Showing posts with label identity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label identity. Show all posts

Monday, 8 February 2021

#769 Being Right Here and Now

“Listening to the sounds that are right here now.
Open and receptive.
Gently opening to the sensations and feelings in the body.
Relaxing with what’s here.
Aware of that background of presence that’s always here.
That awareness that knows what’s happening.
That tender space that includes the life that arises moment-to-moment.”

Advises Tara Brach, in her fine guided meditation: https://www.tarabrach.com/meditation-sacred-presence/


Diamonds by Ingrid Goff-Maidoff
 
 “What if recognizing diamonds
was enough to make them yours
and you saw them now everywhere?
On the sunlit ocean; in the moonless sky;
on winter fields and the tips of branches after rain;
in smiling faces; the brook; the lake; the stream;
the kitchen stove; stairs; puddles, ice, clouds;
anywhere life glimmers and light glints;
kisses, belly laughs, bubbly,
wine, decay and crumbs;
flights of fancy, feathers,
teeth, words, breath….
Diamonds, diamonds,
all diamonds.
Would you see
then in truth
the very richness
that you are?”
 
 
from Ingrid Goff-Maidoff's book: “What Holds Us. New and Selected Poems”
 
 
*

Sharing Silence by Gunilla Norris

“Within each of us there is a silence
—a silence as vast as a universe.
We are afraid of it…and we long for it.
When we experience that silence, we remember
who we are: creatures of the stars, created
from the cooling of this planet, created
from dust and gas, created
from the elements, created
from time and space…created
from silence.
In our present culture,
silence is something like an endangered species…
an endangered fundamental.
The experience of silence is now so rare
that we must cultivate it and treasure it.
This is especially true for shared silence.
Sharing silence is, in fact, a political act.
When we can stand aside from the usual and
perceive the fundamental, change begins to happen.
Our lives align with deeper values
and the lives of others are touched and influenced.
Silence brings us back to basics, to our senses,
to our selves. It locates us. Without that return
we can go so far away from our true natures
that we end up, quite literally, beside ourselves.
We live blindly and act thoughtlessly.
We endanger the delicate balance which sustains
our lives, our communities, and our planet.
Each of us can make a difference.
Politicians and visionaries will not return us
to the sacredness of life.
That will be done by ordinary men and women
who together or alone can say,
“Remember to breathe, remember to feel,
remember to care,
let us do this for our children and ourselves
and our children’s children.
Let us practice for life’s sake.”
 

 

Mark Brennan - Argyle Fine Art argylefineart.blogspot.com

Monday, 3 December 2018

#756 How and Who am I - Right Now? and Now? and Now?

     It's critical to keep tabs on ourself - often. Why? Because we drift & get lost - a LOT!

     "… studies on attentiveness show that people are only briefly & unpredictably attentive. Attention habitually diverts to unrelated thoughts & feelings, leaving any task at hand to be managed 'on autopilot.' These studies suggest that mindlessness ('mind wandering,' 'zoning out,' 'task-unrelated thought') is 'one of the most ubiquitous & pervasive of all cognitive phenomena' and that it often occurs unintentionally, without awareness, occupies a substantial proportion of our day, and leads to failures in task performance." Lovas JG, Lovas DA, Lovas PM. Mindfulness and Professionalism in Dentistry. J Dent Educ 2008; 72(9): 998-1009.
     And that doesn't even mention wallowing & catastrophizing - our addiction to the re-runs of the never-ending-story-of-me!

     So, CHECK IN - often & regularly

1. Where am I physically - right here & now?
This is to actually "land" from thought-world, to reality. 

2. How am I feeling - Stressed or Peaceful?
If stressed, is this beneficial (functional) in any way, or just conditioning? If your current situation is more appropriately handled peacefully (almost always), can I accept & gently release stress with self-compassion?

3. Can I shift into Authenticity?
Of course you can, no questionAs soon as you let go of being stress - not feeling or having stress, but stress-as-an-identity - you return to being authenticity. Authenticity - who you are & have always been - is still, silent, at peace, and spacious enough to hold any & all of life's challenges, including your young frightened part ("poor,  hurt, needy me"), with unshakable equanimity & grace.
     This young part is a very small, temporary part, that reflects the effects of traumas & conditioning. It's nowhere near your actual identity, which is inconceivably vast. Don't take your young part so personally, so seriously! Hold it lovingly BUT lightly. Your authenticity is vast, fluid & completely untouched by life's inevitable ups & downs: gain & loss, status & disgrace, censure & praise, pleasure & pain. 
     Your authenticity can be compared to a wise, loving, nurturing grandparent or wise elder. Your young part can be compared to a three-year-old grandchild. The two have vastly different depths, scopes & capacities.  
     Who you really are is spacious enough to easily hold your young, beat-up part in safety & unconditional love. BE authenticity.

