There's a deep (desperate?) drive in all of us towards perfection - having perfect stuff, experiences, relationships, and even wanting ourselves to be perfect. Haven't we all imagined or at least dreamed of being able to fly? Or having other "super-powers"? "And how's that working for you?"
When one starts practicing Mindfulness meditation, it's a bit like taking a mini-vacation to a far-off land, where everything is different. When the few minutes of practice end, vacation's over, & it's back to "the real world". Meditation practice may thus initially seem like a brief escape to a pleasant, idealistic never-never land. Too many of us, out of fear, firmly believe (& behave accordingly) that survival in the "real world" demands a very different proactively aggressive approach. A popular poster in the 1970s showed a cave-man-like brute carrying a huge club, with the caption: "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall
fear no evil, because I'm the meanest son-of-a-bitch in the valley." The practical necessity of primitive brutishness, and therefore, impracticality of an evolved approach like mindfulness is a surprisingly common, deeply-heldmisconception. Furthermore, stress, like ethanol, can instantly shut down evolved judgment (prefrontal cortex), and suddenly we react (brain stem) as primitively as our cave-dwelling ancestors or cornered wild animals.
People are drawn to meditation practice when they recognize that their usual approach is failing to bring them deep, lasting meaning & satisfaction. People continue withmeditation practice when they experience how effective it is.
Mindfulness is a universal human capacity that fosters clear thinking & openheartedness. The goal of mindfulness is to maintain awareness moment by moment, gradually & progressively developing a greater sense of emotional balance &
well-being.Ludwig DS, Kabat-Zinn J. "Mindfulness in Medicine." JAMA
2008; 300(11): 1350-2.
If meditation is practical & powerful for the people in the documentary below, it can work in your world.
It's good to learn to be aware of when we're being judgmental - harshly critical of ourselves, first & foremost. Why? Because when we're hard on ourselves, we're almost certainly hard on others as well. And we may not be aware at all of our self-criticism, and it may be "business as usual" when it comes to criticizing others. How often are YOU harshly judgmental of others? It's also a good idea to become aware of when our hearts are open, and aware of the fact that we owe a massive debt of gratitude to so many people for being alive, for all that we have, etc. None of us can cause ourselves to be born, to grow up, to survive. This is a thoroughly interconnected incredibly complex web of life - we depend on each other far more than we can possibly realize. Gratitude should be common, normal, dominant emotion for all of us. How often are YOU overwhelmed by loving gratitude? What's the ratio of times when you're judgmental vs when you're grateful? Which is more realistic ie more appropriate to or in tune with reality? Which of the two is going to make you deeply satisfied, filled with joy? Think deeply about this. You have far more control over your quality of life than you realize!
Dentists, physicians, and likely most health-care professionals tend to be perfectionists. This perfectionism benefits health-care recipients, but is extremely hard on providers, contributing to anxiety, depression, burnout and suicide. Fortunately, like most things, perfectionism is a coin with two sides. And mindfulness, which has been defined as "the phenomenon of standing back from negative thoughts and feelings to evaluate an experience” can help flip this coin.
"positive perfectionists ... set realistic goals and are motivated by the positive feelings that are associated with a sense of accomplishment ... Negative perfectionists are motivated by the need to avoid negative evaluations, although they may set impossible standards and are not satisfied with any outcome.
strivings for perfection are adaptive when combined with the acceptance
of non-perfection, but maladaptive when combined with an inability to
accept failures. In the current study, positive perfectionists reported higher levels of proactive coping, mindfulness and self-esteem, and lower levels of depressive symptomatology and rumination. Negative perfectionists reported less proactive coping, mindfulness, and self-esteem, as well as greater rumination and depressive symptomatology. As expected, life satisfaction was higher for those with increased mindfulness and positive perfectionism, and lower for individuals reporting lower mindfulness and higher negative perfectionism. The results strongly suggest that positive perfectionists are more likely to be mindful and have higher self-esteem than negative perfectionists, and seek to modify more effective cognitive strategies, as noted by the higher reported levels of proactive coping. Positive perfectionists are intentional and deliberative, and they actually take action (rather than just thinking about it) by using an iterative approach, engaging multiple strategies to continue to persevere. Conversely, results suggest that negative perfectionists are unlikely to be mindful or proactive, and more likely to default to rumination as a coping technique. They may focus solely on the desired outcome, rather than searching for alternate solutions to the problem. Failure to achieve success becomes a severe threat to negative perfectionists’ self-esteem. Rumination tends to lead to failure because it does not culminate in taking action, as does the more beneficial cognitive coping style of mindfulness. Rumination seems to reflect a continual low self-esteem state of ineffective 'engagement' which negative perfectionists internalize as better than quitting. ... those who were taught mindfulness techniques reported fewer ruminative activities compared to untreated counterparts. Given the positive correlation between negative perfectionism and rumination, mindfulness may be a beneficial skill for negative perfectionists to learn. ... mindfulness leads to an increase in the individual’s ability to deliberately respond to situations. Therefore, mindfulness may aid in controlling repetitive behavior and decreasing negative cognitions. Greater mindfulness seems to lead to a better ability to make sound judgments and decisions that lead to more beneficial outcomes. Increased mindfulness could potentially result in decreased negative perfectionism and increased levels of proactive coping, self-esteem, and satisfaction with life ..." Hinterman C, Burns L, Hopwood D, Rogers W. Mindfulness: Seeking a More Perfect Approach to Coping with Life’s Challenges. Mindfulness 2012 DOI 10.1007/s12671-012-0091-8
