#574 Trying Really Hard and Feeling Frustrated?

     Life can be chronically, irritatingly frustrating - particularly for those of us who put an awful lot of time, effort and gut-wrenching desire into our work. We know we're putting more and more into it, yet the "returns on investment" are pitiful. We assume, that if we set our mind on a goal, any goal, with enough determination, sacrifice, effort, smarts etc, it's simply a matter of time before we achieve it. Then, and only then, will we gain worthiness, approval, respect, admiration, security, peace, and yes - even love. At some future point, but certainly not now, we're much too busy now, we will earn happiness.

     I have direct experiential awareness of this scenario, but fortunately, I'm less & less trapped in it. It's sad but interesting to see friends and colleagues in this same boat. Why do we strive so hard? Why are we so "driven"? Are you stuck in this mud up to your eyeballs?
     The two Nasrudin stories below may shed some clarifying perspectives:

       A man noticed Nasrudin intently inspecting the ground outside his door. 
       “Mulla,” he said, “what are you looking for?”
       “I’m looking for a ring I dropped,” Nasrudin replied.
       “Oh,” the man replied as he also began searching. “Well where exactly were you standing when you dropped it?”
       “In my bedroom,” Nasrudin replied, “not more than a foot in front of my bed.”
       “Your bedroom?!“ the man asked. “Then why are you searching for it out here near your doorway.
       “Because,” Nasrudin explained, “there is much more light out here.”


       One day, Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, “I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy-but alas, I have yet to find it.” 
       As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man’s bag and ran off with it. The man chased him, and Nasrudin soon ran out of the man’s sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see.
       When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy. As the man danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself, “That’s one way to bring joy to a sad man.”  

       Both Nasrudin stories from: http://www.rodneyohebsion.com/mulla-nasrudin.htm

Tribute to the Group of Seven

#469 From Stuck to Flying Free

     How much of our life are we "identified with" some negative aspect of "our story"? In other words, how often are we completely immersed in some negative emotion? Recurrent anxious, depressed thoughts of not being good enough, being unloved, being unworthy of love, etc are common in "ordinary unhappiness." This is "as good as it gets" according to Freud, YET this is unnecessary suffering. For some of us this is completely debilitating and requires professional help from mental health professionals. However, the basic aspects of this is shared by every human being. We do not have to remain stuck in this quicksand.
     The moment we observe this happening, we are momentarily free, unstuck. As soon as we see that we have sadness or anxiety, we actually no longer are sadness or anxiety, but in fact observers of these emotions. This is a healing shift from being submerged or drowning in an afflictive emotion (cognitive fusion) to being somewhat objectively aware of the situation (cognitive defusion).
     We gradually begin to observe this as a repeated pattern. This is an additional critical healing shift - to a meta view. We notice how certain environmental and other factors trigger these afflictive emotions to arise, we notice the physical & other effects, and notice how these dissipate. We become aware of the causes & conditions, and the arising & passing away of the mini-drama. We're learning to appreciate a 30,000 foot view of the most difficult aspect of life - our own and others'. No longer stuck in mud, we are free, yet know the mud very well, and the many still stuck in it.

Beauty & Kindness in an Ice Storm