#264 Impossible to Grow & Mature when I'm Perfect & Everyone Else is Wrong

     "identity assimilation refers to a tendency to interpret new experiences relevant to a person's self-view as competent, well liked, & ethical."
• benefit: can "feel happy & effective, despite being less than perfect." 
• drawback: can lead to a "distorted interpretation of experiences that challenge" one's positive self-image. Example: protecting one's self-esteem by blaming a low mark on the the wording of the test or the professor's ineptitude, rather than questioning one's own knowledge & preparedness. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/01/261-psychological-rigidity-i-will.html
     Continuing discrepancies between external and self-appraisals must be confronted for development to continue successfully. "Learning to accept (one's own) imperfections is vital to (one's) growth. Ideally the realization of (one's) flaws will trigger the process of identity accommodation, through which (one) changes (one's) identity to incorporate a (REALISTIC) view of the self that is not perfect."

       Whitbourne SK, Whitbourne SB. Adult Development and Aging. Biopsychosocial Perspectives. ed 4, John Wiley & Sons, 2011.

     Only after accepting the fact that one can & did make mistakes, can one learn from these and from the people who brought attention to them, thus avoiding repeating these mistakes in the future AND maturing gracefully as an adult.

#263 Physician & Patient - "Heal Thyself!" - Contemplative Science

     “In the case of contemplative traditions, the vector of inquiry and investigation up to now has been primarily inward directed, probing the domain of the mind. Yet until recently, interior experience was dismissed in some academic circles as merely ‘subjective,’ as opposed to ‘objective.’ Now it is getting a second look as an essential and valid phenomenological dimension of human experience and knowing. This more balanced view, reconfigured as first-person experience, is thanks in large measure to Francisco Valera. Since nothing in science to date actually explains the nature of our interior experience, it seems prudent to at least entertain the possibility that a systemic investigation of inner experience from the first-person perspective has its own valid parameters as an epistemology, and has the potential (especially coupled with third-person methodologies) to contribute profoundly to a balanced and collaborative investigation of what we call the mind and human experience, including the dilemmas of suffering, greed, aggression, delusion, and ignorance, the tyranny and dangers inherent in Socrates’s ‘unexamined life’ – the mind that, contrary to the appellation Homo sapiens sapiens, does not know itself. This is the very much alive and relevant arena of the contemplative traditions, what might be called their ‘laboratory domain.’
     Of course, it is a heuristic conceit and a gross generalization to speak of science as outer directed and the meditative traditions as inner directed. Many fields within science are concerned with studying the nature of mental phenomena, and contemplative wisdom does not make a distinction between outer and inner, recognizing that they are different aspects of a deeper, non-dual wholeness, and that the ultimate realization of any introspective process manifests in how one lives one’s life. Nevertheless, there has been at least the appearance of a predominantly outer-directed mind-set and mode of investigation on the part of science and an inward investigation on the part of the meditative traditions. The Mind and Life Dialogues are contributing to the examination and breaking down of such categories and a cross-fertilization of ways of knowing and viable research endeavors at the interfaces of these larger trends.”
        Kabat-Zinn J, Davidson RJ eds. The Mind’s Own Physician. A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama on the Healing Power of Meditation. New Harbinger Publications Inc, Oakland, California, 2011.

Photo: summicron   www.dpreview.com

 

#262 Psychological Flexibility & Flowing with - OR - Rigidity & Crashing against

     The present moment constantly presents us with new challenges and creative opportunities IF we're awake to appreciate them. To be awake, we must be aware AND accepting. A great deal of flexibility is required to constantly accept new challenges, for these challenges are indifferent to our personal preferences. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/04/reality-entitlement.html
     Reality flows, constantly changing, like a river picking up an infinite amount of new stuff from the air, shore, and riverbed, and likewise leaving behind an infinite amount of old stuff. Each of us is somewhat like a cup of water in this massive, rapidly flowing river of life. 
     Other analogies: being a musician in a large orchestra; being a cell in a complex multicellular organism; driving a car during rush hour traffic ("you're not stuck in a traffic jam, you are the traffic jam").
     Clearly we need to be consciously aware of the reality in which we're intimately interwoven. We're completely immersed in and entirely dependent on this one complex ecosystem, which in turn depends on each one of us. Being an intelligent, informed and decent citizen - "team player" - is absolutely NATURAL. Being otherwise eg selfish, thief, liar, counterfeiter, vandal, etc while common, is COMPLETELY UNNATURAL.
     Moment-to-moment we choose, mindfully or mindlessly, to flow with or crash against reality. Each choice impacts everyone, everything, forever - how could it possibly not?

     Humor: "In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal."           Anon

See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=Psychological+flexibility

Tamer by Kristiina Lehtonen   http://www.kristiinalehtonen.fi/index_en.php

#261 Psychological Rigidity - "I have always ... I will never change!"