     “Inner peace doesn't come from getting what we want, but from remembering who we are.” Marianne Williamson


 


Thursday, 2 June 2016

#723 What Does It Take for Us to Realize?

      “The separate self that we have invested our whole identity in is being exposed in this investigation as being completely nonexistent. It’s not there. The self, the separate self around whom we have our lives, our thoughts, and feelings and activities and relationships have revolved for so many decades – when we look for it it’s not there. 
     Now it takes courage and love and clarity to begin to look. And many of us, not all of us, but many of us have to suffer intensely before life pushes us to ask these fundamental questions. Others come to it through other ways. But for many of us it’s repeated failure and suffering that makes us say ‘Hang on. Just stop. How much longer am I going to go on thinking and feeling this way. Why don’t I look at the fundamental presumption.’ And that starts with ‘What am I?’ ‘Am I this image, this cluster of sensations?’ 
     And as soon as we start looking we don’t have to look very deeply it’s obvious that we’re not what we thought we were."

       above transcribed from the Youtube video:
       "Rupert Spira - 'The Seamless Intimacy Of Experience' - Interview by Renate McNay"

       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAEwC4VjvyE


       The above non-dual inquiry method is very gentle compared to the challenges life hands out when we try - in vain - to cling to a fictional solid, fixed 'sense of self': http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=shipwrecks
    


 

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

#596 Identity & Self-transcendence

     In mindfulness (MBSR) workshops, we share the experiences we encounter during sitting meditation. Common themes include: struggles with "monkey mind", struggles with sleepiness, struggles with physical discomfort, struggles with restlessness, compulsive planning, obsessing about time-poverty, obsessing about being no good at meditation, etc.

     How do you feel after sharing your particular struggle with the group, and the facilitator suggests mindful ways of addressing your struggle?
     Does it feel like a personal attack? Are you angry? Do you feel "diminished"? If you do, what does it say about YOUR identity?

     Mindfulness training is fundamentally about letting go of limiting ideas about our assumed identity. Mindfulness is a journey of self-transcendence - never easy, but a huge leap if we're struggling with low self-esteem - and many of us are. See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/11/painful-mistaken-identity.html
     For those who find mindfulness training traumatically challenging, Western psychotherapy can help create a healthier sense of self first. Perhaps then, mindfulness training can facilitate and gently expedite the normal healthy human evolutionary process of self-transcendence.




Tuesday, 4 November 2014

#581 Character is Built upon our Choices

     Which of these two paths leads to true, lasting peace, joy & happiness? We ALL, repeatedly face this CHOICE.

     Path One: Surrounding yourself by people who agree with your rationalizations for past mistakes & failures, who agree that it was completely other peoples' fault, who agree that you're a victim of ..., who agree that you should get back at them - "lawyer up" etc, and who agree that there's no use trying because the world's not fair.
     This is the common, relatively easy path of the masses. It props up the ego - solidifies your old "identity". It is for those who can't see beyond "ordinary unhappiness."

     Path Two: Listening to one or more trusted people who advise you to deeply examine your mistakes & failures, who advise you to honestly face your role in these, who advise you to make amends to the people who were likely hurt by your actions, and then vowing to lead a meaningful life that you yourself, your family, and even strangers can respect and trust.
     This is the uncommon path, requiring strength, bravery and persistence. It is chosen by those for whom "ordinary unhappiness" = "a life unexamined" = "a life wasted." Here one transcends the ego, opening to "deeper degrees of truth about yourself, others, and the nature of mind. More and more, you live in awareness." (Larry Rosenberg)

     At any time, we can choose to leave behind an unsatisfying way of life, and start living one that's increasingly meaningful and inspiring to ourselves, our family, our community.


Keith Willette, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

Monday, 24 March 2014

#511 Who Am I - Right Now?

