#752 Returning to Being

     I strongly suspect that the vast majority of us constantly feel “driven” to do something, to be someone else, to be somewhere else, etc. If we have 5 seconds of "down time" don't we immediately fill it up with distraction, no matter how meaningless: check social media, text someone, have a coffee ± snack, smoke a cigarette, pop a pill, etc? And those who are severely traumatized, marginalized, and perhaps suffering from other psychological handicaps may even act out with irrational violence. We're rarely at ease, rarely OK with who we are, where we are, just being (instead of furiously doing).

     As we age, our ability to maintain this pace of trying to escape just this, right here & now, progressively diminishes. And guess what? Our world, as they say, gets smaller & smaller. We’re forced to contemplate, spend quality time with who we are & just this, right here & now - something we've desperately tried to avoid since we were kids. No wonder meditation isn't for everyone - we do our utmost to avoid being peacefully aware of reality. Of course, putting it that way, suggests that many of us could benefit from psychotherapy, and at the very least mindfulness training. Wisdom is a rare & precious commodity.
     More about this: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2018/04/may-you-live-with-ease.html

     Can you imagine being perfectly comfortable, equanimous, and deeply at peace with having: nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one else to be? This is stripping ourselves of all our conditioning, all that's extra, all that's not really who we are. Aging, as well as suddenly finding out that one has a very short time to live ("post-traumatic growth") tend to speed up this evolution of consciousness or maturation process, where we drop all our habitual bullshit and focus on loving well & living meaningfully.

     “Happiness is not found in things you possess, but in what you have the courage to release.” Nathaniel Hawthorne

 

Christi Belcourt "Revolution of Love" christibelcourt.com

#730 Excellence: Loving Awareness, Gratitude & Self-reflection

     Perhaps the most common misunderstanding about mindfulness is that it doesn't work in the "real world" (of competing, adversarial egos). Our ego insists, not surprisingly, that the only way to "win" is by being self-centered (noisy ego, egocentric), on autopilot (fear-based reactivity, brain stem), and ignoring our mind-heart (prefrontal cortex).
     But as we gradually mature with age, or are forced to rapidly mature (see Post-traumatic Growth: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=post-traumatic+growth) we directly experience the truth that the only real success is authenticity. And authenticity is what's left after all our conditioned defensive & offensive reactivity drops off. 
     Let's see how Lionel made out with authenticity in the "real world":

     Lionel Sanders of Windsor, Ontario, overcomes addiction & sets a new world record in perhaps the most challenging of human sporting events - the Ironman Competition, completing the grueling triathlon in 7 hours, 44 minutes, 32 seconds.
     Carol Off: It's just an absolutely remarkable story in every way — including how you got into it. Can you give your secret? What do you have to do? What do you have to have in your psyche and in your body in order to do this?
     Lionel Sanders: Sure. I think the biggest thing has been that I really try and cultivate love for what I am doing and a passion for what I'm doing. And the day-to-day training, I don't dread it. I love every minute of it. And it wasn't always that way, you know. But I always try and put into perspective of just how much of a privilege this is — just to have the use of your body. So I always cultivate that. And that brings a certain level of awareness and presence to my day-to-day training, which allows me to push my limits. And then as well, I would say the other thing is after every race, I try and look at it objectively — the bad ones in particular — and I try figure out a way to correct all the things I did wrong. And I do that after every single race, and I'll do that after this race as well. And there was still lots of things that I could improve upon for the next time around.

