#494 We Know We're Heading the Wrong Way When ...

     How many times have we been upset, and someone gives us what on one hand sounds like reasonable advice, yet it feels really irritating? How many times have we seen a little kid upset, and the parent tries to reason with the kid, which, instead of soothing, makes the kid hopping mad? We absolutely HATE it when the (blind) momentum of our emotions is not supported - when our ego is not stroked. Emotions are like grease fires, and reason is like water - the two don't mix well. One has to take responsibility for one's own grease fire. Getting mad at the person bringing the water is called externalizing. Getting mad just adds grease to the fire & adds to subsequent embarrassment.

     It's very useful & practical to remember that when we're upset, we tend to be unreasonable, and prone to do things we'll regret later. So if a friend's advice feels really irritating, it's probably GOOD, reasonable advice!
     If the advice sounds like music to your ears ie ego-boosting, your adviser is likely also emotionally-involved, & equally unreasonable! Hitler, Lenin, Bernie Madoff, and other such characters likely had all sorts of advisers - which ones did they listen to - those who upset them with reason OR who boosted their egos by telling them they're on the right track, go for it? "And how did that work for them"?

     Wise advice about "Coping with a Career Crisis" from Robert J. Sternberg PhD: http://chronicle.com/article/Coping-With-a-Career-Crisis/144191/

didge_mack   www.dpreview.com