     As soon as I pause to consider "Who am I?", I'm immediately being mindful - a feature of the wise adult operating system (WAOS) - see yesterday's post. Perspective, awareness of how things interconnect, how everything is interdependent, how every thought, word & action has immediate local as well as long-term distant effects are important components of wisdom. Behavior that arises from this place of relative stillness tends to be appropriate, kind, and serves the long-term welfare of many.
     But when I'm "driven" to think, speak & act by unexamined energies, short-term gain for my ego is almost invariably the driver, the source of the energy. And long-term pain is very likely the result, for myself, others & the environment. Feeling "energized" to do something should always be carefully examined rather than quickly acted out. Reasonable courses of action seldom come attached to a brief rush of emotion. Behind energized zeal, there is often aversion, anger, hatred, and ultimately, fear - the fearful child operating system (FCOS) actually driving the whole sorry misadventure.
     "Who am I?" is such a critical question to ask oneself, very often, since we make important, life-changing choices moment-by-moment. EVERYTHING depends on the OS that's functioning - who we are - scared child OR wise adult - who do I want running my life? Please also read: http://www.johnlovas.com/2014/03/power-its-origin-how-to-use-it.html


upuaut   www.dpreview.com

Thursday, 6 March 2014

#503 Self-talk & Identity

     During Mindfulness training we learn to notice, accept & then let go of self-talk, seamlessly bringing attention back to the object(s) of awareness. Is self-talk merely an innocent distraction? Sometimes ...
     Sometimes self-talk is encouraging - "Common, you can do it!" This may be useful - for a while.
     Too often, self-talk is self-defeating - "Oh no, not standing meditation! The last time we did that it was soooo uncomfortable! I don't want to do it now! I don't ever want to do it again! I so much prefer sitting meditation" etc etc etc. Such self-talk very effectively trains us to self-sabotage. The more we listen to & engage with this, the more these statements become - in our minds - hard facts, until the contents become "who we are" (cognitive fusion). Unhelpful self-talk clearly needs to be noticed early, accepted, & let go - gently - but definitely let go.
     Isn't it odd that we have to repeatedly remind ourselves that our core identity is NOT a pathetic collection of rigid preferences, dislikes & can't do's? We are SO MUCH MORE than that. But until we thoroughly let go of the former sticky fiction, we hold ourselves back from living the latter reality.

     See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/04/311-fearful-child-wise-grandparent-were.html
     and: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/08/381-each-moment-new-beginning.html

Bronwyn Proven   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

Friday, 6 December 2013

#448 Health to Better Health - Transcending Limiting Self-concepts & Worldviews


      An intelligent, curious, open-minded individual is very much more likely to practice mindfulness than someone who's averse to self-reflection, denies any need to change, and is content to conform to the status quo. Interestingly, mindfulness practice further cultivates the attributes of the - already healthiest - informational identity style.

     "Identity is defined as ‘an internal, self-constructed, dynamic organization of drives, abilities, beliefs & individual history’. ... a clear & committed sense of identity provides the personality coherency necessary to adapt positively to the demands of adulthood.
     Defense mechanisms are patterns of involuntary thoughts, feelings, & behaviors that function to hide or alleviate anxiety-causing stressors. Although some defenses (e.g., denial) can be maladaptive because their use involves disregarding or distorting reality, other defenses are considered to be adaptive in that they represent a form of involuntary coping with stressful life events that provides a means for adjustment. Thus, the maturity of defense use can be viewed as an indicator of adaptive adjustment to life stress.

     ... an individual’s sense of identity is formed & maintained by a preferred style of social-cognitive processing, along with related dispositional & behavioral characteristics. ... three different styles that individuals typically use to process and adapt to self-relevant information:
     • information-oriented or informational identity style is used by individuals who actively confront self-relevant questions and problems by critically evaluating information.
     • norm-oriented or normative identity style is used by individuals who conform to the expectations of significant others in dealing with personal decisions and identity relevant issues and, thus, they are presumed to be defensive about self-relevant feedback. 
     • diffuse-avoidant identity style is used by individuals who tend to be low in self-awareness and avoid dealing with identity issues. 

     Generally speaking, the diffuse-avoidant identity style was found to be associated with maladjustment whereas the normative & informational styles were associated with positive adjustment. For example, individuals who prefer to use a diffuse-avoidant style reported poorer adjustment to university, lower self-esteem, & greater life distress & depressive symptomatology ...
 
     personality & cognitive characteristics underlying the informational identity style appears to provide the basis for better adjustment than does the normative style. For example, in addition to having committed beliefs, individuals with an informational identity style are high in openness, self-reflectiveness, introspection, need for cognition, & cognitive complexity whereas normative individuals are less open, self-reflective, cognitively flexible, and have a high need for closure. 
     ... the informational style has also been found to be uniquely & positively related to emotional intelligence, proactive coping, personal growth, hardiness, & personal wisdom. In contrast ... individuals who prefer a normative identity style might employ avoidant coping strategies & operate in a defensive manner."
       Seaton CL, Beaumont SL. Identity processing styles and defense styles during emerging adulthood: Implications for life distress. Identity: An International Journal of Theory and Research 2011; 11(1): 1-24.