     CBC Radio's As It Happens, interview by Carol Off: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-tuesday-edition-1.3861211/ontario-s-lionel-sanders-overcomes-addiction-sets-new-ironman-world-record-1.3861212

Courtesy of Lionel Sanders

#661 Life's Short - Clarify the Mind

     “There is no question I am having the most fulfilling time of my life,” British political strategist Philip Gould wrote in his book When I Die: Lessons from the Death Zone, which he began after receiving a terminal diagnosis of esophageal cancer. “… I have had more moments of happiness in the last five months than in the last five years.”
     A death sentence is a licence to take shears to what remains of your life, leaving only what is vital. “I feel intensely alive,” Oliver Sacks wrote in a New York Times essay that was far more popular than any story featuring “multiple metastases in the liver” has a right to be. “I want and hope in the time that remains to deepen my friendships, to say farewell to those I love, to write more, to travel if I have the strength, to achieve new levels of understanding and insight. … I feel a sudden clear focus and perspective. There is no time for anything inessential.”

       Elizabeth Renzetti, "We can't live every day like it's our last, but dying does seem to clarify the mind." The Globe and Mail, Saturday, April 4, 2015
         http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/we-cant-live-every-day-like-its-our-lastbut-dying-does-seem-to-clarify-the-mind/article23793614/

two of Monet's flowers

#638 Two Paths to Wisdom

    “Juan Pascual-Leone has argued that there are basically two paths to wisdom*. 
     One is through what he calls ultimate limit situations** - situations, crises, obstacles in life, but really more devastating than that. I would argue, actually, that wisdom also develops through the minor crises and obstacles in life -- basically learning from negative experiences in life. You can also learn from positive experiences, but the negative experiences jolt people out of their everyday rut and sometimes might force them to change priorities. Somebody loses a job at mid-life and questions what is really important in life; and then they start a new career or something that might be more meaningful … and they might want to contribute more to society. In this way, Pascual-Leone would argue, this is one pathway to wisdom. 
     The other pathway, what he would argue, is meditation.

     He would say that we don't necessarily have to have those traumatic experiences. One can just sit and reflect on what is important … without necessarily having this really big event. So negative experiences can actually be the teacher that help to develop wisdom. 
     People say learning from experiences is really important to develop wisdom, but the key is learning from experiences, not just having experiences. It doesn't mean that every negative experience will automatically lead to wisdom. It could also lead to despair and devastation. It's not automatic. But a negative experience might lead to post traumatic growth***.”
 

       Monika Ardelt PhD, Associate Professor of Sociology, Department of Sociology and Criminology & Law, University of Florida

       http://wisdomresearch.org/forums/t/1521.aspx# 

     * see: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/07/wisdom-awareness-self-transcendence.html

    ** see: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/05/self-concept-worldview.html
   *** see: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/05/dealing-with-trauma-adversity.html

#505 One Continuum, Two States of Being

     Life can be a blur of busyness, commitments, deadlines, hassles & stress. It's easy to feel like a leaf swept away by a fast-moving river, unable to get out, not knowing where we're heading. It's easy to feel trapped, out of control, stressed, anxious & depressed.
     This is our basic, default level of consciousness - almost universal these days. Highly complex forces (social, political, economic, religious, military, etc) impact our lives, and we react to these as fast as we can, in order to survive. Truly serious, deep, meaningful, unavoidable issues - the existential facts of life (constant change, aging, sickness & death) - we ignore / postpone / suppress / repress as long as possible. See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/03/88-avoidance-approach-dichotomy.html
     As life goes on, all of us periodically experience major traumas ("shipwrecks"), where our life as we knew it "falls apart."  
          Some of us implode, hardening in bitterness & cynicism, and may remain for life in this basic level of consciousness. 
          Others, after the same or worse trauma, open up, actively evolving, becoming stronger & wiser ("post-traumatic growth").
     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/07/361-beyond-stress-management-resilience.html 
     And: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=post-traumatic+growth

     Those who actively evolve their consciousness realize that ordinary life pursuits, with or without psychotherapy, only take one up to, but not beyond "ordinary unhappiness." This realization can arise gradually and/or abruptly in the wake of major trauma (eg serious illness, job loss, death of loved ones, divorce, etc). Some people prioritize & actively pursue wisdom and do their best to fully integrate wisdom into their every thought, word & action. For them it is clear that this course of action makes life absolutely worth living.

