The perplexity of this situation is captured by a word coined by Stephen Colbert: truthiness. Truthiness is a perception that a person feels to be true or claims to know intuitively without any regard to facts or objective investigation. A perception that a person feels to be true: I not only look OK, I feel fine. Yet the rising blood marker and the scan prove me to be ill. These antithetical perspectives split me in two. The disjunction between lived experience, on the one hand, and scientific evidence, on the other, cleaves my spirit. It distresses me that my oncologist resides with truth, I with truthiness."
     One reader ("Jan") commented: "Living with the 'unknown' is terrible and frustrating which I imagine is just another side effect of the illness."       http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/04/04/living-with-cancer-truthiness/

     Most of us look and feel fine much of our lives. Yet every single one of us dies - unknown is when and how. Even if we're spectacularly healthy and incredibly fit, like an athletic friend who recently passed away, "we are so lightly here" (Leonard Cohen). Life is so complex that it is essentially unknowable, unpredictable and uncontrollable, yet we delude ourselves that we have it all under control. When we're feeling fine, we also manage to pretend that this will last forever, or even improve, if we just try harder. The only certainty in life - our own & everyone else's death - we somehow manage to categorize as unknown, terrible, frustrating, tragic, a shock.
     We really need to become more realistic - we have to deeply check into reality. Scientific medicine plays an important peripheral role in our lives. It certainly does not know everything, and can control even less.
     Each one of us needs to take ownership of our own precious finite life, and evolve as much as we can in this one short life. Meditation practice is key. Starting a meditation practice when relatively young and healthy is wise, and is bound to be easier than when we're old and critically ill.
     "not all people grow from crisis. Some refuse to accept the need for redefinition, and orchestrate their own intellectual and emotional shutdown. Those who do grow manage to stay awake to the anguish, confusion, and self-doubt. This requires a high degree of tolerance for discomfort, as well as the ability to see the world as it is, not as they wish it to be. Over time, the people who continue to struggle emerge wiser, kinder and more resilient. After they have broken and rebuilt themselves, they feel less breakable." Mary Pipher

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/08/172-adapt-or-perish.html
     and: http://www.johnlovas.com/2012/01/transitions.html

Mr. Pickles in Deep Meditation - Photo: P. Michael Lovas

#309 Release Ancient Fears - Remember to ask: Who is Suffering? Who am I?

     "Shame and guilt likely have separate evolutionary origins. Shame appears to have evolved out of a system that regulates psychobiological responses to social rank. ... the earliest evolutionary precursors of human shame are the subordinance (ie appeasement & submission) displays exhibited by nonhuman primates in response to the occupation of low status in the social hierarchy. In the nonhuman primate context, negotiation of status is a perilous affair, and rank is determined on the basis of physical size and strength, ability to strike fear in rivals, and so on. ... the ability to unambiguously signal submission prevents further attacks from an aggressor, promotes withdrawal in the service of surviving to fight another day, and at least temporarily stabilizes and affirms the dominance hierarchy. However ... the determinants of social rank have changed over the course of human evolution. In the present evolutionary context, social rank is obtained on the basis of talent, charm, prestige, and an ability to win the favor of others in the social landscape. ... shame permits an assessment of how favorably one is viewed by others. ... alerts the individual to start the work of repairing a damaged reputation or restoring compromised social standing.

     Guilt appears to have evolved out of a separate system that mediates caring, affection, empathy, and motivations to avoid harming important others. Humans, perhaps more than any other species, have profited enormously from the fruits of group living, cooperative bonds, and reciprocal commitments. Natural selection seems to have favored genes that facilitated the forging of close relationships that permit cooperation with respect to the procurement of resources (eg food, information, shelter), defense from external threats, and other important tasks. A large portion of the human affective apparatus is devoted to support of the formation, maintenance, and regulation of close bonds. Regulatory mechanisms aimed at addressing actual or potential damage to these bonds are equally important. Guilt is one such mechanism. Anticipated guilt promotes sensitivity to the mere prospect of harm, thereby supplying an affective prohibition against socially destructive behavior. Experienced guilt in the aftermath of harm marshals appropriate responses (eg apology, confession, repair) aimed at restoring relationships. As such, whereas shame is fundamentally about reparation of a damaged self, guilt is fundamentally about reparation of a damaged relationship." 

       Kim S, Thibodeau R, Jorgensen RS. Shame, guilt, and depressive symptoms: A meta-analytic review. Psychol Bull 2011; 137(1): 68-96.

 

     Important questions to ask oneself: "Who is suffering?" and, "Who am I?" If we don't deeply clarify this for ourselves, we may unknowingly spend our lives agonizing over being killed by the alpha male in the pack, or being left behind by our tribe to starve alone on the tundra.

www.vice.com

#308 Guilt vs Shame, Self-conscious Emotions with Important Differences

     "social scientists have expended considerable effort formulating precise conceptual definitions of shame and guilt that underscore their critical differences. 

     the object of negative evaluation is different in shame versus guilt. In shame, the entire self is the central focus of negative evaluation (eg “Look at what an awful person I am”), whereas in guilt, specific behaviors represent the central focus of negative evaluation (eg “Look at the awful thing I did”). Shame strikes at the core of a person’s identity, and as a result, forces the individual to contemplate the possibility of a defective, unworthy, or damaged self. Guilt, on the other hand, leaves identity intact by implicating only specific behaviors. 

      differences in the attentional focus arising from shame versus guilt have been shown to exert strong influences on subsequent interpersonal behavior. That is, the internally directed attention to perceived defects in shame yields a preoccupation with one’s own personal distress at the expense of interpersonal attentiveness and empathic understanding. In contrast, the outwardly directed attention to troublesome behavior in guilt facilitates other-oriented distress arising from acknowledgment of the deleterious effects of behavior on others. Consistent with this view, guilt has been consistently linked to relationship-enhancing qualities, such as a greater ability to adopt the perspective of another person. In short, shame involves internally focused attention to one’s own emotional pain, whereas guilt involves externally focused attention to the emotional pain of other people. In parallel fashion, shame disrupts interpersonal sensitivity whereas guilt enhances it."

Kim S, Thibodeau R, Jorgensen RS. Shame, guilt, and depressive symptoms: A meta-analytic review. Psychol Bull 2011; 137(1): 68-96.

     See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/04/self-conscious-shame-guilt-and-basic.html

#307 Perception, Understanding, State of Being, Intimately Intertwined

     How do you relate to things you don't clearly understand? For example, how do you feel when you read this?:

     “We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.”                 Anais Nin
 
     Is your first reaction: 'What a load of crap!' ? - or - 'Strange, but intriguing.' ? - or - 'Yes, that's so true!' ? There's no right or wrong answer. What and how we perceive is simply how we are - the stage we're at - our state of being - at the time. How we are right now, is the natural, inevitable result of all (genetic & environmental) that's occurred in our lives - everything that went into forming us - up to this moment in time. Clearly this huge complex set of ingredients is unique to each individual.
     And each of us is somewhere along a trajectory of human psychosocial development, from infant to profoundly wise elder. No matter where we find ourselves on this trajectory, no matter where we are right now, we can consciously, intentionally ensure our progressive evolution. As we evolve, our quality of life and state of being will progressively improve, and we will clearly sense that this is happening, as it's happening.

Photo: Roberto Peradotto   www.dpreview.com