Sphinx_man   www.dpreview.com


Sunday, 17 November 2013

#438 Invalidating, Validation & Encouragement to Heal

     “Invalidating someone else is not merely disagreeing with something that the other person said. It is a process in which individuals communicate to another that the opinions & emotions of the target are invalid, irrational, selfish, uncaring, stupid, most likely insane, & wrong, wrong, wrong. Invalidators let it be known directly or indirectly that their target’s views & feelings do not count for anything to anybody at any time or in any way. In some families, the invalidation becomes extreme, leading to physical abuse & even murder. However, invalidation can also be accomplished by verbal manipulations that invalidate in ways both subtle & confusing.”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/matter-personality/201309/invalidation-in-families-what-are-the-hidden-aspects

     Invalidating is particularly damaging when inflicted by parents and other loved ones on the young. Even as adults, when we share something deeply meaningful & traumatic with a close friend, we need a fellow human being to hear us deeply, to be with us, to resonate with our feelings, to validate our humanity.

     Perhaps worse than being invalidated, one could end up in a dysfunctional support group. Here the strong common bond is a shared type of suffering. One's identity as a sufferer becomes, not just validated, but solidly established "reified." Group-think rejects significant improvement. One's identity & sense of belonging to cult-like groups depends on remaining essentially the same - not healing. (Healthy support groups actively promote wellness & healing.)
     The extreme opposite response will likely come from a meditation teacher, who might respond to our story with the question "WHO is suffering?" This may initially sound callous, puzzling, or weird. However, as we keep practicing - perhaps for many more years - the light might go on, and we suddenly "get it." We are being asked to carefully, critically examine our identity. Is identification with suffering valid? Am I pain - or - do I happen to have pain? There is a critical difference - suffering is inherent in the first, optional / minimal in the second. Furthermore, am I solid & unchanging? Is anything, including pain or suffering, solid, unchanging? See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2016/05/722-suffering-our-sense-of-self.html
     Of course there are many possible skillful means between the 3 extremes above: several mindfulness-based therapies eg MBCT, solution-focused therapy, motivational interviewing, internal family systems, and hundreds of other specific therapies - which some of us do need & would greatly benefit from.

      Suffering does NOT have to be our final miserable lot in life. Someone who encourages us to keep practicing is providing a great service (no matter how we may react to it at the time). See: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/436-readiness-for-change-is-pivotal.html



Bindia Gupta   www.dpreview.com

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

#375 Self-development, Self-knowledge, Wisdom & Overcoming Self-centeredness

     "Quests for self-realization, self-actualization, maturity, & autonomy, and even the quest for wisdom might initially be motivated by a desire for a stron­ger self, yet it is precisely through the process of self-development & self­ knowledge that people start to realize the illusory nature of the phenomenal self
     The self is not a substance, an unchangeable essence, or an "individual," but a construct that is created through social interaction. According to the liberative model of adult development, the self may be thought of as a construct of attachments & aversions, which need to be transcended. Self-transcendence can be achieved through nonattachment, patience, and in particular self-observation and self-knowledge. A person in search of wisdom will eventually come to the realization that what is conven­tionally called the 'self,' the 'I,' or the 'ego' is an illusion that enables one to construct a stable image of oneself. It is the attachment to the self that creates the ego. Through the practice of self-examination, self-reflection, & mindfulness the ego grows quiet, which allows a glimpse into reality beyond the self and consequently results in greater wisdom.
     It should be noted that wise people's selflessness is not equivalent to low self-esteem or low self-confidence. Maslow even maintained that 'the best way to transcend the ego is via having a strong identity'. A dialectical relationship exists between selflessness and self-knowledge insofar that only individuals who know who they are can over­come their self-centeredness."
         Ardelt M. Self-development through selflessness: The paradoxical process of growing wiser. in Wayment HA, Bauer JJ eds. Decade of behavior. American Psychological Association, Washington, DC, 2008.