Vivek Prakash   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#431 Transformative Power of Acceptance - Nonjudgmentally Embracing Change

     "some have asserted that cancer may be one of the most challenging diseases to treat because of the various levels of human experience that it penetrates, from the physical, to the psychological, and spiritual. However, psychological reactions to a cancer diagnosis are not exclusively negative. For example, a diagnosis may actually provoke patients to begin an internal search for greater awareness and a sense of meaning and purpose in life. In accordance, reexamining the cancer experience as a potentially positive psychosocial transition has emerged as a focus of research interest. A psychosocial transition is a major life event that causes a process whereby individuals gradually change their worldview, expectations, and plans. It has been suggested that people may make sense of their diagnosis by finding positive benefit(s) in their situation.

     Related processes have been studied under various names, including post-traumatic growth (PTG), stress-related growth, benefit finding, adversarial growth, positive change, thriving, personal growth, positive adjustment, and transformation.

     ... PTG is comprised of three broad categories: perceived changes in self, a changed sense of relationship with others, and a changed philosophy of life. The mechanisms by which an intervention may facilitate the development of PTG may be through taking advantage of the trauma-induced disruption in the person’s life to introduce a transition towards new beneficial organization compared to one’s beliefs before the trauma."

       Garland SN et al. A non-randomized comparison of mindfulness-based stress reduction and healing arts programs for facilitating post-traumatic growth and spirituality in cancer outpatients. Support Care Cancer 2007; 15(8): 949-61.

     In Mindfulness practices we intentionally, skillfully, gently, progressively penetrate all levels of our common human experience with awareness and acceptance, embracing it all. Only without expectations can we keep finding pleasant surprises.

     See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/07/361-beyond-stress-management-resilience.html

 

On my way to work this week

#304 Positive Psychology, Cynicism, Arrested Development, Mindfulness the Middle-Way

     In her book "Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America," Barbara Ehrenreich (YouTube video below) rightly criticizes simplistic cheerleader-style optimism and associated intolerance towards critical thinking. Unfortunately, in a more recent YouTube "Barbara Ehrenreich - Smile or Die" she also explicitly states "cancer left me more cynical and meaner". Cancer can be a "shipwreck" experience - see: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/07/361-beyond-stress-management-resilience.html
     This reaction is understandable, but it's the sign of an early stage of adult psychosocial development ("spiritual journey"). Remaining stuck (wallowing) here is an unnecessary, sad, self-imposed life-sentence. This is NOT "as good as it gets." With intelligence, curiosity, perseverance, and energy we can definitely transcend this existential / spiritual dry period ("dark night of the soul").
     Mindfulness practice is all about fearlessly exploring what's real, who am I, how do I relate to reality in a way that reduces suffering (including my own), how can we experience the most profound quality of life. Mindfulness is not about being negative nor positive, but about waking up to & engaging reality.
     More about Normal Adult Development: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=development 

#191 The Battle vs the War

     It's easy to become disheartened by difficulties and obstacles that incessantly block our path. We all fantasize (much more than we realize), especially when trying to achieve some worthy goal, that God, Mother Nature, or "The Force" should walk on ahead of us to sweep away all annoyances and petty hindrances!
     That line of "reasoning" is flawed in many dimensions. First and foremost, difficulties in life spare no one. You are not alone! And the kicker: one's intelligent, conscious interaction with difficulties is precisely what creates a mature evolved person. In fact, truly successful well-rounded people typically have had a surprisingly challenging life - see Kenneth R. Pelletier's remarkable 1994 book: "Sound Mind, Sound Body: A New Model for Lifelong Health." Simon & Schuster.  https://drpelletier.com/
     So sticking it out, be it in a marathon or a job, may be the polar opposite of martyrdom and self-abuse - it may well be exactly what you need to grow as a human being. Accepting the inevitability of loosing many battles along the way helps us win the war - and emerge as an evolved wise person.