     "Although the term rigidity may be somewhat out of vogue among personality and social psychologists today, we continue to see considerable interest in a range of highly related personality variables, such as flexibility, need for closure, and openness to experience. Indeed, every major personality inventory contains a dimension similar to rigidity. ... Social psychologists have always been interested in behavior change. As presented in the following review, rigidity is the tendency of an individual not to change.
     On the basis of our definition of rigidity, the tendency to develop & perseverate in the use of mental or behavioral sets, the present review of the literature supports the following major conclusions:

• Rigidity is related to age in a curvilinear manner. Between the ages of 5 and 18 rigidity decreases; between the ages of 18 and 60 rigidity is fairly stable; and from age 60 on rigidity increases in a linear fashion.
• Although rigidity is found to be generally positively related to authoritarianism, the basic effect is moderated by stress, whereby authoritarianism is a stronger predictor of rigid behavior under stressful conditions than it is under relaxed conditions.
• Rigidity is negatively related to intelligence when people of average and above average intelligence levels are compared.
• It is inconclusive whether people with mental retardation differ in rigidity from people without mental retardation.
• Men tend to be more rigid than women.
• OCD is positively related to rigidity.
• Schizophrenic people are more rigid than nonschizophrenic controls and nonschizophrenic siblings. This effect is reduced, but still significant, when medication is administered."

        Schultz PW, Searleman A. Rigidity of thought and behavior: 100 years of research. Genet Soc Gen Psychol Monogr 2002; 128(2): 165-207.

Dan Siegel MD

#260 Open Awareness in Daily Life

     Open awareness refers to mindfulness of our internal and external environment, with nonjudgmental acceptance. Initially, this practice feels awkward and tiring to do, so in the beginning we tend to do it briefly and intermittently. But as the practice continues to bring about improvements in our quality of life, we tend to practice on a more regular basis. Eventually, continuously practicing mindfulness becomes our way of being in the world.
     What do we give up or what is displaced when one is practicing mindfulness? Or what is the nature of mindlessness? Being drunk, sleepwalking, living in a daze, going along passively with the momentum of our life, yet having the idea that we either know it all, or we don't know and don't care - all these describe mindlessness.
     Mindfulness on the other hand is remaining alert, curious and inquisitive - fully alive, whether the situation is pleasant, neutral or unpleasant in the conventional sense. Why add 'conventional sense'? Because if we don't jump to conclusions ie don't prejudge, nor judge quickly, any situation is much more complex and nuanced than at first glance. Nothing is completely terrible, completely boring, nor completely wonderful in life. Everything is extraordinarily complex. It's remarkable how radically different ordinary life becomes when appreciated with fresh unjaded eyes and without "attitude".
     Of course each of us needs to try mindfulness in our own life ie it's experiential.

Photo: jr   www.dpreview.com

#259 In-groups, Self-centeredness, Maturity & Wisdom

     "My country - right or wrong!" is a controversial position still held by some. Such "group think" attitudes allow the group to commit atrocities. To permit atrocities to happen, the majority of followers must at least fail to oppose, if not actively participate. Yet, as soon as a leadership falls, the previously silent majority starts to whimper: "We were only following orders"; "We didn't know these things were happening."
     A proportion of the population will ride along with anything that provides easy access to power, wealth and security - ethics and common decency be damned. Too self-centered and weak to care for anyone but themselves, short-term gain is their game. Such opportunists completely identify with whatever group holds power: country, ethnicity, political party, religion, profession, cult, tribe, gang, etc, and against outsiders. 

     Some of us will, instead, actively seek and increasingly grow in wisdom. To do so requires that we outgrow self-serving in-groups.
     Wisdom is “a developmental process involving self-transcendence. Self-transcendence refers to the ability to move beyond self-centered consciousness, and to see things as they are with clear awareness of human nature and human problems, and with a considerable measure of freedom from biological and social conditioning. This ability to move beyond a self-centered perspective is certainly an important component of wisdom. Consistent with this idea, … transcending the self is needed to move beyond ingrained, automatic ways of thinking, feeling, and acting, and to connect empathetically with the experiences of others.”

     Le TN, Levenson MR. Wisdom as self-transcendence: What's love (& individualism) got to do with it? Journal of Research in Personality 2005; 39(4): 443-457.

Carsten Krieger Photography   http://www.carstenkrieger.com/

#258 Goal-orientation & Expectations

     If we work long and hard to achieve a goal, even if we do achieve it, the goal probably can't live up to our expectations. After all, didn't we give up or delay truly living in order to achieve the goal? Didn't we also give up who we think we are to single-mindedly pursue this goal? Isn't our authenticity too valuable to give up, regardless of the goal?
     A common example is working overly hard, perhaps in a less-than-satisfying work environment and then expect to make up for it all with an expensive exotic week-long vacation. No matter how well this precious week - 2% of the year - goes, it can't possibly make up for 51 weeks of purgatory!
     Does it not make sense to ensure that 100% of our life, moment-to-moment, is lived as authentically as possible - consciously, meaningfully, mindfully?
     Striving toward a goal has features of egotistic materialism - climbing over people & things to reach the top. This leaves us impoverished, diminished.
     Being authentic, on the other hand, does not look or feel as busy, everything that needs to be done is accomplished, and the doer has grown in the process.

Photo: Xiaomao   www.dpreview.com