     More from Ardelt's chapter: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/07/wisdom-awareness-self-transcendence.html

 

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

#358 Evolution of Consciousness - Individually & Collectively


     “The two extreme worldviews are probably represented by materialism and the perennial philosophy, the central core of understanding common to the great religions. The materialistic perspective suggests that life and consciousness are accidental byproducts of matter, and that their evolution is driven by the interplay of random events and the instinct for survival. The purpose of human life and evolution is solely what humanity decides it is.
     The perennial philosophy, which lies at the heart of the great religions and is increasingly said to represent their deepest thinking, suggests that consciousness is central and its development is the primary goal of existence. This development will culminate in the condition variously known in different traditions as enlightenment, liberation, salvation, moksha, or satori.
     The descriptions of this condition show remarkable similarities across cultures and centuries. Its essence is the recognition that the distortions of our usual state of mind are such that we have been suffering from a case of mistaken identity. Our true nature is something much greater, an aspect of a universal consciousness, Self, Being, Mind, or God. The awakening to this true nature, claimed a Zen master, is ‘the direct awarenesss that you are more than this puny body or limited mind. Stated negatively, it is the realization that the universe is not external to you. Positively, it is experiencing the universe as yourself.’ … Typical is the claim by an Englishman that to realize our true identity is to ‘find that the I, one’s real, most intimate self, pervades the universe and all other beings. That the mountains, and the sea, and the stars are a part of one’s body, and that one’s soul is in touch with the souls of all creatures.’ Nor are such descriptions the exclusive province of mystics. They have been echoed by philosophers, psychologists, and physicists. ‘Out of my experience … one final conclusion dogmatically emerges,’ said the great American philosopher William James (1960). ‘There is a continuum of cosmic consciousness against which our individuality builds but accidental forces, and into which our several minds plunge as into a mother sea.’
     From this perspective, evolution is a vast journey of growing self-awareness and a return to our true identity. Our current crises are seen as expressions that arise from our mistaken identity. But they can also be seen as self-created challenges that may speed us on our evolutionary journey toward ultimate self-recognition.”

       Walsh R. Human survival: A psychoevolutionary analysis. ReVision 1985; 8: 7-10. (available for free on the web)



 
fvalduga   www.dpreview.com

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

#340 Mindfulness is Intentional Transformational Learning


      "Fundamental change is difficult because it involves a radical shift in identity. 'Fundamental', 'structural', and 'radical' are terms that highlight different aspects of transformational learning (TL). ... An apt metaphor for transformational change is the caterpillar’s metamorphosis into a butterfly — not a difference of degree, but, rather, one of kind; not superficial, but, rather, structural in nature. When we move from the biologic metaphor to the psychologic of TL, the structures implicated are those of identity rather than those of anatomy. The ground of assumptions upon which we construct our identities is remade during transformational learning."

       Green L. Transformative learning: A passage through the liminal zone. in: Psychoanalysis and education: Minding a gap. Karnac Books, London, England, 2012. pp199-216. 


Jithoto   www.dpreview.com

Friday, 8 June 2012

#140 Love!

     “I would define love very simply: as a potent blend of openness and warmth, which allows us to make real contact, to take delight in and appreciate, and to be at one withourselves, others, and life itself. Openness – the heart’s pure, unconditional yes – is love’s essence. And warmth is love’s basic expression, arising as a natural extension of this yes – the desire to reach out and touch, connect with, and nourish what we love. If love’s openness is like the clear, cloudless sky, its warmth is like the sunlight streaming through the sky, emitting a rainbowlike spectrum of colors: passion, joy, contact, communication, kindness, caring, understanding, service, dedication, and devotion, to name just a few.
     According to the saints and mystics, love is the very fabric of what we are; we are fashioned out of its warmth and openness. We don’t have to be great sages to recognize this. All we need to do is take an honest look at what makes our life worthwhile. When the presence of love is alive and moving in us, there is no doubt that our life is on target and meaningful, regardless of our outer circumstances. We feel that we’re in touch, connected with something larger than our small self. This lifts the burden of isolation and alienation off our shoulders, filling us with peace and well-being. But when the presence of love is absent, something often feels sad, not quite right; something seems to be missing, and it’s hard to find much joy, even in the midst of favorable circumstances. We easily fall prey to meaninglessness, anxiety, or despair.
     These simple truths are also upheld by neuroscience research, which confirms that our connections with others affect the healthy development and functioning of the brain, the endocrine and immune systems, and our emotional balance. In short, love is the central force that holds our whole life together and allows it to function.
"
     Welwood J. Perfect love, imperfect relationships. Healing the wound of the heart. Trumpeter, Boston, 2006.

     See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/04/hatred-of-feminine-archetype-cynicism.html

Photo: Dana Reed   dpreview.com

Sunday, 4 March 2012

#63 Cognitive defusion


     "when we become skillful at noticing our habits of mind and letting them come and go without disturbing us, we realize that each state of mind, including strong emotions, only lasts for seconds before being replaced by another one. .... In this way we cultivate some freedom from the frantic imbalance created by each one."         Darlene Cohen (1942 - 2011)

Photo: Joel Sartore   http://www.sierraclub.org/sierra/